by Ashley Goss
I hear the door open, and I am ready to get out of the hospital.
“Hey!” I greet him with a smile.
He smiles at me and looks down at the floor. Why is he acting strange? Have I missed something?
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Don’t lie to my face. I can tell something is bothering you. You will barely look at me. I don’t want you to pity me. I should have gotten out way before this. All I can say is that now, I can get out. You guys are kind enough to help me, and that’s much appreciated.”
“It’s just that, you are so bruised and swollen all over, it hurts me to look at you like that. All broken and beaten. All I can think about when looking at you is seeing you lying there on your apartment floor all bloody and beaten. It is going to be stuck in my head for a while.” he explains slowly.
“Listen, you defended me. I want to say I am more than grateful for that. I can’t help the way I look right now because I didn’t anticipate getting hit. Please don’t do that. Look at me,” I say as I put my hand on his chin and pull his face up so his eyes meet mine.
He’s looking at me when I see a tear forming in his eye. It really hurts him to see me like this. I’ve never seen a man cry before. At least, he isn’t afraid of his emotions like most.
“I’m going to be okay, Elijah. Don’t worry about it.” I tell him reassuringly.
“It just brings back bad memories, that’s all. It really stirs me up inside.”
“What memories? Did you get hit as a child?”
Before I could shut my mouth, I asked him. I asked him a question that I couldn’t take back. It’s none of my business.
While he is telling me, I couldn’t help but feel an array of sadness. I now understood why he defended me. He had been hit when he was younger, and so had his mom. I would think that going through something like that, especially at such a young age, makes him wonder about how to treat other people. I couldn’t imagine what that would have been like for him as a child. I’m literally tearing up and trying to hide it.
“Well, I’m glad your mom got out of that relationship, and you guys found a safe place. At least she finally got out. It could have been a lot worse if she decided to just stay.”
My eyes start to fill. This man before me has endured a lot of pain growing up. I couldn’t imagine having to go thru this as a child. It would have scarred me for life but look at the man he has become? I am thankful that did meet him that night at Rachel’s. Fate works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?
I hear the door open, Rachel and Chris came in.
“Hey. Good morning, sleepyheads!”
Finally, they are here. I’m supposed to be getting released soon. If I’m staying with Rachel then I will need a ride. I remember when we used to have sleepovers every weekend. It’s going to be like that. I can’t wait.
“How are you?” Rachel asks.
“I’m fine. Feel a lot better today, but that could be the pain medication talking.”
“Why do they have him so close to you?” she asks me.
“What do you mean? Who?”
“Dwayne is right down the hall. He doesn’t look so good. He is still unconscious though.”
Fear washes over me. Don’t they know that he just attacked me? Why would they have him so close to my room? What is this, a joke?
“Are you fucking serious?” Elijah says.
How could they think this is okay? A wave of fear runs over me as I thought how easy it would be for him to get to me. I start to have a panic attack. This is supposed to be over. I would never have to face him again, but here he is, down the hall from me.
“I can’t do this. I want to get out of here now. I don’t want to be here if Dwayne is going to be that close to me. I’m going to have a heart attack. Please. Someone tell the doctors to get him away from me. Far away from me!” I beg and plead with them. I can’t imagine what could happen if he wakes up and finds me just right down the hall. I surely wouldn’t survive another night. That’s for sure!
Elijah seems just as furious about it as me. I think he gets how badly he messed me up, and not just physically but mentally also.
“I’m going to talk to your doctor. This is ridiculous. They have to move him now!” Elijah says walking out the door.
He could quickly get to me now. I’m glad I wasn’t alone. I know they would protect me if it came down to that. No way Elijah is going to let anything happen while he is here. He’s so protective of me. I couldn’t say I mind. I feel safe with him here. Who knows what would have happened if he didn’t find me on the floor?
Chapter 9
Elijah
I walk around to try and find her doctor. Where the hell is he?
“Nurse, where is Dr. Jensen?” I ask.
“He is down the hall,” she replies gesturing towards the end of the hallway.
I walk around, trying to find him. I am going to give him a piece of my mind. There is no reason to have Dwayne so close to her. He could wake up and try to attack her again.
“Dr. Allen, I need to speak with you. It’s urgent,” I tell him.
“Okay, give me one moment. I’ll be right there,” Dr. says as he’s finishing up with a patient.
“What’s going on?”
“Why is he so close to her room? He is dangerous, especially to her. He needs to be moved immediately!”
“We can’t move him. We are running out of rooms, and that was the last room until we get patients checked out. I’m sorry. We will make sure that he doesn’t go near her room. The nurses are already aware of the situation.” he reassures me.
“How is he doing?” I ask him.
“He’s not doing too well. He’s been unconscious since they brought him in. It looks like he suffered head trauma and we aren’t sure of anything else until he wakes up. He is in an induced coma right now until the bleeding goes down.”
I take the news that the doctor gives me and run with it. I am glad that he isn’t doing well. He shouldn’t be after what he did. He deserves to die. It would have only taken a couple more blows, and this could have been her in that coma. He should fight for his life. I don’t regret what I did, even for a second. I didn’t have a guilty conscience about it. I protected my friend from a monster.
“The doctor said that the staff is aware of who he is. They are making sure he doesn’t get any closer to your room. He’s in a coma so he won’t be getting up and walking anytime soon.” I tell the others.
I could see that she is worried still but also feels terrible. Why would she feel pain for him? After all that he has done to her? She must have an incredible heart to be able to do that.
“You mean, he might die?” she asks me.
“Yes, he very well could. Is that a bad thing?” I ask her.
“Well, I don’t wish death on anyone, but if he did, I would say he deserved it.”
I am furious. I didn’t want Dwayne to live. He tried to take Nikki’s life, so someone should end his. An eye for an eye type thing. Am I crazy?
“We need to get you out of here today. The doctor should be here soon to release you.”
I want her to feel safe with me here. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her while I am around. I would protect her.
I hear a knock at the door, and then an older lady walks in.
“Nikki, is that you?” she asks her.
“Yes!” she replies.
I have no idea who this lady is, but it seems like Nikki knows her. She is acting hesitant though.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“I’m Dwayne’s mom,” she replies.
I immediately tense up. Why is his mom here? Doesn’t she know what her son did to Nikki?
“Ma’am, you do realize why Nikki is here, don’t you?” I ask.
“Well, no.”
“Your son beat her to a pulp. He broke multiple bones in her body, and she has a heck of a recovery waiting for her.”
“He would neve
r do that,” she says to me, shocked.
She looks at Nikki with sorrow as she leaves the room.
His mom should not have come in here. This is going to mess with Nikki’s head. How many other girls is he going to do this to in the future?
Chapter 10
Nikki
About a month later, my ribs are finally healing up, and I have been working. I have landed a new job at the local airport. It pays decent, around ten bucks an hour but it is only thirty-two hours a week if I am lucky. I work split shifts often. The one thing I love about this job is the people. The people I work with are like family. There is this one supervisor that is a mean old hag. She takes her anger and frustration out on everyone. The good thing about this job is you could choose what shifts you work and swap with others. I make it to where I don’t work with her. She darkens my days. I’m not sure why she is angry all the time. Maybe it’s because she is single and has been for a very long time.
I am happy. I didn’t have anybody in my life, but I’m okay with that. After how I got treated by Dwayne, I’m unsure if I would ever want someone in my life. He changed so drastically. I didn’t want to go through that again. After the attack, I did have some disturbing nightmares every night. Most of them are him coming back for me. The experience I have had with him is enough for a lifetime.
Dwayne has since recovered and did get out of the hospital. He has been released out on bail until his trial for the charges. This makes me very nervous. I didn’t know if he is going to come after me. The good thing is, he doesn’t know where I am living now. He couldn’t come find me. I thought briefly about moving away. He couldn’t find me if I move far away.
Elijah and I have grown very close thru my recovery. He had been there every day to help me. He came to keep me company. I think we get each other on a different level because we have both been victims of abuse. He understands what I went through and knows how I am feeling. He knows that I am still haunted by the attack. He questions the fact I have my own place so soon. He isn’t sure I am ready to be on my own. Heck, I wasn’t sure if I am prepared to be on my own either. I just couldn’t invade Rachel’s and Chris’s privacy anymore. They were kind enough to let me stay with them during my recovery. I had been grateful, but I couldn’t continue to live with them. They deserve their own privacy.
As much as I hadn’t ready to be on my own, I knew it had been time. I need to take the step. I decided to sign up for self-defense classes, and they have been helping me feel safer. I want to feel confident that if anything is to happen like that again that I would be able to defend myself. I didn’t want to feel helpless like that ever again.
Rachel has been asking when I thought I would be ready to start dating again. Honestly, I didn’t foresee that happening for a while. I still have nightmares about that night and the other times he beat me. I continue to grieve the loss of my child. I want so badly to be a mother, but Dwayne had taken that away from me. I didn’t want him to be the father, but I would have never gotten rid of the baby.
To think that he killed his own child while in the womb makes me sick. Who would do such a thing? He is reckless and remorseless. He is and forever will be a monster. I just couldn’t believe that I was ever with this man. The Dwayne that I once knew would never act this way. He needs to get psychiatric help. Maybe he is mentally ill. The judge would probably want him to get it anyway. I really hope they could help him. I never knew what pushed him to become this way. He made it seem like it was me, but it couldn’t have been me. Could it?
The awaiting trial would be coming up soon. Dwayne would never forgive me for this and neither would the family. His mother would probably never talk to me again, which is understandable.
I am hoping that I don’t have to testify. My lawyer says that they would want me to attest to all the prior abuse. I did tell my lawyer about the incident where he raped me. She says that I could bring it up in the trial but without a police report stating what happened, everything would be hearsay. I didn’t want to relive all those moments again. I want to forget them and move on. I am never going to be able to move on until he is out of my life for good.
Rachel has been checking on me quite often. I am so lucky to have a best friend like her by my side. She’s so protective of me now. Elijah’s the same way. He wants to be there for me and help me get better. How did one get better mentally after that kind of trauma? I wasn’t sure there is a way to get better.
I thought about going to therapy. I had attended a group for abused women. There were lots of women that say that therapy had helped them. Could it help me? I guess it would at least be worth a shot. Right? I have an appointment scheduled with a therapist in a little while. I have mixed feelings about it, but I am going to go. I must go at least once to see if it helps. I would do anything to get better. To feel better or even safer.
I walk into my therapist’s office, and I take a deep breath. This is going to be okay.
“Hello, Nikki. I’m Laura. Is this your first time?” she asks me.
“Yes.” I really didn’t know what to say.
“A lot of people see therapy as a bad thing when in all actuality, it’s a very healthy thing to do. Today, we are just going to talk about what’s on your mind.”
I sit down on the couch, and things start racing through my head. I could tell her about all the times I was abused, or the time I was raped. How could she help me if she didn’t know all the underlying things that have happened?
“I lost my child,” I tell her.
“And, how did that make you feel?”
What does she mean how did that make me feel? It makes me feel broken, lost, and like a horrible mother for putting myself in this position in the first place. I couldn’t stay, got up and rush out of the room. I’m gone.
Chapter 11
Elijah
As I pull up, I could hear the alarm sounding. Rachel still hadn’t gotten that thing to stop yet?
“Hey, I’m here,” I announce as I walk into her house.
“Hey, I can’t get it to go off. I am not sure what’s going on.”
I walk around to check all the doors and windows. The back window is slightly open.
“The alarm won’t set if any of the windows or doors are open.”
“I didn’t even know that it was open. That makes sense.”
I want to ask her how Nikki is doing. I didn’t want to be overbearing and call her every day to check up on her, but I know that Rachel did.
“So, how’s Nikki?”
“She’s doing alright. She had an appointment with a therapist yesterday that didn’t go so well.”
I knew that she is still having nightmares about the abuse. I couldn’t imagine how she is feeling knowing he is still out there. I’m happy to see that she took my advice about the defense classes. They are excellent for women to attend, especially after traumatic events like that one.
“So, when are we all going to get together and do game night again?”
“We can do it whenever. It’s hard to find a time when all of us are free.”
I miss being around them. I want my best friends back. We are going to have to figure something out for game night.
“Maybe we can do it next Friday. I know all of you have Friday nights off, and I’ll just request the night off. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds like a plan. It would be nice for all of us to be together again like old times.”
I hear the doorbell go off.
“Hey, can you get the door?” Rachel yells at me.
I look through the peephole, and I couldn’t believe what I am seeing. I open the door.
“Can I help you?”
“Oh, it’s you. Nice to see you again. Do you know where Nikki is?” Dwayne asks.
What the hell did he want with her? I didn’t even know that he got out. Nikki is supposed to be notified if he were to get out. How did he even know where Rachel lived? I can’t believe Nikki didn’t tell us he got out. She doesn’t need
to be alone with him on the loose. It’s too dangerous.
“No, I don’t know where Nikki is, and you shouldn’t be here looking for her. Aren’t you awaiting charges for what you did to her and the baby? How do you feel that it is okay to show up here?”
I couldn’t believe he dares to show up on this doorstep asking for Nikki. Isn’t there a no-contact order against him? I would think so after what he did to her.
“I want you off our property now and don’t ever come back,” I yell at him.
“If you see her then let her know that I am looking for and need to talk to her. It’s important. I need to apologize for what I did to her and the baby. Just let her know please.”
He wasn’t sorry.
“Who was that?”
“It was Dwayne. He was looking for Nikki.”
“How did he know where I lived?”
“I am not sure, but you and Nikki don’t need to be left alone.”
Chapter 12
Nikki
I’m on my home when I get a call from Rachel.
“Hey, where are you?”
“I’m going home.”
“Okay. I am going to send Elijah over to stay with you tonight!”
“Why would you do that?”
“Dwayne stopped by my house today asking if you were here. We told him no, and then he asked where you were staying. We didn’t tell him but surely someone will. I just want him to stay just in case. Please?” she rambles.
“Okay, if it will make you feel better. I will be home in five minutes.”
The worst thing is I’m terrified. Dwayne is still in town, and he is looking for me. What do I do? Right when I am starting to feel safe again, boom, he appears out of nowhere. I’m glad that Rachel insists Elijah stays with me. To be honest, it will make me feel safer knowing he is here. Something about him makes me feel safe. I can’t explain it.
As I pull up to my house, Elijah is standing at my door waiting for me.
“Hey! You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
