The Bridal Swap

by Karen Kirst

  Closing her eyes tight, she turned her face away. “Please, don’t.”

  Confused, hurt, he sank back. “Don’t what? Tell you the truth?”

  A single tear slipped from beneath her lashes. “You were right, after all. I—I’ve discovered I miss the city. I wouldn’t be happy here long-term.” Her pitiful, ragged breath gouged his soul. “I’m leaving as soon as I can arrange a ride to Sevierville.”

  “So you’re saying you don’t return my feelings?” He strove to maintain his composure, to hide his pain.

  Oh, God, this is so much worse than I could ever have imagined. How could I have misinterpreted her behavior?

  Covering her eyes with her hand, she murmured, “I care for you a great deal, but we’re from different worlds, you and I. My place is in the city.”

  “What about your studio?”

  She was quiet a long time. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

  She was using words he himself had used to describe their situation.

  “Kate—”

  “Please, Josh—” her voice shook “—the pain in my head is worsening. Can you get the doctor?”

  “Of course.” He stood looking down at her, committing her features to memory.

  So this was it. She didn’t want him. Like her sister, she was captivated by the city and all its pleasures. How could he have ever thought an heiress would throw away a life of luxury to be with him? Fool. That’s what he was. Worse than Megan with all her romantic notions.

  He wouldn’t stay where he wasn’t wanted.

  “Goodbye, Kate.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Against the doctor’s advice, Kate got out of bed the following morning and, unable to find her clothes, dressed in the outfit she’d placed in her overnight satchel. She’d refused to take the pain medicine he’d offered, and so had passed an agonizing night in the stark examination room.

  Moving around wasn’t helping. Her temple throbbed beneath the bandage, her head unnaturally heavy and her neck stiff. Her eyes felt gritty, though from smoke or lack of sleep she wasn’t certain.

  When she straightened from pulling on her boots, the room tilted and she flung out a hand to steady herself. Thankfully, the chair was there to grab onto.

  How am I going to survive a wagon ride through the mountains? she wondered.

  She couldn’t afford to stay. The sooner she left, the better—before her heart overruled her better judgment and she begged Josh’s forgiveness.

  She’d done the unthinkable. She’d come here to right a wrong, to do the decent thing and deliver the news face-to-face. Her self-righteous anger at Fran’s duplicity mocked her now.

  Fran’s actions seemed insignificant compared to Kate’s treachery. Josh had offered her his heart, and she’d callously rejected him. Rejected by yet another Morgan sister.

  The conversation replayed inside her head, the stunned sorrow in his voice echoing in her ears. How she’d longed to blurt out the truth, to say, Yes, of course I love you! How could I not?

  Better a tiny, white lie than the truth…a voice reminded. But was it? Was it really?

  Honestly, Katerina, how could you be so naive? Fran’s disdainful expression flashed in her mind’s eye. Why would Wesley Farrington want anything to do with you? He’s suave and sophisticated and you, well, you are nothing a man of his worth would desire. Imagine, my own sister willing to give herself to the first man who winks at her!

  The shame flooded her anew, firming her resolve. Josh could never know.

  Standing slowly in hopes of warding off the dizziness, she slipped her reticule over her wrist and carefully reached for her satchel.

  “Kate! What are you doing out of bed?” Megan appeared in the doorway, eyes widening at the sight of her travel costume and luggage. “You look awful. Where do you think you’re going?”

  The sight of her friend threatened the tentative hold she had on her emotions. “I thought you’d have heard by now. I’m going back to New York.”

  “Nathan told me. I just couldn’t believe it.” Her gaze was full of sadness. “Why, Kate?”

  “First, tell me. How is Josh?”

  “I haven’t seen him since before the accident.”

  Kate bit her lip. She desperately needed to know whether or not he was all right.

  “Do you think he went to confront Tyler?”

  “It’s possible. After what he did to you, Josh would want to make sure his actions didn’t go unpunished.”

  She gripped Megan’s arm. “Why would he go alone? What if something’s happened?”

  “If you care so much for him,” she asked gently, “then why are you leaving?”

  Kate broke eye contact. “I need to go home. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “Are you planning on returning?”

  “I don’t think that would be wise.” She took her hands in hers. “Please say you’ll come and visit me. You, Nicole and the twins. I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you again.”

  Her smile was tremulous. “I’d like that.”

  Grateful that she didn’t pursue the issue, Kate hugged her friend. “You’ll send Nathan or Caleb to find Josh, won’t you?”

  “I’ll go straight there. Try not to worry. He can take care of himself.”

  Easier said than done. “And you’ll give everyone my love? Tell them I—” her voice hitched “—I’ll never forget their kindness.”

  She hated to leave without saying goodbye, especially to Sam and Mary, but it couldn’t be helped. When she got to the city, she’d purchase appropriate gifts to send back as a token of her thanks. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best she could do given the situation.

  She pulled her shawl more tightly around her shoulders. “My escort is probably outside waiting. Will you walk me out?”

  Megan sniffled. “Of course.”

  After informing Dr. Owens of her departure and thanking him for his services, the pair walked arm in arm through the parlor and out onto the front porch. The man she’d hired was indeed there with his team and wagon. For propriety’s sake, his wife was accompanying them.

  “Good afternoon.” He tipped his hat and took her satchel, placing it in the wagon bed.

  This was it, she thought, her gaze sweeping the familiar street. Time to say goodbye to this town that had stolen its way into her heart.

  When she glimpsed the burned-out shell of her studio, bittersweet sadness settled in her soul. Her dreams, and Josh’s, too, had gone up in smoke.

  Sensing Megan’s perusal, Kate said, “I hope he rebuilds. Opens the furniture store he wanted.”

  “It seems to me he’d rather have you than any ole furniture business.”

  Gritting her teeth, she battled back the tears. She could not speak about this, her greatest heartache. Not now. Maybe not ever.

  With one last, hasty hug, she murmured, “I’ll write as soon as I get there. Take care, Megan.”

  “Kate.”

  There was no mistaking his voice. Why had he come? Releasing her friend, she met his intense gaze with trepidation. How could she endure this? Saying goodbye to him a second time?

  “I need a word with you.”

  He looked as miserable as she felt. Her heart twisted with regret and longing for what might’ve been.

  Megan slipped away without a word. Josh spoke to her driver, instructed him to give them a few minutes to speak in private.

  When he neared, she saw the misery in his eyes. She alone bore the responsibility for that pain.

  “I’ve been thinking.” He measured his words carefully. “Does it have to be New York City? Knoxville isn’t nearly as large, but it has a lot of the comforts you’re used to. You could have your studio. I could
have my furniture store. We could give it a go, don’t you think?”

  She gasped and pressed a hand to her heart, stunned by his offer to move to the city. “Gatlinburg is your home! Everything you love is here.”

  His eyes darkened. “Not everything. Not if you leave.”

  “I couldn’t—”

  “Kate Morgan—” he gently grasped her hands “—you mean the world to me. I want to share my life with you. Where we live doesn’t matter as long as you’re with me. You said you care for me. Enough to marry me? To be my wife?”

  Overcome with emotion, Kate couldn’t speak. How she’d dreamed of this day! Josh loved her. He wanted to marry her.

  But her joy was short-lived.

  Tears streaming down her cheeks, she looked him full in the face. “I’m no better than my sister, Josh. I lied to you.”

  His brow furrowed in confusion. “About what?”

  “I told you last night that the reason I’m leaving is because I miss the city. That was a lie. I also said that I don’t—” she broke off on a shuddering breath “—that I don’t l-love you. That, too, was a lie. I do love you, Josh, with everything in me.”

  His expression cleared and, smiling like a child on Christmas morning, he gripped her hands a fraction tighter. “You love me? Then why not tell me straight-out? Were you afraid?”

  “Yes, I was. I am.” Lord, help me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Heart racing, limbs trembling, she slipped her hands free of his. “I’m not the virtuous woman you believe me to be. When I was seventeen, there was a man. A very charming man who came along when I desperately needed to feel loved. And he and I…that is, one night we—” She stumbled around for words to express what she’d done, but there was no simple way to put it. “We were intimate.”

  “It was the man you were dreaming about, right?” Josh’s face was pale beneath his tan, his eyes cool. His fingers curled into tight fists. “Wesley?”

  Kate flinched. “Yes.”

  “I see.”

  His words resonated with disappointment. He passed a hand over his face and, with a guttural sigh, turned his back on her.

  The slight was like a physical blow. His rejection couldn’t be clearer.

  “I know this hurts you and I never meant for that to happen. I’m sorry.”

  Swallowing back tears, she swept up her skirts and walked with as much dignity as she could muster to the wagon. Mr. Furley appeared and, at her request, helped her into the back. The jarring movement was almost too much for her. Her head swam. She closed her eyes and waited for it to pass.

  Help, Lord. Sinking down, she rested against the wagon directly behind the driver’s seat, legs stretched out before her in a most unladylike position. It hardly mattered.

  His back to the street, Josh didn’t move to stop her or wave goodbye.

  As the wagon jerked and rolled out onto the street, her gaze didn’t waver from his familiar form. Heart ripping in two, she bit her lip until it bled. She’d known it would be like this. I’m sorry, Josh. So sorry.

  The wagon rounded the bend, and she could see him no more.

  His whole body was numb. His mind. His limbs. His heart.

  Kate’s revelation had hit him with the full force of a cannon blast.

  Walking without seeing where he was going, Josh battled anger and bitter disappointment. She’d seemed innocent. Pure. And yet, she’d given herself to a man who was not her husband.

  Jealousy surged hot and fast at the thought of her with Wesley. Gritting his teeth, he rid his mind of the images. How could she do it? Didn’t she know how amazing and precious she was?

  First Francesca. Now Kate. He’d had enough secrets to last a lifetime.

  “Josh!” Blond curls falling in her eyes, Megan rushed up. “I passed Kate’s wagon. She was crying her heart out. What did you say to her? Couldn’t you convince her to stay?”

  “Not now, Megan,” he warned, his long stride even.

  “Are you the reason she’s crying?”

  “I’m not discussing this.”

  Spotting the burned-out studio, he changed direction and strode toward it. He needed to assess the structural damage and decide if any of it could be salvaged. His brothers had offered to help him rebuild. Staying busy was the key to survival.

  The front entrance was impassable. He’d have to go around back.

  “Aren’t you going to go after her?” His cousin hurried to keep up. “She didn’t seem happy about leaving. In fact, she looked miserable. You don’t look much better.”

  What could he say? Of course he was miserable. The woman he loved wasn’t who he’d thought she was.

  The back door was missing. With his gloved hand, he tested the sturdiness of the frame.

  Megan sighed. “This isn’t the ending I’d imagined for the two of you.”

  Whirling around, he growled, “This is real life, Megan, not one of your novels. You can’t always count on a happy ending.”

  Hurt flashed across her face. “Despite what you might think, I do know the difference between reality and make-believe.”

  “I’m sorry.” He applied pressure to his temples where a headache was starting. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  Huddling into her wrap, she shivered. “It’s all right.”

  “Maybe you should go on home,” he suggested in a gentler tone. “I’ve got business to tend to and it may take a while.”

  “I did promise Nicole I’d help her sew a dress this afternoon.” Her expression had a forlorn quality. She was hurting, too.

  He touched her sleeve. “See you later, then?”

  “Of course.” She tacked on, “I’m not giving up on you two.”

  “Megan,” he warned.

  “That’s all I’m going to say. For now.”

  He sucked in a breath, but she flounced off before he could utter a word. Minx.

  Navigating the burned-out structure wasn’t easy. Kate’s belongings had all succumbed to the fire. His heart was heavy with the knowledge of all she’d lost.

  He glanced in the back room where the fire had started, expecting to find nothing left. His gaze lit on one of her trunks. The outside was singed, and one of the bottom corners was warped by the heat. But overall it appeared to be in one piece.

  The ceiling here was intact. He advanced carefully into the room and, hefting the heavy trunk outside, deposited it in the grass.

  Prying the lid open, he sat back on his haunches. Kate’s pictures.

  Not from here, from her life in the city.

  One by one, he sifted through the stack of images. Shot at interesting angles, she’d made clever use of shadow and light to create not pictures, but works of art. This was not the work of an amateur. Kate had talent.

  Replacing the prints, he shut up the trunk and hefted it into his arms. He’d make sure she got these back.

  The piercing wind battered Josh’s reddened cheeks and tore at his hat as he, Nathan and Caleb hefted another hundred-pound log into place. The early November weather had turned bitter practically overnight. Sweating beneath his undershirt, he knew it was only a matter of time before one of them became sick working in these conditions. At least the end was in sight. A day or two more and they’d start on the roof.

  “Hey, fellas.” Megan and Nicole smiled up at them, baskets held aloft. “We brought lunch.”

  Josh didn’t want to stop, not even to eat, but he couldn’t be selfish. His brothers needed a break. “We’ll be right down,” he called, watching as the girls went around to the side and entered the open doorway.

  The four walls provided shelter from the wind, but their breaths puffed white in the chilly air.

  “What brings you two out on a day like this?�
�� Nathan asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

  Watching as Megan extracted a long envelope from her pocket, Josh stopped midchew, anticipating her words. His pulse accelerated.

  “I got a letter from New York.” Her gaze speared his. “Kate sends her regards.”

  Swallowing hard, he tossed the sandwich back into the basket and stalked outside. He didn’t want to talk about Kate, or even think about her. While he couldn’t prevent her from haunting his dreams, he could at least try to harness his waking thoughts.

  A month had passed since she left. One long, lonely, miserable month.

  He missed her so much it was a physical pain. He walked around with a hollow, aching, cavernous sensation inside that nothing could ease.

  Her presence lingered everywhere he looked. The breakfast table. The apple house. His workshop.

  He avoided the cabin at all costs. Sensing his turmoil, his parents hadn’t asked when he planned to move back in. Caleb hadn’t been as sensitive. His offer to take the cabin had been met with stony silence from Josh and a word of admonishment from Nathan.

  “Josh, wait.” Megan came up behind him. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought you’d want to know how she’s doing.”

  Unable to resist, he turned to face her. “So? How is she?”

  She held out the letter. “Would you like to read it for yourself?”

  He stuffed his hands in his coat pockets. “No. Thanks.”

  She pursed her lips. “Fine. I’ll give you the highlights. In every other sentence she asks about you. In the rest of it, she says how much she misses us. All of us.”

  “Those feelings will lessen over time.”

  As his would, he prayed. Living like this wore a man down. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled. Or enjoyed a good meal. Or played his fiddle. The music, the joy, was gone from his life. All because of Kate and her secrets.

  “I don’t agree. It’s clear to me that she loves you, Josh, and regrets leaving. I think you should go to New York.”

  “That’s not gonna happen.”

  She stamped her foot. “Don’t be stubborn! It’s plain for all to see you’re a mess without her.” The wind whipped her hair around her face, and she shoved it aside. “What will it hurt to go and see her again?”