Spice

by Jenna Jameson

  “Were you afraid she was going to stalk you?” Now it was her turn to give his hand a comforting squeeze.

  “Not really. I figured if it wasn’t her, it would only be a matter of time before it happened again.”

  “Why didn’t you take the cash? That’s a lot of money for a half hour’s work.”

  “Would you have done it?” he asked.

  “I’ve done girl-on-girl scenes.”

  Dear God, his heart just stopped.

  “It’s just body parts. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer men. You told me you got into stripping for the tips. That five grand was more than you made in a weekend, right?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “You don’t like licking pussy?” Liz asked him, batting her eyelashes at him.

  Had all the air suddenly been sucked from the room?

  “I uh—”

  “I’m just messing with you,” she said. “But not everyone would have walked away from getting paid for doing something they liked to do. Would you have changed your mind if it was a hot young chick?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not for sale.”

  “What if you needed the money for something?”

  “I’d go without.”

  “What if it was for an operation?” She pressed on.

  “This is like the old Winston Churchill line.”

  “Huh?” Liz cocked her head to the side.

  “Churchill asked a woman if she’d sleep with him for five million pounds, and after hemming and hawing, she agreed. Then he asked her if she’d sleep with him for five pounds. And she said, ‘Of course not, what do you take me for?’ And he said, ‘We’ve already established that. Now we’re negotiating price.’”

  Liz slowly clapped her hands. “Cute story. But you know it’s not always so cut and dry. You were tempted, weren’t you?”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “I can’t tell if you’re lying to me or not.”

  “Would you give a guy a blow job for five thousand dollars?” he scoffed.

  Liz considered it. “Cash?”

  “Sure,” he croaked.

  “No, but I would be tempted.”

  Sean ran a hand over his face. She was so matter-of-fact about it. “Why would you say no, then?”

  “Because it’s a slippery slope. If you give in this time, you’ll probably give in next time.”

  Sean’s fingers itched for his keyboard. Now, they were getting somewhere. “So being in adult entertainment is like an addiction?”

  Her laugh trilled out again, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her to stare down anyone. “In some cases, yes. There’s an interesting power dynamic. You must have felt it up on stage.”

  He had. When he was dancing, the energy was like an adrenaline rush and a turn on. He did have power to make women cream their panties just by showing them his dick.

  “So I’m wondering,” Liz said, leaning in across the table, “if the real reason you turned down that money was because once you crossed that particular line, it would have opened up a door that you didn’t want open.”

  “That’s very deep,” he said. “Are you sure you weren’t a psych major?”

  “‘Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.’”

  She quoted Freud to him. He felt like Gomez Addams. Tish, you spoke French. He could talk to her all night. But she must have sensed the evening was getting off track because she leaned back in her chair and the moment of intimacy was broken when she brought up the main reason they were here tonight.

  “I think you’d like our group. FATE.”

  Yes! He was in.

  “So do I pass muster?” he asked, just to be sure.

  “I haven’t decided yet,” she told him.

  Crap. How many more hoops was he going to have to jump through?

  But he liked her honesty, even if it pissed him off. “Why?”

  She lifted a slim shoulder. “Intuition.”

  Sean knew she wasn’t a flighty airhead and that he was a bad liar. He should take this as a sign to get out now. He could walk away and find more dancers to interview, maybe take a few prostitutes out to dinner and see if he could gain something tangible, something quantitative. Find some explanation so he could stop this obsessive need to understand and just get on with his life.

  “I’m not sure what more you want from me,” he said.

  “To be honest, I don’t know myself. Are you playing me for a fool? Or have you been totally honest with me?”

  Sean wanted to come clean. It started out as a unique research opportunity. There weren’t many places to observe retired adult entertainers. He tried his hand at stripping, but it didn’t provide any lightbulb moments. The cash was great. The people, for the most part, decent. So how did Liz manage to escape the life when his sister couldn’t? He owed it to his parents to find out.

  The waitress dropped off the check while he searched Liz’s eyes to see how much she trusted him. She wanted to believe him. It felt dirty to lie to her. He let go of Liz’s hand. But he was going to do it anyway. How would he react if this was all real and she didn’t believe him? His pride would make him walk away.

  Take a risk. The worse that can happen is she lets you go.

  A part of him wanted that, wanted to put this all behind him and spend his nights with a super computer doing endless “what if” scenarios. But another part of him wanted her too much for this to be the last time they connected.

  “I was a stripper. Now I’m not,” he said and held her gaze. “If you don’t want me in your little group, just say so.”

  “What are you so angry about?”

  He was never very good at hiding his feelings. The best lie was sheathed in truth. “My sister.” He drained his coffee in one gulp. “This was a mistake. Sorry for wasting your time.”

  Sean got up from the table. It was for the best. Liz was too distracting. He liked talking with her, wanted to do more than talk. The deception made him feel sleazy.

  “Wait,” she said, catching up to him as he was settling the check. “If it was just me, I wouldn’t be so cautious. But there are other people to worry about.”

  “Why?” Sean signed the credit card receipt, waving away her attempt to reimburse him.

  “Because they have lives and loved ones they want to protect from that contempt you were just talking about.”

  “No,” he said, leaning down so his face was close to hers. He wanted to kiss her until they were both breathless. “Why, if it was only you, wouldn’t you be so cautious?”

  Flustered, she pushed him back. “Because I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done. I made my choices and I stand by them. I’ll defend my actions and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. Others are not so lucky. Innocents could be hurt. I’m not taking that risk without good reason.” Liz reached out to touch his arm. “I think you’d get a lot out of our FATE group. But I need a little more time to make sure you’re a fit for us. I want to get to know you better. Can you understand that?”

  “I have another problem,” Sean said, walking with her toward the door.

  It was a beautiful night. The city was buzzing, getting ready for the nightlife. But for the moment, everything was still and peaceful.

  “What?” Liz asked.

  “I want you.”

  He pulled her in close, giving her time to stop him if she wanted to. Sean let her feel how hard she made him, saw the haze of desire cloud her eyes before they half closed. Her lips tasted like cinnamon and sweet icing when he covered his mouth over hers. She stood on tiptoes to deepen the kiss and he wrapped her arms around her. When she snuggled tight against him, he could explore the curves of her back. The little moan she made as their hips rubbed together pleased him on a primitive level. Gripping her hair, he kissed her harder.

  “Get a room,” some asshole snarled.

  Sean released her as she stepped away, but didn’t go after the guy when Liz laid her hand on his arm.
r />   “You solve a lot of your problems with your fists?” she asked, holding his hand in hers. She rubbed her thumb across the calluses on his knuckles.

  “Sometimes.”

  “Dangerous pastime.”

  “You want to get to know me?” He slung an arm around her shoulders.

  “Sure,” she said.

  “Got some time?”

  “For what?”

  “I want to show you where I spend my free time.”

  “Okay,” Liz said, and after a few moments slid her arm around his waist as he signaled for a taxi.

  Chapter Three

  Liz sat in the cab, aware of the big male body next to her. It was inappropriate for her to be fantasizing about kissing him again, especially if she was serious about making sure he wouldn’t blab FATE’s secrets to the world. She didn’t want to be distracted by his hard physique and killer smile. Liz wanted to make a calm, rational, decision.

  And then go back to living like a nun.

  She had a terrible suspicion there would be no going back after that kiss. What the hell was she going to do if he tried to touch her breasts? She could lie and tell him she got a breast reduction, but then there was the little fact that she had no sensitivity in them anymore. Sitting so close to him, Liz realized she wanted his hands on her body.

  He wanted her.

  She was more stunned by that statement than she was by the kiss, which nearly short-circuited her brain. All that chatting over Skype and the emails and texts they exchanged over the past few weeks had been foreplay, and she hadn’t realized it until now.

  Checking her phone, she realized she would have to relieve Mrs. Ritter in about two hours. That wasn’t enough time for a first time. Was she actually considering sleeping with Sean O’Malley? Liz studied his profile in the cab, his five o’clock shadow stubble on his face. She imagined how it would feel against her inner thighs. Yeah, more than considering it. What would her friends say?

  Sarah and Peter would cheer. Holly would say it was about time. Brian would say, cool. And Jonathan? Well, Jonathan didn’t have to know yet. Maybe would never know. Liz bit her lip and wondered if she was doing the right thing.

  The taxi stopped and Sean paid the driver while she got out of the car. They were in front of a building called McManus’s Place.

  “Is this a bar?” she asked.

  “Not exactly,” Sean said, taking her elbow and guiding her inside.

  The smell hit her almost as soon as the sounds of men punching each other did. It was a gym. And while it smelled like sweat and old gym socks, it looked clean and orderly.

  “You’re here late, O’Malley,” a big man with no neck said. He came up to them and clapped a meaty hand on Sean’s shoulder.

  “I’m showing my girl around,” Sean said. “Sp—Liz, this is McManus. He owns the joint.”

  Liz bristled at the near slip. He still thought of her as Spice. She was just a porn star fantasy to him. She should have known better.

  “What on Earth are you doing with a punk like this one?” McManus said to her, taking her hand and kissing it like she was Queen of the Bronx.

  “I’m beginning to ask myself the same question,” Liz said, ignoring Sean’s dark look.

  “Smart girl,” McManus grunted. “So are you going to get in the ring and try to impress the lady?” he said to Sean.

  “I hadn’t planned on it.”

  “That’s not necessary,” Liz said. “I actually have to be going soon.”

  “I want to show you something,” Sean said.

  “It was nice meeting you,” she said to McManus as Sean pretty much dragged her toward two swinging doors.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked when they passed through into a hallway.

  “You. My name is Liz.” She lowered her voice. “Don’t you ever call me Spice, ever again. It’s shit like that—” she punctuated each word with a sharp jab of her finger into his chest. “—that makes me leery about having you meet the members of FATE.”

  “I’m sorry,” Sean said, stopping in the hall to face her. “It won’t happen again.”

  Liz tried to hold on to her anger, but in the face of his sincerity, it slipped away. She gave him a tight nod. “So what do you want to show me?” she asked grudgingly. If he thought he was going to get a little action in the locker room, he had another think coming.

  “I want to show you the youth boxing league I set up.” Sean led her a room that opened up into a gymnasium. Liz marveled at the new equipment.

  “How did you do all this?” She walked into the gym, touching the jump ropes and boxing gloves.

  “McManus wrote a grant and several foundations either donated the goods or gave us the money to implement the programs. I teach three after-school sessions a week, focusing on fitness and self-defense.”

  Liz crinkled her nose. “Do you have to teach fighting?”

  “About half my class are girls afraid to walk home alone.”

  “Oh.” Now, she felt about as big as a thimble. She’d just assumed they were gang members getting off on beating the crap out of each other. “This is really great. It brings the community together.”

  “Exactly. It gives the kids a place to go. We’re concentrating on physical activity and personal safety. It beats having them play on their phones all afternoon.”

  “Why are you showing me this?” she asked.

  “McManus would say it’s because I was trying to brag or get into your pants.”

  “Are you?”

  “No, to the first. Yes, to the second, but not because of what is in this gym.”

  Liz felt a flutter in places that hadn’t fluttered without battery operated assistance in a long time.

  “I brought you here to show you that I have roots. I’ve got kids that depend on me. I have responsibilities. Sure, I’ve got a temper and yes, I get in the boxing ring and work that out. But I’d never put you or your friends in harm’s way. I understand if you don’t want a guy like me in your group. I’m not glamorous or well known. I’m just a schlub that bared his ass for a while.”

  “It’s not that,” she said. This was all wrong. “I don’t want to exclude anyone from getting the understanding and support they need. You said in your emails you just wanted people to talk things over with, to feel that you weren’t so alone. I’m not going to shut you out. I need you to meet the rest of the group. If they like you as much as I like you, then you’re in.”

  “You like me?”

  Liz nodded.

  “When can I see you again?”

  “I’ll have to check with the other FATE members’ schedules—”

  “Not them, you, just you. I want to see you again, soon.”

  “How about this weekend?” Liz thought fast. Sarah and Cole offered to take Jonathan to the park for a few hours so she could finish up some design work in peace. But hell, she could work some long nights.

  “Sure, you want to go to Washington Square Park? We could have a picnic.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “It’s a date then.”

  A date. The first one she’d had in about ten years. What the hell was she getting into?

  *** ***

  What the hell am I getting into?

  Sean saw Liz into a cab and went back into the gym. He didn’t have time for a relationship. He couldn’t get involved with Liz, not when he was pretty much trying to use her and her friends to provide research for a possible dissertation topic. It wasn’t that he didn’t try to do it above board, but no one credible would talk to him. Fuck him? Sure, that wasn’t a problem as long as his credit card was good—not that he ever took them up on it. But every time he tried to ask what got them into the business, he got a boatload of crap designed to make the buyer feel better.

  I’m paying my way through college.

  My son’s private school bills are too much for me.

  I really like meeting new people.

  I love sex.

  Sean swallowed hard,
seeing Liz’s face when she said it to him.

  Mary Katherine didn’t get involved in porn for any of those reasons—unless it was the last one, and Sean wasn’t quite ready to think about that yet.

  “Get in the ring,” McManus sighed. “You’re thinking too much, Perfessor.” McManus sneered the last word.

  Sean nodded. He needed to burn off the self-recriminations and the angsty feelings brought on by thinking about Mary Katherine. Hitting the locker room, he shucked off his clothes and got into his training gear. Grimacing at his reflection in the mirror, Sean popped in his mouthguard. He didn’t look like a teaching assistant working on his doctorate or even a counselor; he looked like a thug who used to strip for a living. So why wasn’t Liz buying his spiel?

  Because you’re full of shit.

  Sean figured Liz accepted his picnic invitation because it gave her another chance to check him out to see if he was right for the group. If he was lucky, she’d tell him what he needed to know and he could put all this lying and pretending aside. Would she even be interested in him if he wasn’t looking to get into FATE? How much of that kiss was him and how much of it had been her? He left the locker room, shaking his head at his distracting thoughts. He needed to get his mind settled for the sparring match McManus set up, probably against Kyle Donovan.

  Donovan was trying to decide whether to go MMA or stick to boxing. In either event, he hit like a wrecking ball and was a fast little ferret who preferred to work on the body. Sean would take the bruises on his ribs as a penance for lying to Liz. And for failing Mary Katherine.

  So why did Liz kiss him back?

  McManus tied up his gloves and slapped him on the ass. Ducking into the ring, Sean shook out his arms and his legs. He should have warmed up a bit. He was a little relieved to see that instead of Donovan one of McManus’s newer guys was climbing into the ring. Sean could let his mind wander a bit while his body went through the movements.