by Claire Ayres
Jess puts her Kindle down on the arm of the chair and stands up. As she gets closer to him she can smell his musky scent and her breath catches in her throat. He puts an arm out grabs her pulling her into him with Jess on one side, his cello on the other. They’re so close that fresh air couldn’t squeeze in between them. Jess is gazing into his eyes and she can’t stop thinking Is this it?
“I shouldn’t have just pushed you away last night Jess. It wasn’t what I wanted, what you wanted. So this is my apology. Sit here,” he pats the stool right in front of him. Jess gulps, what is this man trying to do to me? She thinks looking at the tiny space between his legs.
She sits down, and he runs his hand up her thighs sliding her legs apart, at the same time pushing their bodies closer together. She feels his chest brushing against her back. Every ripple of muscle moving against her. Jess’ breathing is getting deep and fast; she is not sure what he is aiming for here but she’s balancing on a pinhead and he’s pushing her off the edge.
Luka places his cello between her legs, showing her where to place her hand on the bow by placing his fingers on top of hers, sending small little lightning bolts up her arms. Finally, he has her place her fingers on his on the fingerboard creating lightning bolts through her whole body. She is now in a complete state of heightened awareness. She’s never wanted someone more than she wants Luka, and right now he is making everything a thousand times worse.
“I want you to feel what I feel. I want to share this with you,” he whispers in her ear and Jess can’t hold back the tremor that runs through her from head to toe.
He places his head on her shoulder; their breath starts to mingle and then they play, their fingers and arms merged together. It’s the most beautiful thing Jess has ever experienced, and she is completely absorbed by what is happening. At the same time, her body is throbbing all over and all she can think about is how much she wants this man inside her.
Her thoughts start to focus on how close Luka is to her, it would be so easy to kiss him, to turn her head and Oh...
As she thinks it, she does it, and so does he. Their lips meet, first in a tender welcome of a kiss, gradually building into so much more, the kiss they’ve been holding back from since they met. He gently uses his tongue to open her mouth, inviting himself inside. Jess hears a moan and realises it’s coming from her. Luka pulls away for a split second and puts the cello down. He turns Jess around so that she is straddling him on the tiny stool.
She wraps her arms around his neck, her hands delving into his hair. They’re devouring each other with this kiss. He bites her bottom lip, pulling it away from her face and she groans. Opening her eyes she looks directly into his and sees the desire she is feeling reflected back at her. Jess deepens their kiss, their tongues getting to know each other well. She feels him in her groin and it’s making her want to push things further and faster. His hands are on her lower back, working underneath her top. Feeling his skin on hers is driving her wild.
He moves his kisses to her neck; she throws her head back before moving to his earlobe, nibbling and licking before whispering in his ear; “I want you, Luka.” Then removing her top and discarding it in a careless toss across the room.
She starts to move her hands, feeling his chest, those muscles rippling underneath her hands. She gets to the top of his jeans and starts to undo the button, feeling ready to release him.
He suddenly stops and pulls back, puts his hands on either side of her head.
“Pinky. I think we need to breathe a moment or I’m going to fuck you here and now.” Jess doesn’t see the problem with this, though she admires his restraint.
“I want this, I want you,” she whispers, leaning forward to kiss him.
“No, Pinky, I’m sorry, I can’t, it doesn’t feel right.”
“I don’t think anything has felt more right in a really long time,” she says to him. “But if that’s the way you feel then so be it.” She shrugs and climbs off him. Walking across the room, she picks up her discarded top and Kindle as she goes, and swiftly walks out of his apartment.
Slamming the door to her apartment moments later, Jess sinks to the floor in tears. What a fool, how could I think that he would like me, that he could be interested in someone like me? She sobs as though her heart has been ripped from her chest, again. He said he only wanted a fling, but he doesn’t even want that.
The way he kissed her, oh, it made her melt. Then he rejected her, pushed her away as though she was nothing. She was so sure he wanted her, so sure he was feeling what she felt, then he stopped and said no. Jess feels so humiliated. Now here she is sitting on the floor, crying over a man, again.
There’s a knock on the door. Jess look through the spy hole and it’s Luka. She doesn’t answer but he is persistent, and he knows she is there. After the fourth knock, she answers.
“Pinky, I’m sorry. Shit, you’re crying. Please let me explain,” he says. His eyes look heavy and he sounds genuine, so she steps back and lets him in.
“Say what you need to say, Luka.”
He takes her hand and leads her to the couch. Sitting down he looks her in the eye. “I’m terrified of what I’m feeling for you. I don’t want to be feeling these things, I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m trying to keep things emotionally as casual as possible to protect myself. I’m scared once we have sex I’m going to be done for,” he tells her, his heart on his sleeve, his past haunting him as much as Jess’ is haunting her.
“I’m scared, too, Luka, we’ve both got horrible pasts. So maybe we have to try and be happy to say goodbye to the past?” Jess says, sounding far braver than she feels.
“You are probably right, but I’m not there yet. Can you give me time?” Jess nods, thinking that she probably shouldn’t. A man this broken will most likely break her heart, he already makes her feel things she has never felt before.
“I thought you were rejecting me,” she says, and he encircles her in his arms and whispers in her ear.
“Never, that could never happen.” He pulls back and kisses her, a sweet, loving, gentle kiss that takes her breath away. When he pulls away he leans his forehead against hers and stares into her eyes.
“Are we good?” he asks barely above a whisper.
“Yes,” and the tears fall, because they have to come out even if things are OK.
--!--
They had missed lunch with the lengthy rehearsal followed by the sex confusion, so the pair decided to make some food which they ate out on the balcony. They talked and shared stories from their past. They always found things to talk about, a never-ending fountain of information flowing between them.
Back in Luka’s apartment, Jess curls up in one of his big comfy armchairs with her laptop; she works on job hunting and he sits down to practice some more.
About thirty minutes into his rehearsal her phone goes off with a message from Katie:
Katie: Hey Stranger, you’ve been surprisingly quiet!
Jess: Hi, I’ve been busy
Katie: Busy how? Did you finally meet a man?
Jess: Yes, I did.
Katie: What? How did this happen without me knowing?
Jess: I can do things without you! He lives next door.
Katie: That’s amazing, we need to have lunch so you can tell me everything.
Jess got her head down and worked on her CV after that and before she knew it, Luka was looming over her and taking her laptop off her knee, leaning down to kiss her.
“You are wonderful,” Jess whispers in his ear as he nibbles her neck.
He chuckles and says, “I was thinking we should grab some snacks, then watch a movie in bed. You are very distracting sitting there like that.” Jess is a bit surprised he wants her in his bed given he wants to hold back on sex, but she is going with it. She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him deeply.
Luka has a huge k
ing size bed; once inside he pulls Jess into his strong arms in the middle of the bed, the movie playing on the screen in front of them while they whisper to each other about what is happening and giggle like teenagers. Jess holds onto his arms and eventually they fall asleep, entwined around each other. Jess’ final thought is about how perfect it would be to spend every night with these strong arms wrapped around her.
Chapter Six
Luka
Luka wakes on Monday morning with Jess tangled around his body from the night before. Her arm is across his stomach, her leg wrapped around his. Her head is tucked on his chest and her hair has created a curtain across her face during sleep, making her look peaceful. Luka gently sweeps her hair back and smiles to himself as her nose twitches. Leaning forward, he kisses her forehead before he manoeuvres her onto the pillow beside him. Once he’s certain she won’t wake up he gently gets up, putting on a sweater over the tracksuit trousers he wore to bed.
Leaving the apartment, he can’t help except smile to himself. Watching movies with Jess last night was torturous; having her lay in bed felt great but keeping his hands off her was becoming increasingly difficult the more time they spent together.
He has to go to orchestra rehearsals later today and he is hoping the distance would clear his head a little, get her out of it for a start. His attraction to her is animalistic, and he could handle that if he wasn’t having these feelings as well. Feelings he didn’t want or trust himself to be having.
He reaches the coffee shop and picks up coffee and a mix of pastries before retracing his steps back to the apartment taking in the water shimmering in the morning light as he walks beside it.
In the elevator, he catches his reflection in the mirror on the back wall and is surprised by how happy he looks. He usually has frown lines pulled over his eyebrows, his mouth pulled tight and his jaw clenched, making his face look severe and unfriendly. Looking at himself now, he realises he looks relaxed with a slight smile on his lips and his eyes bright and shiny. He is not used to being so happy and it makes him feel quite scared.
The elevator reaches the correct floor and Luka walks to the apartment, putting the key in the door and taking gentle steps to enter so that he doesn’t wake Jess. He puts the breakfast on the counter and walks back into the bedroom only to find it empty. Cursing himself for not leaving a note, Luka calls her name.
Hearing water from the bathroom, he hesitates to enter, aware of the boundaries he has created between them. But, his need to hold her, his desire for her, controls him and stripping his shirt off, quickly followed by the trousers, he makes it to the shower in a few short strides. He opens the shower door, steps in and wraps his arms around Jess, her back to his front. She startles, looking up at him through the steam, her face tear-streaked, and a sob wracking her body. Luka, overcome by a need to comfort her, turns her around and kisses her before enveloping her in his arms the warm water dusting their skin as he holds her close and leans down to whisper in her ear; “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” She shudders and wraps her wet arms around him.
“It’s going to be OK.” Luka lifts her face up. “I promise.”
Then he leans in and kisses her, from one side of her face to the other. He doesn’t leave any part of her face untouched. It’s not lost on him that this is the first time he holds her naked body and he is making the most of it, touching and caressing every inch of her. When he touches her moist breasts and tweaks her nipples she makes a yelping sound that gets him so hard it’s all he can do to stay standing up. The water thundering around them starting to become a hindrance rather than a turn on.
“You’re killing me, Pinky,” he groans in her ear and she smiles and nips his ear in response. When she reaches forward and takes hold of his cock with her hand, a growl escapes his throat and he is not sure how much longer he can behave.
“I know we aren’t having sex yet, we can play though, can’t we?” she playfully says, winking at him.
“Hold on, sweetheart.” He leads her from the shower, wrapping her in a towel before lifting her face up to his. “Although what you’re suggesting is amazing. I’m probably going to kick myself for a week for turning you down. I’m more concerned with why you’re upset.”
“I don’t know, sometimes I get upset and cry and there’s no good reason for it.” She looks at him, wide eyes and a sad mouth.
“Is this because of your depression then? And no, don’t look at me like that, Pinky, I want to understand so I can help you.” Luka wraps one arm around her waist. The other he keeps cupped around the back of her head.
“Yeah, it’s to do with the depression, I’m mostly OK now although some days it really hits me.” She tries to pull away, obviously uncomfortable, but Luka holds on and pulls her closer, kissing her face and showing he’s not fazed by what she’s saying.
“Well please talk to me, Pinky. I want to be there for you. Don’t run and hide and cry in the shower on your own. OK?” He looks at her a face etched with concern and care.
“Yes… I promise.” Jess goes onto tiptoes and kisses Luka with a kiss that they lose themselves in. As she explores his body with her hands and finds his erection full and ready. She lowers herself onto her knees, puts the tip of her tongue on the end of his cock and gently plays before slowly taking him inch by inch into her mouth.
Moving slowly and using her hand at the base of his cock she pumps him in her mouth in the most sensuous and erotic way he has ever felt, all the while looking up at him, those gorgeous eyes seeking his. He can’t speak, think or do anything. She’s breaking him in half with her mouth. He tries to pull out as he reaches climax, but she forces him to stay with her and she swallows him down, sending him to new heights of attraction for her.
--!--
Later they are eating the pastries and coffee Luka picked up. Everything feels so natural between them as they talk and laugh. Jess has relaxed again after getting upset and Luka meant what he said to her about wanting to be there for her. As much as he wants to hold back because of his own issues he knows he’s falling for this woman and he wants to protect her and have her be a part of his whole life.
“Pinky, my orchestra is playing the Colston Hall on Friday, would you like to go?” Luka is as surprised as Jess at this invitation; this will mean having all his colleagues meet her, to know he has met a girl. Not something he is comfortable with.
“Really? You would want me there?” Despite her obvious shock, she looks happy and has a huge grin on her face.
“I would love for you to be there, Pinky.” Luka takes her hand across the table.
“I would love to be there.” Luka, in an uncharacteristic move leaps out of his seat, pulling Jess up and swings her around, his arms clasped around her waist. Her giggles reverberate around the room and for a moment they both forget how they are afraid of letting go and see a future in each other’s eyes.
“I can get extra seats if you want to invite your friends. You won’t have to sit alone then.” She pushes up on tiptoes and kisses him, fully on the mouth. He is aware that his heart is falling out of his chest, that his feelings are all wrapped up with his attraction and as much as he doesn’t want that, it’s happening. He needs to separate it before it gets him into trouble.
Meanwhile, her kiss has escalated, and her hands are under his shirt, exploring his chest and back. His fingers are tangled in her hair and she vaults up wrapping her legs around his waist forcing him to put his arms around her ass to support her.
“You’re killing me Pinky,” Luka whispers in her ear, before delving straight back in, their tongues searching for something hidden while his body reacts to her so fully that it’s as though he is completely switched on to Jess and nothing else in the world exists.
He pulls back and looks at her, her eyes are shining, her lips swollen from their kisses and he whispers, unsure if he can trust his voice fully, “We nee
d to stop now, Pinky, before we take this too far.”
She nods, a sullen expression on her face, and they separate. He leans down to her and gives her a short and loving kiss on her lips, a reminder that this isn’t forever.
“Now, as much as I love spending all this time with you, I’ve got to go to rehearsal,” Luka sighs.
“I have appointments with recruiters and lunch with Katie, so I guess I need to move, as well.” She grabs his hand.
They stand to look at each other, neither wanting to pull apart. Luka puts her head in his hands and kisses her again.
“Would you like dinner together tonight?”
She smiles and nods her head. “That would make my day.”
Luka walks away knowing that dinner means more time trying to restrain his desire, and worse, deny his growing feelings for this beautiful woman.
Chapter Seven
Jess
Jess has spent the past few days swept up in a wave of happiness which is unfamiliar. Luka not only makes her laugh and brings her blood to the boil with lust, he makes her feel a genuine happiness she hasn’t felt with anybody before. She also knows that he is feeling it as well; nobody kisses the way he does unless they feel that yearning deep inside. He is afraid, though, and he was hurt badly, the same as Jess was. Now, here they are, two fully grown adults terrified of what their feelings might lead to and avoiding intimacy while they want each other more than two magnets under the strain of their magnetic attraction.
Jess decides she has to use the happiness she is feeling, and channel it into fixing some of the other areas of her life. Then, when the Luka bubble bursts at least things will be better in her life as a whole. First up is trying to get a new job. She has arranged some appointments with recruiters today and has been out meeting with them since she parted ways with Luka earlier this morning so that he could go to rehearsal. Just one left to go before lunch with Katie.
--!--
A panic attack which has rushed through her like a truck on a dark road is threatening to ruin Jess’ illusion of control and composure. She hasn’t had a panic attack in months and all it took was a cocky recruiter to tip her over the edge and ruin what has been some of the best days of her life.
