Camden's Knife

by John Patrick Kavanagh

  Jip nodded then his face lit up like he’d just discovered the formula for Coca Cola.

  “Yeah. You’re right. You are absolutely right.” He motioned for his friend to move closer.”And come December, I’m pretty sure my Q score’s gonna go up a few notches.”

  “What’s in…oh, are you covering the World Tournament?”

  “Not set in stone, but you might be looking at…I can’t believe this…looking at the television anchor for the entire three days of broadcasts.”

  “No shit? Man, that’s great!”

  “There’s gonna be two hosts, maybe me and somebody else so we can exchange witty repartee between all the commercials. Plus some other guys handling the play-by-play of the tourney.”

  “Still…”

  “So I’d probably be doing lots of interviews with the Final Four, Walbee and Potcheck, and of course las celebrititas.”

  “Which you’d get to choose?”

  “If I’m anchoring I’d think so.”

  “So count all of ’em in as special guests?” Spotswood grinned.

  “Absolutely.”

  Stonetree could picture the stage, CCBBA and Obsession providing the backing music as the five legends performed one number each…for starters.

  “Okay. I’ve got a line on their picks.”

  Jip looked at his quizzically.”Did you already see this concert? Was it on pay-per-view the night after I cancelled my cable subscription?”

  “Just adding my two cents.”

  “Two? I want everything you’ve got!”

  “I’m thinking early classics.”

  “What’cha got for my soon-to-be significant other?”

  “Taylor?” He paused, knowing he knew his friend’s favorite.”Gotta be I Knew You Were Trouble.”

  Spotswood placed one hand over the other on his chest and looked to the ceiling.”Dear Lord, please calm my racing hear lest it explode in ecstasy.”

  “Now for Carrie…”

  “Can I choose this one, sir?”

  “Soitenly.”

  “Good Girl.”

  Stonetree thought a moment.”Nah. I’m thinking bad girl. How about changing your vote to Before He Cheats?”

  “Before He Cheats? I’ve got a whole fantasy wrapped around that one.”

  “Involving carnality?”

  Spotswood nodded.”So after she works over the guy’s car, she wants to blow off some extra steam. She goes to another bar, a bar at a nice hotel, for a shooter and sits beside me. She starts telling me the story I offer the appropriate understanding and sympathy. She starts buying me drinks and then, and then she decides the really best way to even the score is to have revenge sex. Maybe some kinky revenge sex.”

  “With you?”

  “Well, she’s got a gorgeous face and a sweet bod. She’s plying me with intoxicants and implying that she wants to explore some roads less traveled. Know what I mean?”

  Stonetree flashed back to the previous evening. They were both kneeling on the bed, Trisha behind him, her arms curling under his so her hands could grasp his shoulders and pull him closer. She was breathing hard, almost panting when she whispered, The high chest. The drawer on the lower right. A black leather purse and a white one. Bring them both to me.

  “Yeah. I do.” He paused.”So Before He Cheats it is.”

  “How about the former Lady Gaga?”

  “Paparazzi.”

  “Perfect choice. That’s still my favorite of hers, which brings us to Ms. Perry,” Jip grinned, covering his eyes.”And knowing what I know and you don’t, what’s your choice oh Mystical Tree of Stone?”

  “Gotta go with her triumphant debut.”

  Jip lowered his hand, perplexed.”I Kissed A Girl? How’d you know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Andy absolutely loves that song. Heard him sing it at one of their warm-up sessions. Substituted My old lady for My boyfriend. Gave it a kinda sinister twist.” He chuckled.”He could strap on his Strat and back her on the first two lines of the chorus.” He shook his head.”You want a highlights reel? That’d be the lead.”

  They both laughed.

  “Speaking of hotels,” Stonetree replied, “I really thought your article about the flash auction was terrific. One of the best short pieces you’ve ever done.”

  “Coming from you, I’ll take that as highly complimental.”

  “That closing, about the delivery?”

  “Seemed to my imagination like a fun way to wrap.”

  “Imagination? No, no, no.” He paused.”Something like that really happened to you, didn’t it.”

  Spotswood scratched his ear, pulled at the lobe then folded his hands on the table, leaning forward.”Okay. What was the tell?”

  “That she brought two bottles of champagne, not one.”

  “Nice catch.”

  “Fess up.”

  Jip chuckled.”I’d plugged a liquor distributorship in an interview. The owner, Ricardo, wanted to show his appreciation for my kindness.”

  “Was she really gorgeous?”

  “Very.”

  “Did Ricardo get the suite for you, too?”

  “Nah. It was just a standard king that Pinkie was paying for.”

  “I’ll guess the tête-à-tête lasted…no more than an hour?”

  “Forty, forty-five minutes.”

  “Any other…appreciations involved?”

  “Could you hand that book back to me? There’s a few words I’d like to cross out.”

  They both laughed, then returned to the concert.

  “That leaves us with Kelly,” Stonetree said.

  “I’d love to be left alone with Kelly.”

  “Isn’t your dance card full already?”

  “There’s always room for the lovely Ms. Clarkson.”

  They went back and forth over some possibilities then Stonetree suggested Walk Away.

  “Excellent. It’s got a terrific groove and she nails the lyrics. If she sang that to me, only place I’d be walking would be right up next to her to say I’ll do anything you tell me to!”

  They both laughed in agreement.

  “And then a few songs later,” Stonetree continued, “somebody says they need backing vocals and the five of them return dressed in matching outfits.”

  “Like…the Supremes?”

  Stonetree thought a beat.”Nope. Too retro. How about they all pick their own black outfits, different ones, and each of them has a single white accessory?”

  “You’ve really got to give me your opthomologist’s number. You’re seeing the future.”

  Stonetree nodded.”So who else you think we should add to the lineup?”

  Spotswood dramatically held a wrist to his forehead and closed his eyes as if divining the answers from a distant psychic source.”Maybe some of the newer kids on the block?”

  They went through another dozen possibilities, focusing on younger veterans and a few up-and-comers, Stonetree stressing his belief that among all of them the next likely superstar was probably Angelique Caulfield.”So what’cha think, Jipster?”

  “I think somewhere between now and the last time I saw you, alien abductors whisked you away in their starship, ran a Vulcan Mind meld then returned you to spread intergalactic creativity to mere mortals like me.” He looked at his watch.”Damn. Gotta get to a thing in the city. Lemme settle up with Rosie and I’ll walk you to your…is the Mustang really a DeLorean time machine in disguise?”

  After a quick look at the car, Spotswood said, “You know, Quinlan would never accept being bumped for anybody. Not JC and his Twelve Apostles All-Star Band.” He paused.”I did a 40 minute PinkiePod with her a couple weeks ago. To say she’s the president of her own fan club would be an understatement…with extreme prejudice.”

  Mimicking Rosemary, Stonetree asked, “Is she really as pretty as she seems to be?”

  “I’d have to say with alacrity that she is monumentally easy on the eyes. And that slight overbite?” He shook a hand as if he’
d touched a hot iron.”Ichiwawa!”

  They laughed again.

  “Then she’ll quit. Which’ll open up her sugar daddy’s options.”

  Spotswood thought a moment.”Okay, say she does. Say she sticks herself in the back with a knife. Who’d you recommend, oh mystical wise man?”

  “Easy. Let Potcheck laugh as the knife is twisted.”

  “Martin…Martin somebody? Mid-eighties?”

  “Martin Briley. Salt In My Tears. 1985.”

  Jip rolled his eyes and motioned for the replacement’s identity.

  “Easy. Linda Bowen.”

  “Man, you are one sadistic…she’d be perfect!” He thought again.”What was that witnessing thing you wanted to know about?”

  Stonetree took a deep breath.

  “I’ve decided I’m going to propose to Sharon…”

  “’Bout time.”

  “And I wanted to know if you’d to be best man at the wedding.”

  “I’d be honored but…I’ve got some issues when it comes to…”

  “I know. No kissing or hugging.” He paused.”Pretty please?”

  “I’d really, really…who’s gonna be the maid of honor?”

  “Not sure. I’d guess Becky.”

  “Cupcake Becky?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She still dating the dope she brought to that Christmas thing you and Shar had?”

  “They broke up a few weeks ago.”

  “Okay, count me in.”

  And then, maybe to the shock of both of them, he wrapped his arms around Stonetree and held him tightly.”But you have to promise me three things to seal the deal.”

  Stonetree motioned for the conditions.

  “Just impress on her one, what a really great guy I am, and that two, you think I’m looking to get into a serious, long-term relationship. Unless, of course, I become a character in one of Taylor’s songs.”

  “Consider it done.”

  As his friend walked away not reaching for a Germ-X, Stonetree called, “What’s the last one?”

  Jip paused, looked back over his shoulder and replied, “Be careful who you trust, man. Just be careful who you trust.”

  CHAPTER 13

  Arriving home, Stonetree decided to watch some TV, then take a long nap as he was still recovering from the night before. Lifting the remote, he recalled it needed the new batteries he’d purchased the day before after his coffee with Uncle Chuck, but…but couldn’t remember where they were. Glancing around the living room he noticed that everything looked the same as it always did, the colors as ordinary as they always were. Trisha had called it right.

  He left his condo at 7:45 after a call from McReynolds and walked into the lobby of the Hyatt just after 8:00. He picked up a house phone and was directed by Camden to report to Room 823. He knocked twice as Robin had the first time they’d visited Camden and was ushered in by the doctor, who motioned for him to have a seat on the couch in the living room of the suite. The scientist looked calm, McReynolds tired and nervous.

  “So, David,” the doctor began in a comically formal tone.”Robin tells me you are the bearer of an interesting offer from your superior. Perhaps you’d like to tell me about it?”

  “I’d be happy to, Doctor,” he replied.”In just a minute. I have a bit of news I’d like to share with Mr. McReynolds, if you wouldn’t mind.” He turned to Robin.”I got the Mustang today. On a rental basis, anyway. It’s downstairs.”

  “Hey, that’s great, man,” he said, shaking his head and turning to Camden.”Dave’s been eyeing old Ford Mustangs for a long time. I guess he’s finally going to crack open his piggy bank. Right, Dave?”

  “It is really something. You’ve got to see it to believe it. Maybe we can all go for a ride later.” He looked at the doctor, who seemed perplexed.”Or,” he added, “maybe not. Back to business.”

  “Tell him what Trisha said,” McReynolds ordered, pointing to Camden.

  “Doctor, I’m not sure how it came about, what caused it, but I had a conversation with Ms. Lane last night and she expressed an interest in exchanging your notebooks for the CY6A4 you have.” He looked at both of them.”It’s as simple as that.”

  “As simple as that,” McReynolds repeated.

  “As simple as that?” Camden asked, arching an eyebrow.”She just conveniently decided that one, I had some distillate and two, she’d like to exchange my research for it? Doesn’t that sound a little strange to you?”

  “It sounds coincidental but not strange. In fact it sounds pretty fortunate, seems to solve a lot of problems for you.”

  “And apparently for her. What exactly did she say she wanted it for?”

  “Research.”

  “On what?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  “Why else would she want it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “They must be onto something, something important.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “She gave no indication as to why she wanted it?”

  “For research.”

  “Did she say research?”

  “I don’t recall.”

  “And she wants to trade the notebooks for it?”

  “She indicated that. Said some guy looked at them and couldn’t figure anything out. She said they were written in Arabic or something.”

  “They’d be difficult for anyone else to read. I knew that. Was anyone else there?”

  “No. We were…on the phone.”

  “Then how do you know no one else was there?”

  “I don’t. I just assumed it. Did you go to law school too, Dr. Camden? I feel like I’m on the witness stand.”

  “Hey, lighten up a little,” McReynolds interrupted.

  “You lighten up a little, Robin! I’m just carrying some water here. That’s it. I’m not on trial.”

  “You are in a way, David,” Camden said in a softer, less confrontational tone.”It just sounds a little suspicious to me. You can appreciate that, can’t you?”

  “Sure I can,” he replied, removing his keys from a pocket and pacing back and forth in front of them.”I know it sounds crazy but that’s how it happened. Believe me.”

  “So why did Lane approach you, and why now?”

  “Doctor, she knows that I know Robin. She figured he’d talked to you for the Journal article. She said you’d be skeptical about anyone from SUE contacting you directly, so she asked if I could contact Robin and ask him if he’d get in touch with you to see if, I don’t know, a meeting of some kind could be arranged. And that’s it.”

  “How does she know I’ve got the distillate?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “How do you think she knows?”

  “I’m not sure. She said something about your contract being up with the corporation.”

  “Why does she think I’d suddenly want to trade for it?”

  “I don’t know, damn it!” He went to the refrigerator and got a beer, half of which he drank before returning to the conversation.

  “Look,” he said, squeezing the can in his hand.”You got the message, okay? If you want me to get out of the way now,” he continued, his voice rising, “so you can go cut your deal with her, it’s fine with me. I don’t need this shit.”

  “Dave...” McReynolds began.

  “And don’t give me that Dave shit, either, Robin! I went out on a real limb for the two of you last Friday. I could have gotten both of my nuts cut off in that little escapade and now all I get from the two of you is why this and why that. If they had found out who you were that night, the two of you wouldn’t be out of a job. I would. So let’s keep this in perspective, okay?”

  “Your point is well taken, David,” Camden said apologetically.”I guess I did get out of line. Why don’t you sit down and we’ll talk about this with a little less passion.”

  Stonetree sighed, then did.

  “Last Friday I had a good deal to lose, too. Maybe the world had something to lose. And our friend
Robin. ..’’

  “Robin didn’t have shit to lose but a story.”

  “And a real big story, too, Dave,” McReynolds snapped.”Don’t forget that. Things are tough all over.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Let’s get on with this. Yelling at each other won’t accomplish anything.”

  McReynolds went to get two more beers and turned off the television that was flickering in the background.

  “All right, let’s put our heads together and see if we can make some sense out of this,” Camden began in a measured voice, tapping his foot and seeming to try to put together a large mental jigsaw puzzle without touching the pieces.”It really doesn’t surprise me, when I think about it, that they think I’ve got the CY6A4. I like the fact she thinks it’s off the premises. If Trisha thought it was there, she might have figured out where I put it.”

  “That’s probably true,” McReynolds put in.

  “But I wonder why she’d think I’d still have it, that I haven’t used it all up. Any insight into that?”

  “She never mentioned an amount. She just said that you had some or all of it. She might just be guessing… assuming that you do.”

  “That’s possible. But it doesn’t seem to be the way Trisha would operate. She’s the type to conduct a scorched-earth policy.”

  Stonetree thought about the previous evening and grinned.

  “So you agree with me, David?”

  “Completely. Not the type to try to seduce you, bring out velvet gloves.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t agree with that,” Camden objected.”First she tries to get things done with honey. If that doesn’t work, then the whip comes down. And hard.”

  Stonetree finished his beer and nodded.

  “You have a rough day with that Mustang?” Robin asked.”You’re really knocking the suds back.”

  “Just thirsty, that’s all.”

  “I think if we’re going to do something, we ought to do it quick,” McReynolds offered, turning to Camden.

  “Why?”

  “Because if they just decided you might have the distillate, it’s only a small jump for them to consider that it might still be at the Plaza, then only a small step to dismantling the place.”

  “I guess I’d rather take my chances in front of them instead of trying it from behind again,” Camden replied.”Then it’s settled. When does she want to talk?”