“You should,” I say completely serious and get up, wrapping her up in my arms. “How did you sleep?”
“Not too bad actually.” She smiles. “You didn’t have any more nightmares last night.”
It takes me a minute to think and I realize that she’s right. I didn’t. “That’s the first time that’s happened; I dreamt of the most beautiful purple-ish eyes looking up at me with my dick between your lips.” I grin sheepishly and groan when she slaps my stomach.
“Dickhead!” She glares at me and walks out of the room. I laugh to myself and get dressed. As much as I don’t want to leave her this morning, I don’t have much choice. We have another meeting with Sanders. This should be interesting.
I head downstairs and join her in the kitchen, holding her to me with one arm around her waist and move her hair away from her neck, burying my face in her softness before kissing along her lavender scented skin.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing? I’m not sucking you off, so being a kiss-ass isn’t going to work!” She tries to push me away but I won’t budge.
“I didn’t ask you to suck me off, I was just telling you what my dream was about. Don’t act like a bitch, it doesn’t suit you. I just wanted to have a minute with you before I have to leave.” I sigh, not letting her pull away from me.
“Don’t fucking call me a bitch!” She turns around and glares at me.
“I didn’t call you a bitch. I said you were acting like one. For fuck’s sake, I really don’t need this. I don’t do drama.”
She scoffs. “I’m not the one bringing the drama.”
“Is that so? And how in the fucking hell did I?”
“By bringing Annie up any chance you have!” She raises her eyebrow at me.
“Hold up, I didn’t fucking bring her up so stop making fucking excuses. I had one fucking nightmare about her whilst sleeping in the same bed as you and you’re gonna throw it back in my face. That’s unfair, Viv. I can’t control what I fucking dream about, if I could then they would only be about you. When are you going to fucking get that? Even when I fucking dream or have nightmares about her it’s always your eyes I see.” I let out a frustrated sigh. This is not how I envisioned my morning to start.
“What?” She looks at me confused.
“You never listen do you? I’m here with you because I want you for fuck’s sake. It’s your eyes I fucking see every time I have a fucking nightmare. Your beautiful eyes being ripped away from me, leaving my heart fucking bleeding!”
“How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Your twin brother passed away because we were together, despite knowing things would be a fucking mess if anyone found out. Then years later, you and I hook up and I show up in the middle of the night after having a fucking nightmare about your dead brother and wanting some comfort and sex. Tell me Gabe, how the fuck would you feel? Because right now, I feel used. You might be all sweet and shit at the moment, but the only reason you came over last night is because of that fucking nightmare about Annie. You talk about needing to feel again, but do you even care about how I feel?” She stares at me and I’m speechless. “Didn’t think so. You can see yourself out, Gabriel. Don’t come back here. Whatever this is, it’s over.” She pushes me away as if to make a point and I let her, still stunned. Then everything sinks in and I’m seeing red.
I immediately walk back to her and pin her to the counter. “First of all, do not fucking push me, ever, or I swear your ass will be a nasty shade of red and you won’t be able to sit down for a fucking week. Second, that was a fucking low blow. Of course I fucking care about how you feel, how the fuck can you ask me that? Third, I do not appreciate being yelled at in the morning for no fucking reason at all. This is why I don’t do relationships; I don’t need the fucking drama. You want us to be over? Fine, we’re done. Have a good fucking life on your own.” I walk out of the kitchen without a second thought. Just as I’m about to open the front door, she stops me by yelling the words I never wanted to hear from her.
“Do not ever fucking come back here. It was the biggest fucking mistake coming back, especially seeing you again. I regret all of this, especially letting you use me twice, Gabe. Rest assured I will never make that mistake again. Stay out of my fucking life!” she yells.
A part of me wants to stay and prove her wrong but that part is quickly overwhelmed by the rage that consumes me. I can’t stand being near her at the moment. I take one last look at her and leave, slamming the door as if to make some stupid fucking point.
I jump on my bike and speed away from her place, feeling my heart being ripped out more and more the further I drive away from her.
I fucked up.
She fucking makes me feel truly happy for the first time in years but she’s so fucking frustrating! I need to find a way to show her how I feel but I have no idea how. She’s only been here a couple of days, but fuck if she hasn’t turned my world upside down.
It doesn’t take me long to get to the compound and a few minutes later I pull up and park my bike next to Ant’s. As I make my way to the chapel, I stop in my tracks.
“Ryan, Brother, I need to ask you a favor.”
“Anything, what’s up?” He looks at me, meaning business. I like that about this kid, you can ask him anything and he’ll do it happily. I study him for a second, he’s still quite young, a fair few years younger than me, but he exhibits the tell-tale signs that he’s been to hell and back too.
“I need you to keep an eye on Viv. She’s mine. Don’t fuck it up.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just want to make sure she has protection. It’s a really long story but can you do that for me?”
“Of course, what’s the address?” I write it down for him and hand him the paper. “Thanks.”
“No, thank you. I won’t be able to focus when we deal with the Kings if I think she’s unprotected.”
“Looks like Ant and Aleck were right. Someone’s already pussy whipped.” He taunts and snickers.
“If you care at all about your legs you’ll stop that shit right now.” I glare at him but all it does is make him laugh more. “Dickhead.” I shake my head at him and chuckle. “Make sure she’s safe. If anything happens to her, I’m holding you responsible.”
“Don’t worry, I got this.” He chuckles and claps my shoulder once, making me wince.
“What’s with everybody hitting the wrong fucking shoulder?” I rub it as I walk into the chapel seeing Ant, Aleck and Sanders already seated.
“Someone is in a good mood.” Ant chuckles.
“Piss off Ant.” I sit down and sigh, rubbing my face.
“Trouble in paradise?” Aleck snickers.
“No, everything is perfect. What’s new?” I really don’t want to be talking about this with any of them.
“Right.” Ant sighs. “Focus on this meeting and forget about whatever it is that happened with Viv, at least for a couple of days. I need you to keep your head in this and she probably needs time.”
“I know.” I rub my face.
We’re all silent for a moment before Sanders starts to speak. “Don’t know what’s going on with you but Ant is right, things are moving fast, we’ve all got to focus. They’ve offed one of the Angels’ women because she was talking and whining too much. They made my man do it to prove his loyalty and it nearly killed him. He’s a fucking mess. Luckily they aren’t suspecting him, which is a miracle. I’ve showed everyone my guy’s picture so they don’t kill him when this shit goes down. There is one major issue though.”
“What is that?” Ant asks looking worried.
“They know Viv is back.”
“Motherfuckers!” I growl.
“I know. He doesn’t know what they are planning on doing about it, but one of the members saw her downtown. He’s keeping me updated but if I were you, I’d try to have someone keep an eye on her. You know how they are; they’re ruthless and won’t hesitate to take her. Brian’s death left a pretty big hole in
the club and they want revenge. So far, they’re unaware that you’ve allied with the Bastards and Angels but it’ll be very clear in a couple of days. We have no idea what backlash to expect so make sure your women are protected at all times. I don’t know if you’re going to warn them but considering what my man has witnessed, we don’t want the girls to be left unwatched. The best way to keep them safe is to tell them there is a danger. We can’t let the Kings have any kind of advantage over us.”
“I’ve already asked Ryan to keep an eye on Viv. I can’t risk anything happening to her.” I sigh.
“She’s the one they are most likely to target considering all the history you guys have.”
“I fucking know that. I can’t lose her.” I try to stay calm, but the rage and worry I have inside me are all consuming, I need her safe.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get one of my men to keep an eye on them if you need all your men in two days.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Ant says.
If anything happens to Viv I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I need her to be safe at all times. I can’t risk losing her, she’s too precious.
CHAPTER 11
Viv
Well, today started well…not!
I can’t believe what I said to him. I regretted it all the moment he slammed my door, but I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me. I’ve wanted to be with Gabe ever since he saved me from Jared. I can’t stand living in my sister’s shadow and that’s exactly what is happening with Gabe at the moment. I never should have come back here, it was a big fucking mistake but I don’t have anywhere else to go. It doesn’t even feel like home here anymore, which is heart-breaking. I really thought that once I got back I would feel like I belonged, and up until this morning’s fight, I did. My friends were back in my life and I had Gabe. Now, I have nothing. It’d be too weird to hang out with Ayd and Line now, if their men show up Gabe is bound to be with them and I don’t want to see him again.
That’s a lie. I want nothing more than to see him again, but after this morning I doubt it’ll ever happen again. I don’t know how to deal with this. I just wanted us to be together in a drama free relationship, but we both have too many issues. I should have known better, having a relationship with my dead sister’s greatest love was never going to end well. He realized that I just don’t want something casual, I don’t want to be his quick fuck after a nightmare. I want more, I deserve more. I deserve someone who loves me for me and not to be with the memory of his lost love.
He’s the only man who’s ever made me feel anything other than heartache and I pushed him too far this morning. I should have just let it go but I never know if he wants to be with me or Annie. I know he says that he wants me but how can I believe that, they loved each other so much. I need to make a decision: do I stay here and just get used to seeing Gabe around or do I move away, again, searching for the spark I have only ever had with him.
I need to get out of this place, wherever I look, there’s a reminder of my two passionate nights with Gabe. The deck of cards is still on the coffee table, I can’t sit at my table without getting hot and bothered and then there’s my bed, where he made me feel like I was the most important and sexiest person in the world. He could have just fucked me and left straight away but he stayed both times cuddling me. Ugh, I’m pathetic!
I take a quick shower and get dressed in leather look leggings, a sleeveless top and flannel shirt, along with my trusted leather Converse. I lock up the house and get in my truck. I back out of the driveway and drive away from the place I call my home one last time. I drive without any direction in mind, just needing to be away and on my own for a while.
I turn on the radio and sing along to some of my favourite rock songs. I smile as my father’s favourite David Bowie song, ‘Rebel, Rebel’, starts playing. Even if I didn’t get many years with my parents, I cherish all the memories I have of them.
Yes my father was in a MC, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t brought up with all the love a kid could need and much more than that. Our parents treated us as if the world revolved around us, and our extended family at the compound treated us like we were princesses, it really was the best place to grow up. I miss those days. Spending time playing around a huge place where there would always be someone you knew who would tell you jokes and play with you or tell you stories; a place where you could run around and always be safe; a place that felt truly like home. I loved our home as well but we spent so much time at the compound that it felt more like our home than our actual one. We were there only to eat and sleep.
I smile thinking back on the days when I used to bring my homework to the compound needing help and there was always someone who could help. Weirdly enough the one subject I sucked at, no one was able to really help me with. I shudder thinking back to my math class. I HATED math. Whenever I had math homework, all the members would all sit down with me and pass around the paper trying to figure out the answer. Algebra was alright, I was good, I could do that, but probability and geometry? Hell no!
I’ll always remember when one of the members, I can’t remember who, wrote on my homework that I didn’t have to do it because it was bullshit and wouldn’t be useful for my future. Needless to say, I was yelled at by the teacher which resulted in me being in detention for a month. My father wasn’t too pleased about that and yelled at the teacher and principal, I wasn’t in detention anymore, oh no, I was suspended for a week.
Opening a bar. I smile at the thought, I have yet to fulfil that dream of mine. It was my father’s dream too and I still want to make it happen one day. I want an old school bar, no fancy shit that tastes like candy. Jukebox, darts, couple of pool tables, just a couple of tables, long ass bar with a nice choice of alcohol. That’s it. It’s time to open my bar! Should I look around here? Who knows, maybe that’ll make me happier and keep me busy, stopping me from thinking about Gabe 24/7.
I drive around town singing along to the radio for hours, the sun is slowly starting to set and I find myself in front of my childhood house. I can’t believe that, out of all the places I could drive to in New Orleans, my childhood house is where I end up. I think about turning around and driving back home, but I have this nagging feeling that’s telling me I need to go inside. It’s never been sold. I know a couple club members live here when they need a temporary place to stay in, so it’s been taken care of over the years. I park in the driveway and get out of the car.
I’ve always kept my key to this house, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. It would have been too difficult to say goodbye to the last thing standing of my family’s. I hope they didn’t change the locks. I walk up the small path and look around. Not much has changed. The patio has been painted cream and someone has been taking care of my mom’s roses. She loved her rose bushes and would spend hours taking care of them. It’s strangely comforting to see them here still, I smile as I brush my fingertips over a fully bloomed rose. So beautiful, a deep blood red, the soft petals remind me of my mom’s softness. She was the most beautiful and kindest woman ever. I miss her so much. I sigh to myself and walk up the few steps that lead to the front door.
I haven’t been here in over twenty years, it feels so weird. I look at the patio again and remember when Annie and I used to spend so much time out here, playing. The swing set we used to play on is still there, half broken, but it’s still here. Maybe I could refurbish it? I take a deep breath and try my old key in the lock and after a few attempts it turned. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and I open the door slowly taking the first step inside my childhood house in twenty years; I haven’t been back here since I was forced live with Trent.
I look around, recognizing almost everything in the house. The wallpaper hasn’t changed, well in the hallway at least. The little table is still by the hall closet. It feels so bizarre, it’s like I’ve gone back in time. I'll walk through the door in front of me into the kitchen and my mom will be there baking cookies. I know it’s not going t
o happen, but how I wish that’s what I would find. It feels like time froze and these last twenty years have been one big fucking nightmare. I close the front door behind me and turn on the light.
I go around the house and explore each room. Nothing really has changed, a couple of pieces of furniture are new, the kitchen has been modernized but other than that, it feels like I never left. It feels like home. The strength of the feeling startles me, this place never felt like home when I lived here but now, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I smile as I look around, enjoying being here. I thought it would be difficult to see what I had been missing for so long, but it’s not, it’s soothing. I feel like my parents are still with me here, as crazy as that sounds.
I head upstairs, wanting to see my old room. I wonder if that is still the same or if someone has redecorated. I open the door and I’m 8 years old again. Purple room, my obsession with purple started way back, A huge collection of teddy bears, a princess dress along with a tiara and the tiny heeled slippers, pictures of me and my family on the walls, a huge collection of books, I was a bit of a nerd, an unfinished drawing and pencils scattered around the small desk. I look back at the dress and remember bugging my dad for days to get it for my birthday. Of course, he obliged. Since I’m a total tomboy, he thought it was for Annie, that she wanted two dresses and had managed to bribe me into getting one too so I could give it to her. Instead I had seen this dress in a toy store and fell in love with it immediately. I’m not gonna lie, I wish I could still fit in it!
I look at the pictures hanging on my walls and feel my heart warming and breaking: the happiness at seeing the pictures I thought I lost is indescribable but they are also a reminder of what I have lost. I don’t have any more family and it hurts. Nobody wants to realize they are on their own for good, that no matter what, there is no one that you can run to for help or comfort. I pick up a picture of my parents, Annie and myself taken just before they died, we had gone on a trip to Lake Charles for the summer. I lay on my old bed holding the picture over my heart and let the tears fall freely.
Healing Gabe (Last Hangman MC Book 3) Page 9
