Violet

by Greenwood, Leigh

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Jeff had been tempted to walk to the hospital and send Violet back in the carriage. He wasn't sure it was wise to be alone with her. Either he would say something he shouldn't, or he would fall prey to his emotions and let her discover how weak he was. He had virtually lived at the bank the last few days to keep from having to deal with his feelings. But now he realized things were coming to a crisis.

  She made him do things he didn't want to do. He still hadn't recovered his equilibrium after talking to Fern and Rose. Nothing felt right. Worst of all, Violet made him question everything he had done for years. That frightened him.

  You'll never be worth horse shit. You're nothing but a damned coward.

  His father's words had haunted him his whole life. He'd led that charge against the Yankee guns at Gettysburg to escape them. He'd refused to die as he lay in the field waiting for someone to find him, his life's blood soaking into the torn-up ground beneath him, in defiance of them. He'd started the bank and worked as much as a hundred and forty hours a week to prove them wrong. And he'd used the war and his arm to keep all his doubts at bay.

  He had found peace at the bank in the rigid control he had over himself, in working harder than any other banker in Denver, knowing more, making more money. In the process, he'd distanced himself from his family, from humankind. When any emotion threatened to break through his harsh self-control, he drove it off with a few sharp, and if necessary, cruel words.

  But that hadn't worked on Violet.

  "You don't want to like me, but you do," Violet said.

  Silence. What did she expect him to do, admit his weakness?

  "After spending years trying to convince everybody Yankees are evil, you can't possibly admit you like one. Of course you don't really believe that. It's just something you say, something you use to keep people from getting close to you."

  Jeff felt himself stiffen. She thought she knew him so well. Women were like that, always thinking they knew more about a man than he knew about himself.

  "You don't want people to get too close because you're afraid they won't like you. You're also afraid they will. That would upset everything, wouldn't it?"

  "If this is an example of Yankee logic, I'm amazed you managed to win the war, even with twice the manpower and resources."

  Violet laughed softly. "If you'd said that during the quarantine, I'd have gotten angry. But it's too late now. You're a fraud, Jeff Randolph. You think I don't know you, but I can see right through you."

  Jeff experienced a moment of panic. Part of his defense had been not letting anyone see inside him. Could Violet have broken through that barrier?

  "You're just as strong and courageous as your brothers. Maybe stronger in some ways. I know you'd win at one-armed wrestling. Even Monty isn't as strong as you are."

  Jeff remained silent.

  "I don't always agree with your methods, but you love your family so much, your loyalty is so strong, you'd do anything for their sake. You're the most capable man I've ever met. You do amazing things and don't even realize it."

  Jeff had geared himself up for a battle, a confrontation that never developed. Instead, Violet had attacked him from a totally unexpected angle. She had found his weak side, had said things he wanted to hear, wanted to believe. Before he could whirl to face the attack, she'd fired a salvo that had brought him to his knees.

  "But the biggest fraud is that you don't like people and don't want them to like you. You don't work at that bank for yourself. You do it for your family. You had enough money for yourself years ago. If you'd give them a chance, I think your family would tell you how much they appreciate it. But you're so afraid of being hurt, you won't let them know you care."

  Jeff fought against the growing desire to have Violet say more. Like a man grabbing at branches to keep from being swept away by a floodtide, he searched for something to say.

  "You still haven't told me why you think I like you."

  Violet smiled again. He could barely see her in the shadows, but he knew her smile. It had become part of his thinking. He knew the way her eyes sparkled when she was happy, how they flashed when she was angry, how they became clouded when she was unhappy. He could remember the taste of her lips when he kissed her, the warmth of her breath, the feel of her soft body against him. He longed to reach out now and touch her, to pull her against him and kiss her until the gnawing fear was banished.

  But he was weak now. He couldn't resist her magic. Even a slight touch might send him hurtling over the edge.

  "When a woman likes a man, she can always tell if he likes her back."

  Jeff stopped breathing. Something within him burst from its long bondage. He wanted to know what Violet meant by like. He needed to know. He had never needed anyone before. He hadn't let himself. People died. Things changed. It hurt too much.

  He had always felt he could turn his back on anybody if necessary, even his own family. But now he knew they were as vital to him as the air he breathed. They always had been. If he drew his strength from anywhere, it was from the certain knowledge that no matter what he did they would never desert him.

  And his arm didn't make any difference in how they saw him. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it before. Maybe he'd been too angry to listen when they told him. Then why was he listening to Violet now? Why was he desperately hoping she was right and he was wrong?

  Because he hoped she meant it when she said she liked him. He hadn't admitted it to himself before, but he'd always been afraid no one could. After Julia Wilcox, he'd been afraid going back to Virginia wouldn't make any difference. He was afraid now, but he had to take the chance. He had to know.

  The carriage pulled to a stop in front of the hospital. Jeff didn't want to get out even though caution urged him to run. There were so many questions he wanted to ask. But there wasn't time. Even now Violet was climbing out of the carriage.

  * * * * *

  "How is she?" Violet asked the minute they reached the floor.

  "The bleeding is worse," Rose said.

  "Has she had the baby?"

  "No."

  "Have you heard from the doctor?"

  "His train made it without stopping. Now it's a question of whether he can get here in time, and whether he can do anything for Fern if he does."

  "Can't the doctor here do anything?"

  "Madison won't let him. He's so angry they couldn't help her before, he won't let them come near her. He's been asking for you."

  Violet felt terrible. She didn't want to give Madison false hope. "I can't do anything."

  "I know," Rose said. "It just makes him feel better to have you around. You're the only one who seemed to know what was really happening. He's pinning his faith on you and Dr. Ulmstead. We all are."

  "We can't work miracles. It may already be too late."

  "We know that. But none of us dares think what would happen to Madison if she dies."

  * * * * *

  "Good God!" Dr. Ulmstead exclaimed at soon as he examined Fern.

  Nearly unconscious, she was dead white. Violet feared each breath was going to be her last.

  "You call yourself a hospital!" Ulmstead thundered. "You've nearly let this woman die." Doctors and nurses stared white-faced at the flushed little German.

  "Don't stand there gaping like so many idiots. Get her ready for surgery. Then if you can find a God who's not too busy to listen to fools like you, pray I haven't come to late to undo what you've done.”

  "Violet, I want you to assist. Where can I wash up?"

  After casting a worried look at his wife, Madison followed the doctor as he began stripping off his clothes. "What are you going to do?"

  "Who the hell are you? Get this man out of here!" Dr. Ulmstead shouted at no one in particular. "How am I supposed to work with people walking in and out like it's a candy shop?"

  "I'm her husband," Madison said, "and if you don't tell me what you're going to do, I'll break every bone in your body one at
a time."

  Dr. Ulmstead stopped long enough to return Madison's look. "So you're the man who cleared the tracks across the whole country. I didn't know anybody outside of New York had that much power." Dr. Ulmstead stripped to the waist and began washing his arms from the elbows down.

  "What are you going to do?" Madison asked again.

  "I'm going to try to save her and the baby, but quite frankly I don't know if I can."

  "Why are you wasting time here?"

  "Washing. I don't want to cause an infection. Don't worry. I'll be ready before she is."

  Madison seemed to deflate. "What's wrong?"

  "She's bleeding to death. The baby may already be dead. I won't know until I cut her open."

  Madison blanched. "I won't let you touch her with a knife."

  Dr. Ulmstead stopped. "Then you'd better call for a priest, minister, rabbi or whoever you want. She and the baby will be dead inside half an hour. She hasn't the strength to turn over much less deliver a baby. She'd bleed to death first anyway."

  Madison turned to Violet.

  "It's the only way," she told him.

  "I have to have my diagnosis confirmed by a nurse?" Dr. Ulmstead growled.

  Madison ignored his pique. "Save her, and you can name your price."

  "I'd do my best to save her without a fee," Dr. Ulmstead said, "but I'll hold you to that promise." He held out his hands to be dried. "Now go away. The best thing you can do for your wife is leave her to me."

  Jeff took Madison by the shoulder. "Come on. You did your part getting him here. Now it's his turn."

  Violet watched Jeff take his brother away.

  "Hop to it, Violet," Dr. Ulmstead said. "We've got to save that woman. I mean to bleed that man's pockets good and proper."

  * * * * *

  An hour later Dr. Ulmstead tied off the last stitch. "That's done it," he said. "Barring something unexpected, she'll live. But she won't recover soon enough to nurse that son of hers."

  Violet had to fight back tears. The relief was so great she felt almost too weak to stand. The operation had been difficult. There had been so little time. For a while it was touch and go.

  Dr. Ulmstead delivered the baby by cesarean section, but it had been necessary to remove Fern's womb in order to stop the bleeding. She had lost a lot of blood and would be weak for some time. She would recover, but she would never have that blond daughter she wanted.

  "You'd better go tell the family," Violet said.

  "You do it," Ulmstead said. "If you hadn't bribed me into coming, they wouldn't have anything to celebrate."

  "Make sure you tell them that."

  "I will."

  "I was only kidding," Violet said, embarrassed. She didn't want anybody feeling grateful.

  "Now go on. I'll be out in a minute. If I show up with blood all over me, they'll be sure she's dead."

  It took Violet only a minute to clean up. She decided to take the baby with her. He lay in her arms -- tiny, quiet, and perfect. She wondered if Fern would mind this child was also dark like his father. She wondered if she would regret she would never have a daughter, or at least a son, who looked like her. If Violet ever had children, she'd want daughters, at least one with red hair.

  No, Violet decided. Fern could be happy that all her children looked like the man she loved. And Violet realized she'd feel the same about Jeff. Nothing could be more wonderful than seeing his features reflected in young, growing faces.

  She had to stop before she started to cry.

  They were all waiting when she entered the room. They fell silent as they turned their strained faces toward her. Madison started toward her, more anguish in his face than she thought one man could feel.

  "Fern's going to be all right," she said, unable to postpone for even a moment the news they awaited so anxiously. "You can see her as soon as she comes out from under the anesthesia."

  Madison sobbed with relief. Iris put her arms around him. He cried without shame.

  "She also presented you with a beautiful son."

  Madison was too shaken to take his son, but Rose was quick to offer herself as a substitute.

  "You'll need to find a nurse for him," Violet told Rose in a low voice as she crooned to the baby. "Fern will be too weak to do anything for some weeks."

  "We'll take care of that," Rose said. She walked away to show the baby to its proud family.

  George approached Violet. "I'm sure Madison will want to express his appreciation when he's feeling more himself, but I want to thank you on behalf of the family for what you've done. I suspect we would not have reached this happy resolution without your help."

  "It's Dr. Ulmstead you have to thank. He'll be out as soon as he gets cleaned up."

  George looked at her closely. "You look tired. I expect you would like to go home. I'll see there's a carriage waiting when you're ready."

  "That's not necessary. The school's only a short distance away."

  "Even if it weren't cold and dark, I wouldn't allow you to walk."

  "Ask Jeff to take her home," Rose suggested.

  "No one needs to see me home," Violet said. "It's only a short distance. I'm sure Jeff would prefer to stay with his family."

  "It won't take me long to get back," Jeff said.

  "Why don't you spend the night at the hotel?" Daisy offered. "You could get a good night's rest and go back to the school in the morning."

  "I've been away long enough. Besides, Miss Settle is probably ready to kill me. I didn't think to send her a note explaining why the twins and I didn't return."

  "Don't worry," Jeff said. "I'll take care of that. You sure you won't go to the hotel?"

  "I really can't."

  "I don't think we ought to let you go without doing something to show how thankful we are," Daisy said.

  Rose smiled. "Jeff can invite her to the charity ball. You can invite her to stay in the hotel then."

  Violet was exhausted. It had been a terribly long day. First getting the twins to the ranch, then the crisis over Fern, the trip to Philip Rabin's office, finally assisting in the operating room. Now she had the added worry of what Miss Settle was going to do about her unexplained absence. She would love to spend a few minutes alone with Jeff, but she was too exhausted to deal with invitations to balls and nights in the hotel. She managed to get away without giving anybody an answer.

  "You look exhausted," Jeff said as he helped her into the carriage.

  "I am," Violet confessed. "I don't think I've ever been so tired, not even when Jonas was still alive."

  She liked the sound of Jeff's voice. It was soothing and comforting. He was intense, much too edgy -- she expected he would be for the rest of his life -- but there was a difference tonight. There was nothing frantic about him, nothing so intense it seemed about ready to strike, to lash out. She wanted to ask him what had brought about the difference, but she was too tired. She didn't think she could listen long enough to hear his answer.

  "Will you go to the ball with me?"

  The fatigue began to recede. She hadn't taken Rose's suggestion seriously. She didn't think Jeff had either. She couldn't tell whether he was asking her because of Rose or because he really wanted her to go with him.

  She answered her own question almost immediately. Jeff never went to social events. He had told her so. He was inviting her because he didn't see how he could do anything else.

  She almost said yes. She wanted to. She couldn't imagine anything more pleasant than spending an evening with Jeff, especially when he was like this. It would be easy to say yes. She wouldn't have to say anything. Just nod her head. Mutter something indistinct. Even a "mmmm" was likely to be taken for an affirmative.

  She wondered if he knew how to dance. She'd probably have to wear boots to protect her feet. He'd be the most handsome man there. She'd be the envy of every woman in the room.

  With that thought, reality reared its ugly head.

  "Thank you, but no."

  "Why?"

 
; She didn't know why he had to ask that question. He had to be relieved. He ought to let it go at that.

  "Surely you know the reason."

  "If I had, I wouldn't have asked."

  A trace of the old, efficient banker resurfaced.

  "I don't belong at a society ball," Violet said, searching her brain for answers that wouldn't hurt his feelings. "I wouldn't know anybody but you and your family. I don't even know what charities it's for."

  "It's just a dance."

  "It's a high point in the social season. The parents of my students will be there. They won't relish seeing the housemother at Wolfe School parading about in their midst."

  "I didn't think you would let anything like that stop you."

  "Look, Jeff, I have to earn a living. This is the only job I have. I can't afford to offend the very people who make it possible. Besides, I've been away from my job too much lately.”

  "I'll talk to Miss Settle."

  "No!" Violet said. Her voice was sharper than she had intended. "I've asked too much as it is. Now I'd better go before I get into trouble."

  "But Madison will pay for any expense."

  "You don't understand," Violet said. "Housemothers aren't supposed to ask favors. They aren't supposed to expect special arrangements. They aren't supposed to be absent from their duties. They aren't supposed to be socially acquainted with the uncles of the students. I've done all of those things. I've even gotten the school involved in a rodeo."

  "The twins did that."

  "They wouldn't have if I had been able to control them properly."

  "That's not fair."

  "Maybe, but it's the way things are. You've been rich so long you've forgotten what it's like to be subject to other people's whims. Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. Look, I can't go, so let's just leave it at that. Now I'd better go in."

  "Won't you go for me?"

  Violet took a firm hold on her emotions before she melted completely and did something foolish.

  "Why? You don't dance. You never go to society balls. You don't like Denver society."

  Jeff said nothing.

  "You're asking me because Rose invited me. Don't deny it. You won't hurt my feelings. Now I've got to go."