I miss them so much and I would give anything to have them back, even just for one day. I need my mom’s comfort, my father’s good advice and my sister’s positive attitude. They were my strength, even when my parents were gone, Annie was always the one staying positive, telling me that one day we’d make it out of my uncle’s hell hole. It hurts so much to know that my sister died too early all because of me and my stubbornness.
I’ve never told anyone but I’ve always felt, and still do feel responsible for her murder. Had I gone along with what Jared and Trent wanted, she’d still be alive. Gabe never would have had to step in and help that night and none of this mess would have happened. Maybe they still would’ve found each other. I don’t know what happened to Gabe after that night when he left with the Last Hangman, obviously he ended up joining them but I wonder how his life was. He obviously had a new family and people to confide in, but knowing Gabe, he’s not big on opening up and sharing his feelings. I hope he was able to get some comfort from his brothers.
I had wanted to help him get through losing my sister. We could have helped each other, but the look of pure hatred on his face made me want to leave forever and never come back. He was the one thing that could have held me back here.
I need to make my decision now, do I leave forever or carry on rebuilding my life, Gabe or no Gabe? My head is telling me to run away like I always do, but my heart is telling me to stay. A huge part of it wants to go after Gabe, to seek my own happiness and let myself live. Traitor. I’m tired of living in fear and I refuse to let it rule my life. I can’t do it anymore.
CHAPTER 12
Gabe
After this morning with Viv and the talk we had with Sanders, the day couldn’t go any slower. As usual, I work on fixing a car in the garage but unlike the other days, it’s been dragging and I can’t stop checking the time every half hour.
Viv doesn’t understand where I'm coming from. I can’t stand the drama that our past is bringing, or any drama in general. I have a short tempter so it’s not helping and I don’t want to ever have to worry about someone taking her from me the way Annie was taken from me. Other MC would use our women to have leverage over us, it’s happened already.
I know I fucked up this morning. Yelling at Viv wasn’t a good idea, but she is at fault too, she was being irrational and emotional. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to cause her pain, she’s been through enough as it is but I want to be with her, I need her. I can’t lose her.
I wish she would understand my side, I know she has a valid point and if I were in her place I would be the same. I just have to make her listen to me and stop being so stubborn.
My biggest fear is those assholes from the Kings coming back to take her away from me. Why did she have to come back here? She was safer when she was on the run. Maybe they’re forcing her to come back here to hurt the both of us? Who knows? Nothing they could do would surprise me more. She was the missing key the Bastards needed to ally themselves with the Kings. Hopefully, with the Bastards’ new Prez, things will be different, they’ve already agreed to a truce. They had a couple of fuckers, the likes of Blades who were trying to stir shit up, but hopefully they are all gone and Viv won’t be needed anymore. The only one who would still have an interest in her would be Jared, who has now become the Kings Prez. He’s always had a dangerous soft spot for Viv.
They are the worst motherfuckers out there in that they use women however they please, not giving a shit about the women. I dread to think what they would do to her. They are known for kidnapping women and keeping them captive for as long as they please. The few lucky ones who have escaped often end up killing themselves with the horrors they witnessed and endured.
That will not be Viv.
After a long day of work at the garage, I stop by a local Italian takeout and get Viv’s favorite food. We haven’t had the chance to really sit down and eat together, but for some reason I remember the smallest details about her like her favorite food. She means so much to me and she has no idea how much. She never will. I can’t bring myself to tell her and invest myself in a relationship that is one sided, I don’t want to get my heart broken. She is the only one who has the power to completely destroy me, no matter what happens or how badly injured I may be, only she could truly shatter me.
For fuck’s sake! I’m turning into a woman like Ant and Aleck. Those two, I chuckle to myself. Ant has always been madly in love with Ayden and he never hid it. She’s his woman and no matter who you are, if you look at her too long, you’re getting your ass kicked. Aleck is another story, he reminds me a lot of me. We both lost our parents and a woman we loved. We’ve both had to take care of a relative at a young age and we both never believed in relationships after everything around us crumbled apart. It’s like he is my younger brother, he’s the one I feel the closest to. I know I can always talk to him or Ant. Well, now that Cameron is in Ant and Ayd’s lives, I don’t like to bother Ant with my problems, I know he’s busy and needs his time with his woman.
I’m happy they are all finding their happiness and keeping it, I never thought people could love each other as much as they do, well, not since my parents. I want this someday for Nicole, to find someone, get married and have kids. She deserves to be happy. I’m just content with everybody around me finding ‘The One’. All I need is Viv to stick around so we can hang out whenever we want to, no commitment, no strings attached, just some casual fun.
I sigh thinking back to what was said this morning as I drive to her place. “How would you feel if roles were reversed? Your twin brother passed away because we were together despite knowing things would be a fucking mess if anyone found out. Then years later, me and you hook up and I show up in the middle of the night after having a fucking nightmare about your dead brother and wanting some comfort and sex. Tell me Gabe, how the fuck would you feel? Because right now, I feel used. You might be all sweet and shit at the moment but the only reason you came over last night is because of that fucking nightmare about Annie. You talk about needing to feel again, but do you even care about how I feel?”
I hate knowing that she feels used by me, I never wanted to make her feel that way. I thought she was enjoying as much as I did what we had. Women are so fucking complicated!
I drive past a house and see her truck is parked in front of it. It’s the house Cabe and Josie let me stay in for a couple of months. I park in the street and knock. No answer. I knock again and open the door. I call for her wondering why she’s here, but she doesn’t answer me. I close the door behind me and look around downstairs. Her bag is on the kitchen counter. Did she ask to stay here so I wouldn’t bother her? I can’t see her anywhere downstairs so I head upstairs. My heart starts to pound as terrifying thoughts enter my head, she better be okay. I climb up the stairs faster checking for any sign of life. The only light I can is coming from under the door of a room at the end of the hallway. I open the door slowly. “Viv?”
CHAPTER 13
Viv
I wake up with a start, hearing heavy footsteps come upstairs. I freeze and hold my breath. I set the picture on the comforter and grab my old baseball bat and hide to the side of the door ready to swing at whoever is here.
The door slowly opens and I’m just about to strike when the person talks. “Viv?”
“What the fuck are you doing here, Gabe?” I say rather loudly, startling him.
“For fuck’s sake, will you stop trying to give me a fucking heart attack? What the fuck are you doing with a baseball bat?” He turns around and glares at me, but it is quickly replaced with compassion. “You’ve been crying.”
“I’m fine,” I say leaning the bat against the wall and walk back to the bed. “What are you doing here?” He joins me on the bed. Not what I was expecting, it seems like our morning fight is long forgotten.
“I was driving to your place, saw your truck parked outside here and wanted to make sure you’re okay. What are you doing here and why have you been crying?” He tri
es to hold my hand but I pull it away.
“Why were you going to my place?” I scoot further on to the bed as much as I can, not wanting to be too close to him.
“I’ll answer your question when you answer mine.” He scoots to the end of the bed and leans against it, facing me in my childhood bed.
I sigh and look in the direction of the picture that’s lying between us. He picks it up and smiles sadly. “I’m sorry you lost them all.” he says softly.
“Me too.” I quickly wipe my fresh tears.
“I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay.” He looks up at me with his big hazel eyes.
“Right, considering how this morning turned out, I didn’t expect to see you ever again.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Don’t move.” He gets up, kisses my forehead and goes back downstairs. Where the fuck has he gone? I don’t have to wait long because less than 5 minutes later, he’s back with two bags.
“What’s all that?”
“As I was saying, I was going to your place to spend the evening with you and make sure you were okay. I picked up your favorite food, well, I hope they’re still your favorite. I got some drinks and thought we could have a quiet night in at yours. Obviously, the location has changed but whatever, we’ll do it here.” He shrugs and places a dish towel on the bed and putting several containers of mac and cheese with hot dog bits, lasagne, mini rice balls, mini pizzas and tiramisu. He follows these with a six pack of cold beer. He does know me well.
“How in the hell did you remember all this?” I look up at him, confused as we’d had only one dinner years ago for mine and Annie’s birthday.
“I remember a little someone who ate one of this all by herself and then stole a couple of slices of my pizza and my beers.” He chuckles and I can’t help but smile.
“I’m sorry about what I said this morning.” I bite my lip.
“Don’t be. We were both upset and said things we didn’t mean. I had time to think about what you said and I’d probably feel the same way if I were you.” I look at him, mouth open, a mini pizza halfway to my mouth, stunned that he is basically admitting I was right and he was wrong. “Don’t even dare tease me about it or I swear I’ll tickle the shit out of you.” He glares at me and smirks.
“Duly noted.” I smile softly and take a bite, mumbling under my breath. “Can’t believe you admitted you were wrong.”
“I heard that.” He chuckles and takes a bite from his lasagne.
“Not even sorry.” I grin innocently and dig into the mac and cheese, moaning as I chew. It’s so fucking good. I could live off of mac and cheese.
“Could you not? Unless you want to be my dessert.” He smirks, the scar in his cheek making a dimple, and waggles his eyebrows.
“Don’t start.” I smirk and flip him off. “It’s so good. Here, try it.” I get a fork full and shove it in his mouth. I grin innocently.
As suspected, he moans as he eats his bite. “Okay, you were right. It’s good.”
“No, it’s not good; it’s fucking-amazing-and-the-best-mac-and-cheese-I’ve-ever-had good. What is wrong with you?” I look at him troubled and he bursts out laughing.
“I forgot how funny you can be.” He smiles at me fondly. “And you haven’t tried my mac and cheese yet.” He winks.
“Right, because you can cook?” I raise my eyebrow at him and stuff my face with more cheesy goodness.
“I’ve had to raise Nicole and that kid is fucking picky, I had to learn how to cook what she liked exactly how she liked it. It wasn’t easy and I burned a lot of meals, but in the end she said I was making food as good as our mom.” He smiles sadly. I feel for him. We’ve lost our parents too young. “I’ll have to cook for you some day.” he says with meaning. I look up at him, stunned.
“What?” He looks at me confused.
“Nothing, I just wasn’t expecting that.” I shrug, not sure what to say. The fact that he stills wants to spend time with me after my nervous breakdown this morning and telling him to go fuck himself, is rendering me speechless.
“I’m full of surprises.” He gives me one of his full on dimple smiles and winks at me.
“That you are.” I smile softly and throw a mini rice ball at him. He catches it in his mouth and smirks. “Nice throw.” he says around a mouthful.
“So, what would you cook for me? What’s your speciality?”
“Anything you want Doll. Let’s see. I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “What?”
“I was expecting something a bit more elaborate.”
“You haven’t tried it yet so shut up.” He chuckles. “I can cook whatever you want. I make a good chicken stew from what Nicole tells me. Whenever she comes back home from college I make her one if I’m home.”
“Alright, I’ll have to wait and see then.” I grin innocently, stealing some of his lasagne.
“Food thief. Remember that day?” He laughs.
“No clue what you’re talking about.” I grin innocently, obviously lying.
“Really? So you don’t remember spending half a day locked in my kitchen while I was trying to reassure Annie that everything would be okay, that no one would hurt us and when we came to get you, all the food was gone?”
“I was hungry!” I exclaim.
“I noticed.” He chuckles. “So you did try my cooking already.” He smiles.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t cooked for me so it doesn’t count.” I shrug smiling, finishing my mac and cheese.
“I love a woman who can eat food, real food and not be ashamed.” He smirks, letting his eyes travel down my body.
“Oi, eyes up here Gabe. And food is too good to fucking diet, that’s why someone invented gyms. I love food too much. Salads are good from time to time but they aren’t filling.” I smile and pop a mini rice ball in my mouth and chew on it.
“Good to know.” He looks at me, longingly and sighs.
“What’s wrong?” I look at him confused.
“Nothing. It’s just…it’s the first time I’m feeling something since Annie. It’s totally different than what I felt for her. I’ve always had a soft spot for you Viv, ever since we met. I didn’t think you were interested in me and Annie was, so I started to date her, but there was something about you that’s always intrigued me and slowly I fell for you. I should have ended things with Annie, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to break her heart and I knew that if I did, you wouldn’t want to see me ever again. I made a big fucking mistake going out with her in the first place and then staying with her, it cost her her life and me, you. I wish I was man enough back then to own up to how I felt and told her the truth. What I meant when I mentioned your eyes this morning, is that whenever I dream or have a nightmare about Annie, it’s her, but with your eyes. I don’t know why, it’s so confusing. What I feel for you is much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. It scares me to have these feelings and even more so to express them because I know you don’t feel the same way. I’m scared that if we get too close, someone will try to hurt you and you’ll be ripped away from me, and I can’t handle that. Ever since you came back, I’ve been a fucking mess. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings. It’s killing me to imagine someone was after you, scaring you all those years and now that you’re back, I’m scared they will go back after you. Things have been fucked up this past year. But I’m even more scared of not touching you.” He looks up at me and I have no idea what to say, everything he said after telling me that he fell for me years ago has gone over my head.
“I…” I swallow hard. “You fell for me?”
“Yes, long ago. I’ve never moved on from those feelings, but I can’t give into them.” he says sadly.
“Why did you date Annie then? Why not tell me how you felt? And why would you tell me that now and then tell me you can’t fucking give into them? Seriously! I’ve been in love with you since the first time we met. I’ve been going from place to place always having you in the back of
my mind, never able to move on because of those feelings I had for you, kicking myself for never telling you how I felt even though I came so close so many times, all that for you to tell me twelve fucking years later you feel that way for me?” I tell him, fucking pissed. “I’ve lived in fear that someone would attack me for the past twelve years. I’m done living in fear. I didn’t know why I came back here but now I do, I wanted to be with you all along, Gabe. I don’t know why I still do after you keep playing those stupid fucking mind games with me, but I still do,” I say softly, frustrated with him and myself.
“We don’t have to, but it’s the reality of how fucked up our lives are. Do you have any idea of what has happened these past couple of months?”
I shake my head. “No.”
He sighs. “Ayden was kidnapped by a fucking psycho. Charline nearly died at the hands of Brian, Al-“
“From the Kings?” I look at him, scared.
“Yes. You know him?”
I nod. “He was around when I was forced to be around them. He was still a prospect at the time but he was a fucking psycho. He was always up to go after people for payback and according to Jared, he was good at it.” I frown.
“He’s dead now. Aleck killed him, nearly died in the process too.”
“Good riddance. What happened to Aleck?”
“He was shot by one of the Kings’ prospects, Charline killed the guy and saved Aleck and myself.”
“I’m glad she did,” I say softly.
“Me too.” He sighs and moves the empty containers to the side and tugs on my arm, pulling me in to his arms. “I missed you. I missed having you in my life. It wasn’t the same anymore, wasn’t right.”
“It wasn’t the same without you around either. I had a mad crush on you the first time I saw you. I had noticed you around town for a while but was too scared to talk to you. I was devastated when you picked Annie over me.”
Healing Gabe (Last Hangman MC Book 3) Page 10
