Falling to Pieces

by Leddy Harper

  With shaky arms, I took off my sweater, pulled my large T-shirt over my head, and winced in pain. I pressed the garment against my chest, and once I told him he could turn around, I held my breath, waiting for his reaction. But instead of words, I heard a harsh gasp, and then I felt feather-light touches along my shoulder blade.

  “I couldn’t reach it all, but I did pour peroxide on it in the shower. I could only cover some of them with bandages.”

  “Your mom didn’t offer to help at all?” he asked in disbelief. When would he ever understand? Someone capable of this doesn’t possess the decency to help clean it up. “Tell me, Bree, what happened? Please. And don’t even think about lying to me.”

  I took a deep breath and filled him in on what took place after I got home from his house.

  “How dare you!” Those were the first words spewed from her lips. “Is this what you’ve been doing behind my back? Wait for me to go to bed and then sneak out? What were you doing? Were you spreading your legs for the little neighborhood boys?”

  “No, Mom. I was just sitting in the woods like I always do.”

  “In a dress? In the middle of the night?”

  “It’s a nice night. And I wanted to be cool.”

  “You’re a pathetic liar, just like your father. You two think you can run around behind my back and fuck whoever you want while I sit at home. You disgust me.” She took steps in my direction, causing me to stumble backward further into the living room. “You’ll never amount to anything more than a cracked-out streetwalker.”

  I should’ve left it at that, just dropped it, let her walk away. But against my better judgment, I squared my shoulders and allowed the wolf inside to take over. Axel had seen it in me, but I never believed him until that very moment. “I’m a slut? Then what does that say about you? You pointing your finger at a virgin and accusing her of being a whore…yet weren’t you the one knocked up by a guy that only slept with you because he was desperate? You had to force him to marry you. And then force him to stay with you. But I’m the slut…”

  She lunged forward, grabbing a fistful of hair on the side of my head. “You listen to me, you ungrateful bitch. My biggest regret in life was having you. I should’ve killed you before you took your first breath. Keep pushing me, and I’ll take your last.” With that, she shoved me and I fell against the glass doors of the wall unit behind me.

  The sound of broken glass didn’t register past the screaming in my ear. With wide eyes, I observed the deranged woman in front of me and realized those ear-piercing cries weren’t coming from her. Pain filtered into my mind as the deep burn in my upper back took hold of me, preventing me from drawing in a deep enough breath. The glass sliced through skin and murdered my strength. My knees gave out, as well as my fight.

  As long as I was under her roof, I’d never survive.

  Tears slowly leaked from my eyes as I recounted every moment to him, and then explained how she wouldn’t let me out of her sight for the rest of the weekend. Having him at my back instead of seeing my face made it easier to voice the worst moment of my life. Apparently, sometime during my explanation, he’d finished cleaning and bandaging my wounds. I could sense him closer to me, his scent becoming more powerful, overpowering the air around us. Soft, warm lips caressed my shoulder and the side of my neck.

  “You can’t stay there, Bree.”

  “I don’t have a choice,” I said with a sniffle.

  He gently spun me around with his hands on my hips until we were chest to chest. His eyes no longer held the heated emotions as before. They’d turned forgiving and tender…worried, but easy. “Give me this week. Give me time to figure this out. I don’t care if you have to move four hours away to your dad’s house, but I won’t let you stay there any longer. I can’t wait around for a year with the fear I have inside me right now.”

  I rested my forehead against his chest, my arms between us, pressing his shirt to my skin. But then he swiftly lifted me up, setting me on the ledge of the counter behind me.

  He moved to stand between my legs. With a gentle hand on my cheek, he forced me to look in his eyes. “I will get you out of there, Bree. If it’s the last thing I do, I will keep you safe. Nothing will ever happen to you again.”

  “I love you,” I confessed with a hiccup, feeling calmer than before.

  Instead of answering my confession with words, he showed me what he felt with his lips. His kisses. His touches. And then he abruptly pulled away, studying me with bright, impassioned eyes. “I protect the ones I love most. You, Bree, are the one I love most.”

  Happiness swelled in my chest at the thought of having him on my side for the rest of my life. I knew what the declaration of our love meant. It wasn’t something either of us took lightly. My heart grew full as I tugged him closer and kissed him once more. This time, his hunger became evident from beneath his slacks as his erection abraded over my sex. It caused a heated need to burn within me. It burned with his love, with his devotion, and the realization that someone actually cared about me—not only cared for me, but loved me. And he wanted to protect me.

  But he never got the chance to fulfill that promise of undying protection.

  Before the week was over, our secret was out. The school’s administration had called me into the office and questioned me relentlessly. They treated me like a victim, like a child who’d been taken advantage of. And before I could make any sense out of it, I found him leaving the school with a cardboard box in his arms. I chased him as far as I could, screaming his name and for him to stop. But he didn’t even give me one backward glance before departing the school grounds.

  The love of my life left me. Just like that. In one fell swoop, all his words of love and vows of protection were gone. And I was left with nothing but an empty hole where my heart once lay.

  Tears streaked my cheeks as I stood there, watching nothing. He was long gone, but I was still in disbelief and couldn’t figure out how to go on. And that’s when my eye caught something.

  A picture had fallen from the opened box he’d carried. I walked over and bent down to retrieve it—a postcard with a close-up of wolf eyes on the front, bright and fierce. I never knew he had this, and it only served to tear me apart more.

  I broke down in the middle of the parking lot, falling to my knees. I didn’t even notice the asphalt cutting into my skin as I sat there.

  I clutched the postcard to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably.

  I was completely alone.

  I shattered, falling to pieces.

  Present day

  Axel

  I had to have been seeing things. There was no way she lay in front of me. I’d spent so long seeing her in every crowd. Every redhead on the street miraculously became her. I couldn’t see a freckled arm without convincing myself that I’d found her again. But then I’d look into their eyes, and I’d known within an instant that it wasn’t my Bree. She was the only person in the world with eyes like that. They’d been etched into my soul, carved in my mind, and branded on my heart.

  Wolf eyes.

  After going for so long only being able to envision them in my dreams, never able to see them with my eyes wide open, I had nearly convinced myself that she’d never existed. Maybe I’d made her up in my head, seen her only in my dreams.

  But here she was, this fragile woman staring up at me in shock with her big, bright-yellow eyes, and there was no way I could deny their familiarity. She had been real…and so was my love for her. Surrendering to that knowledge had my mind spinning, my stomach turning, and my heart racing.

  She was real.

  She was here.

  “Oh, fuck,” she whispered, and the sound of her strained words stabbed my chest like a thousand tiny pins, aiming straight for my heart. “No… Oh, shit.” She lurched up and immediately began coughing.

  Clutching her stomach, she turned to the side, hanging her head over the water. I reached for her, scared she would try jumping in again, but as soon as my hand touched he
r shoulder, vomit spewed past her lips, hitting the lake below. The fear of her jumping back in settled, but in its place, a new panic emerged. Her back arched as her stomach purged everything in it, continuing to dry heave even after there was nothing left to come out. Once the heaving stopped, her sobs filled the air around us.

  “Bree…” I could barely get her name out. It scratched the back of my throat as if I’d forced it. I hadn’t uttered it in so long, yet it felt natural to say again. Worry over her wellbeing consumed me and made my words shake as I asked, “Are you okay?”

  She didn’t answer me as she lay on the wooden planks, her cries muffled. Soon, her body relaxed with deep, even breaths, and that’s when I realized she’d gone to sleep. I tried moving her, waking her, yet nothing worked. I slapped her cheek, hoping it would jar her, but it only caused her to gasp and open her eyes for a split second. She mumbled something I couldn’t make out before slipping back into unconsciousness.

  I didn’t know what to do. Beyond the stench of throw up, I caught a heavy whiff of alcohol. That was a smell I’d never forget. I thought of taking her to the hospital to have her checked over, but she only seemed to be sleeping, not passed out. That’s when I decided I’d be the one to keep an eye on her and make sure she was safe. I hadn’t been able to protect her before, so there was no way I would let her down this time. The last thing I wanted was for her to wake up scared in a hospital if she didn’t need to be. Her breathing seemed fine, no sign of water in her lungs, so I figured it’d be okay. I would never let anything happen to her on my watch again, despite our pasts and how we both arrived at the present.

  With my pulse pounding in my ears, I picked her up. When her arms automatically circled my neck, it sent a calmness through me that I hadn’t felt in over six years—a calmness I didn’t think I’d ever encounter again. I carried her to my truck and set her carefully on the passenger seat, reclining the seat so she wouldn’t slump over. With the dome light on, I could see her features clearly, and there was no mistaking—even with her eyes closed—that this was my Bree. Her youth may have diminished some, and her hair seemed darker, but there was no doubt in my mind whom she was. I’d be able to identify her even if I were blind. Circumstances had destroyed us, life had separated us, and time had kept us apart, yet it seemed nothing could snuff out the flame of my love for her. It burned so hot, even after all these years, that the heat consumed me, scorched me, cauterized the wounds she’d previously inflicted upon me.

  I watched her breathe for a moment, assuring myself that she’d be all right, before closing the door.

  My head grew heavy as it wobbled from side to side, sleep calling to me. But I refused to give in. I needed to stay awake and alert. I’d spent about five hours studying every nuance of her as she slept, watching her chest rise and fall to make sure she wasn’t sick or in need of medical attention. Every now and then, she’d make a noise, a grunt or moan, and I’d slip to the floor next to her and place my hand on her cheek. The moment my skin touched hers, she’d quiet down, and a soft peacefulness came over her face as her features relaxed.

  But as the time dragged on, it became harder and harder to stay awake. Luckily, the moment my lids fell, Bree groaned from the opposite couch and woke me back up. The second my eyes flew open, they landed on hers. The light-green, yellowish orbs held me captive as she stared at me, wide-eyed from shock, and possibly confusion. They’d held me prisoner for the last six years, and seeing them again held the ability to bring me to my knees. I could tell by her stillness that she’d stopped breathing, and that’s when I realized I had, too.

  “What…?” She glanced around my bare living room in surprise and, more than likely, concern. “Where am I? Why am I here?” She sat straight up, winced, and then held her head between her hands.

  “You nearly died last night. I was there. I don’t know where you live, so I brought you back here. Are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything?” I sat on the edge of the couch, ready at any second to jump up. I wanted to go to her, comfort her, just hold her, but I couldn’t move. The ever-present anger over her actions from six years ago kept me rooted in my place. Worrying over her wellbeing quieted that grudge against her, but now…I could no longer deny its presence.

  Her head shot up, panic filling her every feature. “I have to get home.”

  I stood the second she did, but neither of us took any steps. She looked down at her clothes—my clothes—that covered her body. She tugged on the T-shirt and frantically searched around the room with darting eyes.

  “Where are my clothes? Where are my things? Why am I wearing this?”

  I rushed to her side, hesitant to touch her. “Your clothes were wet from your swim, so I put them in the dryer. They’re dry now. Your boots are on the front porch, and I have no idea where any of your other belongings are. You didn’t have anything else with you when I pulled you from the lake.” My words sounded cold and distant, detached, even to my own ears.

  Bree refused to look at me. She continued scanning the room, looking at anything instead of meeting my gaze. “Where is my car? My keys? I need my phone. I need to call for a ride. I have to get home.”

  “I told you, I don’t know where any of those things are. But I think you should sit down for a minute. Let me make you some coffee and we’ll talk.” I lightly held her forearm in an attempt to show her some support. We had so much to talk about, and I knew we wouldn’t get anywhere if she didn’t calm down.

  But she ripped her arm away from me, as if I’d burned her, throwing daggers at me with her fierce glare. “No! I don’t need coffee…and I certainly don’t need to talk. I need to go home.” Her words were harsh, spoken through clenched teeth, filled with panic and worry.

  I huffed out my defeat and took a step back. “Fine. I’ll take you home.”

  “No. I just need my car. I can take myself home.”

  “Bree…” I waited until I knew I had her attention. “I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind right now to drive.”

  “Fuck you, Axel. You don’t know shit about me and my frame of mind.” Her low, growling words ignited the fight within me, the same fight I’d pushed to the sidelines out of concern for her.

  “I know you tried to kill yourself last night.”

  Her eyes widened with shock, but then an incredulous laugh bubbled from her slack mouth. “I did what? I’m not sure what you think you saw, Axel, but I can guarantee you that I was not trying to kill myself. Suicidal? Not in the least.”

  “Then explain why you jumped in the lake at one o’clock in the morning? You didn’t resurface until I jumped in after you, pulling you out. Had I not been there, they’d be pulling your dead body out of the depths of the water right about now.” Heated fury burned my skin as I fought back, angry over her callousness. Angry over the unfounded temper she directed toward me. Angry over our circumstances.

  She shook her head, quickly turned her back to me as if she couldn’t stand the sight of me, and then slowly spun back around, appearing oddly resigned. Her gaze was softer, calmer, but I could still see the fire blazing behind her eyes. God, it was good to know that fire was still there after everything that we’d been through.

  “Thank you for saving me, Axel. You’re extremely good at two things when it comes to me…saving me, and destroying me. Now that you’ve saved my life, I think it’s best that I leave you alone, before your other talent makes an entrance.”

  I grabbed ahold of her shoulders, squaring her body with mine to prevent her from walking away. “I’m not even going to go there with you right now, because I have too much to say about that. Now tell me, why did you jump in the lake last night? If it wasn’t to kill yourself…what was it?”

  “I was fucking wasted, Axel. I went to my sister’s bachelorette party, and after that, I don’t remember much. I don’t remember being at the lake, much less jumping in. I have no idea where you came into the picture. I have not a clue as to how I got here. Connecting the dots, I can assu
me you’re stalking me, brought my unconscious body here, and from what I’m wearing, I think it’s safe to say you stripped me naked. How was that, Axel?”

  My grip on her shoulders tightened, causing her to wince slightly. “I wasn’t stalking you. I had no idea who you were until I pulled you out of the water.” My words came out cold, hard, and showed every ounce of anger that coursed through me. “And I had to remove your clothes because they were soaking wet…I didn’t want you to get sick.”

  “You should’ve left me there, Axel. After all, you’re great at leaving me behind.” She held no fight in her words, only resolve. Only sadness and surrender.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I roared in her face.

  She took a step back, wincing from my tone.

  My grip loosened as I said, “We need to talk, Bree. I need to know—”

  “No,” she firmly stated while shaking her head slowly. “We have nothing to talk about. I have to get home. They’ll be worried about me.”

  “They?” I asked as she continued to pull away. My hand slipped from her shoulder to her forearm, and finally down to her hand. I held onto it, not ready to let her go completely. Even after all she’d put me through, I was never able to fully let go of her from my mind. But once my fingers tightened around hers, I felt something cold and glanced down. A plain, silver band adorned her ring finger, and I had to mentally check what hand it was on. I hadn’t noticed it before, probably because I’d been too focused on her breathing and hadn’t paid any attention to the rest of her.

  My painful gaze met her cold stare, and that’s when my heart finally broke for the last time. Up until that moment, I’d harbored some kind of unfounded hope that one day we’d meet again. And when that day would come, we’d talk about everything, starting with the moment I’d walked out of the school, and essentially cut her out of my life. We’d catch up on the lost time, realize we belonged with each other, and then finish living out the dreams we made together in my back yard on prom night. But feeling her wedding band against my fingers, knowing it wasn’t mine, and not finding a speck of remorse in her eyes…that hope I’d carried with me dissipated. The last piece of my already broken heart disintegrated. And the strength I’d fought for weakened. No…not weakened. It gave up. Left me feeling like I’d been hit by an eighteen-wheeler, dying a slow, agonizing death.