No Reason to Trust

by Tess Gerritsen

  * * *

  Nick couldn’t exactly pinpoint why he wanted to tell Sadie about his past, but he did. Whatever the hell it was, it must be the same driving force making him want to share details about his family. Something he rarely ever did with anyone. “Yeah. There was someone once. It was a long time ago.”

  “Do you mind if I ask what happened?” She offered him her coffee.

  “No. Ask me anything.” He paused long enough to take a sip and hand her cup back to her. “I was young. Thought I had life all figured out. What did I know? She and I had been going together for years already.”

  “Was she your high-school sweetheart?”

  “How’d you know that?”

  “I hope you don’t mind. Lucy told me a little bit about her.”

  “Lucy is the most protective of me. I’m surprised she told you anything. She’s the quiet one in the family.”

  “I sensed you two were close. She told me about what happened to her.”

  A set of surprised eyes stared at her. “That she told you anything about me is shocking. I have no words for her telling you about what happened to her. I can tell you this, though—when that bastard hurt her, I nearly lost my mind. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.”

  “If I’m being honest, I’m surprised you didn’t. Your family stopped you?”

  Tension had him grinding his back teeth. “Thankfully. When he went to trial, I sat in the courtroom and listened to his testimony. All I could do was sit there, helpless, trying to figure out how many punches I could get in before the bailiff could pull me off him.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “Not with Gran sitting next to me, holding on to my arm. She knew exactly what I was thinking.”

  “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Smart woman.”

  “It almost killed me to let the courts handle him. I was young and angry. The world pissed me off, and I was ready to take out my frustration.”

  “What happened?”

  “I signed up for the military, ready and willing to fight just about anyone. Rachael didn’t want me to go to war. She wanted me to go away to school with her.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  He intensely focused on the patch of carpet at his feet. “Nothing like nonstop fighting for four years to screw your head back on straight. Before my tour was up, I’d planned to ask her to marry me. I’d sent money home to help Mom and Gran take care of the others. I had a little tucked away for college. Rachael wasn’t thrilled I didn’t listen to her before, but I thought we had it worked out. She had no idea I was about to surprise her with a ring.”

  “And then...”

  “We argued about where the relationship was going. She decided to party with her friends on New Year’s Eve instead of spending it with me. A drunk driver crossed the median and hit her car head-on.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “The crazy thing was I’d had that ring in my pocket for a year. For some reason, I didn’t ask. I held on to it. Even though she’d made it clear she wanted me to. Guess I thought I had plenty of time. Or maybe I had my doubts about taking the plunge. Marriage seemed so permanent. When I finally realized I wanted to ask, I wanted everything to be perfect. Maybe make up for not asking before. I had it all planned out. I was going to ask first thing New Year’s Day...”

  He heard Sadie mumble a few words meant to comfort him, like I’m sorry, and Life can be so unfair.

  This was the first time he’d spoken about Rachael with anyone outside of his family. Hell, he didn’t say much to his family about the topic.

  God, it felt good to finally talk about it. To get it off his chest. He’d been holding everything in for so long, erecting an impenetrable barrier around his heart.

  Sadie got up, stood in front of him, her arms around him. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on her stomach, holding on to her around her waist.

  “I can’t help thinking if I’d asked her sooner, somehow things would have turned out differently.”

  “You don’t have a crystal ball.”

  He still felt the burden of wishing he could go back and change the past. “My timing sucked.”

  “You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

  “Maybe if I’d asked her the night before, she would’ve been with my family celebrating instead of going out with her friends.”

  “That might not have changed the outcome.”

  He clenched his fists. “Yeah, well I’ll never know now. I could’ve been the one to run into her for how responsible I felt after.”

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  Those four words were more effective than a bullet, piercing the Kevlar encasing his heart.

  He sat up, keeping his gaze on hers the entire time, waiting, expecting her to tell him to stop or give him a signal this couldn’t happen.

  Instead, her tongue slicked across her lips and he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the silky trail.

  “Do that again and I won’t be able to stop myself from doing things I’m not convinced you’re ready for.”

  He could see her heartbeat at the base of her throat. It took everything in him not to lean forward and press his lips there.

  “You didn’t try to kiss me last night. I thought you’d changed your mind about making love to me.”

  Damn, she was sexy with her big green glittery eyes staring at him. “I don’t flip-flop. I just wanted you to be sure you’re ready for this—this changes things between us.”

  “Are you telling me you’ve never had sex for sex’s sake before?”

  “Sure, when I was young and stupid. I’m a grown man now, and I like to know I’ll be welcome back before I go down that road. I don’t do one night.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “Then make sure you’re good and awake because I want full awareness for what I plan to do to you.”

  She sucked in a little burst of air. “Hold that thought.”

  She disappeared down the hallway, and he could hear the sink water running in the bathroom and the swish of her toothbrush.

  He clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees. The debate about whether or not this was a good idea was a lost argument at this point.

  Nick wanted Sadie more than he needed air.

  His pulse hummed when he saw Sadie standing there. Her wavy brown hair layered around her shoulders, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around her and tied at the top.

  “You want me, Nick?”

  His chest hurt for how bad he needed to be inside her. His erection was already painfully stiff. “I think you already know the answer to that question.”

  “Then I’m all yours.” She untied the knot in one quick motion, and the towel pooled at her feet.

  Chapter 15

  The pure beauty of her body, her sensuous curves, kept him rooted to his spot as she walked toward him. Her gaze never left his as she walked him to the couch and nudged him to sit down.

  She stood in front of him then gripped his shoulders and pushed until he pressed against the backrest. “Dammit, Sadie. Are you determined to finish this before it gets started?”

  She grinned, looking as if she understood and enjoyed the effect she had on him. “Something wrong?”

  “Abso-freakin-lutely-not. Everything in my view couldn’t be more perfect. But I do want this to last and you’re making that very difficult for me.”

  She straddled him. “How about now?”

  “Heaven.” He gripped her waist as she rocked back and forth, fighting the urge to drive himself inside her. He needed to remove his jeans, but she felt so damn incredible, he didn’t want to move. Plus, truth be told, he liked allowing her to set the pace.

  She leaned forward, her bare breasts skimming his chest, and he breathed in her floral soap s
cent.

  The image of her in those boots, wearing jeans and her pale pink sweater, broke through his thoughts. He’d been wanting, no needing to touch her ever since that moment in his truck. Hell, if he was being honest, ever since that first day he’d met her at the bakery.

  He smoothed his palm over her flat stomach, and then wrapped it around her sweet bottom. Electric impulse drilled through him. The need to be inside her caused an ache in his chest.

  Patience.

  “You’re an amazing woman, Sadie,” he whispered, “and incredibly beautiful.”

  A pink flush rose to her cheeks. Her green eyes darkened. Desire. “Then make love to me.”

  Better-sounding words had never crossed those pink lips in the time he’d known her.

  He pressed a kiss to the hollow of her neck. Then, he lowered his head to her breastbone and feathered kisses there, making his way down to her pert breasts.

  Kissing the tip of her breast, he slid his tongue up to her neck. He feathered a kiss on the small mole on her cheek. He found her mouth and groaned when she teased his tongue into her mouth. She nipped his bottom lip.

  Little did she know, it was her turn to squirm. He slid his tongue in her mouth. He palmed her breast. With his other hand, he drew circles on her sex.

  She moaned.

  He pulled and tugged at her pointed peak.

  Her eyes opened and the power of that one look almost knocked him back. She didn’t need words to tell him she wanted him inside her. Right then.

  “Patience.”

  Her cheeks were flush as he gripped the dimpled spot above her sweet bottom.

  With her naked and warm body pressed up against him, he realized just how perfectly she fit him.

  The feel of her bare, clean skin was enough to drive him to the brink even with his jeans on.

  But he would force himself to wait, to savor every second of this until passion couldn’t be held at bay anymore.

  He thrust his tongue deep in her mouth, needing to taste every inch of her. She returned the intensity of his kiss.

  With one arm wrapped around her waist, he pulled her body in tight against his until her heat pressed against his stomach. His hands wandered over every inch of her stomach until they rose to her full breasts. Her skin was soft.

  Her wet heat was so close to his erection, his body hummed.

  Patience.

  He pushed up enough to sit, picked her up and carried her into the next room, where he placed her on the bed and dipped down to kiss her. She gripped his neck and pulled him on top of her.

  He trailed kisses down her neck until his mouth found her breasts, roaming, as the tip of his tongue flicked the crest of her nipple before taking it in his mouth.

  She moaned and gripped his shoulders.

  “Just a minute,” he said. His hands went to the button on his jeans, but her hands were already there, hungry, tearing button by button. Damn, he got so caught up in the moment, he almost forgot something. “Hold that thought.”

  He retrieved a condom from the wallet in his back pocket, then let his jeans drop to the floor.

  “This is insane. I’ve never been with a more beautiful woman.” With both knees on the bed, he leaned forward and his lips crushed down on hers.

  He broke free long enough to rip open the condom package. Her hands were already around his shaft as he rolled the condom over his tip and moaned as she stroked him.

  “I want you. Now.”

  “Then take me,” she said. Her hands were on him again. Her fingers traced his jawline, down his chin, along his Adam’s apple. “I have never wanted a man like I want you right now.”

  He eased her onto the bed. Before he could make another move, her legs wrapped around his midsection. He tensed as she guided him inside her.

  He thrust, her body taking him in, and his control nearly shattered. He plunged deep inside her again and again, slowing his pace every time he neared the edge.

  She greedily clutched at his back, pulling him deeper into her as their bodies molded together.

  He thrust. Surged.

  When her muscles clenched, released, exploded around him, he pumped harder as she bucked her hips and said his name over and over until he detonated.

  He collapsed on top of her, careful not to overwhelm her with his weight, needing to stay inside her, with her, in this moment, for as long as he could.

  * * *

  Nick’s body still glistened with beads of water when he returned from the shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

  His cell buzzed. He located his jeans and retrieved it from his front pocket. “It’s Meg.”

  “You better take the call.” She patted the seat next to her, reaching out for his free hand.

  He twined their fingers and took a seat.

  “How’s she doing?” He asked into the phone. His gaze locked on to Sadie’s. “It’s Riley.”

  She nodded.

  “How far apart?”

  “Fifteen minutes,” Riley said.

  He heard Meg in the background groaning and clamped his back teeth. “And the doctor doesn’t think she should go to the hospital yet?”

  “We’re leaving my parents’ house now. I don’t care what the doctor says. Fort Worth is a long drive from Plano.”

  “Which hospital?”

  “Presby.”

  Nick glanced at his watch. This time of morning traffic shouldn’t be too bad. “I can be there in twenty minutes.”

  “I’ll meet you there.”

  “Okay, man. Meg is saying she doesn’t want you to come.”

  “Did I say I was planning on asking permission? Besides, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

  “Feel free to take your life in your own hands.” Riley chuckled. “I’ll call you as soon as we get there.”

  “Hell, I’ll be waiting at the front door.”

  Sadie squeezed his hand before disappearing into the other room.

  He presumed to get dressed. He could think of a few things he would’ve liked to have done while she was still almost naked on the couch. His hormones were overriding rational thought again.

  When it came to Sadie, he had little control over either.

  He ended the call with his brother-in-law.

  Could he and Sadie have a future when this was all over? The very real notion she had a U.S. Marshal whose career, hell, life, depended on her not being alive to identify him pressed down on Nick.

  Sadie stepped across the hall and he could see that she’d put clothes on and left the bathroom door open as she brushed her teeth.

  If Nick could protect her, he might just be able to think about having a relationship with her. Or could he? She was scared to death of his constant companion, his Glock, and he wore a badge. The very badge he loved also prevented him from getting involved personally with her.

  And yet, she’d broken through the shield protecting his heart. She’d cracked the armor...and he couldn’t say he was especially sorry.

  Chapter 16

  “Change of plans today. I picked up a few supplies when I was out. Put these on.” Nick held out a sweatshirt, wig and sunglasses. “Meg and Riley are on their way to the hospital.”

  “That’s so exciting.” Sadie tried on the black cropped hair, tugging at the sides until it felt right. “How do I look?”

  He grinned, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the hollow of her neck. “Not bad.”

  He thrust his hips forward and she could feel his arousal.

  Need welled deep inside her.

  “I don’t think you should start something you can’t finish,” she teased, enjoying the feel of his lips on her skin.

  “You’re probably right, but I wouldn’t mind trying.” His sexy smile tore at her heart. And her better judgment. Memor
ies of those lips taunting and teasing other places on her body warmed her. And the feel of his arms around her. She could get used to him. Dangerous thinking for a woman who wanted a peaceful life in the country. No guns. No scary men. No hiding. And yet, he made her think having kids and a husband might not be such a bad idea someday. Maybe she could get another dog to keep Boomer company, too?

  The life that everyone else took for granted made her heart ache for how badly she wanted it. Kids, a husband...a stable life were a world away.

  A painful stab, like a bullet piercing bone, slammed into her ribs.

  Seriously? Hadn’t she learned to protect her heart any better than that? If her own family constantly disappointed her, wouldn’t Nick do the same? She thought she’d gotten pretty darn good at keeping everyone at a safe distance. But here she was falling hard for Nick. The icing on the cake was that he wore a gun for a living.

  Didn’t she have any more sense than to fall in love with a man whose job would ensure many late nights of her wide awake worrying about him? A lifetime of fear?

  And, yet, looking into those cinnamon, copperlike eyes melted her reserves every time.

  They’d had incredibly hot sex. She couldn’t argue that. Clearly, the bedroom would not be a problem for them.

  But most of life was lived outside the sheets.

  The big question would be did they have what it takes to make a relationship work with their clothes on? Or would two very important pieces of equipment get in the way? A badge and a gun.

  She already knew the answer. Her body shook every time she was near either one.

  What if he left the Marshals Service and got another job? a little voice inside her head asked.

  And take away everything that was Nick?

  No way would she ask. He was too good at what he did to think about him in another line of work. He saved innocent people. She would never be so selfish as to ask him to change.

  She straightened her wig. “Ready?”

  He groaned, nuzzling his face in her neck. “Just give me another minute.”