by Claire Ayres
“Hey, what’s wrong? You’ve got really tense.” Luka rubs Jess’ shoulders and kisses her temples, his face a picture of concern. Why is he so perceptive? Every time she is on the edge, even slightly, he notices. She can’t tell him any of this though, and she doesn’t know how to cover for how it’s making her feel. If she is not careful, it will put a huge wedge between them and that’s the last thing she wants.
“It’s nothing, nothing at all. I only wish I could spend all day with you.” She kisses him. Distraction with kisses is the way to go. He envelops her in his arms and pulls her down so they are laying on the ground, wrapped around each other.
“I wish we were at home, I want to get this dress off you right now,” Luka growls, and the tension she was feeling starts to last as she giggles nervously. Her whole body is feeling the fire of his desire and knowing that when she gets home tonight, her dress isn’t going to last long at all!
Luka walks Jess back to work and she takes a deep breath at the idea of several more hours with Ade and his inappropriate digs.
Chapter Fourteen
Luka
Luka opens the front door at 6 pm to find Jess standing there, looking exhausted. He wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her up. Kissing her gently he carries her into his apartment gently laying her on his couch. Taking her shoes off he rubs her feet which elicits a beautiful little moan from her lips. He places her bag down to her side and places a warm fleece blanket over her.
“Have a nap while I cook dinner, beautiful,” he whispers gently in her ear--she’s already halfway to sleep. He kisses her on the cheek and leaves her napping while he goes into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. Opening a bottle of wine, he gulps down a mouthful before he starts chopping vegetables. She looks beautiful curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace, and very much like she belongs there. He tells himself, again, to stop rushing ahead of reality; he knows it’s a recipe for disaster, and it’s his heart that will get hurt if he carries on like this. He needs to be more aware, especially given how erratically she has been acting.
The problem - and Luka acknowledges this is becoming quite a serious problem - is that he is completely besotted, a dangerous place to be when you’ve promised yourself never to trust anyone again. Jess, however, appears to be going in the opposite direction. She is distracted and gets tense and upset whenever she gets messages on her phone. It’s fair to say it’s crossed his mind that she is having second thoughts about their relationship, or that she is seeing her ex again. Luka is just waiting for the axe to drop and he honestly can’t deal with more heartbreak in his life.
Then there is Mark, that best friend problem that won’t go away. Mark is still trying to make amends. His timing is terrible though. As Luka gets a new girlfriend and is trying to figure out if that is going to work, Mark wants to wade back in and make things right for sleeping with Luka’s last girlfriend. It’s all a bit too much right now. The thing is - and this is what burns - all the doubts Luka has about Jess; Mark would have answers for those. Mark was always far better at reading women than Luka. He would see through to the heart of what was going on much better than Luka. Times like this, Luka misses Mark and it makes not having his friendship burn more than it ever should.
He finishes cooking dinner, plates up the food and takes it to the table with glasses of wine. Waking up the beautifully sleeping Jess, he leads her to the table where they sit down to eat the food.
“Thank you for letting me sleep for a while.” It crosses Luka’s mind how adorable she looks with sleepy in her eye, and indentations of the couch down one side of her face; and he resists the urge to reach over and run his hand over her face.
“Of course, you looked completely beat when you arrived home,” he replies, catching his mistake in referring to his apartment as her home too late, but she doesn’t appear to react. He breathes a little easier and hopes he hasn’t put another nail in the already delicate coffin of their relationship.
“It was a tough day. Mmmmm, this food is amazing. If you ever stop playing the cello, you could be a chef.” Her eyes are closed as she savours the food, thoroughly enjoying each bite.
Luka pauses eating for a few moments to take in her pleasure. “Thank you. Tell me about the job.” A flash of uneasiness crosses her face; Luka catches it before she smiles and starts to talk about the job.
“I’m working for one of the finance directors as a PA. The work is good, challenging. I don’t like the boss much.” She screws her nose up, and Luka reaches for her hand.
“You don’t have to work there, Pinky. Wait to find something better. You’re an amazing catch and any business would be lucky to have you. You don’t have to settle for the first one.” He holds her gaze and a flicker of hesitation passes through her eyes.
“I know, I’m going to play it out for now. If it gets too bad I will quit and wait for something better. I don’t have the money to be fussy.” She looks down. It’s obvious she’s feeling uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is going.
“Pinky, look at me.” She looks up and Luka gently tips her chin so that their eyes are locked. “I’ll help you if you need it, I have no problem doing that. Until you find something that you’re better suited for.”
Her look registers shock, gratitude, and fear. “No, I can’t do that, Luka. I’m so grateful you would offer but I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, and if you need to you will. OK?” She nods, and Luka knows she won’t ask him for help. She’s stubborn and independent and she won’t ask for help, not even from him, even if it means doing a job which will make her miserable after one day. Who knows what this job will do to her after a year if she doesn’t find something else?
They finish their dinner and watch a show on Netflix. He wants to speak to Jess about the Mark situation, try to make sense of Mark wanting to reconnect and how he feels about it... but then Jess says she needs to go home and do a few things, further distancing herself from Luka and leaving him feeling a little lost and lonely.
Turning to his cello, he plays his emotions out; his worry for how Jess is acting, the distance which is coming between them. She is pulling away, while he is falling deeper in love with her. He is terrified she is going to walk away from him.
As he plays, these emotions pour out of him and he composes some extremely impassioned pieces full of despair, love, fear, and confusion.
He continues to play for hours and by the time he stops, it’s gone midnight. His hands ache, and his body is shaking from all he has put into the playing. He steps into the shower, letting the warm water run over his body, washing away the pent-up emotion which has been sweated out as he played. He goes straight to bed and slips into a dream-filled sleep which only serves to put him straight back on edge again.
--!--
The next morning Luka is woken early by a knock on the door. When he opens it he finds Jess on the other side looking tense and nervous.
“Hey, is everything OK?” he asks, reaching out to stroke her arm.
“Yeah, are you OK? You don’t look so good,” she responds.
“I had a bad night, I guess I missed you.” He tries to cover for the fact he’s wound up like a clockwork toy and just as tense.
“I have to talk to you about something,” she says and all he thinks is that those are break up words if ever they existed.
“OK.” He reminds himself to breathe, something he realises he is having real trouble with given the idea that this might be the moment his heart gets broken.
“I can’t go on Friday.” Her face falls, she won’t meet his eyes and he feels sucker punched.
“What? I thought you wanted to? You asked to come?” He tries to tell himself she didn’t break up with him, but that feeling of devastation is all encompassing.
“I did! No, I do! I won’t be able to get away from this job in time to come with you. I’m sorry, I re
ally want to be there. I don’t want to be away from you. It’s why I left last night, I didn’t know how to tell you,” she rambles, a single tear sliding down her face.
“Well, OK, if you have to work then it can’t be helped, can it?” Luka shuts down, can’t process it, and feels his emotions locking down to protect himself.
“I’m sorry, Luka, are we OK?” She looks at him, her eyes pleading, her face worried but he is pissed, and he can’t hide it.
“Yeah. Fine.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just really looking forward to having you there…again.”
“If I can do anything to get out of work, I promise I will,” she says, and he shrugs his shoulders.
“I had better go.” A single tear runs down her face and while his instinct is to reach out and wipe it away, to offer her comfort he pulls back closing the door before she has started walking away.
Outraged, Luka kicks one of the armchairs as he turns back into his apartment and he roars an unnatural sound that could have shattered glass. His exasperation added to the worry that was already boiling under his skin.
Now their plans for Friday have been side-lined because of a temp job: his levels of infuriation and hurt have skyrocketed and he is finding it hard to believe where her interest in this fledgling relationship lies anymore.
After drinking far too much coffee, Luka gets dressed and heads to the Colston Hall for rehearsals. At least he has a day with the orchestra to help distract him from all the negative thoughts floating around in his head.
Chapter Fifteen
Jess
Jess walks into the office on Tuesday, the sun is shining, but she is feeling stressed and worried. Things with Luka aren’t right, since she told him she couldn’t go to the concert he has withdrawn not wanting to engage in conversation or sex. It’s like he has checked out of their relationship early and she doesn’t know how to fix it.
She has also been turning her phone off after leaving work and not taking the risk of any more nonsense from Ade. Walking the short distance into the office this morning she notices all the things that are good in the world and feels jealous that her world has dulled in colour again; the ducks swimming in the river, the leaves starting to change colour, a couple hugging on the street corner. It all gives her the boost she needs so that when she enters the building and rides the lift to Ade’s floor she feels ready to handle her day.
When she stops at her desk there is a new addition: a vase filled with yellow roses, no card. She turns and looks in Ade’s office, where he is leaning over his desk working on something, and she sighs. Taking off her coat, she switches on the computer and walks into his office.
“Good morning,” Jess says, keeping her voice distant. Ade lifts his head and beams his very best smile directly at her.
“Good morning, Miss Davis,” he replies. “Did you like your flowers?”
“Well, they are very nice, but it’s not appropriate for you to be giving me flowers.”
“Yellow roses represent joy and friendship. We are at least friends, aren’t we?” He crooks his head to the side and turns his eyes on her in such a way it looks like he may burst into tears any second. She feels this is wholly unfair of him when she is trying to be angry with the man.
“I suppose we can be, yes…would you like a coffee?” He smiles and hands Jess his mug. She snatches it out of his hand and storms away to the kitchen to make their drinks, cursing the luck that has her working for her ex-boyfriend.
While in the kitchen one of the other PA’s approaches her. “Hi, you’re Jess, Adrian’s new PA, aren’t you?”
“Yes, sorry I haven’t caught everyone’s names yet?”
“Oh, I’m Amanda. I’m Sharon’s PA.” The women shake hands and continue making drinks.
“You caused quite the drama you know?” Her eyebrows are tilted, and she has an inquisitive smirk on her face as she works the coffee machine.
“Me?” Jess asks, taken by surprise.
“Oh, yes. The company has a pool of PA’s it uses when somebody is needed at short notice, and Adrian was insistent that they find the agency you were registered with. He wasn’t accepting anybody except you. Everyone wants to know what you have that nobody else does.”
Jess, coughs, uncomfortable, realising if anybody here finds out the history between her and Ade it will be awful for her. Office gossip is relentless at the best of times, and in a situation like this, she will be crucified.
“I have no idea.” Jess smiles at Amanda and takes her drinks.
“Maybe we should have lunch one day, Jess,” Amanda says to Jess’ retreating back.
Jess looks over her shoulder and smiles. “Sure.”
Later that morning while busy working on some letters Ade needs sending out,an instant message pops up on her screen.
Ade: Now we are friends again, what does the new guy have that I don’t?
Jess: I’m not talking about this with you, Ade. Not now, not ever.
Ade: But, I need to know.
Jess: No, you don’t.
Ade: I don’t deserve to not be given a chance.
Jess: That’s exactly what you deserve.
Ade: I was an ass back then. I’m different now.
Jess: I’m glad you realise that but you’re too late.
Ade: Can’t you try and see past that?
Jess: Because you say you’ve changed?
Ade: I have changed, for you.
Jess: Too little, too late, Ade.
Ade: Let me prove it to you.
Jess: How?
Ade: By being there for you.
Jess: I already have someone there for me now.
Ade: You know I can love you more and better than him.
Jess: Do I? I’ve heard lots of promises from you in the past that you didn’t follow through on. I don’t want to keep having this conversation, Ade.
Jess shuts down the instant messenger and looks up, Ade is peering at her through the glass walls of his office. It is only Tuesday and working for him was becoming extremely difficult and awkward. What if he really had changed that much and he could support her? What if he was a better choice than Luka? Jess knew Ade better. But it’s time for a self-reminder at just how badly he let her down and turned her into a shell of herself when she needed him the most. The doubts and uncertainty crept into her mind as she continued to work, and she sensed that Ade knew exactly what effect he was having on her delicate mind.
It reaches lunchtime and Ade comes out of his office.
“What are you doing for lunch, Jessica?”
She shakes her head. She knows Luka had a rehearsal with the orchestra today, so they won’t be meeting.
“Get your coat, you’re coming to lunch with me,” Ade says.
Jess knows that she should have told him no, gone and bought a sandwich and run back to her desk, or even better--quit the job and gone home. Instead she goes, and ten minutes later he has them both squeezed into a dark booth in a quiet restaurant, ordering food and wine that seemed a little over the top for lunch.
He reaches across the table and takes her hand. She tries to pull away, and he holds on tighter and starts to run his finger in circles on her palm. Looking deeply into her eyes, he sighs before he starts speaking, his eyes looking sad and tired. Her heart pulls and softens for him, even though she knows she should feel anger towards him.
“I meant what I said earlier. I never expected this to be as hard as it has been. I thought you would have missed me as much as I have you. I didn’t think I would have to fight for you.” This all falls out like a jumbled ramble. Jess isn’t sure he has finished and pauses a moment before saying anything.
“Did you really think I would sit around for however long just in case you came back?”
“I don’t know. I think I hoped. It wasn’t that long, and I had missed
you so much I never moved on. I assumed you would be the same.”
He squeezes her hand and she sees a glimpse of the Ade she fell in love with in the past; the softer features, the kinder smile. She squeezes his hand back and he lifts his head and she realises seeing the look in his eye that in that one action she has stupidly given him hope.
“Please, can you hear me out?” he pleads, and Jess doesn’t know how to say no to this Ade. She never did. She nods, and he smiles, a broad smile that six months ago would have knocked her sideways. Now all it does is remind her that she needs to keep all of this from Luka or she is going to blow up the one good thing in her life.
“We’ll talk soon,” he promises, a weight obviously lifted from his shoulders which has passed to hers with that agreement for them to talk. He then goes on to eat lunch and chat like nothing between the pair has changed, while Jess pushes food around her plate and frets over what is to come.
--!--
Jess arrives at the office on Thursday hoping for a repeat of the past few days; other than a few inappropriate comments from Ade, it was reasonably uneventful. She and Luka are still not getting on well, plus he’s been rehearsing almost non-stop for his concert on Friday; the concert Jess can’t go to, the one that has put the wedge between them. She is so upset that she can’t go with him and she wants to do something special to make it up to him when he gets back on Saturday.
As she walks through the office she senses people looking at her. Arriving at her desk Ade comes out of his office and pulls her by her elbow towards his office, so hard she almost falls over; it crosses her mind he hasn’t learned how to treat her any more gently in the time since they broke up.
“What the hell, Ade?” Jess demands, rubbing her elbow.
He hands something to her, a photocopy of a newspaper story.
“This is from your ice hockey days. Why are you showing it to me?” Jess shrugs and tries to hand it back to him.
