Spice

by Jenna Jameson

  Liz wasn’t sure she was getting through to him. “We’re going to meet Sean on Wednesday after school.”

  “Where?” He looked up from the troll.

  At last some interest.

  “At a gym he belongs to.”

  “Okay,” he shrugged again.

  “I want you to let me know how you feel about all this.” Liz held him by the shoulders so he’d look at her. “If you don’t like him or if this situation feels weird to you, let me know. You are the most important thing in my life. I love you so very much.”

  “Mo-om,” he whined. “I know that. You tell me all the time.”

  “I don’t want you to forget it. Fine, go back to your comic.”

  “Thank you.”

  Well, that was easier than she thought it would be.

  But she knew Jonathan would be thinking about her words and percolating what had been said. The conversation had gone better than she expected. She was glad he wasn’t feeling threatened by another male in her life.

  Liz fiddled with the skeleton until she got it perfect and then saved her work. A knock on the door startled her and she looked up.

  “I’ll get it!” Jonathan cried and he ran toward the door.

  Was it Sean? She smoothed her hand over her hair and wished she was wearing something other than a Ramones T-shirt and yoga pants.

  “Who is it?” Liz said as Jonathan stood on tippy toes to see out the peephole.

  “No one.”

  “All right, back away.” It was probably just the wind or maybe one of her neighbors had dropped something off for her.

  When she opened the door, there wasn’t anyone there, but a DVD case that had been propped up on the door fell back on the doorstop.

  “Cool, a movie!”

  Liz’s hand shot out and grabbed Jonathan’s shoulder before he could dive for it. “Go to your room,” she said, placing her body between him and the door.

  “But, Mom? What did I do?”

  “Nothing, sweet boy. Nothing. Just please. Go to your room.”

  “Fine.” He shook free of her arm and stalked off.

  His door slammed and she couldn’t blame him. Bending down, she picked up the DVD and cradled it to her chest. Liz ran to the stairwell and looked down, but she didn’t see anyone. She didn’t even hear anyone on the steps.

  “Hello?” Her voice echoed and the feeling of isolation hit her. Hurrying back into her apartment, she closed the door.

  Lucky Number Seven

  There she was on the cover, on her hands and knees. The title of the DVD covering her nipples and not much else. Steve was inside of her, but all you could see of him was his torso above her moon-shaped ass.

  Oh, no.

  Jonathan almost saw that. Call her old-fashioned, but she didn’t want that picture to be the first one he saw of his father. After locking the door with shaking hands, Liz pressed her forehead against the door. Why was this happening now? She darted into her bedroom and opened the case. The disc was there, and a note fluttered and fell to the floor.

  Oh, God.

  She stuffed the DVD in the bottom of her underwear drawer and bent to pick up the note. Should she call the police? But how seriously would they take it? It was just a DVD left at her door, and then her secret would be out for sure. Damn it, why now? When she was just getting back on track?

  Unfolding the note, she read the words.

  Oh, shit.

  “Mom? Can I come out now?”

  “Not just yet, baby.” Liz called back, amazed that her voice sounded so normal.

  “Am I in trouble?”

  “No, honey, I’ll explain in a few minutes.”

  As soon as I get my head together.

  She reached for her phone and texted Sean. I’ve got to cancel tonight. Something came up.

  Then she dialed Sarah’s number.

  *** ***

  They met in Central Park’s ancient playground so Jonathan could play on the obelisks and pyramids. Sarah brought her an iced coffee with a shot of Jameson in it. They sat shoulder to shoulder on a bench and watched Jonathan play with the other kids. Cole was on Daddy duty, and Sarah was pleased to get out and cut loose for a little bit.

  “I still say you should call the cops.” Sarah shook the ice in her own drink.

  “And say what? There wasn’t anything threatening in the note.”

  “‘See you soon?’” Sara turned her head to look at her. “You don’t think that’s threatening? It’s a stalker. And he knows where you live. I want you and Jonathan to come live with us for a week or so until we find out what’s going on.”

  “Absolutely not. For all we know, it’s Steve playing one of his dumb games.”

  “You haven’t seen that asshole in nine years. He had a hard enough time finding his dick in his pants. There’s no way he could have tracked you down in New York. For what? To finally meet his son? No, my money is on that tabloid guy.”

  “Then why leave the video? Why not just wait outside the walk-up and take pictures of me going to and from work?”

  “Maybe he has,” Sarah said ominously.

  “Oh, crap.” Liz started texting the other FATE members. “I’m canceling tomorrow’s meeting. The last thing any of us need is a tabloid reporter in our faces.”

  “Okay, calm down. Don’t get paranoid.”

  “You’re the one telling me to move in with you,” Liz said.

  “Look, let’s say it is this tabloid shithead. What’s his name?”

  “Ricky Rose.”

  “Really?” Sarah drawled, sucking the last bit of doctored coffee down.

  “You’ve never read the Rose By Any Other Name blog? He’s got a radio show too at one of the indie stations. I’ve never tuned in.”

  “Maybe you should start. Besides, if it is Ricky, he’s got to be bored sick. You take Jonathan to school. Have a coffee. Walk back home to work. And then go pick him up. Yawn.”

  “Thanks, we can’t all be international bestselling authors jetting off to whatever island your husband’s family owns.”

  In the hurt silence that followed, Liz felt awful.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m a nasty bitch.”

  Sarah put her arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “I’m just worried about you. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to you.”

  Sarah’s former manager Martin Levine was currently doing time for attempted murder after stalking and attacking her all because she dared to retire from porn and move to New York.

  “Nobody cares that much.”

  At Sarah’s sharp look, Liz elaborated. “I mean, if that was going to happen, it would have happened a long time ago. Right now, I’m what you described. A work-at-home mom of a pre-tween, who survived cancer by getting her breasts removed. Who wants to stalk that?”

  “I hate when you talk about yourself like that. Have you told Sean yet?”

  “No, I don’t want him to worry.”

  “I want him to worry.” Sarah rooted around in her purse for some change. “I’m going to get a can of soda. Wait right here.”

  Liz peeked inside Sarah’s open purse and saw the fifth of Jameson. She took a big sip of her own iced coffee. She had to admit; it settled her nerves and evened things out a bit.

  Pouring the cola into her empty iced coffee cup, Sarah handed it to her to hold while she put the can in the recycling bin. When she came back, she angled her body to shield what she was doing, and she dumped a healthy dollop of whiskey into the cup.

  “I hear alcoholics do this,” Liz said. “Drinking in the park on Sunday afternoons.”

  Jonathan was on a swing, kicking himself higher and higher. Liz fretted that he was going to flip over the top bar of the swing set.

  “Ease up, sweetheart,” she called to him.

  “We could have done this at a bar, what’s the difference?” Sarah tightened the cap and secured the bottle in her purse.

  “Well, considering this isn’t New Orleans, I’m pretty
sure this is illegal.” Liz unzipped her coat. The mild October breeze cooled her cheeks, which were flushed from the alcohol.

  “Oh, lighten up,” Sarah said. “It’s two drinks. Neither one of us is driving. I wanted something to calm both our nerves.”

  “I guess if we read about Sugar and Spice drinking together in Central Park tomorrow, we’ll know it’s Ricky.”

  “There’s a pleasant thought.” Sarah looked around. “I don’t see anyone paying us any attention. What’s this Ricky look like?”

  “I can’t be sure. He sent me a fake picture. If the picture on his website byline is anything to go by, he’s got long blonde hair and glasses.”

  Sarah took out her phone. “I’m looking him up now.” She thumbed through until she found his avatar. Squinting around the park, Sarah shook her head. “I don’t see him.”

  “Maybe he has a telephoto lens?”

  Sarah smacked her.

  “I know. I’m rattled. The drink helped. I can’t stop looking over my shoulder though.”

  “That’s not necessarily a bad thing,”

  “‘See you soon,’” Liz repeated the message on the note. “What does that mean? Is he coming to the door to visit? Or is it a creepy note to say that I’m being watched.”

  “Okay, let’s look at this rationally. He knows you’re Spice. He wants you to know that he knows.”

  Liz finished her iced coffee and Sarah dumped half her drink into Liz’s cup. Liz eyed it. She was going to dump it when Sarah wasn’t looking.

  Jonathan had moved on to the climbing wall part of the playset. It wasn’t too high, but he was having trouble hauling himself over the top to the platform. She was about to go help when a few boys tugged him up and then they slid down the slide one after the other.

  “That’s all we know,” Liz said. “So we’re going to have to wait until he makes his next move. And he’s not going to do that if I’m staying with you. Maybe I shouldn’t have told Sean to stay home tonight.”

  “And now we get to the good part. Please tell me you took that nice hunk of man in your bed last night.”

  “The floor, actually,” Liz admitted.

  Sarah whooped and high-fived her.

  “He’s got issues, though.”

  “We all do.”

  Liz nodded. “I want to him to tell me about his sister, but it’s still so raw for him. He got some bad news last night, but he wouldn’t tell me about it.”

  “He’ll open up when he’s ready. Why don’t you text him that your schedule cleared?”

  “Well, because tomorrow’s a school day and I’ve got to get ready for the week. This whole ‘See you soon’ nonsense really put a wrench in my plans.”

  “If you call him at eleven tonight, he’ll think it’s a booty call. You don’t want to go down that road.”

  “I’m seeing him on Wednesday, that’ll be good enough. He’s meeting Jonathan.”

  “Good, but I still want you to tell him about the DVD.”

  Liz groaned. “Then he’ll feel obligated to come over.”

  “Why is that a bad thing?” Sarah tapped her cup against Liz’s. “Cheers!”

  “Because I’m a strong, independent woman . . .”

  “Who could really use a little TLC,” Sarah finished.

  The boys were running around playing freeze tag. Liz smiled at their antics. She was happy Jonathan was having a good time. She worried he was too into his computer games, but she didn’t want to take them away unless she had a good reason.

  “Speaking of tender loving care,” Liz said, “I was wondering if you would come to the plastic surgeon with me?”

  Sarah crinkled up her nose. “You’re not going to do something drastic like a nose job, are you?”

  “I’m going to finally have them tattoo my nipples.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Won’t feel a thing.” Liz tapped her breasts.

  A small smile toyed around Sarah’s lips. “He must be something.”

  “I could be doing this for me, you know.”

  “I know you’re doing this for you. But this is the first time you wanted to do something to make you feel sexier. I like that.”

  The kids had switched to tag. Jonathan was “it.” Liz watched her son count to twenty and then take off, following shrieks and giggles. Two years ago, she thought she wouldn’t even be sitting here right now. She had asked Sarah to take him if the cancer won. While she didn’t die, Liz hadn’t really been living either.

  “At first, I was waiting for the cancer to come back. It’s a motherfucker like that, you know? Just when you think you won—BAM. It’s back and it brought friends. But then the first year went by and I thought maybe I could just stay under cancer’s radar. Like it’s this malevolent ogre under the bridge. If I didn’t expect too much, if I didn’t chase any big dreams, I could live long enough to see Jonathan grow up.”

  “Oh, Liz.” Sarah gripped her friend’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me? You’ve been so strong for all of us through everything.”

  “I don’t even think I rationalized it this way before. It was subconscious. But chatting online with Sean, trying to keep him at arm’s length for three months didn’t work. I really like him. And I’m so scared I’m going to fuck it up.”

  “You will fuck it up,” Sarah said. “And he’ll fuck it up. That’s how relationships work.”

  “He says my surgery won’t bother him, but what if it does?” Liz tossed her drink in the trash as the booze was now churning inside her stomach in an unpleasant way. “What if he’s so turned off by my chest? I don’t want to risk ruining what we have.”

  “He’ll deal. Or you will. Maybe you’ll invent a new kink, shirt-wearing sex.”

  Liz rolled her eyes. “I can handle that.”

  “You can handle anything. You pretty much have handled everything. And now you’re going back to school to get your degree, then your therapist license.”

  “Hold on there, that’s a long ways away.”

  “You’ll get there,” Sarah said. “With or without that sexy boxer next to you. Or underneath you.”

  Liz playfully elbow-jabbed her. “Maybe cancer left the DVD. ‘See you soon.’”

  “Ugh, don’t even joke about that.”

  “Five more minutes!” Liz called to Jonathan.

  “I’m in no hurry.” Sarah leaned back on the bench. “I may take a nap, however.”

  “I always start the five-minute routine early. It cuts down on the ‘Aw Mom’s.” Liz hid a yawn. “You had to say ‘nap’ didn’t you?”

  “Somebody kept you up last night?”

  “Hopefully the same somebody that will keep me up tonight, too.” Liz pulled out her phone to text Sean.

  “That’s my girl.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Sean was back in the teaching assistants’ office at the university, trying not to look at the couch and failing. He had a hard-on that even the number crunching wasn’t making go down. He lost himself in the mindless task of grading papers so he didn’t have to think about Sabrina’s offer or how he got a reprieve from telling Liz the truth. When his phone buzzed a text through from her, his cock jumped.

  Crisis handled. Can you still come over tonight?

  “So much for the reprieve,” Sean thought, but he was too excited not to text back:

  Eleven o’clock? Should I bring anything?

  Her return text came only moments later.

  Lube? Body paint? Anal beads? Handcuffs?

  Sean groaned aloud. There went the rest of the afternoon. He adjusted himself and texted: Be ready to be on all fours tonight.

  I’m ready now.

  So am I. Don’t wear anything . . . complicated.

  Do I get to rip your underwear off tonight?

  Sean gave a husky laugh. Who says I’m wearing underwear?

  Did you know I won an AVN award for Best Blow Job?

  I did not.

  I’ll show you how I got it tonight.

 
Does 10:00 work better for you?

  Yes.

  “Thank God,” he said aloud. Then his conscience hit him, and he typed: Before all the fun stuff, I’ve got to tell you something.

  No. After all the fun stuff. Also, J has school tomorrow a.m. Do you mind leaving B4 he gets up?

  Not at all.

  After dealing all day with a hard-on that never entirely went away, Sean knocked on the door at 9:59 p.m., primed for anything Liz wanted to give him. After a few minutes, he heard Liz disengage the locks and let him in. She was wearing a black silk kimono, tied in a loose knot. It was short, barely covering her knees. Her eyes were outlined to stand out and her lipstick made him want to kiss it off. He leaned in to do so, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest.

  “You didn’t see anything else out there, did you?” Liz bit her lip and looked around the doorway.

  “No, why?”

  She pulled him in and locked the door. “Have a seat,” she said. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “I’m good.” He said, liking the way the silk slithered over her bare legs.

  “You’re better than good.” She straddled him on the couch. Liz wasn’t wearing anything under the kimono. He slid his hands under the flaps and cupped her ass with both hands, squeezing.

  “I’ve been thinking about this all day.” Sean held her against his cock. He felt her heat through his jeans.

  She placed fierce, hot kisses on his neck, as she unbuttoned his shirt to get to his T-shirt. “Off,” she said, licking along his bottom lip and then nipping it. Sean let her pull off his shirts and leaned back as she buried her face into his neck. Caressing her thighs now, he parted the kimono to reveal the delta between her legs. He maneuvered his fingers between them and searched for her spot.

  “Oh no,” she said. “Not yet. You make me crazy with your fingers and tongue. It’s my turn to drive you wild.”

  “Are you sure we’re all right out here?”

  “We should be. He’s been out for about an hour and his door is closed. Try not to roar when you come.” She darted her tongue in his mouth and he forgot everything except for the hot, lush body grinding into his and the sweet seduction of her kiss.

  It wasn’t long before she was making little noises against his mouth and rubbing herself against the bulge in his jeans. She was soaking the front of his pants, but he couldn’t get enough. The tie in her robe was like a do not cross line, so he touched her everywhere else. He found out she was ticklish behind her knee. That if he raked his short nails across her inner thighs, she moaned.