Because Beards
Page 56
Daisy mentally slapped herself. Had she really just called God a drug addict? What was wrong with her? But despite the conflicting emotions about blaspheming God filling her head, Daisy didn’t stop her next words from coming.
“I’ve also had impure thoughts.” Daisy paused, then sighed before continuing. “And, I just lied again. When I said I’d had impure thoughts. I made it seem like it was something in the past. But it’s not. I still have them. I’m having them right now.”
“Daisy, I really need to tell you…” Chase interrupted, but Daisy couldn’t let him cut in.
“No, just wait until I finish. If I don’t keep going I’ll lose my nerve. The lustful thoughts I’m having, actually, are about, um, you. And I know that’s wrong, and it’s so embarrassing, but I sort of have to tell you because this is confession after all. I’m supposed to be feeling sorry for all the things I‘ve done that are bad, and all I can think about is the bad things I want to do to you. Right now.”
Daisy’s voice had lowered to almost a whisper. That, along with the words she was saying, had created a bubble of intimacy in the cab of the truck. It felt like the air had thickened and stilled, that time had slowed. Outside, everything was speeding by, but in the cab of the truck, it was just the two of them in a moment that stretched every second into a thousand ticks. She felt reckless. Her pulse was racing.
“I have an almost overwhelming desire to put my hand on your thigh, just to see what happens. I want to feel the muscles in your leg tense, and I want to see your jaw clench when I run my hand up your thigh towards your cock. I want to run my hands over the zipper of your pants to see if you’re hard. I want you to be hard. I want to feel you straining against the fabric even though you’re not supposed to. I want to feel that especially because you’re not supposed to. I want to turn you on because you’re not supposed to get turned on. I want to tempt you, and I want to make you break your vows.”
Chase felt like he’d been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. It was suddenly a struggle to breathe. He pulled at the tight, polyester collar of his shirt, wishing the neckline wasn’t sticking up and itching his neck. He also wished the smoking hot woman sitting next to him didn’t think he was a priest.
He knew, of course he knew, that he needed to stop her. He’d encouraged her in the beginning because it was fun, and silly. He’d loved hearing her talk, was intrigued by the game. He figured she’d come up with some easy sins, and then they’d have a good laugh about the situation. But suddenly her confession had morphed into something dirty, and sexy and he wanted to listen to her voice forever. He needed to tell her the truth. But God help him, he wasn’t strong enough to stop her from talking.
So Chase didn’t explain, didn’t stop her from going on.
When Daisy had started confessing, she’d really been sincere in trying to tell the priest everything, as truthfully and openly as possible. But not too long after she’d started, her confession had become something else. And when she’d seen Chase swallow when she’d mentioned his cock, when his hands tightened on the steering wheel and the bead of sweat appeared on his temple when she said she imagined pulling his pants zipper down with her teeth, she forgot all about the fact that she was supposed to be unburdening her soul of its sins and she just wanted Chase. She wanted his hands and his mouth and his fucking beard scratching at the skin between her thighs while his tongue dived into the core of her.
“Tell me more,” Chase said, his voice rough.
“Maybe,” Daisy responded, her voice low and sultry, “It would be better if I show you. Just so you know exactly what I mean.”
A breath of air whooshed from Chase’s lungs. Daisy could see his pulse thumping in his neck, and she felt powerful and sexy that her words were having such an effect on him. She glanced down at his lap, pleased to see his erection pressing against his pants.
“Maybe,” Daisy repeated, “you should pull over so you can…concentrate…better.”
Chase didn’t need a second request. In a blur of gravel and dust, he slid onto the shoulder and threw the truck in park. Seconds later both his and Daisy’s seatbelts were off. He half lifted her, and she half shifted herself over the center console until she was facing him, her legs straddling his lap. He thrust his hips up into her pelvis, his erection pushing into her. He rotated under her, grinding into Daisy and pulling from her a deep moan.
This was like a fucking fantasy coming to life. How was it possible that this was actually happening?
Chase pulled Daisy’s face to his, and their lips met with heat and desire. This was no slow, building kiss. This was all fire. Chase thrust his tongue deep into her mouth, demanding that she open for him. He scraped his teeth along her lips while his beard scratched her cheeks. Daisy responded by pulling Chase’s bottom lip into her mouth and nipping at it with her teeth. Chase drew her tongue into his mouth and sucked on it hard. At the same time, his hands ran up and down her body, slowing as they passed the sides of her breasts and ending up cupping her ass, pulling her harder onto him.
She was perfect. The sensation of her, the taste of her, it was almost unbearable she felt so good.
He wanted this. He wanted it so damn bad. But the voice in his head screaming at him that he was taking advantage became too loud to ignore. And Chase did the unthinkable. He stilled his hands on her waist and held her steady on his lap. It took more effort than he had imagined to pull away from her, but he couldn’t let this happen without first telling her the truth.
Before he could do that, though, he felt Daisy freeze in his embrace. Her expression morphed from pleasure into regret and she scrambled back over to her side of the cab.
“Oh my god,” Daisy spoke in a horrified voice. “I can’t even believe I just did that. I’m going to hell. I just made out with a priest! How is this okay for you? Do you have to quit the priesthood now?”
“No, listen, slow down.” Chase struggled to find the words to explain. “What just happened wasn’t bad. It’s not what you think. I’m not what you think.”
Chase rubbed at his chin again, watching Daisy’s eyes narrow in confusion and suspicion.
“What do you mean you’re not what I think? What I think is you’re a priest, and that we just kissed. And there is something so, so wrong about that.”
She was fucking gorgeous, and Chase wished he’d been truthful sooner. He feared he’d blown it by holding back, for letting her go on with her confession for as long as he had. He hated himself for being the one that had encouraged her to do something that made her feel badly. He’d taken advantage of her, and he could never expect her to forgive him for that. Forget that she’d started it, that she’d been the one to suggest it. He should have been stronger for her. He should have told her the truth, no matter that he’d been more turned on by her words than he’d been by anything or anyone before, and he had a raging case of blue balls to prove it.
He sighed. It was already too late. The proper time had already passed, but he still needed to tell her the truth.
“So, uh, I actually have my own confession.”
Daisy’s head popped up, her eyes still filled with guilt.
“I’m not actually a priest.”
Her mouth opened in the sexiest little “oh” he’d ever seen. And he’d seen a lot. He’d watched women try for the wide-eyed, open-mouthed surprised look, pouting their lips into a perfect circle to accept the hard tip of a dick, and they hadn’t even come close to looking as fuck-able as Daisy looked right now. And she was doing it completely unintentionally.
“Yeah, so, it’s a funny story, actually. I was in this little town, having break—”
Chase broke off as he watched Daisy’s face transform from surprise, to disbelief, to full-on fury. Chase had seen his share of angry women before, but no one had ever looked as lethal as Daisy did. He would have sworn that her amber eyes actually turned red.
“Whoa. Let me explain. I swear, this is not as crazy as you think. Well, maybe it is that crazy, but
I don’t make it a habit to lure innocent women stuck on the side of the road to confession.”
As he took a breath to launch into the story, prepared to do anything to convince her to forgive him, even though he knew that chances of that were slim, Daisy flung open the door and leaped from the seat. On the dusty side of the highway, she leaned over, hands on her knees. Chase couldn’t tell if she was hyperventilating or trying not to vomit. He got out of his side of the car and began walking cautiously towards her.
She held up one hand, and without looking at him, spoke in a clipped voice. “Do not come near me,” she ordered. “You are the biggest fucking asshole ever, and I need you to leave. Now.” Then she mumbled to herself, “Oh my god, oh my god, what did I do? What do I do?”
Chase had never been good with emotions. Not his own, and especially not women’s. It had never bothered him before, but suddenly, at that moment, he wished he knew what to say, what to do. It actually hurt him that she was so upset. It hurt him even more knowing he was the cause.
Everything had just happened so quickly, and he didn’t know of a man who would have turned down what Daisy had offered
Chase’s normal MO would be to drive off and leave her there, per her wishes. He couldn’t deny that he’d adopted a love ‘em and leave ‘em philosophy a time or two in the past. He could call for a tow truck or highway patrol to rescue her once he was far enough away. They’d only known each other for a heartbeat of time.
But already he was changed. He wanted to become the kind of man who deserved a woman like her. He didn’t want her to be angry at him, and more than that, he didn’t want their relationship, if you could even call it that, over before they’d even started. He didn’t want this to be it. She was undeniably gorgeous, but more than the way she looked, what attracted him to her was the way she talked, and the silly way she had of explaining her actions, her outlook on what was right and wrong and how she struggled with knowing the difference, her conviction that good intentions might outweigh your actions, and the love she had for her grandmother. He wanted more of that.
“Please, Daisy, I really am sorry, but the story is actually kind of funny. If you just let me explain…”
“Funny?!? You think this is funny?” Daisy had never felt fury like this before. And now this guy, this liar and cheat, and who knew what else, was trying to tell her this was funny? She’d told him about everything she’d done wrong, and he let her, without trying to stop her. And then she’d talked dirty to him, had kissed him. Daisy felt her cheeks flush again with embarrassment. Oh god, she was going to hell.
“I just confessed to you, and you let me? You knew I thought you were a priest! Why didn’t you say something? And then you kissed me! How could you do that?”
She wondered if anyone had ever actually died of shame, because if so, she was sure to follow. She just needed him gone, and she needed to do her best to forget this ever happened. Even though already a secret part of her brain was telling her she’d remember this forever, that she’d compare every man from now on to Chase and wish they didn’t fall short. Shut up, she ordered herself, her breath coming in raspy, irregular gasps.
She sensed Chase was still standing there, could feel the uncertainty and wariness radiating off him. She snuck a quick glance at him and noted that he really did look sincerely sorry.
“Just go.”
She needed him to leave.
She hoped he wouldn’t go.
Daisy remained facing away from him, her hands still on her knees. She stayed there for what felt like years, before she finally heard the crunch of gravel under his feet as he walked back to the truck.
“I’ll send help for you,” he said. The sound of the door slamming, closing him in, echoed with finality in the humid air.
Daisy felt her eyes well with tears as the engine roared and the truck pulled back onto the highway. She’d never felt more alone.
When Chase walked away from Daisy, his heart actually hurt. He didn’t know that could happen, but there it was, the ache in his chest.
When he started to drive, he had every intention of leaving her behind. She was just a blip in his life, something he’d forget before he could even form a solid memory of it, or of her. And then something tripped in his soul.
Dammit, he didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t explain why, but he didn’t want this to be it. He wanted the chance to explain, to prove to her that he wasn’t the asshole she thought he was. And he wanted to know her better, for however long he could. He didn’t know where it would lead. He didn’t know if they’d have a chance at a future, but if he drove away now, he knew for sure they wouldn’t. And he wasn’t quite ready to accept that.
Skidding the truck to a stop, he launched himself out of the door and strode toward her. He saw her turn and look at him with surprise. Confusion. He thought he even saw some interest in her eyes, and he hoped it wasn’t just his in his mind.
Her mouth fell open as he stepped toward her. He knew she was getting ready to lay into him again, that she was going to tell him to leave, to go to hell. He deserved it. Of course he did, and he’d take it. He’d take everything, but not yet. He had something more important to get to first.
And so, when Chase reached Daisy, and before she had a chance to yell at him, he pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips to hers, silencing whatever it was she intended to say. He knew they both had more to get out, but he was taking this first.
He wanted her with a ferocity that was heavy and hard, but her needs superseded his own, and he deliberately softened his touch. He lightly ran his tongue along her lip, asking, not demanding, her to open for him. For a moment she stayed stiff in his arms, but she didn’t push him away. Encouraged, he pulled her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking gently. His hold on her changed, and he went from gripping her to caressing her, embracing her. She could back away if she wanted. She stayed. She didn’t kiss him back, but she stayed.
Lifting his head from hers, Chase spoke before Daisy could.
“Daisy, sweetheart, I did not intend to trick you. When I pulled over, I forgot I was even wearing this damn outfit. And the story really is kind of funny how it all happened. I’m not a very good person. I lie,” he gestured down at his outfit. “I steal. Sort of. And so many other things, and I will tell them all to you if it helps. I have definitely had impure thoughts, and never so strongly or as intense as just now, thinking about you.
“But one thing I can’t admit to is trying to make a fool of you. I never meant to trick you, and the reason I didn’t stop you right away way was because I loved listening to you talk. And when other things started to happen, I didn’t stop you because I thought I’d die if I did. I have never, ever, felt as good as I did when you were kissing me. Touching me. And goddammit, I may have ruined it all by not telling you the truth, but I didn’t want it to end. I still don’t want it to end. I want this to be the beginning. If you still want me to leave, I will, but I really hope you don’t. I don’t want to go.”
If life was a romance novel, Daisy would have swooned at his declaration. He was pretty smooth, Daisy mused, though he also seemed sincere about it. Daisy could read the regret and remorse in his eyes.
He was still holding her waist, but gently, and she could step out of his embrace if she wanted. It had taken everything in her to resist kissing him back, but she still felt betrayed and embarrassed. And even now she had the nagging thought in the back of her head that her Nana wanted her to confess.
Nana, who never asked for much…although she did drop some pretty heavy hints about how the buttons on her old phone had been so small, she didn’t know if she’d be able to see the numbers well enough to call Daisy anymore. Or the doctor for help if she ever fell and couldn’t get up. And she hadn’t said no when Daisy showed up a week later with a brand new, larger phone for her. And she had then said she’d need to start using one of her old canvas grocery bags as a purse, since the new phone would take up too much space in her current purse…if onl
y she could afford the Coach bag she’d seen online…that would be the perfect size (and it was at the outlet and on sale). So Daisy had surprised Nana with the purse. Maybe Nana did, actually, ask for a lot. But those were mostly little things, and Daisy adored her, and loved the look of happiness on Nana’s face when Daisy could deliver something Nana wanted. This was something bigger, more important, than a purse or a phone. This was eternal life.
At that moment, Daisy heard a faint chiming sound. It took her a second to recognize that it was her phone ringing! She stepped out of Chase’s grasp to dig through her purse, yanking out her phone triumphantly. She held it up to the sky as if it were a victory trophy and then swiped to answer. It was Nana!
“Daisy? Are you there honey? It’s happening.” Nana sounded faint and frail.
“I’m here Nana, I’m going to go to confession. I just tried, but, well, it didn’t really work out. But I’m going. Right now. Just…please hold on a little longer.”
“Hold on longer? Why would I do that? I’m ready now.”
“No Nana, just…I’m coming to see you.”
“Well, honey, you can come if you want, but I won’t be here anymore.”
“Nana, please, don’t say that. Just stay a little longer. For me?”
“But Daisy, why would I want to stay here? I’ve been on the waiting list for that apartment for nearly an entire year, and it’s finally opened up! Poolside, brand new kitchen, not that I cook much anymore, but it’s always nice to have those fancy appliances, and the best part is that handsome Mr. Pritchard lives just two doors down from my new place. He moved just two months ago, after his wife passed. He’s Catholic! And it’s just blocks from the beach. I know how much you young ladies like to sun yourselves on these Florida beaches. And even I can go in the ocean here it’s so warm! I can even get a little golf cart to drive down to the beach whenever I want. I’d love to see you, Daisy, but it’d be better if you wait a few weeks while I settle in. In fact, that’s why I’m calling you now. I’m having a little moving-in party in a couple weeks, and I’d love for you to come.”