Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  Breakfast came at eight o’clock and she ate the scrambled eggs and soggy toast in front of her like she hadn’t seen food for weeks. Just as she’d finished her last mouthful of food, super lungs Charlotte began to cry, but this time Misty didn’t panic. She took her time and got the bottle ready and slowly lifted Charlotte from her cot.

  “Come on my little darling, are you hungry?”

  Charlotte continued to scream until the bottle was firmly in her mouth and Misty laughed thinking how impatient she was. This was the first day of motherhood for her and she kissed the top of her head as she fed her. Looking down at her, she examined every part of her face. Her ears had little blonde hairs on them and the shape of her face was rounded like an apple. Charlotte’s eyes were wide-awake as she gulped her bottle and it was uncanny how much she could see Gordon in them. Misty stroked the top of Charlotte’s head and knew this child would bring her so much happiness. Today was her new start in life and she knew she had to leave her past behind. She’d wasted so much time thinking about ifs, buts and maybes and now she made a conscious decision to live her life to the full without any thoughts to the man who’d caused her so much pain.

  A sea of pink balloons came through the main entrance to the ward and Misty could just about see the smiling face of Dominic coming towards her. Lisa was at the side of him and her pace quickened when she saw her daughter on the bed. A few of the other new mothers remarked about the balloons and she could hear them saying how beautiful they were. Dominic passed the balloons over to her and kissed her on the cheek while Lisa placed her head in Charlotte’s cot to kiss her. Dominic sat on the chair at the side of the bed, and reached for Misty’s hand. He looked drained as she looked at him and she asked whether he had been able to sleep.

  “How could I sleep after seeing my daughter being born? It was the happiest day of my life, and every time I tried to close my eyes, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you both. I love you both so much and can’t wait till you come home so I can enjoy Charlotte as well.” Misty stroked his cheek and told him that hopefully she might be home the following day if everything was fine with her and the baby and you could see by Dominic face he was relieved. Lisa had wanted to get Charlotte out of her cot but Misty told her she wanted her to leave her there until she woke up. She moaned at her decision but she knew it made sense. That’s all she needed, everyone picking the baby up and unsettling her all the time, she thought, so Charlotte remained asleep in her cot. Lisa kissed Misty and told her that everything would be ready for when she got home. The pram she’d picked was still in the shop and now everything was fine with the baby she gave Dominic the permission to go and buy it along with the other things she needed. Dominic’s parents had wanted to come up to see Misty and their new grandchild but he’d told them that he wanted to be alone with his new family for this visit and they would be welcome to come up on the next one. They would have gone mad if they knew Lisa was at the hospital, but they were all swore to the circle of trust and everyone agreed not to tell his family.

  The visiting time ended and Charlotte was still fast asleep, much to Lisa’s disappointment. Misty still felt exhausted and was looking forward to a rest when they’d left. Lisa stood and paced slowly to the cot and looked one last time to see if the baby was stirring but she remained asleep. Throughout the ward, you could see all the visitors leaving the bedsides and some of the mother’s children were hysterical because mummy had to stay in the hospital with their new brother or sister. Dominic squeezed Misty one last time and told her to get some rest, as Lisa came at the side to kiss her goodbye too.

  “Don’t forget your butties I’ve made you. I know what it’s like in hospital, the food is usually crap, so get them eaten before you starve to death.” Misty took the bag from her and she could see a large pile of sandwiches wrapped in tin foil and several bars of chocolate alongside them.

  “Thanks mam, trust you to think of food at a time like this. The foods not been that bad up to now, but I’ve only had breakfast so I will keep these just in case.” Lisa felt like she was appreciated as she left her bedside and Dominic made funny faces at Misty as he walked behind her telling her to make sure she ate her sandwiches in a sarcastic tone.

  Misty peered out of the window a few minutes later and she hoped to see Dominic and Lisa leaving the hospital but as she focused her eyes she thought she saw someone else she knew. As she looked closer, she saw a woman holding a baby wrapped in a blue blanket and the nurse at the side of her opening the car door so she could get in. Misty placed her hand to her mouth and her breathing doubled. She moved away from the window hoping no one had seen her.

  Francesca looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backward and Tom was talking to the nurse, as she watched Francesca wind down the car window to listened to them. Misty couldn’t watch any longer and sat on the bed with her mind working overtime. Did she see right, she thought. Francesca had given birth to a little boy. Her face screwed up and she sunk her head into her hands. What a fucking big pile of shit this all is, she thought. The secret she kept now seemed bigger than ever in her head, and to add fuel to the fire Charlotte had a half brother.

  11

  Jade scratched her arse as she knocked on her friend’s door. Times had been hard for her since Tom had ended their relationship and she now earned her money by selling herself. The drugs that ruled her still meant she didn’t have a care in the world. The heroin seemed to numb any emotions she felt about her children and the man she’d lost. Jade continued to knock at the door, and eventually a scrawny woman opened it wearing nothing but a small t-shirt that barely covered her arse. Jade moaned as she pushed past her and asked where the fuck she’d been. The woman looked spaced out and closed the front door and followed Jade into the front room. Jade threw herself onto the settee and asked Dawn for a cig in a cocky voice.

  “I’m fucking gasping. I’ve been all the way to Newton Heath job centre to try and get a crisis loan off the fuckers but they were having none of it and sent me on my fucking way home without a carrot.”

  Dawn looked round the front room and located her cigs on the side of the arm of the chair and passed one to her as she lit one for herself. Dawn sat on the chair facing Jade and tried to cover her skinny legs with her t shirt, raising her knees to her chest. The house was a disgrace and smelt of sweaty socks but none of them seemed to care, all they seemed to care about where their next fix was coming from. The settee was covered in chocolate draylon and the cig burns in it stuck out like a sore thumb. Even the light from outside barely brightened the place up, it all just looked dim and dirty. The portable television in the corner was buried beneath hundreds of old letters, most of which remained unopened.

  Dawn was a well-known smack head in the area and everybody knew she would do anything to get the drugs she needed, no matter what. Her hair was a strawberry blonde colour and she looked extremely thin. She looked gaunt and the spots round her mouth looked minging. Dawn had met Jade several years before and the drugs they shared kept them friends. Dawn had been selling herself for such a long time that all the kids on the estate nicknamed her ‘bucket fanny’. Jade sat smoking her cig and took long, deep drags. It was obvious she had something on her mind. She didn’t tell Dawn what had happened but on her way to the jobcentre she’d seen Tom with Francesca pushing the new baby about in a navy blue pram. Her anger had broken when she saw them and she had wanted so much to run over and punch Tom right in the mouth, but something told her to wait before she jumped in. She had seen him placing his arm round Francesca’s shoulder and it was obvious they were now together. Her thoughts had taken over her and she whispered under her breath as she watched them from a distance hidden behind a bus stop.

  “Oh you think you’re smart do ya. Well trust me, you pair of snidey bastards, I’ll make you both pay. Nobody takes the piss out of me and gets away with it. I’m gonna hurt you both like the way you both have hurt me, and let’s see who’s laughing then.” Jade had stayed behind the bus
stop until they were both out of sight. She felt sad. They looked so happy together and Tom looked like a new man. He’d put some weight on since she last saw him and his clothes looked smart and clean. She could tell he was off the drugs now, because his face looked full of colour and he no longer carried the black cloud over his head that heroin brought. Jealousy ran through her veins as she carried on the rest of her journey and she couldn’t get the picture of them both together out of her head. Jade finished her cig and looked at Dawn who now had her eyes half open as she tried to smoke her cig.

  “Fucking hell Dawn, what the fuck have you taken? You look wrecked love.”

  Dawn tried to focus her vision and turned to face her in a slow manner.

  “I couldn’t sleep last night so I took eight Tamazapans to try and get some shut eye but they have fucked me right up.”

  Jade shook her head and told her she’d have to sort herself out by tonight as she didn’t want to be holding her up all night when they hit the town looking for punters. Jade stretched across the settee and lifted her leg up as she farted. She expected Dawn to laugh as usual but Dawns was out of it. Jade lay for at least half an hour, trying to find the energy to do something but her oversized body demanded rest and she remained on the settee until Dawn’s boyfriend and his mate arrived. As soon as he saw Jade stretched out across the settee he began his usual abuse. He called her names as his mate laughed his head off stood behind him.

  “Fucking hell Jade you fat bastard. The settee wasn’t built for slobs, so get ya fat arse off it before it snaps in two.” His side-kick now joined in as Jade smiled sarcastically and tried to answer back.

  “Ay, ya boney twat. I might be fat but at least I’m fed and watered. You look like you’re fucking anorexic and need a good meal down ya neck. So don’t fucking call me.” They all laughed and his eyes were drawn to Dawn who was still sat on the chair looking a step away from death.

  “What the fuck’s up with her, she looks like death warmed up.”

  Jade told about her taking too many tablets and he went to her side waving his hand in front of her face trying to get a reaction but she remained the same. She twisted her body now and watched as Phil and Neil emptied their pockets on the table and her eyes enlarged when she saw they had drugs. Phil counted the money they had earned, and then began the procedure to inject themselves.

  Everybody used Dawn’s house to shoot up and they always brought the swag there to sort it out to sell. The neighbours had tried several times to get her off the estate in Harpurhey but with no success. The residents from the Shiredale estate had seen the comings and goings and were sick to death of the noise they made in the early hours. One neighbour had lost her temper with Dawn a few months before and gripped her by the throat when she’d found a needle in her garden. Dawn had tried to fight back with the neighbour, but she punched her in the eye before she got chance to fight back. The woman warned her that if she ever found needles in her garden again she wouldn’t be responsible for her actions.

  Philip and Neil had their fix and they all lay in the front room in silence. Neil had shared his drugs with Jade and once he’d injected himself with heroin he passed the remainder of the needle to Jade who quickly injected herself with no shame sharing his needle. Drugs ruled the four lives in the room, and they all just melted into the furniture like ice melting in front of the fire once the smack hit them. Heroin had been the new craze on the streets of Manchester for the last couple of years and the four of them had just started using it to see what it was like. Nobody had ever told them how addictive the drug was when they first started, and they all thought it was just like smoking weed and they would be able to take or leave it. The years had passed since the very first time they’d used heroin and each of them had deteriorated beyond belief. If they’ve had their time over again they would never have touched it in the first place. Now they were prisoners to heroin and their morals had gone through the window, as had their self-respect.

  Their parents could only look upon them with sadness. Philip’s mum and dad had tried many times to get him clean but the story was always the same - he couldn’t live without the drug. They’d put him in rehabilitation centres several times and he’d only lasted a couple of days before he had climbed through the window to escape. The call of heroin had always been stronger than any love for the people who cared about him and he just seemed to be lost forever. His parents had banished him from the family home several years before and he wasn’t allowed near them once they found out he’d nicked his sister’s jewellery and sold it to fund his habit. He’d stolen endless things from his family home and even sunk as low as selling his mother’s clothes. His mum had gone mad at the time but she still hoped he would sort himself out and forgave him once more. When Phillip was desperate for cash, he would often go to the post office and wait for his mam to come to collect her pension. He knew when she went and he would stand shaking and sweating in front of her begging her for some cash. His mother would always be heartbroken when she saw him and always gave into his demands. He’d destroyed such a nice family and caused endless arguments between his parents regarding his drug taking. His mother always felt that they’d let him down in some way and blamed herself for the way he’d turned out. His father was quite the opposite of his mother and had wanted to lock him up in the garage to make him go cold turkey but his mother had always stopped him, telling him he wasn’t an animal. His father said she was soft in the head. He wiped his hands off his son telling her he was nothing but a waste of space and that as long as she was being soft with him he would never change and all he would do was emotionally blackmail her for the money he needed for drugs.

  As darkness fell, Dawn awoke but she still looked spaced out. They began to get ready for their night on the streets. Jade didn’t look any different once she’d got ready. The only thing that had changed was her hair. She usually wore her hair down but tonight she had decided to put a bobble in it to keep it from her face. Her make-up was also limited and a hint of colour was on her top eyelids. She’d applied a sky blue eye shadow with her finger and wiped the remainder of the powder on her pants when she’d finished. She never used soap and the smell of stale sweat lingered about her as she shouted for Dawn to hurry up. Jade never usually wore a skirt, but tonight she’d put on a long, black gypsy style skirt to make it easier to get her knickers off when she got a punter. Her top was a long black out of shape jumper and she pulled at it as Dawn entered the room.

  “Fucking hell hurry up, otherwise we’ll miss all the punters. You know what those sperm banks are like down there.” Dawn looked at the crooked silver clock on the wall and realised it was nearly nine o’clock. Jade was right, if they didn’t get a move on the other prostitutes who worked the same patch would have taken all the best punters and they would have been left with the usual perverted ones.

  The walk down Rochdale Road and into town took about twenty minutes and the night air caused them to huddle together. Dawn had put on a pair of high heels and she was struggling to walk as they crippled her feet. She had made much more effort than Jade and wore a short black leather skirt with black fishnet stockings. Dawn made sure her breasts could be seen through a red net top that hung off one shoulder. She always tried to make the effort because she knew she’d get the better punters if she did. She couldn’t stand the thought of some of the men she’d previously had sex with coming to her for business, so with the help of her clothes she hoped she could turn the scruffy ones away and get the men who paid a little bit more.

  The lights on Sackville Street were dim and it had an eerie feel about it as they walked down to their usually spot. A few of the other girls were already there and nodded as they passed. Dawn left Jade and stood on the other corner of the street where she could still see her. The wind was picking up and Dawn wrapped her arms round herself to keep warm.

  About fifteen minutes later Dawn got her first punter. He pulled up at the side of her in his red Fiesta and turned his engine off. Jade saw
this and felt a bit down that she would have to wait a little longer till her first punter came. Dawn rubbed her arms and stood at the side of the car waiting for him to open the window. Once he did she placed her breasts inside the window and began to talk as she licked her top lip.

  “Hello sweetheart, are you looking for business.” The eyes of the Asian man focused on the breasts in front of him and he opened the door to let her in. Once she was inside, he drove off quite fast to get out of the area as Dawn waved to Jade on the way past. The man stunk as she sat beside him and she knew this was going to be a hard job. He drove for about five minutes and took her to a place near the river Irk in Collyhurst somewhere underneath some arches. He pulled up and turned his engine off. Dawn felt a little uneasy at first, but continued to do her job.

  “Right love, tell me what ya want and I will tell you how much it is. By the way I’m not doing owt till the money’s in my hand, because I’ve had so many men ripping me off lately and not paying me, so I have to be careful don’t I?” The man looked at Dawn in a menacing way and she thought she was in danger at one stage until he spoke in a soft calming way.

  “I would like a suck, and I want you to rub those tits on my cock while you’re doing it.”

  Dawn told him the price, and he passed her the money without hesitation and she did as requested. She watched as he yanked his trousers half way down his legs and he pulled his seat back so he could stretch his legs out. Dawn began, as soon as his cock entered her mouth she wanted to heave. The taste was horrendous and it smelt like rotten cheese but she knew she had to continue. His moans could be heard as she plunged his cock to the back of her throat and he pulled at her hair as his arse lifted up from his seat. Dawn prayed for him to come as quickly as possible but he now wanted a Bombay roll and asked her to put his cock between her tits and rub them all round it. She gave into his wishes and she leant over him. Moments later, he was shouting again for her to suck his cock. Dawn got back into position and knew this job would be over pretty soon. She placed his sweaty nob back into her mouth and rammed it in and out as quick as could be and before long it was all over. The man tried to make her swallow his come by placing his hands on her head, but she pulled away before it was too late and missed his load as it shot over her shoulder. The man groaned with pleasure and spoke in a foreign language as he shot his load. Dawn was dying to laugh but left him to continue until he’d finished. She wondered what he could have been saying but didn’t dare ask just in case he took offence. Perhaps he was telling his wife how sorry he was for having his cock sucked off by a prostitute, she thought as she watched him yank his pants up. Once he had wiped the windows down from the steam he pulled out from the arches with a smile on his face and started to drive her back. Reaching Sackville Street he pulled up at the end of it and looked at Dawn as if to say get out. She didn’t say goodbye, just opened the door and trotted up the street without a care in the world straightening her clothes as she did. When she got back to her original place she noticed Jade wasn’t there. She searched the area a bit more then went up to a working girl who was close by.