The Life She Couldn't See

by ChaShiree M.

  “I gotta go to work for a bit baby. A couple hours tops. You gonna be ok? Do you need to be dropped anywhere?”

  “No. I have my car. I will be fine. I’m going to run a few errands.” He leans over and kisses me like he doesn’t want to go, and the truth is I don’t want him too. But the longer I stay in this haze with him, the harder it will be to leave. I can still pursue a relationship with him and be in my own place, not enclosed in his sex fog.

  “Alright baby. I am going to hop in the shower, and I will see you tonight.” With that he is off, and soon I will be too.

  After getting dressed, I call the foster home to make sure Cole can have visitors. The lady in charge tells me he can from the hours of 10 till 3 today. I decide that will be my first stop.

  I notice as I am driving my car that there is a black SUV following me. Must be Drake. As annoying as it is, it also feels good not to have to worry so much about my safety.

  Pulling into the group home, I always get a pang in my chest. It is a mixture of sadness for all the kids that have to be here, and happiness to see Cole.

  “Hey buddy.” He looks behind him and sees me standing there and gets the biggest smile I have ever seen.

  “KEA!!!!” He runs straight into my arms. Every time he does it, I know he is meant to be my son.

  “How are you? How is everything here?”

  “I’m ok. I made a new friend. But he is in an interview with a family. Why can’t I come and live with you?” My heart soars knowing he can fill the connection between us as well. Whenever I leave the social workers comment on how much more he talks when I am versus when I am not. I know why. He can feel the kindred pain between us. Both doomed to have painful, degrading childhoods. The difference being, I am here to save him.

  “I am working on it, buddy. I promise. How is school going?”

  “It’s ok. I miss my friends.”

  It is heartbreaking for him. Not only does he have to remember and try to overcome the life he has had up until now and this place, but he also had to leave his friends and the only school and safe place he has ever known. When he was allowed to go.

  “I know Cole. I wish we didn’t have to move you. But for your protection we couldn’t leave you there. You understand, right?”

  He nods. “Yes. My dad wouldn’t stop hurting me. Right?”

  “Yes. He would have found a way. We couldn't risk your safety.” I wrap my arms around him to give him a snuggle. I hear the bell ring insinuating he has to go for lunch.

  “I will be back to see you in a couple of days. OK?”

  “Ok. I know. You always come when you say you will. Thank you, Kea.”

  “You never have to thank me buddy. Be good. See you soon.”

  I hug him with all the love I feel for him, making sure to kiss him all over his face. My heart, splinters and reaches out for him every time I walk away. The desire to love and nurture him, to simply be his mother, is overwhelming. I walk out with tears streaming down my face. Every time, I am always a mess after leaving him.

  Needing something to take my mind off of leaving my broken heart behind, I decide now would be the perfect time to go to my apartment and make sure everything is ok for me to move back in. As I am driving there, I can feel the eagerness to get back to my life and not live like a victim. However, my heart feels unbalanced at the thought of leaving Colton. I meant what I said to him, I want all of that. Everything he outlined, and I want it with him. But I also meant it when I said I don’t think I am ready for it. The risk is too great. If he breaks my heart, I will never recover. That is how deep into my soul he has dug into me. I think I might need some distance from him for a while. Then why do I feel like I am suddenly being dropped into darkness with each mile I drive towards my own place?

  Pulling into the parking lot everything seems the same. I make it up the stairs, and when I put the key in the door I hesitate. Not sure what I am going to see behind the door?

  Taking a deep breath, I open it and am pleasantly surprised the place looks clean from top to bottom. I smile knowing it was either Colton or my sisters who made this happen. I walk around looking at everything and nothing seems to be missing or out of place. Letting out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, I go into the kitchen for something to drink. I notice a bouquet of flowers on the counter. Thinking they are probably from my sisters and a little sad that they have wilted before I got to see them, I take out the card and bile from my stomach begins to rise.

  Roses are red

  Violets are blue

  Your fat ass should watch out

  I’m coming for you!

  Shit!!!! Someone had to have been back here since it was cleaned. Otherwise the cleaning company would have thrown them out. Damn it! I thought it would be safe to come back, but now I am not so sure.

  No. Screw that. I am a grown woman. I knew this job would be a bit dangerous when I took it. I am not going to let someone else dictate my life again. First, I am going to go to Colton’s to pack my bag and then I am coming back home.

  Let's be honest, between Colton, my brothers, and Ren; my sisters and I have enough security to rival the President. I'm perfectly fine. With that type of reasoning in my head, I leave my apartment vowing to be back by nightfall. If I am lucky, I can get into Colt’s and out before he even knows I am gone. Sounds like a plan.

  Then why do I want to cry?

  Chapter 11

  COLTON

  “Vuolo. Vultan. What do you have for me?”

  “Steel just brought in a girl he found in a basement in Queens. Apparently, she has been on the missing persons list for the past five years.”

  “What the fuck? How old is she?”

  He runs his hands down his face, and immediately I know I am not going to like what he has to say. Don’t get me wrong, I hate….no fuck that. I abhor trafficking more than fucking war, but something about it being done to children sends me to another place.

  “Fuck man. She's ...17.”

  “They took her when she was 12.”

  It comes out in a growl before I can contain my response. For a second, I forget she is in the next room and can hear me. Shit! Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I walk over to the window, giving myself a minute.

  “Did Steele say anything about the motherfuckers who had her?” I ask him still not facing him. I was not prepared for this, this morning. It’s mornings like this that bring me back to the dark place I was at when I found out about my sister.

  “Dust.” He speaks our code word for decimation.

  “Good. Sayonara maggots. Where are we in the process?”

  “We haven’t done anything. This is yours. I did call in the doc. He is in the lounge awaiting your orders. Rec is in the techroom running her prints and looking for her folks. Calista went to go find her some clothes to put on.”

  “Appreciate everything. Which room is she in?”

  “Three.”

  “Thanks, my friend.”

  I hate having to do these walks. I’m always relieved when we find a girl and she is alive. But a walk down this hallway feels like walking the green mile at the same time. Inevitably she is going to be fucked in the head, malnourished, and scared of her own fucking shadow. The knowledge that that there is not a fucking thing I can do about it, is the hardest part.

  When I am walking towards one of these rooms, I cannot help but think about my sister when I found her. Fucking 16 years old, strung out, used and abused. I could have killed everyone in my path that day. Never in my life has my heart hurt as much as it did that day. Holding her limp and nearly lifeless body in my arms, as I prayed to any and every god to save her mind, body and soul. I didn’t want her to become a shell of a young lady, who would never trust, love, and live. But I also prayed that God would grant me vengeance, and the tools to track and kill the motherfuckers that did this to her. And every other woman.

  Bracing myself before opening the door, I wish I had taken another second. Nothing could have prepared
me for the sight before me. Slumped in the chair against the wall is the smallest little thing I have ever seen. I know she is 17 now, but she doesn’t look a day over the age 13. She is in the corner of the chair, shaking and mumbling over and over again ‘sorry master’.

  Son of a bitch. The murdering rage burning through my veins right now is barely contained. It’s rushing to the surface the longer I stand here trying to get out. Dead bastards. Each and every one of them.

  “Hello. My name is Colton sweetheart. Can you tell me yours?”

  She stops rocking and I am anticipating screaming, running, fear, or something. I don't actually expect her to answer me. But she does. Fuck I wish she didn’t. She drops to her knees, head bowed and her hands behind her back.

  “I have no name, Master. Except what you choose to give me. Shall I show you what I can do?” She makes to unzip my pants.

  My fist goes immediately in my mouth with my heart thundering uncontrollably, begging for me to take someone's life. I try to remember my audience and calm myself. Slowly and with care I extract her hands from my pants and take a few steps back.

  “Sweetie, look at me.”

  When she does, her eyes are a lance to my heart. They are the most beautiful shade of violet. Though they are dead and devoid of life right now, I know that once long ago they were big and full of life and wonder. Dead fucking monsters. I am going to destroy them all.

  “I am not your Master.”

  It takes me a second to swallow the bile in my throat as I say the words. I am a grown fucking man but looking at her is threatening to bring me to my knees. Who the fuck does shit like this? My mind momentarily turns to Kea and how close she came to being one of them. She’s a grown woman and if I hadn’t swooped in and saved her it wouldn’t have been much different. My own personal Angel.

  “My name is Colton. One of my guys rescued you and we are going to reunite you with your family. Do you remember anything about them? Yourself? Your life before being taken?” Her eyes are expressive even being clouded and drowned out by the drugs and abuse. I can tell she wants to say something but is not sure if she can without retribution.

  “Look I will stay on this side of the room. Ok? You can speak freely to me. I would like to help get you home. Do you remember anything?”

  “I remember my mom and dad had a name for me. Not sure if it is mine, but I remember Analeiah.”

  She shrinks back into herself after telling me this and it is ok. We have a name to start with, and as I walk to the sink to pour her some water there is a knock at the door. She jumps immediately and I whisper a curse.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s Calista. I have clothes and Doc. May we enter?” I look over at Ana and see she has retreated back into her head. Sighing I answer them.

  “Yes.” When they come in, I step out to give her some privacy and go to speak to Rec.

  “Rec, what you got?”

  “I have two possible girls. Just need something to narrow it down.”

  “She says she remembers the name Analeiah.”

  “Perfect. Then this is her. Analeiah Hassel. From Schenectady.”

  “How long will it take you to run the parents?”

  “About three, no two, got it.”

  He is a fucking savant, I swear. I have never met someone as good with the computer as him. Thank the fuck he is on my side. Rec could put blackhats out of business.

  “Anne and Bill Hassell. He is a teacher and she is a homemaker. Apparently, she was abducted from the playground at school. When they came back in from recess she wasn't there. They put out an APB and an Amber Alert. Nothing.”

  “OK. You know what to do. After I talk to Doc, I am going to head out. Keep me updated.” By the time I leave Rec, Doc is in the foyer waiting for me.

  “Well.”

  “Like all the others. Severely malnourished. I won’t know what she has been given, or anything else until the tox screens come back. She is in with Calista taking a shower. I would venture to say though….” He gets abnormally quiet and my gut begins to seize. Whatever he has to say is going to be bad. God help me.

  “Doc?”

  “I’m sorry. It’s...I have been called to dozens of these since you guys have been in ‘business.’ Though I am grateful for each and every time I can assist in getting these girls home, this one in particular is hard for me. Colton, that young lady in there has given birth. At least once.”

  I stumble back, losing my footing for a second. Birth? Those monsters impregnated her? What the fuck?!!

  Trying to but failing to clear my voice. “Are you sure doc?”

  “Yes. Her hips have been expanded and spread in a way that only happens to facilitate the birth of a baby.”

  My throat feels like I have sandpaper in it. No amount of water will clear the ash from my mouth. Even to myself my voice sounds vacant and void.

  “Did she say anything about it?” I can feel myself slipping with every passing second.

  “No. When I asked, she cried, and I felt it best to not push her.”

  “I understand. Thanks Doc. L-let me know as you know something with the blood work.”

  “Will do.”

  The moment he walks away my back hits the wall and I am on the floor. My mind has drifted to the darkest of places. Hands on my head, head on my knees. Visions of the villages of women and children we found mutilated and slaughtered when I was in the service. Torn apart by vicious animals masquerading as humans. The first time we came upon one, I remember feeling the bile as it built in my stomach. I kept swallowing over and over to try and keep it down and remove the taste from my mouth until finally it came up. I vomited for seconds I am sure, but it felt like hours. The real issue though, is that the visions will forever be ingrained in my mind. That is part of the reason, I became a sniper. I didn’t want to be that close to carnage again. I thought finding them alive but be much easier. I was fooling myself. It is just a different kind of carnage. Who are the soulless fucks that do shit like this? We should be able to brand them with a scarlet letter or something so they can all be wiped out.

  My phone buzzing is what brings me back. It’s the name on the ID. Immediately my heart begins to pick up speed because it's Drake on the other end. Considering he is supposed to be on Kea, my mind conjures the worst.

  “What happened? Is she ok?” I am already in my car putting her tracker on.

  “She is fine Colt. But…….”

  “What?!? Stop with the dramatic effect shit. What the fuck is going on?”

  “She went back to her place today to check it out, I am assuming. She must have liked what she saw, because she came out with an empty bag and drove back to your place. I think she is packing and going back home.”

  “FUCK!!!!! NO, SHE FUCKING IS NOT!!! YOU BLOCK HER IN, DO YOU HEAR ME? SHE DOES NOT GET OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY. I AM ON MY WAY.”

  Fuck if she is going somewhere. Stubborn ass woman. I push my foot down on the gas, swerving in and out of traffic like my fucking house is on fire. Might as well be. Imagining my life without her is the same as being dead.

  Drake is in place when I pull up, which makes me feel marginally better because I know she is still inside. It does nothing to cool the ire in me that she is still trying to put distance between us. I thought we were moving past this.

  “KEA!” I yell as I enter the house. I can hear her footsteps stall upstairs and as I ascend the steps, I hear a whispered ‘shit!’ and her pace begins to quicken.

  “Kea. What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?”

  “My place has been cleaned and everything fixed. There are new locks and I am sure by now my brothers now have it wired up like Fort Knox. It's time for me to go.”

  “NO!”

  I have shocked her if her stillness is any indication. Her mouth drops open and closes then opens again. Even with me being pissed right now, I can picture sliding my cock inside of it. I need to make her taste what the hell she does to me every minute of every day bef
ore I slam myself inside over and over again, until we become one.

  “No? What do you mean no? You can’t……”

  “NO. This is your home little mama. How many times and in how many different ways do I have to tell you that?”

  “Listen Colton. I know we are headed toward something. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t feel it. I meant everything I said to you and I would never take it back. But the truth is it is only a matter of time before you decide you want something, I can’t give you. Like kids. And then what? What would become of me, once I rip away the last shield I have and give to you? Then you walk away. Putting just a little bit of space between us while we navigate this is for the best. For now.”

  Fuck. My angel is breaking my heart. But at the same time, I am elated. If that is all she is worried about, we can overcome it because there is nothing, I want more in this world than her.

  I grab her face in my hands. When I see that one tear trickle down, I know she doesn’t really want to leave. She feels she has no choice. My insides begin to calm from the panic and anger. In its place is pure unadulterated LOVE.

  I lick her lone tear away, letting her know her pain is mine too. When she moans feeling my tongue bathe her face, I venture my hands slowly down her arms as my mouth descends upon hers. Wasting no time, I demand entrance with my tongue, and she doesn’t disappoint. Leaning her backwards and gently depositing her on the bed, I continue my exploration of her mouth while my hands move over the rest of her.

  Her shirt is lifted, and my fingers find their way to her lace bra. Moaning has now become my constant companion. All of her softness, that she views as a flaw, I view as a sign of a real woman. A woman who is built to take a big motherfucker like me. Either on top of her or impaled between her legs. There is nothing I want more than to finally claim the ultimate prize. But for her I will wait until she is ready.

  I pull down both of the cups of her bra as one hand greedily begins to pinch, pull and massage her luscious tits. Reluctantly, I break away from her mouth noting they look like she has had hundreds of collagen injections from the way I have sucked and chewed on them. Somehow, I have to get through to her. Kissing my way from her mouth, to her neck, and her beautiful pink nipples I tell her between sucking them over and over.