Black Tears

by Woods, Karen

  “You simple bastard, what the fuck are you doing to him? Why have you got us here?” Gordon laughed crazily and spoke of the man she loved as if he wasn’t there.

  “Told you I would be back didn’t I? Have you missed me?” Misty couldn’t believe the shit he was speaking and wondered if he was drunk or on drugs.

  “Are you fucking real Gordon? Why would I ever miss you?” Charlotte was hysterical and she pleaded with him to let them go. Gordon shook his head and looked at the crying child.

  “Tears mean fuck all to me love. The night’s gonna get much worse before it gets any better. Mind you that depends on you Misty Sullivan.” Dominic pleaded with him to let them go and at that moment, he would have given everything he owned to see the back of him.

  “I want my fucking money Misty; remember the money you stole from me. You didn’t think I would forget about it did you? Five long years I’ve had to think about what you did to me and now it’s payback time.” Misty looked at Dominic and couldn’t think straight. She knew she didn’t have the money and needed to come up with some sort of plan that would get them all out of the hands of this mad man.

  “The money’s gone Gordon. I put it to a good cause and helped women who were in desperate need of help. The money changed you into someone I didn’t even recognise and you are better off without it.” Gordon growled at her and she could tell he was serious as he leant to where she sat with Charlotte still shaking in her arms.

  “I’ve had enough of this shit. Have you got some money for me or what?”

  Dominic was the one to answer and Misty cried as she listened to him.

  “I will give you the money, but I can’t give it to you until the bank opens in the morning.”

  The sound of the word money made Gordon’s face light up and he spoke to them as if he was their master and they were his mere servants.

  “Good fucking job, because if you wouldn’t have come up with the money, you would have all been in body bags tonight.” Gordon lit a cig and stared at Misty like she was the Mona Lisa. He still loved her and he couldn’t hide it no matter how much he tried but time had gone by and he knew she was no longer his.

  Tigger and Tom were both watching from different sides of the room and the adrenalin pumped in both their bodies. They both looked at Gordon and hated him for different reasons. Life would have been much easier with him off the scene and they had hoped Dominic would have put him in his place. As they looked through the darkness the light still shone on where they were sat and they could see Gordon’s gloating face thinking he was the winner yet again. From the distance they saw him move towards the child and wondered what he planned next.

  Misty screamed as he pulled Charlotte from her arms and Dominic shouted at the top of his voice.

  “Listen I’ve told you I will give you the money tomorrow. Why are you taking Charlotte, she’s no use to you, she’s a child?” Gordon released her from her mother’s grip and shook her as she screamed to break free.

  “Listen to me kid. When your mummy and daddy pay what they owe me, you can come straight back, but until then you’re coming with me.”

  Misty ran at him and fell to the floor dragging herself round his ankles.

  “Please don’t take Charlotte please. You don’t need her; you have my word that the money will be here tomorrow. Gordon please.” He kicked her from his legs and grabbed Charlotte by her hood as she pleaded to her daddy to help her. Gordon walked a few paces from them to leave, and Misty stopped him dead in his tracks.

  “Gordon, Charlotte is your daughter, please don’t hurt her.”

  Gordon didn’t turn round straight away, but stood still in shock. The words he’d heard knocked him for six, and he needed to hear it again to make sure he heard her right. He turned to face her as she stood in front of him and she broke down in tears as she said the words again.

  “Charlotte is your daughter.”

  Charlotte now wriggled free and ran to Dominic’s side for protection. Gordon looked paralyzed and before he could reply, a loud bang was heard and he fell to the floor like a lead weight.

  Misty ran to Dominic and tried to free him from the ropes that Gordon had tied round his legs and arms and she urged Charlotte to help her. Charlotte was a complete wreck but her little hands pulled at the ropes and she tried her best to free him. The ropes he’d tied round his hands took forever to undo and at one point Misty felt like she would never free him. Once the ropes were off, he hugged Misty and Charlotte and then looked at Gordon struggling to breathe on the floor.

  As Dominic made his way towards him, he urged Misty to get Charlotte out of there as soon as possible. Misty stood at the doors and was unable to leave until Dominic left with her, and she watched as Dominic tried to help Gordon. He struggled at first because of his own injuries, but finally he saw the face of what looked like a dead man. Dominic panicked and didn’t know what the hell to do. Half of him wanted to leave the bastard to rot, and the other half of him wanted to try to help him.

  The sound of sirens could be heard outside and as Gordon lay in Dominic’s arms. Gordon’s words were short and he gasped for breath as he tried to speak.

  “Misty,Misty, please let me see her”. Misty looked at Charlotte and slowly looked at Dominic for support. Dominic knew he didn’t have long left and granted him his dying wish. Misty was stood above him with Charlotte still by her side. Gordon lifted his head slowly and held his hands out to the scared child. Charlotte huddled next to Misty and hid her face. Misty knew Gordon’s life was coming to an end and held his hand as he spoke his dying breath.

  “Misty why didn’t you tell me I had a daughter? She’s lovely and just like you. I love you, always have and always will”. Gordon started to shake from head to toe and Dominic knew it was all over. Gordon’s eyes still focused on Misty and he still looked alive as he she looked at him. His eyes looked so sad, and she was sure she seen tears in his eyes.

  The police flew in door. The sight in front of them told them they were too late and they gripped Dominic thinking he was the one who’d killed him. Dominic was in too much shock to argue and followed the police officer’s lead as he cuffed him and led him down the stairs. Misty had also been taken and Charlotte was now in a police car on her own as Dominic passed her to be put into the van.

  After the shot was fired, Tom and Tigger both left through different exits. None of them knew if Gordon was alive or dead and they both sneaked into the night like rats from a sewer.

  *

  Francesca watched the clock all night long, and she had a gut feeling Gordon had been nicked. Tom had only just come in and she tried to act as normal as she possible could. Tom looked agitated and she thought he needed a fix of heroin but as she looked at him closer she could have swore she saw tears in his eyes.

  The police finally came to the flat at one o’clock in the morning. When Francesca heard the door banging she knew the house was being raided and felt relieved they had arrested Gordon. She quickly threw her dressing gown on and opened the door. As she stood there, two police officers looked at her and asked if she was Gordon’s next of kin. At first, she looked at them as if they were daft, but finally told them she was. Gordon had always put her name down as his next of kin as he never wanted the police mithering his mam regarding his business. The police officers asked to come in, and she thought it strange as on previous raids they had just barged past her. Tom had come to join them and looked concerned as they all stood in the front room. The police officer asked Francesca to take a seat and she looked at him with a worried face. Tom sat beside her and they both listened as the officer spoke.

  “Francesca, your partner Gordon has been found dead in an old warehouse. We are still searching for evidence regarding his death, but we have two people in the cells being questioned regarding his murder.”

  Francesca felt numb and tears didn’t come straight away. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her and felt like she was a suspect as well. Francesca covered her eyes and began to
cry. She didn’t know whether they were tears of happiness, or tears for the death of a man she’d once loved. The officers believed she was upset and left her in Tom’s arms telling him they would back when they had more information.

  Tom held Francesca in his arms and the smell from her hair reminded him of their times they had spent together. Gordon was gone forever from their lives and he felt a mixture of feelings toward his brother’s death.

  Francesca phoned Tigger and told him the bad news. He sounded shocked and told her he would be round straight away. He asked if the police had been and asked what they had said. Francesca told him that they were questioning two people regarding Gordon’s death and she didn’t know anymore. Tigger told her he would be there as soon as he could and she told him to call and get some cigs on his way because she had nearly smoked all hers and the way her and Tom were smoking she would have none left by the time he got there.

  The three of them sat in the front room and Gordon’s death had now sunk in. Each of them felt pain for their own reasons, but they also felt freed from the hands of the man that had caused them so much pain.

  The ashtray was overflowing with cig dimps as the morning light shone into the flat’s windows. None of them had been to sleep and they all sat waiting to see what the police had found out. Gordon’s body was still at the hospital and the police had asked Francesca to go and identify him. She had crumbled and knew she couldn’t go. How could she, when deep down she felt like she had put him there. Tom saw her stress and quickly stepped in. It wasn’t till it was too late that he realised he was now going to see his dead brother and his heart stopped as he left the house with the police officer.

  The Hospital was empty that morning and there were only a few people on the corridor as he walked down it. The walls felt like they were closing in on him and he could still hear Gordon’s voice in his ear calling him a no good wanker. The corridors were being cleaned and all the warning signs were now up telling them to be careful. As they neared the mortuary, Tom wanted to turn and run but his legs felt like they had lost all feeling. The police officer went to reception and told Tom to take a seat. He looked round the small reception and tried to imagine what Gordon would look like now he was dead.

  The officer returned within minutes and told him they were just getting Gordon ready for them to see. Tom started to imagine Gordon sat up in a chair and when he walked in, he would jump up and tell them it’s all been a joke. He stood up and thought about doing a runner, but within seconds, the medical staff came out and told them they were ready.

  The room felt cold when he walked in and he folded his arms in front of him trying to keep warm. The smell of death lingered in the air and he felt like he was going to faint. The room was filled with lots of silver drawer fronts. The room had one small wooden table in it and nothing but a computer sat on top of it. The mortician asked Tom a few questions regarding Gordon and went through the process of identifying a dead body. Tom didn’t speak, he just nodded his head, letting him know he understood what was about to happen and the mortician walked to the wall and pulled out his dead brother.

  At first, Tom froze, but all he could see was a white plastic bag that was quite long and obviously had something inside it. The man now beckoned Tom to come closer and slowly he unzipped the bag. Tom nearly collapsed and his breathing was going ten to the dozen. The face of his dead brother stared back at him and he couldn’t cope with the image.

  Tom ran for the door and the police officer followed closely behind him. Gordon’s face was there in Tom’s mind and he knew until his dying day that the picture he’d just seen would never be far from his thoughts. Gordon just looked like he was sleeping but the traces of blood on his forehead let him know he was never coming back ever again.

  The officer tried his best to comfort him but Tom was shaking like someone who was having a fit and had to sit down before he passed out. The policeman had seen this many times before and started to treat Tom for shock symptoms. He sipped some hot, sweet tea and he calmed down. All the relevant questions were asked and Tom identified Gordon. The police officer offered Tom a lift home as he could see he was in a bad way, but Tom refused telling him the walk would do him good and help clear his mind. Tom had one thing on his mind at the moment and that was to get his fix as quick as he could. Heroin had always numbed his emotions and right now, all he wanted was to feel no pain and drugs were the only answer.

  Francesca felt like she should have been more distraught about Gordon’s death, but she seemed to be coping well and to look at her you wouldn’t have thought her boyfriend had just been murdered. Tigger stayed with her and he knew she would be his forever. He had planned in his mind for them both to move away from all this torment and leave all this mess behind them forever, but for now he had to remain quiet and keep his plans to himself.

  Misty and Dominic were both questioned about Gordon’s death and once they had told their story, they were released. The police were now searching for the man who had set up the meeting and they even questioned Dominic’s father to try to get a name. Dominic’s father had shit bricks when the police turned up at his home and thought he’d been captured for some of the hookey deals he’d done but when they told him what had happened he was more than happy to help with their investigations. Dominic’s father never gave Tigger’s name and told them he had just met a man who said he was selling some property cheap. He gave them a full description of Tigger but thought it was safer for everyone to keep his name well out of it.

  Charlotte was reunited with her parents and they held one another for what seemed like a lifetime. Charlotte’s face was swollen through the tears she’d cried and Misty told her that everything was going to be alright. Charlotte had asked one hundred and one questions on the way home but left the most important out. Misty trembled inside and the thought of someone else now knowing that Charlotte was Gordon’s flesh and blood, terrified her even more than the experience she’d just been through. Their journey home seemed to take forever and that night Charlotte slept with Dominic and Misty. The poor little soul was scared out of her skin and needed her parents by her side to try to rid herself of the experience she had just encountered.

  15

  The morning of the funeral was upon them and the heavens had opened. They all stood in the church and listened to the priest who tried to make Gordon out to be a saint. Francesca sat with Tigger and Tom and opposite from them on the other side of the church sat Misty and Dominic. Misty and Dominic weren’t going to attend the funeral but Gordon’s mother had pleaded with them and played on their emotions. Misty went to the funeral just for her sake and knew once this was all over she could move on with life once and for all.

  Francesca had packed all hers and Rico’s belongings over the last couple of days and once the funeral was over she planned to move away with Tigger to make a new start. Days before she had been packing all her stuff when she found a large sports bag that Gordon had had when he came out of prison. At first, she thought nothing of it and thought she would just leave it for Tom but curiosity got the better of her and she sat on the floor and looked inside it. At first, all she could see were old photographs she’d sent him while he was in prison and lots of other letters he had received. As she came to the end of the search, a large brown paper envelope appeared and she pulled it out to look closer.

  One by one, she pulled out the letters and nearly died when she saw what was written on them. The anger raged inside her and she wanted to bring Gordon back from the dead and tell him exactly what a twat he really was, but as she read on she felt sorry for him and wrapped her arms round herself.

  Dear Misty

  I know you will never read this letter, but I’m going to write it anyway. This can be my therapy to try to rid you from my thoughts. I think about you every second of every day and regret the life I led you. You were my world and everything I ever dreamt about, but like a fool, I didn’t see it and lost you. I know I deserve everything that happens to me and I ca
n never say how sorry I am for the way things turned out.

  You are such a lovely woman Misty and I never deserved you. You will make someone very happy one day and I’m so sad that man won’t ever be me. My heart is still captured by you and will be until my dying breath. Will I ever love another like I have loved you? Maybe one day we can be friends again and I can tell you to your face, but you know me Misty, I will probably bottle it up for years and never get round to it, so this is the only way I can say it. Sad isn’t it, that I have to write it all in a letter that I will never send, but believe me if I don’t get this out, the way I feel about you it will drive me mad.

  I’m living a lie as we speak and nobody knows how much I love you still and always will, but I have given myself so much of an image of this big hard man that I have to live up to it and carry on with the lie that keeps me awake most nights. This is the price that I have to pay.

  Misty,

  I hope one day you will forgive me, and perhaps even be my friend. I know that I need a miracle for this to happen and believe me I’m praying each and every day. I just hope one day my prayers will be answered and you will forgive me.

  Always

  Gordon

  xxxxxx

  Francesca read the letter and cried. Gordon had never loved her the way he’d loved Misty and she knew deep down she’d always been second best. Misty was his true love and she hated herself for the choices she had made in the past. Francesca carried on reading through all the letters and they all more or less said the same thing. Half of her wanted to burn the letters, but the other half wanted to give them to Misty. She knew they would make no difference to Misty’s life but she thought she needed to let her know exactly how much Gordon really loved her. This could be the closure Misty needed on her life with Gordon, she thought, and she placed them back in the envelope feeling like her life with Gordon had been wasted years.

  Gordon’s body was laid to rest and they all gathered round as he was lowered to the ground. There were a few tears shed although some of them were crying because they could move on with their lives. Some of the tears were guilty ones and the thought of living with what they had done made their tears seem so real as they trickled down their faces. People, who stood at the graveside, hung their heads and could hear Francesca’s sobs. They all thought the tears were for Gordon, when in fact the sooner they filled the hole where he lay the better she would feel; as she knew then he would be gone forever and wouldn’t torment her life anymore.