The Bones of You

by Laura Stone

  They held each other tightly. Completely sated, Oliver ran his hands up and down Seth’s back, smoothing his hair, pressing kisses wherever he could reach. He couldn’t help the tears: He felt utter happiness in this moment. How wonderful it felt to hold Seth again, for Seth to love him again, even if only physically. But that was just for now, he hoped; he was beginning to feel light and buoyant, imagining the things they could do now that they could be together. They could take walks, read side by side in a café, steal glances when they thought no one was looking, not caring if they were. They could share dinner and do errands and kiss and just be together.

  Seth yawned against his shoulder; Oliver went still as Seth adjusted himself more comfortably against his side and threw an arm across his ribs. They pressed their foreheads together and breathed each other in, sharing soft kisses and exhausted chuckles.

  Oliver flashed back to their very first time together: the feeling of trusting one another completely, the overwhelming joy of sharing that experience with someone he loved so deeply. How afterward they had tried to dress themselves, but had fallen back in the bed to simply be together, hand in hand, legs intertwined. Now Oliver’s palm lightly ran over the flat planes of Seth’s shoulder blades while Seth’s long fingers drew new patterns on Oliver’s chest. It all seemed both new and familiar.

  Even though it was a second chance, to Oliver it seemed like a first time.

  “Can I sleep for just a bit?” Seth mumbled against Oliver’s neck. Oliver reached down, trying not to disturb Seth’s position, and pulled the duvet up and over their bodies.

  “Mm, me, too.”

  “Just for a bit, okay?”

  Oliver nodded against Seth’s head, yawning himself. He held Seth close and slowly drifted off, feeling complete again.

  Chapter Nine

  Oliver slowly swam to consciousness feeling boneless and warm. It took a beat for the unfamiliar sensation of something solid pressed up against him to register as Seth; he hadn’t slept with anyone in such a long time. He smiled, stretched his legs and pointed his toes, tapping them against the backs of Seth’s feet, burying his smile in the nape of Seth’s neck.

  “Mm, you sleeping?” he asked.

  He heard a muffled, “Yes.”

  Oliver smiled against the warm skin of Seth’s back at the sleepy-yet-aggravated tone in Seth’s voice. He slipped his arm around Seth’s waist, pulling their bodies flush, and kissed Seth’s neck, cheek, wherever he could reach. “Sorry, go back to sleep.”

  “Can’t sleep when you do that.”

  Oliver laughed softly and drew the emerging stubble on his chin over the ridge of Seth’s shoulder with delicate strokes. “I know. I remember.”

  Seth clumsily rolled to face Oliver, closing his eyes against the light and burying his face in Oliver’s neck. He pulled the blanket up high to cover himself. “Five more minutes.”

  “Only five? You can have as long as you want,” Oliver said into Seth’s hair, placing kiss after kiss in its softness. Seth mumbled something that Oliver couldn’t make out; he just knew the hot tickle of Seth’s breath as it buzzed against his skin.

  “Hmm?”

  Seth lifted his head briefly, eyes screwed shut, to say, “I’m about to completely fall asleep here,” before dropping back to Oliver’s neck with a tiny huff of breath. Oliver massaged Seth’s spine and goosebumps sprang up over his skin at Seth’s moan of pleasure.

  “You can, if you want, it’s not even midnight. But—” Oliver continued stroking the soft skin of Seth’s lower back under the duvet. “Well, do you want to shower or anything? I know it’s been a long day for you.”

  Seth pushed himself up to look Oliver in the eyes. Well, eye; he only had one open. “Are you implying that I need to shower?”

  Oliver hauled Seth on top of his body to better wrap his arms around him and hummed happily behind his ear. “No. I just thought you might be more comfortable if you’d been in some hot, steaming water and maybe had a little shoulder massage—and then sleep.”

  Seth groaned and squeezed Oliver tighter. “Oh my God. My vote is yes to all of that. All of it.”

  “Okay. We still have some champagne left, too. That should help you sleep.” Oliver planted a sloppy kiss on Seth’s cheek and wriggled out from under him. He headed for the bathroom and turned on the shower. While it heated up, he unwrapped the package of soap and made sure the shampoo and conditioner smelled all right. He knew how picky Seth could be about his toiletries. He smiled to himself, happy that he knew how to please Seth.

  Once the water was nice and warm and there were fresh towels within reach, he adjusted the dimmer switch so it wouldn’t be too bright when Seth unfurled himself from the bedding. He pulled the duvet off Seth, who groaned at its loss.

  “Come on. Up. The shower’s nice and steamy,” Oliver said, tugging on the thin sheet over Seth to spur him into action.

  Seth threw an arm out blindly, waving it until Oliver caught his hand and pulled him to his feet. Seth made a big production of stomping to the bathroom; he obviously wanted to sleep but was unable to deny the lure of a hot shower. The shower itself ran the length of the bathroom, with nice big slate tiles on the wall and floor, a massive shower head and a glass panel to keep the water from splashing over the low, tiled threshold. Seth moved under the spray and moaned again.

  Oliver stepped in behind him, humming a song under his breath as he grabbed the bar of soap and lathered his hands. Seth threw his hands up against the wall when Oliver slid his along the flat planes of Seth’s back, rubbing the tension out of his shoulders and the base of his neck. Oliver stepped closer and slid his hands around Seth’s waist while hooking his chin over Seth’s shoulder, eyes closed against the warm spray of water from above.

  “Better?”

  Seth sagged back against him. “So much.”

  Oliver kept one arm wrapped around Seth as he reached back for the bottle of shampoo. He squeezed some into his hand and held it up for Seth. “Good?”

  Seth sniffed at it. “Mm hmm.” He turned and rested his forehead on Oliver’s shoulder and wrapped his arms tightly around Oliver’s waist. “So good,” he mumbled against Oliver’s skin.

  Oliver kissed Seth’s temple and ran his hands through Seth’s hair, massaging and kneading until a thick lather bubbled and ran down the back of Seth’s long neck. He felt drunk, giddy and fuzzy-brained from the heat and steam and the nearness of this man he’d loved, from being in New York with him, holding him in his arms.

  “Here, step back a bit and rinse off,” Oliver said quietly. The moment they were sharing still seemed fragile and precious, as if he held a small animal in his hand and did not want to startle it.

  Seth held onto Oliver’s biceps and leaned his head back to rinse out the soap. He ran one hand over his eyes to wipe the water away and buried his face back against Oliver, snaking his arms around Oliver’s waist once again.

  Oliver took his time soaping Seth and himself as Seth continued to cling to him. Every inch of skin he was allowed to caress felt like a gift, every soft kiss Seth pressed to his neck was a confirmation that this was right; this was real. It was as if they were washing away the dark past that didn’t include them being together.

  His intention had been to offer a little soothing comfort to Seth in the form of a quick shower, so Seth could go straight to sleep. His intention went out the window when Seth began to mouth and nip Oliver’s neck and his wet hands slid down to grip Oliver’s ass.

  “You still have the nicest,” Seth squeezed, “roundest ass.” He pulled back and kissed Oliver sloppily, needy and sleepy. Oliver couldn’t get enough of Seth’s hands on him, or Seth’s mouth exhaling warm gasps into his.

  Oliver reached to tilt the shower head so it warmed the tiles, before he pressed Seth up against the wall and sucked a trail down from Seth’s jawline to his nipples, his sternum and the faintly protruding ribs at his sides. His hand slipped between Seth’s legs to cup and stroke Seth’s growing erection.
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  Guess he’s not that sleepy after all. Oliver grinned into a kiss at Seth’s clavicle, pleased that Seth was pleased. His grin turned into a shuddering moan when Seth brought his hand into play, linking their fingers together around his hard-on for a moment before breaking away to touch Oliver just as intimately.

  He couldn’t help the whine that escaped him when Seth shifted his thumb to make lazy strokes over the head of Oliver’s cock, or when he sucked on a sensitive spot just under Oliver’s jaw. Seth pulled back and looked Oliver in the eye, his own eyes glazed with lust.

  “You still like that?” Seth grinned.

  Oliver dropped his chin to Seth’s shoulder and thrust up into Seth’s hand. He was so hard it was beginning to ache. “Yes,” he breathed. “But I meant,” Oliver stroked the flat of his palm down the length of Seth, gently cupping him the way he knew Seth liked, and back up again, “to help you sleep.”

  Seth was flat against the tile, eyes closed, his hand on Oliver stilling briefly. “Keep that up and I will sleep like the dead, promise.” Seth slapped at the shower head to push it back to center. Oliver quirked an eyebrow at him, and Seth laughed a little helplessly when Oliver brought his other hand to the task, lacing his fingers laced together and pumping with determination.

  “Drowning. Didn’t—ha! F–fuck, Oliver…” Seth clutched at Oliver’s shoulders as Oliver sped up. “Promise I’ll—Jesus, that feels—you, I’ll get to, uh…”

  Oliver huffed a laugh and nibbled on Seth’s earlobe. He whispered, “You’re close, huh?”

  He stilled his hands and let Seth thrust up into them at his own pace, which was becoming increasingly frantic. Seth’s face was flushed pink from the steam, his eyes half-closed, and he kept moving his lips as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. The way he clutched at Oliver, the way his body stuttered forward to keep them close anytime Oliver shifted—it made Oliver want to make this as good as he could for Seth, to see just how unraveled Seth would get before he finally came.

  “You are so fucking beautiful,” Oliver whispered into Seth’s ear, biting his lip to hold back his moan at the tiny gasps Seth couldn’t control. He felt a little out of control himself. “God, you feel so good.”

  Seth’s hips jerked, his arms tightening over Oliver’s shoulders to hold himself up, gasping as he began to climax. Oliver loosened his grip as Seth throbbed in his hand, holding him through it until Seth sank back against the wall, breathing heavily. Oliver nuzzled the hair behind Seth’s ear, traced his lips along the tendon in Seth’s neck, kissed Seth lightly on his swollen mouth and murmured, “So happy you’re here. You feel so good to me.”

  Seth sighed and laughed. “I did not expect that.”

  Oliver chuckled low and smiled against Seth’s lips. “Good surprise?”

  “The best, even though I feel a little guilty, here.”

  “Don’t. Just kiss me,” Oliver said, leaning in for more. He pressed Seth up against the shower wall and held him there with his chest and broader shoulders, and his hand searched for Seth’s, who took the hint; he wrapped his hand around Oliver’s dick and helped to bring him to his own orgasm, whispering encouragement into his ear.

  The hot water stinging his back, Seth’s body warm and firm against his, their hands joined and “come for me” repeated like a mantra against his neck: Oliver arched his back and closed his eyes tightly as he came, pulsing hot, over and over, until he was thoroughly spent. Seth patted and stroked his back, keeping their bodies close so Oliver wouldn’t collapse.

  They each took a brief turn under the spray to rinse off, smiling shyly at each other and laughing softly. Oliver stepped out first and handed a towel to Seth, leaning in for a soft kiss before grabbing a towel for himself. He grouped a few of his skin care bottles together on the countertop and smiled at Seth. “Just in case you need anything.”

  Seth paused in the middle of toweling off his hair; a slow, surprised grin spread across his face. “You’re still the most thoughtful boy I know.”

  Ducking his head, Oliver blushed slightly and laughed. “Well, I know how you feel about premature wrinkling.” He stepped backwards out of the bathroom, smiling, unable to stop raking his eyes over Seth’s long, lean, very naked body, a sense of pride running through him when he saw the faint red mark he’d left just above Seth’s collarbone.

  Oliver made quick work of yanking the fitted sheet off the mattress and tossing it into a ball in the corner of the room. The flat sheet he pulled taut for them to sleep on comfortably. He spread the pillows out and stretched out with a sigh, hands tucked behind his head, and watched Seth finish his grooming. Seth hit the light switch and came back to the bed, his jaw craning wide with a yawn. “Mm, sorry.”

  Oliver rolled to his side, propped his head up on one hand and smiled at Seth. “Don’t be.” He patted the mattress. “All nice and tidy.”

  Seth sat on the edge of the bed and turned to smile at Oliver, but then knit his eyebrows. Oliver reached out to touch the small of Seth’s back. He wanted that tiny look of worry to go away.

  “Oliver… I don’t have to stay. I can catch a cab and be out of your hair.”

  “What?” Oliver sat up. “Why? Of course you can stay.” A rush of panic began to ripple through him at Seth’s hesitation.

  “It’s just…” Seth turned closer to him and bent his leg, tucking it under his body as he sat on the bed. His eyes were clouded with doubt as he asked, “Is this weird? This is a little weird. Isn’t it?”

  This was the furthest thing imaginable from the pillow talk Oliver had anticipated. He wanted to curl up with Seth—he didn’t want to ever stop touching him—and talk about anything and everything, all of the little nothing-things said under whispered breaths before falling asleep. A dull pain began to radiate out from his center, and he felt echoes of his old loneliness. He knew he looked upset. He couldn’t help it.

  “No! I mean, not to me. Nothing about this is weird. Unexpected? Delightfully surprising?” Seth smiled softly, so Oliver pressed on. “That’s what this is. I thought?”

  Seth cupped Oliver’s cheek and rubbed his thumb lightly back and forth. “I just… unexpected is the word for it. You’re right.” He leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Oliver’s lips, and it was broken by a huge yawn he couldn’t control.

  “Seth, just lie down. You’re tired. I’m tired. Let’s just go to bed.” He didn’t want to whine. He didn’t want to beg. But not wanting to didn’t mean he wouldn’t. Fortunately, Seth took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He nodded.

  “I really am tired,” Seth said, slipping under the duvet and curling on his side to face Oliver.

  Oliver wasn’t sure now. Wasn’t sure if it would be okay to pull Seth into his embrace, to run his hand through Seth’s hair. He was lost in this moment and didn’t know how to find his way back to the happy place they’d been just minutes before.

  “‘Night,” Seth whispered, cupping Oliver’s cheek again and tangling their legs together. Something tight inside Oliver let go at that. Okay. It would be okay. As long as he could be with Seth—hold him, kiss him—it would be okay.

  Oliver took one of Seth’s hands and tucked it against his chest, willing his heartbeat to slow down. “Goodnight.”

  Seth fell asleep almost immediately; Oliver lay there in the dark room listening to the sound of Seth’s steady breathing over the chaotic, jumbled music of Times Square just outside his window. He wanted to memorize Seth’s every line of bone, every faint freckle; the full curve of Seth’s lower lip, the barely-there scar on his left eyebrow. He had a sickening worry that he needed to store up these images for when the real thing wasn’t there. He held Seth’s hand firmly and pressed it to his heart, willing all of his love to come through with every beat.

  Love you—love you—love you.

  After a long while he finally fell asleep, still holding Seth’s hand in his.

  * * *

  Oliver had fretful dreams of being locked out of his house, which then blen
ded into a labyrinth he couldn’t find his way out of. He knew someone was waiting for him, depending on him. He felt an arm snake around his waist and panicked for a minute until he forced himself to open his eyes and saw Seth’s worried face next to his.

  “Shh. Go back to sleep, babe.”

  Seth pulled himself up next to Oliver so that his head was cradled in Oliver’s shoulder and gently carded his fingers through the hair on Oliver’s pecs. Oliver held onto Seth’s arm, rested his cheek on Seth’s still slightly damp hair and fell back asleep.

  * * *

  Oliver could hear someone whispering, but they were supposed to be sleeping. He should tell them that. “No, no. No, shh,” he grumbled, pushing his face into the pillow.

  “Oliver.”

  The someone was running his hand over Oliver’s back: Oh, he liked that. He rolled over onto his stomach, arching his back into the touch.

  “You are utterly hopeless.”

  Realizing who was speaking to him, Oliver smiled into the sheets. He stretched his legs, feeling wonderful because Seth was there, and he was petting him, and that was so nice and—

  He sat up and pulled the pillow off his head when he remembered. Seth wanted to go. Had seemed unsure about what they’d done.

  “Seth?” Oliver blinked to get used to the light. Seth must have pulled the window shade up a few inches to let in some natural light. He rubbed at his face and turned to look at the clock. Eleven a.m. He saw Seth at the foot of the bed, pulling on his socks. Oliver moved to hug him from behind but was almost thrown off by Seth yanking his other sock on.

  “Seth. Hey.”

  Seth turned to look over his shoulder and then quickly turned back and buttoned his shirt. “Good morning, sleepy.”

  Oliver didn’t miss the nervousness on Seth’s face. He looked as if he was trying to bolt. All of the unease from before came rushing back; his skin felt cold and everything seemed as though it was just moving too fast. He needed time and he needed to wake up so he could figure out how to make Seth look at him the way he had before.