The Courage to Love Her Army Doc

by Karin Baine

Her new fairy wings disappeared and left her plummeting back down to earth as Joe did the one thing she’d feared from the start.

  ‘I, I...’ She didn’t know whether to apologise or say goodnight but either would be better than dissolving into a puddle of tears, which was exactly what she wanted to do. Her determination to prove she was still attractive to someone, that she could change, had obviously built this up into something Joe hadn’t been expecting. The celebrations heralding the brave new Emily had been premature. Nobody wanted her either. The difference was she would no longer let other people’s opinions define her.

  Joe wanted Emily more than anything else in the world right now. That was the problem. It was one thing for him to snatch a kiss from her and walk away but quite another for her to initiate one. Double standards for sure but what was a moment of madness for him could mean something entirely different for her. They were already too close when every attempt to create some distance between them only succeeded in them spending more time together. To what end? She wasn’t going to find peace with him when he couldn’t find his own.

  ‘Okay, I do want this, there’s no point in denying it.’ Not when he could see how much hurt he was causing her by doing so. That tilt of the chin didn’t fool him when she was clutching her medical bag like a security blanket and her eyes were glassy with tears.

  ‘So why do it? Why keep pretending there isn’t something more than my brother or work binding us together?’

  He admired her strong stance, facing him out over his cowardice despite her wobbly voice. She deserved the truth. He dug his nails into his palms to stop from reaching out to her. This was exactly why he should have avoided kissing her in the first place.

  ‘I’ve told you, I’m not boyfriend material. You’ll end up just another holiday memory when I move on and after everything you’ve been through you need more than that. I don’t want the level of responsibility that comes with being the rebound guy. I’m not going to be the one to restore your faith in men or be your emotional crutch until you’re over Greg, and I won’t pretend to be.’ Cards on the table, he braced himself for her reaction. He doubted any woman wanted to be told the man they were kissing was emotionally unavailable, and since he hadn’t found it in himself to walk away he was counting on her to make that call.

  Emily closed the gap he’d created between them. ‘I don’t remember saying I wanted any of those things from you but thank you for your honesty. I guess we both know where we stand.’

  Too close for him to think straight. Alarm bells were ringing in his head with her breathy acceptance of his terms but it was no longer his head he was listening to.

  ‘I don’t want this,’ he repeated, even as his lips inched towards hers.

  ‘Neither do I.’

  Their mouths collided in a crushing kiss as if they were trying to exorcise this need for one another. The very opposite happened to him as his brain short-circuited and erased the reason he shouldn’t do this. Something about him being an idiot and Emily accepting it.

  The medical bag and mat fell in the dirt as they clung to each other tighter, her hands around his neck, his around her waist, their legs entwined as they tied themselves into a love pretzel, obliterating all pretence for good.

  There was so much fire as she came back time and time again for more, exploring him with her tongue, her passion took him completely by surprise. This naked display of desire for him from a woman who worried about every move she made was such an aphrodisiac his body was already racing on to the next stage. Neither of them were ready for that. At least, not here, not now.

  He loosened his hold and gradually let the intensity of the embrace subside. Eventually he had to break free before the most demanding part of his anatomy wrestled sole charge of the situation.

  ‘Glad we got that sorted. It stops any future misunderstanding.’ The only way he could survive this was to make a joke of it and diffuse the crackling sexual tension for the moment. Neither of them wanted this but it was happening and there was clearly no escape from it on this tiny island.

  ‘Yeah. We wouldn’t want things getting awkward at work.’ Emily teased him back but she was already collecting her things from the ground, the moment over.

  ‘Goodnight, Emily.’ He kissed her on the cheek, avoiding her lips in case his chivalry died altogether.

  ‘Goodnight, Joe,’ she whispered directly into his ear.

  Even if he hadn’t heard it, the deliberately provocative breathy goodbye would still have had the same effect on his libido. Deadly.

  This surge in Emily’s confidence had the potential to be one of the greatest challenges of his life if he kept resisting his natural response to her. If she was really the sort of girl who could hook up with a stranger on a whim they’d have got it on as soon as she’d set foot on the beach. The attraction had been there from the start. She’d had no more casual flings than he’d had ex-wives. They were completely incompatible. Except where it counted.

  He was a thrill-seeker because he needed that reminder he was still alive, and his life hadn’t ended in that blast. There’d been no greater example of that than when he’d had Emily in his arms, his heartbeat thundering in his ears as she’d kissed him.

  It would be madness to carry on with this reckless attraction, let it develop beyond stolen kisses in the moonlight and risk anyone getting hurt. Then again, he was an adrenaline junkie. Playing it safe simply wasn’t his style and, it would seem, no longer Emily’s.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘SOMEONE’S HAPPY THIS MORNING. I heard you up, singing with the birds.’ Miriama peered at Emily over the breakfast of sweet rolls she’d provided.

  Emily wolfed them down, ravenous after a good night’s sleep and some very pleasant dreams.

  ‘I’m loving my time here, that’s all,’ she said, washing her white lie down with some lemon tea. Whilst she was happy to be here, this morning’s mood was solely down to one man on the island.

  ‘And we love having you here. Perhaps you could stay a little while longer?’ She had such hope in her eyes it was a shame to let her down. It wasn’t everyone who would open their homes up to a complete stranger in the first place and it was lovely for Emily to hear someone wasn’t sick of the sight of her. Not yet anyway.

  ‘I wish I could but I’ve got my own clinic, my own patients, waiting for me at home.’ There was no place she’d rather be than Yasi Island right now. It had made quite an impression on her.

  She traced the outline of her mouth with her fingertips absent-mindedly, replaying the moment it had all been worth it to come here. It was no wonder Miriama was staring at her as if she was mad. She couldn’t stop smiling.

  There was no way of telling if it was down to this place or merely being away from the toxic environment of a life she’d shared with her ex, but she was beginning to feel like a new person. A woman who could override her fears with a burst of courage when it was required. The benefits she’d received in doing so would only inspire her to keep challenging herself.

  Until last night she would never have entertained the idea of making a move on a man but she was glad she had. A lovely shiver tickled the back of her neck at the thought of her reward. She didn’t know if anything more would come of it and constantly worrying about it would only spoil things. As with any other holiday memory the kiss was simply something to look back on fondly. A fantasy designed to give her a boost when real life became a drudge, not take seriously.

  ‘Oh, well. You’re ours for a while at least, so you should go make the most of your time here. I’m sure Joe is waiting for you.’

  She tried to block out her inner worrywart, who always did her best to sabotage the good things that came her way, and focus on the positives as she made her way to work. Such as the reserves of courage she hadn’t known she’d had to make a move on him in the first place.

 
‘Hey.’ Her breakfast did a backflip in her belly at the first Joe sighting of the day.

  ‘Hey,’ he said back, every bit as bashful as they faced each other from either end of the hut.

  It seemed they were back to yesterday’s avoidance tactics again and although it was probably best when they had to work together, there was still that sinking feeling in her stomach that their moment had passed.

  They kept themselves busy by setting up what minimal equipment they had and she was glad when Sou made an appearance to interrupt the awkward atmosphere.

  ‘Hey, Sou. What can we do for you?’ Joe asked.

  ‘If it’s a general health check you want we can start with your blood pressure.’ Emily turned back to fetch the blood-pressure cuff, only to collide with that solid wall of muscle again.

  ‘Excuse me,’ she said, attempting to duck past Joe.

  ‘Of course.’ He moved aside but she promptly ran into him again.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘If you two have quite finished, is there somewhere I can set these before my arm drops off?’ Sou shoved a plate of sweet desserts between Emily and Joe’s clumsy tango.

  ‘You can set them over here.’ She cleared a space on the table for Sou’s offering and prayed it wasn’t completely obvious that she and Joe were dealing with personal issues. It was taking all her mental strength to relegate their ten minutes of sexy times to the past when she was still trying to regulate her breathing and her heart rate, but she would never bring her personal business into the workplace.

  ‘I’ll go...do something else.’ Joe backed out of her personal space and her skittishness immediately began to dissipate.

  Good. It would help her get back to the day job if she couldn’t see him. They couldn’t let things between them affect their work.

  ‘Take a seat, Sou. I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. What can I do for you?’

  Yasi Island, and Joe, were making her forget who she was supposed to be.

  She wrapped the cuff around Sou’s upper arm and watched the dial as she inflated it.

  ‘I haven’t been myself at all lately and I thought it was about time I saw about it. If I’m honest, it’s only because you’re here that I’m bothering at all.’ Sou rested her hands on her lap and that sparkle she’d had in her eye when she’d first walked in began to dim. There was clearly something bothering her more than she wanted anyone to know.

  ‘Well, your blood pressure’s fine. We’ll start with taking a few measurements and then we’ll discuss whatever problems you’re having.’ Emily unfastened the cuff and started a file for her new patient. She plotted her height on the wall chart and pushed the scales out to get a quick weight reading.

  Sou was fifty-eight, and very overweight, which could lead to all manner of health issues.

  ‘I’m tired and thirsty all the time. I know I’m not getting any younger but I’m exhausted.’

  ‘Are you passing urine more frequently too?’ Alarm bells were already ringing in her doctor brain.

  ‘I thought that was because of the extra drinks?’

  ‘It could be but we have to look into all possibilities. Tell me, Sou, do you know if there’s a history of diabetes in your family?’ It would certainly explain the symptoms but Emily didn’t have the means to treat it effectively here. She would have to refer Sou to hospital on the mainland for the kind of long-term care that would require and she’d have to be certain of her diagnosis before she started the ball rolling on that score.

  ‘My mother had it but she hated the hospital. She didn’t always do everything they advised. She was a stubborn lady and I miss her.’ The fear in her voice came from someone who didn’t want to follow that same path but neither did she want to face the scary truth. It was important for Emily to treat her with kid gloves so she didn’t scare her off back into denial.

  ‘If it is diabetes we’re dealing with, we can manage it effectively. First things first. We’ll do a wee sample to test your blood sugar levels. You’ll feel a little prick in your finger as the needle draws the blood but it’ll all be over in seconds. Okay?’ She only had the small reading device at her disposal and any in-depth analysis would have to be done in the hospital labs but it should give her a good indication if there was a problem.

  Sou nodded her head and slowly extended her hand. While Emily was used to this sort of test she understood this wasn’t something her patient would be too familiar with and counted to three before she clicked the needle into the skin.

  Unfortunately her hunch proved correct. The glucose levels exceeded those she’d hoped for.

  ‘Going by the reading here, diabetes is a definite possibility. I’d like to repeat the test tomorrow if you could fast in the morning for me. We’ll take a urine sample first thing too to make sure this isn’t some sort of anomaly. If there’s no change we’re going to have to refer you to the hospital to arrange long-term care for the condition.’

  She rested her hand on Sou’s, wishing this lovely woman had better news coming to her. ‘You can do a little something to help yourself in the meantime. If you could cut out the sweet stuff and take up even the smallest exercise, it can make all the difference.’

  Sou’s long stare was that of a woman who may as well have been handed a death sentence. Emily understood how much food was a part of the culture here but Sou needed to help herself when there wasn’t immediate access to medical facilities and drugs on the island. Diabetes unchecked could lead to all sorts of other health complications, which were often more difficult to treat. Prevention was always better than cure.

  ‘We can work together to come up with a healthy eating plan if it would help.’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  That would be her homework tonight, to try and devise a meal plan that could work in a place where food supplies were already limited. With any luck Joe would help her. Putting their heads together for the sake of their patients was the perfect excuse to cosy up this evening.

  ‘I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry about it. Carry on as normal tonight. We’ll do more tests tomorrow, then take it from there.’ She’d get his advice on hospital referrals too when he’d finished with his own patient. Joni was currently monopolising his time with another sports injury of some sort.

  ‘Can I still drink kava?’

  If this had been a patient at home she wouldn’t be encouraging alcohol but not overwhelming Sou with too much change was just as important. They’d take this one step at a time together.

  ‘I’m not going to stop you partaking tonight but we will look into your alcohol intake as part of this lifestyle change at some point. Everything’s possible in moderation. Now, go home, talk this over with Tomasi and I’ll see you back here in the morning.’

  Sou rose slowly from the bed. It was no wonder she was still in a daze after the bombshell she’d just had dropped on her.

  ‘I’m here any time you need to talk or if you have any questions.’

  ‘Thanks, Emily.’

  ‘No problem. We’ll get you back to your old self as soon as we can.’ She wrapped Sou in a bear hug, another thing she’d never have dreamed of doing in her own practice. That line between patient and friend had been blurred around the same time as the one with Joe.

  She made a note to call in and check on Sou later as she waved her off. It was a lot for her to take in and meant huge changes in her life, something that was always difficult to come to terms with even when it was for the best. She was a prime example herself of someone who’d resisted adapting to the new hand fate had dealt her and was only now reaping the benefits of that evolution. It would’ve been nice if she’d had someone to hold her hand and assure her things would be okay and her world wouldn’t come to an end because of one event.

  Perhaps she wouldn’t h
ave been in the right head space to hear those platitudes about life going on after Greg but it had, and in quite dramatic fashion. In those dark early days she’d never have imagined flying to a remote island, treating patients with rudimentary equipment and snogging the local totty. She was proud of herself for all of it. Sou would be too if she made a few simple changes to improve her lot. Although Joe was definitely out of bounds, she would find her courage rewarded in other ways.

  Her attention inevitably returned to her army medic, who was patching up Joni’s knee. She could hear the pair of them laughing and was automatically drawn towards the easy camaraderie after the difficult start to the day.

  ‘Have you been in the wars again?’ she asked the patient, who was lying on the bed with his hands behind his head as relaxed as could be.

  ‘The perils of running and not paying attention.’ Joe grinned at her over his shoulder, sending her pulse skipping off into the sunset with her common sense.

  ‘It’s as well you’re made of tough stuff around here, huh?’ Her attempt at playful banter fell flat as Joni was staring at her unblinkingly, clearly disturbed by her presence.

  He sat up, his face screwed up as he peered closer into her face, his nose wrinkled in disgust. Emily moved away from the bedside taken aback by the boy’s sudden change in demeanour. She could sense Joe tensing next to her too and she panicked she’d made a mistake in coming over and interrupting their male bonding.

  ‘What happened to your face, Doc?’

  It was the kind of blunt questioning she should’ve been used to by now but it still managed to knock the air out of her lungs. This was why she took great steps to make sure she kept her birthmark covered and avoid this sort of confrontation. Joni had reacted so strongly there had to be something wrong with her usually foolproof camouflage.

  She’d been so high on life this morning she barely remembered anything before coming to work. Her routine never differed—shower, dress, make-up, breakfast. Except this wasn’t any ordinary day and this certainly wasn’t the usual running order. She’d swapped her hot showers for buckets of cold water, dressed according to the weather instead of her job title, and...she didn’t recall performing her twenty-minute beauty regime while she’d been singing and daydreaming about the night before. That would teach her to get carried away with romance. Now stark reality was staring her right in the face. This fairy-tale was well and truly over.