Returning Home

by Karen Whiddon

  “Of course I remember it.” His voice was a deep bass rumble, underneath her ear. “It was our song.” She stifled a sob, barely noticing when the DJ put on another song. She took one step backwards, then another. Finally, Jeff dropped his arms, though he kept his eyes locked on hers.

  “I think,” she swallowed, already turning to leave the dance floor, “I’d like to sit this one out”

  If he made a response, she didn’t hear it He didn’t follow her to the table.

  Charlene hurried over the moment Hope sat down. “You two looked fabulous out there!” Rolling her eyes, she jabbed a long scarlet fingernail at Hope’s shoulder. “Talk about chemistry! Anyone can see you two still have it”

  Wildly, Hope glanced around for Jeff, praying he hadn’t heard Charlene’s remark.

  “He’s around here someplace,” Charlene drawled. “You seem awfully tense. Why don’t you relax?” Hope forced herself to unclench her hands. She

  took a swig of her drink and began tapping her toe in time to the insistent beat of die music. “There,” she scowled at her friend, “I’m relaxed. Are you satisfied?”

  Charlene began to laugh. After a moment, Hope felt her own lips curve into a reluctant smile. “You’re right This is ridiculous.”

  “Tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Hope said as she raised her head and glanced around the room.

  Up went Charlene’s left eyebrow. “Really.”

  Hope glanced around the crowded room once again. “Ok,” she sighed. “Everything. I don’t belong here. And I don’t feel well.”

  The sound of Jeff’s deep, silky voice sent a tremor through her. “Then let’s get you out of here and into bed.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Jeff!” Charlene squealed. “Hope was just looking for you. Bet you two want to be alone. Toodle-oo.” She waved, and walked off to mix with the crowd.

  Face flaming, Hope looked up at him. Surely he hadn’t meant. . ..

  “No, Hope,” Jeff laughed softly, taking her elbow in a firm grip. “If you don’t feel well, I’ll bring you home. I’m ready to leave, anyway.”

  Hope couldn’t decide if she was relieved or disappointed. She allowed herself to be led from the room and avoided looking at anyone.

  The boisterous merrymaking of the class of 1988 faded as they made their way down the hall. Outside, the night air seemed cool. Hope shivered. Immediately, Jeff pulled her close. She couldn’t summon up the will to protest.

  Once inside his truck, Hope realized her headache was fading.

  “Are you okay?” With the key in the ignition, Jeff turned to look at her.

  Suddenly, she realized she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. “Yes, I ... It must have been a tension headache. I can hardly feel it now.”

  Resting one hand casually on the steering wheel, Jeff nodded. “Do you want to go back?”

  “No!” Her horrified gaze flew to him. “I don’t” “Then home it is.” He started the engine, which rumbled to life.

  “We can’t go back to Charlene’s house.” She had to raise her voice to be heard over the sound of the truck. “At least, not yet. She’ll be so disappointed if we come back this early.”

  “I know,” Jeff said and turned down a dirt road, nearly hidden from the main highway. “We’re going to my place.”

  His place. Hope felt a sudden surge of excitement Suddenly she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted, one last time, to make love to Jeff, to the man she loved.

  Jeff turned to look at her, narrowing his eyes. Glad he couldn’t read her mind, she laughed out loud. “What?” His deep voice sound husky, sensual. She told herself it was only her overheated imagination. “The stars,” she said, seizing the first thing that came to mind. “It never fails to amaze me how clearly I can see them when I’m out here.”

  “I guess you can’t see them in Dallas.”

  “Not too well.” Though the words sounded trivial, she fancied she could hear the raw need in his voice, a desire that matched hers. She prayed she wasn’t wrong.

  They pulled up to the ranch house, lit by a single spotlight The wide porch looked welcoming. She could imagine sitting on the wooden rocker, a tall glass of lemonade in her hand, Jeff next to her, and two children playing at their feet

  Damn. Hope blinked. Where had that thought come from? She glanced nervously at Jeff, but he was climbing out of the cab.

  She let him pull open her door, let him help her out too, relishing the feel of his rough hand holding hers. Before the night was over, she planned to find out what it felt like to have his hands all over her body, in places no man had touched since she’d left him.

  As long as she could protect her heart, she would be all right, she told herself. She could have him, touch him, feel him, love him the way she used to do so long ago. She could do the things she’d dreamed of doing so many times since. No man had ever measured up to her memories of Jeff; somehow, she doubted any man ever would. And she would have this one last memory, one last shining moment of brilliant happiness, to sustain her the rest of her life.

  It would have to be enough. It was all she could possibly hope for.

  “Let’s go inside.”

  “Ok,” she said, casting one final look of longing at the wide porch. Hope leaned into him, enjoying his masculine strength, and began remembering what used to arouse him. She silently planned her seduction.

  Something had changed between them in the car, and Jeff didn’t want to even hazard a guess as to what it was. Desire, hot and urgent, clouded his mind. Ever since he’d seen Hope in that form-fitting, sexy dress, looking as lovely and desirable as he’d ever seen her, he’d wanted her.

  He could have sworn he saw desire smoldering in her dark eyes every time she looked at him, an invitation in the sultry smile that lifted her lips.

  Wishful thinking. All Hope wanted was to get the hell out of Dalhart. She’d made that plain from the start

  Dancing with her, holding her lush body close in ways that seemed both intimate and familiar, had been sheer pleasure and pain. He’d found himself wondering if she’d noticed the degree of his arousal. He’d been hard as wood, still was, in fact Watching her sweet hips sway as she walked down the hallway in front of him, he wondered if he could slip away and take a cold shower.

  No, make that an icy shower.

  “Jeff?”

  Heaven help him, even her voice seemed like a throaty sensual invitation. He cleared his throat keeping his back to her as he fiddled with his stereo system, trying to find something bland and non-suggestive to play. He settled for elevator music.

  “Do you have any Kenny G?”

  Great. The exact opposite of what he’d been trying to find. Swearing softly, he slipped the CD into the player and the seductive moan of the saxophone filled the room.

  He turned around and nearly bumped into her. She stood a mere five feet away from him, her face lifted, eyes hopeful.

  Moving closer, she held out her arms, resting her hands lightly on his shoulders. “Dance with me?”

  He could have refused, another man might have without a thought. How simple it would be to murmur an excuse, slip away from her, and pretend the sparks didn’t still blaze between them.

  But her full breasts pushed softly into his chest and the sweet scent of her enveloped him. Without a word,

  he gathered her close, moved his lips over the top of her silky hair, and began to move to the music.

  With a soft sigh, she wrapped herself around him. “You feel good,” she murmured.

  Blood heavy, heart pounding, Jeff wondered if she knew what her sensuous movements were doing to him. If she kept it up, in a minute she was about to find out.

  “Mmmm.” Eyes closed, she let her head fall back, exposing her long, creamy throat. He fought the urge to press his mouth there, to taste her silky skin. He fought the urge and lost

  She tasted of musk and woman and mysteries long ago forgotten and now just remembered. She tasted of heat
and silk and desire. Need clutched him, raw, elemental. He felt it flare between them, knowing without a doubt that she wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

  And, oh, how he wanted her.

  “Jeff.” Hope opened her eyes. He saw the fire smoldering in them, the stark desire for him, making him forget all reason.

  “Jeff,” she said again, making his name a cry of need. Her lips parted and he claimed her, raking his mouth across hers, taking her in a hard, brutal kiss that left no room for hesitation.

  Now was the time, he told her with that kiss. Now was the time to stop, to cry off, to make excuses and run like hell.

  But Hope did none of those things. She met his savage onslaught with a fierceness of her own, opening her mouth to welcome him, her tongue mating with his in a way that left no room for doubt.

  As if doubt had ever existed between them.

  She sagged against him, as if her legs had gone boneless. With one easy motion he scooped her up

  in his arms. She was so small, so light, so perfectly female.

  His blood ran hot; he felt both drugged and alert, more alive than he’d felt in years. Still, he found he had to give her one more chance. He had to know without a doubt that she would not regret this in the morning.

  “Are you certain?” he rasped, his voice shattered, his breathing coming hard and fast.

  Her gaze flew to his, wide, full of tenderness, and heat “Yes.”

  He felt the surge of his body at her words. Shifting her slightly, wishing he could ease himself inside her now, he made sure she felt it too.

  “Hurry,” she murmured, her mouth moving over his skin, licking lightly, tasting, inflaming him so that he nearly stumbled.

  At last he reached his bedroom. Taking her mouth again, he eased both of them onto his bed, trying to ignore the throbbing ache of his insistent body.

  Then she slipped away from him, shedding her dress in one fluid motion and he just about forgot how to breathe.

  “Beautiful,” he managed, keeping his hands clenched at his sides, letting his eyes roam over her in an intimate caress. Though an instant ago he would have deemed it impossible, he grew even harder.

  Stifling a moan, he moved to touch her, driven by more than the urgent desire that fired his blood.

  “Wait,” Hope purred, smiling a seductive little smile. She reached for him and unbuttoned his shirt with fingers that trembled.

  Jeff forced himself to stand frozen, while she slowly unbuckled his belt, sliding the zipper of his pants down while caressing him through the material. He surged against her fingers, unable to help himself.

  “Shh,” she whispered, running her tongue around her lips, eying the swollen evidence of his desire.

  Pushing her hands away, he kicked off his boots and ripped the pants down and off. Her throaty laugh only inflamed him, and he knew he’d never wanted a woman the way he wanted Hope.

  He knew, in that moment, there could be no other for him—ever.

  In unison, they moved towards each other. He fought against the savage impulse to take her, to bury himself deep inside of her, to finally make her his.

  “Our own personal, private reunion,” Hope breathed against his lips, her eyes half closed.

  With a moan, he claimed her mouth. Winding her arms around his neck, her answering sigh was a heady invitation.

  Together they fell onto his bed. Greedy, he let his hands explore her satin smooth skin, each lush curve and exotic hollow. He drank deeply of her taste, his tongue mating with hers.

  She pressed against him, welcoming the touch of his hand. She was ready, honey flowing over his fingers, and he knew he could wait no longer.

  Shuddering, he slid into her. Hot, ready, eager, she sheathed him.

  Together they moved. It was exquisite pleasure, more than merely physical. He tried to go slow, though every fiber of his being fought him.

  He touched, and she caressed.

  He pressed his lips against the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat, as she nibbled on his sensitive earlobe.

  He demanded, and she gave.

  And when he could hold back no longer, she made

  a glad cry, urging him on. Like a flash of fire built in him, he could feel heat simmering inside of her.

  She clenched her legs around him with a soft cry, and he finally found his release. He continued to hold her close as passion exploded.

  Smoothing the damp hair away from her face, he touched a gentle kiss to her cheek. She mumbled something against his throat, words he could not make out. He suspected he was not meant to.

  But he knew they were words of love and that was enough for now. He would tell her in the morning.

  Lying beside Hope, listening to the soft, even sound of her breathing as she drifted off to sleep, Jeff knew it was time for truth. He would tell her that he’d regained his memory, that he was whole once more.

  It was time to talk about everything. They would discuss what had happened in their past and what the future would hold for them. Surely, Hope would see that they belonged together. They had to be together, as surely as he needed air to draw a breath.

  So he lay in the darkness and watched her, drawing strength from her beauty, finding love in the curve of her cheek, the soft fall of her silky hair.

  Already he wanted her again, with a hunger that stunned him in its ferocity. For most of the night they’d made love, never seeming to tire of the other. Each time she’d opened herself to him, he’d felt like he was in heaven. Each time he’d taken her, he’d sworn that it would be the last By all rights he should be sated, replete. It should be he who stretched out so languidly, lost now in the shadowy realm of dreams.

  He grinned, feeling savage in the darkness, wondering if she dreamt of him.

  Moving carefully so he didn’t wake her, Jeff gathered Hope in his arms, breathed in the musky scent of her, and tried to sleep.

  The sound of a dog barking woke Hope. Struggling to sit up, she rubbed her eyes and blinked. In a rush, it all came back to her.

  Jeff. Bronzed arm stretched out casually across her pillow, he still slumbered, his expression boyishly carefree in the dim light of the early morning dawn.

  A surge of emotion rocked her. It had been wonderful, what they’d shared. He’d been wonderful, gentle and caring and passionate and strong all at once. He had been the perfect lover, the perfect man.

  Of course she’d known that all along; she’d never forgotten. How could she when no other man could ever come close?

  Jeff. She’d made love to him and now it was time to face the fact that she was still hopelessly, blindly, crazy in love with him.

  Perhaps she’d always been.

  Once again, love hurt. Because she loved him, because she had once again allowed him close, leaving would rip out her heart. Yet she had no choice. With a deep sense of sorrow, she knew it could never be. The child she’d kept from him, the secret of their beautiful baby Alisha, of her birth, her pitifully short life and untimely death, would always stand between them. She’d kept his daughter from him and in doing so kept him from ever knowing the beautiful bundle of joy that had so briefly flashed into the world. For this, she knew, he would never forgive her. She didn’t blame him—she could hardly forgive herself.

  Still, everything had changed. Her world had been rocked on its axis, the stable foundation cracked and splintered, by this wonderful, sexy, rugged man who would always own her heart. Everything had changed, yet nothing had changed.

  Sliding out from under Jeff’s arm, Hope knew she would still have to leave town next week—before Jeff remembered his past

  She glanced back at him. He slumbered, sprawled out like a big, golden lion after a night on the prowl. She found herself smiling, even as she arched her back to stretch out the unexpected kinks.

  With a start, she realized his eyes were open. The tenderness in his emerald gaze unnerved her, yet she could not look away.

  “Come here, sunshine.”

  The old nic
kname shattered her. She took a step closer, looking at him, considering. She wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. “Sunshine?” she asked, her voice trembling.

  One side of his mouth kicked up in a devastating smile. He held out his hand, the sheet falling back to reveal his broad, tanned chest. “Come here,” he repeated. “We have to talk.”

  They were words to strike dread into the heart of any woman, especially after they’d made love. She steeled herself for whatever he had to say, telling herself it was for the best Still, she knew it was going to hurt like hell.

  “Okay,” Hope said, holding up a hand, striving to keep her expression casual. “But last night didn’t change anything. We were, er, caught up in the moment Don’t worry, I won’t—”

  “It changes everything, because I remember,” Jeff interrupted, his gaze intent “My past me, you. All of it Everything.”

  Hope thought her heart would stop beating. “Everything?”

  “Everything. I have my memory back.”

  Stunned, knowing she should be glad, though she felt nothing but a numb sort of panic, all Hope could do was stare helplessly. “When?”

  He shrugged, boyishly handsome, breathtakingly masculine. Just looking at him broke her heart She looked away. It was time for her to leave, to pack up her car and head back to Dallas. Strange how thinking about this brought a savage ache to her soul.

  “I’m whole again,” he said grinning, and he spread his arms, inviting her to walk into them for a hug— to celebrate.

  Turning away, aching inside, Hope pretended not to see. “That’s wonderful,” she said, meaning it.

  She felt a sudden, irrational urge to flee. With an effort, she controlled it. For some reason, silly, sentimental fool that she was, she wanted to tell him goodbye. Somehow she had to manage it without him knowing exactly what she meant.

  “Why won’t you come here?” He looked at her distant expression, and understood in a flash.‘You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

  Her reply was nearly inaudible. “Yes.”

  Jeff closed his eyes, then opened them, letting her see the stark anguish in them. “Don’t”

  Such a simple thing, the power of that word. For a moment she was tempted, sorely tempted, then she remembered the magnitude of her sin against him. “I have to.” It came out in a broken whisper.