Erik

by Sawyer Bennett

  In the seven days since, we’ve lost all four games we’ve played.

  I can’t chalk that up to Blue dumping me, because that has no effect on the team. Sure, I don’t feel quite as jazzed when I step out on the ice, but I’m doing my job just as well as I ever have.

  No, the reason we’re losing is because of Tacker.

  The NHL handed him a ten-game suspension and a $150,000 fine for kneeing Nilsson in the head. He hasn’t played the last four games. We haven’t won the last four games.

  It’s not just that we lost our best player. Great players get knocked out all the time with injuries and such, and teams still manage to do well. Others inevitably step up to the plate and pick up the slack.

  But we’re losing now because we lost our mojo as a team.

  Not because anyone blames Tacker for what he did and getting suspended. Every single one of us secretly applaud his actions. We all understand what drove him, and if there was ever sound justification for a player going apeshit bananas which results in intentional injury to another, this was it.

  The problem, however, is in the fact that as a team, we can’t own it together. We can’t support Tacker because he won’t talk about his issues. None of us can come out and say, “Hey, dude…it was shitty what Nilsson said to you and we only wish you’d managed to get another hit to his head before you got pulled off.”

  There’s an elephant in the room and no one will talk about it.

  Legend pulls a twenty-dollar bill from the pile of cash on the table in front of us and waves it to get the blonde’s attention. She struts down a short set of steps from the stage and lets Legend tuck the twenty into her G-string. He then sits back in his chair, spreads his legs, and lets her give him a lap dance.

  I watch for a moment and then turn back to my bourbon. Liquor’s been about the only thing that has given me any relief since Blue and I broke up a week ago.

  I walked out of the hospital, deciding that emotions were high and that she just needed space to figure things out. I had assumed within a day or two, she’d calm down and Billy would forgive her. She’d realize it was just a mistake, it was human nature, and we’d have to work better to balance Billy’s needs in our relationship. I was ready, willing, and able to tell her that I was fine with Billy always coming first.

  But it’s been seven long days and I haven’t heard a peep from Blue.

  I didn’t need the full seven days, though, to know it was really over for her. I got that message loud and clear when Sadie told us on the way back from Calgary that Blue had quit. Apparently she had emailed our GM and apologized for not being able to give notice, but that she was quitting, effective immediately.

  I’d shot off a text to Blue asking what was going on.

  She never replied.

  I sent her another text, then another. No replies.

  I got desperate and called her. I talked to her voicemail but she never called back.

  I got the hint and bourbon became my best friend.

  The stripper finishes her lap dance and moves over to a table beside us where a few of the rookies sit, waving cash around.

  “I’m shit-faced,” Legend mutters before picking up his drink and draining it.

  “I’m on my way,” I mutter.

  We sit in silence a moment, me staring into my drink and Legend staring into his empty glass. Then his head turns slowly to look at me. “Do you think Pepper is hot?”

  I give a shrug. “Yeah. Sure.”

  “I think she’s hot,” he says with a nod that doesn’t look all that confident. I find it fascinating, though, that Legend would say something nice about her. It must mean he’s really drunk. “Doesn’t matter, though.”

  “Why’s that?” I ask, honestly not really caring. Got my own girl problems.

  “Dax is with her,” he mutters.

  “No, he’s not. They’re just friends.”

  Legend sits up straighter, his eyes focusing in on me with more clarity than I thought he’d be able to muster given the amount of liquor he’s consumed. “How do you know?”

  I shrug. “Blue pointed out to me once that they never touch or show affection for each other. She says they’re just buddies that like to hang out.”

  A sharp stab of pain slices through me at the reminder of Blue and all the things we would talk about. Gossiping about my teammates and their love lives was amusing to both of us.

  “Dax isn’t the type to just be friends with a woman,” Legend argues. “He’s all about getting in the pussy.”

  “Maybe he’s tried and she shut him down,” I suggest.

  Legend shakes his head slowly. “Then he wouldn’t stay friends with her.”

  “Whatever, dude,” I say, already bored with the conversation. I don’t care if Pepper is banging Dax, Legend, or both of them at the same time, which is actually kind of hot, but no…can’t muster up the energy to even be turned on by the image of them in a threesome.

  Blue not only broke my heart, but my dick as well.

  We lapse back into silence. Legend orders another drink from a passing waitress and I go ahead and ask for another one too. The plane leaves at 8:00 A.M. tomorrow to head to San Diego for a game before we fly back to Phoenix. I don’t even have to be sober to board, so there’s still plenty of time left for drinking.

  “Are you ever going to talk about it?” Legend asks me and my head swings his way.

  He looks at me expectantly, with perhaps some accusation mixed in.

  “Fuck,” I mutter as I pick up my drink and drain the last of it. The fates are good to me, as the waitress returns at that exact moment and sets a fresh highball in front of me. I pick it up as I push a twenty her way, and take a healthy slug. Hissing through my teeth, I set it down and turn to look at Legend again.

  He’s still waiting for me to unload, and I’m just drunk enough that I think I’ll do it. I haven’t told a single person since we broke up what transpired between Blue and me.

  On the trip to Calgary last week, when I showed up on the plane and Blue had not, I only explained to my buds when they asked that Blue had a medical emergency with Billy. When a new flight attendant took her place on the next trip, I didn’t offer up any explanations.

  But now Legend apparently wanted to talk about it.

  I take a sip of my bourbon. “She broke things off with me.”

  “Why?” he asks, leaning toward me with concerned interest.

  I explain to him about the call she missed because she was otherwise tied up with my mouth between her legs, but I don’t tell him about the oral sex part. Just that we were in bed. I also explain to him about Blue’s past with Billy and leaving home, and the tremendous guilt she’s carried.

  Not knowing if Legend was too drunk to make the connection between the events, I explained that she felt she couldn’t balance a relationship with me and her loyalty to Billy to always put him first.

  “That’s fucking stupid,” he exclaims while pounding his fist on our table. It causes our drinks to slosh a bit.

  “Agreed,” I drawl.

  “And how do you feel?” he asks.

  I’ve never talked to another man about a woman before. The opportunity never presented itself, but Legend is a good buddy and he probably won’t remember this tomorrow.

  So I unload.

  “I’m pissed at her, man,” I tell him as I turn in my chair to face him better, resting my arm on the table. “Yes…I made a mistake. She made a mistake. Whatever. We’re human and it happens. But none of that fucking means I want to displace Billy or lower him in the pecking order. I’ll gladly take a backseat to his needs. And fuck…I’ve been nothing but supportive of her responsibilities to him. Christ…I’d move her and Billy into my place tomorrow if I thought she’d go for it. I can add an elevator so he can access the second floor and convert the second
master into a handicapped accessible space. I mean, what the fuck, Legend…I’ve always supported her need to be there for her brother, and the one time I fuck it up and think to ask for a little for myself—a mistake which I’m willing to take full responsibility for—she tosses me from her life. Doesn’t even give me a backward glance and that fucking hurts because I had some major feelings for her. Which clearly she didn’t have for me, now that I think about it. Otherwise, how could she be so callous? Did I fucking misunderstand everything? Was I a fucking idiot? Did she dupe me? I mean, what the fuck happened and why did I let myself get taken—”

  “Okay,” Legend cuts in on me with a big hand bearing down on my shoulder. He squeezes hard to get me to shut up. “You’re venturing into crazy territory with that anger toward Blue and you’re going to say things you really don’t mean and then you’re going to blow things out of proportion.”

  My mouth slams shut.

  Then it opens again. “It just hurts and it seems to me that she went a little overboard in cutting me out of her life.”

  “So talk to her about it,” Legend says offhandedly.

  “I’ve texted and called. She’s not responding. I think it’s clear she’s done with me.”

  “Or perhaps she feels completely different about it now but doesn’t know how to reach out to you. Maybe she’s really embarrassed at the way she acted, and how she rashly quit her job with the team. Maybe she’s hiding out, licking her wounds.”

  “You think?” I ask hopefully, because damn if he didn’t make that sound really fucking plausible.

  “Fuck if I know,” he says with a shrug. “I just know that if you really care about her the way you say you do—which I know damn well extends to her brother as well—you’re not going to give up just because she didn’t respond to some texts and calls from you.”

  “So I should contact her,” I muse to myself, but out loud.

  “I’d go see her,” Legend says. “When we get back to Phoenix. Just go to her house and don’t leave until she agrees to talk to you. I think she’s being the unreasonable one here, Erik. And what I know of Blue, she’s a smart, rational woman. Trust me…she knows she acted unreasonably and probably out of fear, guilt, and anger. I think your chances are good that you can fix things.”

  God…if that’s fucking true—

  Should I even dare hope?

  Yeah…I should fucking have hope. Blue is the best thing to ever happen to me, and you know what…I’m the goddamn best thing to happen to her as well. I’m going to go see her when I get back and I’m going to get my woman back. Then I’m going to move her and Billy in with me, trade my truck in for a van, and buy Blue a new car.

  Exactly in that order.

  I hope to fuck this isn’t the alcohol talking and that I actually have the balls to enact this plan when I’m sober.

  Chapter 27

  Blue

  Trudging up to the front door of the Cresson, I make some mental calculations on how to best parcel out my time today. I was able to pick up a two-day charter flight to San Francisco that leaves tonight and I most definitely have to do laundry. It’s been just over a week since I was supposed to do my laundry at Erik’s house and I still haven’t been motivated to do it. But I used my last pair of clean panties today so it’s either that or go to the store and buy new clothes, which is a terrible waste of money that I can’t afford.

  I decide after I visit Billy for a few hours, I’ll hit up the laundromat. My basket of clothes has been sitting in the backseat of my car. After spending most of the day at the hospital with Billy, I took the early evening to go to Erik’s house. Letting myself in with the key he’d given me, I removed all of my possessions that had been left there, including my dirty clothes. I was still riding high on the righteous indignation that had been born out of tremendous guilt.

  The formula was really quite simple.

  I was horribly ashamed I let Billy down once again so I let myself blame Erik for talking me into ignoring that call. I held onto that anger for only about two days, which was right around the time Billy decided to start talking to me again. During that two days, I ignored communications from Erik because it was often easier to direct the anger toward him than at myself.

  But I still always held the guilt close to me, and a lot of that had to do with dumping Erik the way I did. I still think it was the right decision, because ultimately I did it so as to not have to choose between the two men that I love.

  And yes…I love Erik.

  But he deserves better than someone like me. Erik has the biggest, kindest heart I know, and I know this because he would—without grudge or hesitation—let me put him lower on the totem pole. He’d gladly take a backseat for me, so I could maintain my own sense of accomplishment with my brother.

  He absolutely doesn’t deserve that from a woman.

  Which is all moot. I’m quite sure Erik probably hates me and he would have every right to do so. I was so unfair to him the way I ended things. I didn’t give him a chance to defend himself. When he reached out by texting that very night from Calgary, I ignored it, mostly fearful he’d talk his way back into my life again. Same reason I ignored his calls. And last week…when I was angry…that seemed like another betrayal to Billy.

  Ugh…it’s all so complicated.

  I pull the door open a little too hard, but make myself smile at Helen. She purses her lips and glares at me, which isn’t exactly fair. Granted, she thinks Erik walks on water and all that, but I don’t deserve her wrath. She’s been that way the last three days when she asked where Erik was and how come he hadn’t been by to visit Billy.

  When I informed her we’d broken up, she stood up from behind her desk, put her hands on her hips and asked, “Why?”

  I was so stunned by her nosiness, I didn’t think to lie. I merely replied, “Because I felt it was best we not see each other anymore.”

  Since then, I haven’t seen a smile from her.

  I ignore it, though, and head to the elevator, intent on making the most of my time with Billy since I’ll be gone for a couple days on this charter job. If Erik knew I was taking jobs from there again, he’d be pissed. But I have no choice. I had to quit working for the Vengeance because there was absolutely no way I could work in close proximity to him again. So until I can find something more permanent, I’m going to have to take as many charters as I can and live frugally on some of the savings from mom’s life insurance until my father’s comes in.

  When I exit the elevator and move toward Billy’s room, I’m surprised to hear a male voice coming from inside. It’s deep and calm, although I can’t make out the words through the half-open door.

  I step inside and come to a dead halt, surprised to see Tacker sitting in one of the two guest chairs positioned between a square table. He’s leaning casually into his seat with one ankle propped on a knee. His gaze slides to me and he lifts his chin in greeting. Billy’s sitting in his motorized chair pulled up to the table, hovered over a puzzle. He loves doing them and it helps with his fine motor skills.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask Tacker.

  “Just thought I’d come by and visit Billy,” he replies as he stands from his chair. “Is that okay?”

  “Of course,” I assure him with a smile. “It’s just…the team is on a road trip. Shouldn’t you be with them in San Diego today?”

  “Have you not been following the team?” he asks with his eyebrows drawn inward.

  “Sure, I have,” I tell him. Because I just can’t seem to let go of Erik cold turkey so I watch him on TV and read any article I can about the team.

  “Then you know I got suspended,” he says dryly. “Got time on my hands.”

  I shake my head at the misunderstanding. “Yes. I saw that you had gotten suspended. I just assumed you still traveled with the team.”

  “No room for me,
” he mutters. “They had to call someone up to take my place.”

  “Oh.” My gaze travels over to Billy who’s concentrating on the puzzle. He hasn’t even looked up at me but rather is meticulously picking through pieces with his right hand to find something that fits. His left arm is being supported by a sling for his cast.

  Scooting by Tacker, I lean over Billy’s chair and brush a kiss across his head. He eases his head up and smiles at me.

  “Blue,” he says in greeting which makes me smile. It’s his best word. His clearest. He’s been saying it since he was able to start forming words, even with his limitations.

  “You’re doing such a good job,” I tell him as I examine the puzzle. He’s done the outer frame and is diligently filling it in.

  “Thanks,” he drawls out with difficulty. I bend over and kiss him again.

  “Do you think we could talk in private a moment?” Tacker asks and I jerk in surprise. Tacker isn’t known for wanting to talk about anything.

  “Yeah…okay.” I turn to Billy and put my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute and then I’ll help with the puzzle.”

  Billy tips his head to me again and I get his big, beautiful smile back. Yes, all has been forgiven between us and my conscience in that regard has been absolved even if it still weighs heavy with what I did to Erik.

  God, I miss him so damn much.

  Tacker turns and walks out of the room, and I follow him, pulling the door shut behind me.

  “Let’s go see if the family room on this floor is empty,” I suggest. “Weekdays are usually pretty light around here.”

  “Everyone has to work, right?” he replies as he follows me down the corridor.

  The room is indeed empty and we walk in. Tacker closes the door behind him and then leans back against it. I take that to mean this won’t be a long and involved conversation so I don’t bother to sit down.

  “Erik asked me to come by and check on Billy…see how he was doing from his fall,” Tacker says and I don’t miss the slightly accusing tone in his voice.