Love Untouched (Unexpected)

by Anne Leigh

  His eyes were wary. His shoulders slumped. “I didn’t know who she was. After the meets, Duncan and I were hanging out in a bar, and there she was...” He stalled, “She maneuvered herself to get into my pants that night, I think. I’m not sure, but it’s as if she knew me and wanted me and no one else would suffice. She flirted heavily, and the next thing I knew, we were inside a hotel room and it happened.”

  This was worse than I thought. Way worse. I kept a silent vigil. I was not judging him for sleeping with Dia because I didn’t even know him at that time. Sure, I may have heard of his name, but I was so busy concentrating on school that my brother was the only swimmer of which I was concerned. Most of the time, I could not even watch Milo’s competitions because of my schedule, working and going to school, but I received constant updates from him.

  “When Milo found out, he confronted me about it,” he explained, his eyes darkening. “I told him I didn’t even know who she was. But since then, he took it upon himself to make my life miserable. He’d say crap about me to the other guys. And one day, I couldn’t take it anymore so after we traded a couple of insults in the locker room, I pushed him against the bench, and we got into a fight. It was quite a mess. Our teammates managed to get us away from each other before our coaches came in. We would have gotten fined if any of them ratted on us. Unsportsmanlike conduct, fighting, and taunting each other within the premises, even if it’s outside the pool, are against the rules.”

  The blueberry muffin started to taste like charcoal on my tongue. Milo would never approve of me dating Kieran. Ever. I could have just said no to Kieran right then, before whatever this thing was between us went any further. But I found myself justifying it, finding a reason for him and me to continue.

  “I like you Kieran,” I began. His eyes, his whole body language looked like he was not ready for me to spring this onto him. He looked forlorn, unsure, and I could not help but say, “I want to continue seeing you, hanging out with you, but Milo can never find out.”

  He nodded his head slowly. “I like you too, Brynn, but I don’t like keeping secrets. Secrets can chafe and burn deep into your soul.”

  “Do you like me enough to keep it a secret?” I requested, and after a long pause, added, “For now? Please?”

  His hooded eyes bore through me, searching my face, while he held my hand. “Out of respect for you, I will keep it a secret for now, but because I like you, I will have to tell him one day,” he said, making it sound like a warning. “Whether or not you’re ready, Brynn. When the right time comes, I will tell him. I’m not scared of your brother. I never have been. When I slept with Dia, I didn’t know he was with her and I think they were broken up at that time, according to Duncan. I don’t know what the big issue was.”

  I inhaled and let out a long exhale. “The big issue is that,” I answered, “Dia is Milo’s first love Kieran. She’s the only woman he’s loved, aside from me and mom, I think. They’ve been broken up so many times, but they find a way back to each other. They’ve been together since college. I don’t like her. I’ve never liked her. I feel like she was only there because my brother started getting famous as an athlete in college. She’s a primadonna. She orders my brother around all the time, and I honestly do not know why he put up with her. She harbors the same feelings for me, but I tolerate her because for some unknown messed-up reason, my brother thinks the world of her. The day they finally broke up—I think it was after the Pan Pacific Games, which would be right around the timeframe you’re talking about—I swear, I jumped on my bed like I was on a trampoline. My brother deserves so much better, but she got her hooks into him.”

  He held my hand tighter. His voice filled with resolve, he said, “He needs to accept the fact that it was a one-time thing, and if I had known that he was with her, I don’t think I’d have ever slept with her. Like I said, it felt like she was targeting me, going for me.”

  Dia was such a bitch. She probably went for Kieran because she knew he was Milo’s biggest rival. The day that my brother met her at a party was a day I rued, without a doubt. She was just bad news. She caused too much drama, and carried more baggage than the carousel at the airport.

  “Please Kieran,” I said, almost wishing he would say no, because then I could say that I tried it with him, but it didn’t work.

  His eyes were clear and his voice was firm, without a trace of doubt, he replied, “For now Brynn, we keep it a secret. For now.”

  I gripped his hand tighter, agreeing to his statement. I couldn’t change the past. I could not ignore the animosity between the two of them, but I could keep a secret, and Kieran was saying ‘yes’ to that. For now.

  “I want to have a girlfriend for even a day or a week.”

  ~G.T., age 14, Chiari malformation

  “Hey Ace, ‘sup?” I clicked Facetime on my phone.

  Blue-green eyes greeted my screen. Zander. The screen was filled with images of the ceiling, the couch, and then finally, Zander said, “Sorry dude, I’m adjusting Sofia on my lap.”

  Sofia? Oh, I got to see her? I loved that beautiful little lady. She smelled of baby goodness, and she was the cutest when I tickled her tiny feet.

  Zander was sitting on the couch with his arms around Sofia’s waist. He was holding her up on his legs so I could see her. She was dressed in a pink Hello Kitty dress. I rolled my eyes. Nalee would have been the culprit who gave her those kitty creations. I didn’t get that woman’s fascination with that creature. It was freaky to have a cat on every piece of furniture, clothing, or bag. Last I had heard Xavier and Nalee were dating. Xavier was all sorts of crazy, so I was pretty sure that the Hello Kitty obsession was the least of his worries.

  “So, how’s the time off going?” Football season was over so Zander was off for a few months.

  “Going great man, just spending time with my girls here. Still training, but taking it lightly.” He smiled as he held Sofia close to his chest and guided her tiny hands into doing a wave for me. She gurgled, and Zander instructed, “Say hi to Uncle Kieran, sweetie.” He looked really happy and relaxed. He deserved it. I have never seen a man who broke down, who had his world torn apart the way his was when Sedona was hit by a car. Zander didn’t eat or sleep, and we had to remind him to use the bathroom at times while Ace was unconscious in the hospital. It was as though the accident extinguished the life from him. I liked Z, but after that, I respected him as a man. His love for Sedona, and now Sofia, was not only plain to the see, but was felt everywhere, any time they were around.

  “Babe, tell Kieran I’ll be there in a minute.” I heard Ace’s voice through the phone.

  “Heard that, man?” Zander grinned.

  I nodded.

  Then, he lowered his voice by an octave. “She’s in the kitchen again.” He covered Sofia’s ears. “Shit man, I don’t know how she could mess up making scrambled eggs, but she did. It was like scrambled shit.”

  I guffawed. Ace was worth less than a penny in the kitchen. She was a mad genius in a lot of things, but the kitchen? I would not touch anything she made within a ten-foot pole. Poor Zander. The man had stronger guts than me.

  Ace’s figure filled the screen. She looked like she had lost all of the weight from her pregnancy. She had her hair in a ponytail, her violet eyes were smiling, and she had on an apron with ‘World’s Hottest Mommy’ in big red letters. “Hey Kieran. I know Zander’s complaining to you about my cooking.”

  Zander grabbed her waist and lowered her to the couch. He kissed her head, Sofia’s hands moved to grab Ace’s hand. Ace gazed at Zander and there it was—the look that passed between them, every single time. Ace motioned to Zander, asking if he wanted to give her Sofia. Zander shook his head ‘no’, and said, “I was just asking Kieran how he was doing in training.”

  Ace raised an eyebrow. “You could never lie to me.” She turned her face toward the screen and asked, “How’s training going?”

  “It’s there. It’s been going good, and I’m itching to get out there and
compete.” I wanted to get started on the meets already. Training could get repetitive and boring. I wanted to let loose and compete.

  “I know how you feel man,” Zander interjected. He was an athlete so he knew about the drive and the eagerness to compete.

  Ace lowered her head to Sofia and kissed the baby’s chubby cheeks. Zander’s eyes lingered on his wife and baby, and he smiled. He then faced the screen and it was as if he was telling me, “Everything’s good man. Yeah?”

  I gave him a light nod.

  “We might be able to go watch you at the World Championships,” Zander said. “Sedona wants to see you compete. Imagine that?” When we were younger, Ace only attended competitions when I guaranteed her that I would win, which was pretty much every single one of them.

  “Ace, for real?” This was a big surprise. “You’d watch me compete with the world’s best?”

  She slapped Zander’s arm. “I told you not to tell him yet.”

  Zander wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Babe, he should know so he can give us the best seats.”

  “There are no seats, man. Just bleachers. And yes, thanks for telling me because I’ll make sure you’re front and center when I become World’s number one.” It was great that Zander and Ace would come and watch me. It meant a lot to me that they’d be there cheering for me at one of the biggest events in my career.

  Ace smirked. “You better make sure you win because if not, then I’d have wasted my time.” She was joking, but if there was one person who had been there through the ups and downs of my swimming career, aside from my mom, it was Ace. She knew the magnitude of how much it meant to me. She listened while I boasted about my wins, and gave me a soothing ear and a couple of hugs after my rare losses.

  “Oh, it’s gua-ran-damn-teed.” I sat up and gave a thumbs up. I walked to my room and picked up a box. I opened it and held it up for them to see.

  “Do you think these will fit baby Sofia?” Brynn and I picked up these cute little shoes from a baby boutique. They were light pink and had tiny laces.

  Ace screamed, “Ohmigosh! They’re too cute!”

  Zander cringed at the loudness of her scream, and Sofia looked on wide-eyed. She was probably wondering, “What’s wrong with my mommy?”

  I laughed. “I guess you like them and they’ll fit.”

  Ace was smiling widely, and her violet eyes sparkled in amusement. “They’re so adorable and yes, they’ll fit.” She then asked, “Kieran, I know you didn’t pick these out by yourself. You hate shopping. Who picked this out with you? Or for you?”

  Ace might not do wonders in the kitchen but her powers of deduction were unbelievable.

  “Brynn,” I said.

  She let out another scream. Even more piercing than the previous one. I moved the phone away from my ear just in time.

  Zander was now rolling his eyes. “Babe, Sofia will have a broken eardrum by the time we’re done with this conversation.” Sofia scrunched her tiny face and looked like she was ready to cry.

  Ace took her from Zander’s hold and stood up, swaying Sofia in her arms. “I’m sorry, baby. Mommy got too excited. Uncle Kieran picked out pretty shoes for you with Auntie Brynn. Mommy has no idea how that happened, so Uncle Kieran better start talking, or Mommy will start screaming again.”

  Zander moved the phone. “Man, start spilling the beans. I can’t handle any more of her screams. In the bedroom...” He grinned slyly as he continued, “it’s cool. But here, just start talking.”

  No way. I didn’t want to know what went on in Zander and Sedona’s bedroom. That was gross. Plus, as much as I wanted to keep things between Brynn and me private, the imminent threat of Ace screaming again was a warning that I heeded. I told them about how I met Brynn at the hospital and how things progressed from there.

  “Does Milo know?” Ace asked. She was now sitting back on the couch with Sofia who looked like she had fallen asleep.

  “Not yet.” My eyes shifted uneasily. I wanted Milo to know but Brynn didn’t. She kept telling me, “It’s not the right time yet.”

  “Milo is Brynn’s brother, right?” Zander asked. Ace must have mentioned it to Zander somehow.

  “Yes. He hates my guts, too. As much as I hate his.” That was the honest-to-God truth. There was no need to hide this from my closest friends.

  Ace’s eyes looked worried. “What happened Kieran? Why do you guys hate each other so much?”

  I brushed it off. “It’s a long story Ace.”

  She looked straight at me, and over the phone, she gave me her sternest look. The one that made me laugh.

  “Fine. As a recap, I slept with Dia. Milo’s first love, from what Brynn told me. I didn’t know this until after the fact. And when it happened, I had no clue. Would it have stopped me from sleeping with her? Probably. I don’t sleep with other guys’ women.”

  Zander muttered, “Damn, that’s screwed up. I would fucking kill my friend if he slept with Sedona... Shit, no, I would fucking mutilate him, and then kill him.” His hands covered Sofia’s ears again, even if she was sleeping. Ace rolled her eyes and ignored Zander’s comment.

  I clarified, “We weren’t friends, Zander. Milo, and I, we saw each other at competitions and meets, but no, we weren’t friends. I agree with you, I would probably do the same thing, minus the killing part. It’s just, it’s pretty complicated right now.”

  Ace said, “It’s none of our business Kieran.”

  Zander agreed, “I’m sorry man, you don’t deserve that.” He then offered, “Whatever it is, ‘just go with it’. I went with my instincts, and I never gave up on Sedona. And every single fucking day, I thank god that I didn’t because man, she makes it all worthwhile. Her and Sofia— they’re my links to happiness, you know? We’ve been through crazy crap, but I would not change anything for the world.”

  Ace moved her free hand to Zander’s that was resting on her leg, and squeezed. “I just don’t want you to get hurt Kieran,” she said. “With your history with Milo, it doesn’t seem like everyone is going to come out unscathed if you and Brynn date each other. I don’t want you hurt. I don’t want her hurt. She’s a good person.” Her eyes were troubled, and she finished with, “I don’t want you to be a casualty. You deserve happiness.”

  “I know Ace.” Giving up Brynn before Milo found out would be the wisest decision, but the thought of letting her go filled my head with images of being stranded in the desert with no water in sight. My chest started to constrict and my lungs began to heave painfully. Give her up... no, I could not.

  I steered the conversation to the World Championships. I knew Ace wanted to say more about Brynn and me, but she respected my closure of the subject. At the end of our phone call, Zander said bye and the screen filled with the image of Sofia in her mother’s arms. She was sleeping peacefully, and her cheeks were slightly reddened. It amazed me that Zander and Ace had created this wonderful little baby. Ace’s voice broke though the phone. “I love you Kieran.”

  Once upon a time, I longed for her to say those words and mean it beyond how she actually meant it. The years have been good to me, helped me arrive to this point in time, where I could honestly say, “I love you too Ace.” As a best friend should. As someone as close to her as a brother should. No more, no less.

  “I want to give my parents a vacation away from the hospital.”

  ~L.D., age 15, synovial cell sarcoma

  Kieran was talkative during the drive. Well, for a man of very few words, he was as animated as he could get. His left hand was on the steering wheel, and his right hand, from time to time, coaxed me to lace my fingers with his on the center console of the car. His dimples showed frequently, which meant he was relaxed, and even with his wrap-around shades on, I could tell that he was loose.

  When he invited me to spend the weekend with him at his parents’ place, I didn’t hesitate. He made sure that I was off that weekend, and usually he had weekends off from training, so it worked well. As for my brother, all he knew was tha
t I was hanging out with my best friend, Ava, for the weekend. Milo sniggered at the mere mention of Ava, and warned me, “Make sure you don’t end up in the society pages like those wild actresses without a stitch of clothing on.”

  I could not discern why my brother disliked Ava so much. She didn’t do anything to him. As a matter of fact, she ignored him most of the time.

  I let his comment fly by, responding with, “Milo, Ava’s not like that. Argh, it’s so frustrating to explain that she’s the nicest girl… Anyways, I’ll be away for the weekend, so don’t come knocking on my apartment because no one will be there to feed you.” He groaned frustratingly at that. I wonder how my brother survived in college when I was not there to cook for him.

  Ava, my best friend and my scapegoat, learned about Milo and Kieran’s hatred for each other and when I disclosed to her that Dia came between the two of them, Ava merely muttered, “That bitch! She probably seduced Kieran to hurt Milo.” Of course, if Kieran didn’t willingly participate in the seduction then we would not be having this problem. Maybe. But things happened the way they did and at this point, I keep wanting to be with Kieran. It just sucked that I couldn’t let my brother know about it.

  “Yeah, Ace is crazy in the head, you know,” Kieran joked. “Even when she was little, when she got something in her mind, she did it. I mean, she almost drowned, and all she could think about was that she didn’t retrieve the quarter from the bottom of the pool.” His head was still shaking.

  He was presently telling me about how he and Sedona met. They had such a tight friendship, and sometimes, I wondered if there had been more between them. Sedona was one of the prettiest women I have ever known. With her remarkable violet eyes and her long, dark hair, she always turned heads everywhere we went in New York. Did Kieran ever feel anything more for her? Not that I was judging Sedona only on her looks, but to grow up together, and with them being such close friends, it was hard not to speculate. Usually, best friends turned out to be more, at least according to all the romantic films that Ava and I have watched.