Something Had to Give

by Trish D.

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  When I got to Atlanta Jason had beat me there. My drive was a lot longer than his and when I finally got there I felt like I needed a nap. Jason would hear nothing of me taking just a thirty-minute nap, insisting that we make the best of every moment we had there. All the working I had done the past few days on top of driving had me exhausted. I was pretty annoyed that I couldn’t lie down for just a few minutes, but I sucked it up to keep the peace. Once we got out, I forgot all about being tired. Jason had gone through a lot of trouble to plan out our evening together and it honestly could not have come at a better time. It was the first time in days that I didn’t have to dread going home or stress over what was going on at home. For the first time in a while, my mind was at peace. Things were going so well that throughout the trip I was nervous that at any moment something random would happen to ruin the trip as it had during spring break. That did not happen though and we went on to enjoy New Year’s Eve in downtown Atlanta. We checked out of the hotel New Year’s Day since I originally planned to break my drive back to Wilmington up by staying in Charlotte for the night. But the sucky situation at home made me change those plans and head straight back to Wilmington.

  Back at school, I was ready for the new semester. It was time to start preparing for graduate school so I picked up research credits. This cut down on the actual number of classes I had to take. I was set to do research in Industrial Psychology, which ironically was the same field of graduate study that Shanna had gone into also. I didn’t expect to like it as much as I did when I signed up for the class, but it became clear very quickly why Shanna grew attached to it. The tricky part was getting in enough weekly research hours along with work hours. I ended up cutting back on work hours, which had its good points and bad. It cut the little extra spending money I had down significantly, but I gained back some sanity from not having to listen to silly chatter and cackling. I didn’t realize how much it annoyed me until I didn’t have to deal with it as much. The hours I missed out on during the week, I tried to make up for on the weekends. It got old very quickly as I began to feel like I had no free time. I hated spending my whole Saturdays at work and knew it was only going to get worse as the weather started to get warm. I stuck with it though knowing I had to. I couldn’t depend on my parents for extra money. They had enough on their plate.

  I talked to my parents regularly but I never asked about Shanna and they never brought her up. I assumed that things hadn’t changed much. I thought about her a lot but thoughts of how she was treating her family kept me from reaching out to her. I knew I was waiting for an apology that I would never get but mainly I wanted her to apologize to my parents and show some appreciation for all they had done for her. Several weeks went by before I got an update on how she was doing. It was during a conversation with Daddy that he mentioned that Shanna had moved out. She went to live with a girl she had met in rehab who had an apartment in Columbia, SC. We both agreed that it probably wasn’t a good idea for two recovering addicts to be out there alone, but Daddy said they had not tried to stop her. She had refused the car they had brought her and left only with the clothes on her back. Daddy sounded defeated yet relieved all the same. I was afraid to ask how Mommy was handling the recent events. I hoped they could find peace in the situation since it was so clearly obvious they had done everything they could to help her.

  The arrival of spring break was right on time. I needed a break from work, school, and the repetitive routine I had fallen into with both. I had plans on being home for just two days until I caught a flight to Miami to finish off spring break with Jason. It was my first time home since the tense Christmas break, but when I walked in, it was immediately evident that the vibe had drastically changed. Both of my parents were upbeat and looked a lot better physically from the last time I had seen them. They had sold Shanna’s car and Mommy had turned my room into a sewing/craft room. This was a hobby and talent that I had never known she had. Though I wasn’t thrilled about having to give my room up and sleep in Shanna’s, I was amazed at some of the stuff she had made over the past weeks. On top of picking up sewing, she had become more involved in the church by joining two committees that got her out the house a couple times of the week. I was proud of her for making these changes and best of all she seemed so much happier. We didn’t talk much about Shanna. I did ask if they had heard from her out of sheer curiosity and Mommy said they hadn’t. Daddy had tried to call and check on her and gave up after she did not return the fourth or fifth message he left. She seemed nonchalant as she told me this and it was hard to determine how it was affecting her. We ended the conversation with mommy saying, “I’m assuming she’s OK though. She will call when she hits rock bottom again.” The fact that she said “when” and not “if” stuck in my mind. It had to suck to just sit back and wait for something like that to happen to your child.

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  The trip to Miami with Jason was interesting. I flew from Charlotte and him from Tennessee. The plan was to meet at the condo he rented. It was my first time in Miami and I was expecting another fun trip together. Jason had rented a condo right on the beach which I thought was a bit extravagant for just the two of us, but I didn’t put much thought into it. I thought that maybe he just wanted to go all out for the trip. When I landed, there was a car waiting to take me to the condo and I was immediately excited for all the warm weather and Miami nightlife. I was in for a big surprise when I made it to the condo. Jason failed to mention that he had also brought his family along. Previous plans for me to meet them that always would fall through. I never made a fuss about it because I knew I would meet them eventually. However, I did not expect to be blindsided and have them join us on a trip that I thought was just for us. I was furious with Jason. It would have been fine if I would have been able to prepare for it, but letting me blindly walk into a room where I would be surrounded by the stares of his parents and sisters just was not cool.

  “You know it would have been nice to know ahead of time that your family was going to be here.” We had been out all day and the first time we were able to be alone was that night before bed. It had been pretty tough playing it cool when I wanted to dig my claws into him all day.

  “I thought it would be a nice surprise. They are all cool people; you have nothing to worry about.” For reasons unknown to me, he saw nothing wrong with what he had done. That just added to my anger.

  “It’s not a point of whether they’re cool or not! You should have given me a heads up. This is not the way you introduce someone to your family.” I had to keep reminding me that his family was in rooms on both sides of us and I had to keep my voice down.

  “Cheryl, you’re getting all upset over something that isn’t that serious. They all love you so let’s not fight over something silly and enjoy the trip.”

  I dropped it when I could feel my anger escalating. It was the first day of the trip and I was already feeling like it was going to be a disaster. I let my bad mood carry on for half of our second day on the trip before I realized how much fun I was going to be cheating myself out of if I let it continue. I also realized that Jason’s family wasn’t bad once I calmed down and took the time to talk to them. His parents were the complete opposites of mine with his mom being the social one of the couple and dad hardly saying two words. He just went with the flow. His mom talked so much that the whole family often tuned her out. It was funny to sit back and watch her talk a mile a minute with no one responding. Jason’s older sister was a lot like the father but a bit more social. She spent most of the time playing games on her phone. It surprised me that she was a social worker since she didn’t say much, but it did make it easy to get along with her. I bonded more with the younger sister since she rarely left Jason’s side. She was also in college and was the second social butterfly of the family. While she didn’t talk quite as much as her mother, she gave her some competition. I felt bad during the times that I just wanted her to shut up because she was so sweet. I was certain thou
gh that even if anyone or I told her to shut up that it wouldn’t even faze her.

  The trip itself was far better than what I expected when I first walked in the door to a room full of people. Yet, I was disappointed that I had to share my time with Jason with his family since we rarely had time together. Our last night there was the only time we had alone. We were able to get out and have dinner and experience some of Miami nightlife. Although we enjoyed the time we had for just us it didn’t seem like nearly enough. It was only during this time that Jason realized that he could have planned differently for me to meet his family. Finally, I got the apology I felt I deserved days ago but by that time it didn’t really seem to matter. What was done was done and I had moved past being angry about it. It was still nice to clear the air on the subject and end the trip on a good note.

  It was hard getting back on the plane to Charlotte knowing that it would be several weeks before Jason and I would be able to plan time to see each other. We had been through the hard good-byes several times before, but that time seemed a little harder. I knew it was because I had to share his attention and we hardly had any quality time together. I was more sad than angry once I got on the plane. To keep from looking like a crying idiot in front of others on the plane, I slept the whole way back. I technically did not have to be back in Wilmington for another day and thought my parents may have wanted some company. However, when I got to the house, Mommy was out having lunch and shopping with friends from her church group and Daddy was on his way out to play golf with friends. I sat there alone in the house when it hit me that they didn’t need me to check up on them; they were doing just fine.

  After a two-hour nap I awoke to a house that was still empty and decided to head back to Wilmington. I dreaded the long drive back, but didn’t really see the point of sitting around when I could get back to my apartment and settle back in. The drive back to Wilmington took close to five hours instead of the usual 3.5-4 hours simply because I did not feel like driving and stopped several times to stretch my legs and grab snacks. It was late when I finally made it back. I felt restless and anxious to be out the car, but it wasn’t going to be that easy for me. Parking was already tight in front of my building, but to make matters worse on this particular night, there was a moving truck taking up two parking spaces. The next open spot I could find was two buildings down. Unwilling to believe that I would have to carry my luggage what seemed so far, I circled the parking lot twice to no avail. I didn’t want to miss out on what seemed to be the only spot left in the complex, so I had no choice but to lug my heavy bags for what seemed like the longest walk ever. I was determined to get it all in one trip which caused me to have to stop and rest three times. By the time I lugged everything up the steps and made it to my apartment I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. As I looked around the apartment, I saw so many things I needed to do but I was just too tired.

  I planned to sleep in the next morning since it was the last day before classes started back. However, I was jolted out of my sleep by people going in and out to the apartment next door. It had been vacant for months, so I figured someone was moving in which explained the truck down stairs, but I didn’t understand why they had to be making so much noise early in the morning. When I looked at the clock it wasn’t even 7am, which literally made my blood boil. I laid there for 30 more minutes trying to block out the noise but it just seemed to keep getting louder. Irritated beyond words, I threw on a robe and stormed through my apartment to the front door. I snatched the door open so hard that it swung back scraping my foot which made me even more upset. Outside, I saw two guys carrying a mattress up the steps at a very awkward angle. I could see one of the guys, but the mattress hid the other. The one in plain view gave me a strange look when he saw me. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the scowl on my face or my appearance in general.

  “Oh, uh hi. Are we making too much noise?” I almost didn’t even want to answer such a stupid question. Why else would I be out there in my robe at that time of the morning?

  “Well yeah, it’s a little early to be hearing so much racket. I was hoping you guys could keep it down a little.” By this time the other guy had let the mattress down on his end and though I saw him looking at me out the corner of my eye, I didn’t make eye contact. That was until I heard his voice.

  “Cheryl, Is that really you? Don’t tell me you’re my new neighbor.” It was a voice that made my stomach turn and gave me butterflies at the same time.

  “Eric? You’re the one that’s moving in?”

  “Yep, I sure am. This is Steve; he’s helping me get moved in.” He was all smiles while I stood there mortified.

  “Ok, well if you guys could keep it down, that would be great.”

  I didn’t give them time to respond as I hurried back into my apartment and locked the door. I wasn’t in the mood for introductions or small talk. They respected my wishes and I didn’t hear much noise from my new neighbor. I wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. I felt annoyed at the whole situation and just didn’t understand how out of all the apartments in Wilmington, Eric ended up in the one right next to me. I didn’t want him to be my neighbor. I didn’t want to run into him coming up the steps. I didn’t want him to come by thinking we were friends or to ask to borrow random items. Mostly, I didn’t want him being my neighbor to affect my relationship with Jason. It would be the second time that something happened with Eric to mess things up and I didn’t want that to happen. I felt like calling Jason and telling him right away what was going on but then I thought that might make me look guilty. It was too much to think about and process. After lying there for close to two hours, I accepted that more sleep wasn’t going to happen and decided to get up and start my day.

  For weeks I found myself peeking around the door before leaving out to make sure I wouldn’t run into Eric. From time to time, I would hear him coming up the steps and would sit with my stomach churning thinking there was a chance he would come to my door. I was being ridiculous, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that if I ran into him outside or if I opened the door up for him that I would risk another break up with Jason. I was also feeling guilty for not telling Jason that he was my new neighbor. I ran over ways to tell him in my head but they all seemed like I was covering up a situation that was just too convenient, so I said nothing. It was several weeks before I actually saw Eric. I was downstairs talking to April and he pulled up. He was in a dress shirt and tie, which told me he was at least working. I immediately felt uncomfortable seeing him pull up, but he gave us a simple head nod and kept on his way. Even though I had spent weeks avoiding him, I was a little hurt that he didn’t have more to say to me. I chalked it up to the fact that I was there with April, who rolled her eyes and scoffed as he walked by. As time went on I began to feel more comfortable with my new neighbor. We had run into each other several times and there was never more than a hello. Almost each time I saw him, he was dressed in work clothes and looked exhausted. It made me want to ask him where he was working, but I never did, not knowing what can of worms that would be opening. I had to keep my distance.

  Exam time rolled around very quickly and as I walked out the door from my last exam, it hit me that it would be my last summer vacation as a college student. I had decided against summer school since it turned out that I was on track to graduate on time. Instead my plan was to go home for two weeks and then head to Tennessee for the rest of the summer to spend time with Jason. They were in the middle of inventory for the store, which would have Jason working crazy hours so there really was no reason for me to go there right away. I wasn’t really excited about going home which wasn’t unusual, but this time it was for different reasons. Before it was the dreaded boredom day after day and now it was because I knew it would be an empty house. I was happy that my parents had started getting out more and doing things they enjoyed, but I still wanted them to be glad I was home and spend time with me. The plan was to work as much as possible while home, especially since I didn�
�t know if I would be able to find a summer position in Tennessee. Going back to work at H&M was out, Trish had made sure of that.

  The day before my drive to Charlotte, I was pumped and feeling good as I packed up my summer clothes. I couldn’t help but feel like I was over packing when I got to my third bag of clothes, but I felt like I needed a variety of stuff. My plan was to leave early the next morning so I decided to take two of my bags downstairs so I wouldn’t have a lot to carry down in the morning. As I walked down the steps my heart skipped a beat when I saw Eric coming up the steps with a girl. She looked a lot older than us and had on the same dress shirt and tie that Eric had on. They were laughing and so into each other that they didn’t even see me coming with bags and nearly walked right into me. I was barely able to get by them. It was a huge blow to see him with another girl that he seemed really into. That night, I sat there without the TV or any music on straining to hear what was going on in Eric’s apartment. I had to stop myself from putting my ear to the wall. I wasn’t able to hear a thing except the TV that was up pretty loud. I felt like a loser trying so hard to listen and even more that I was letting the situation bother me. I settled into bed and finally let my obsession with them go until the next morning when as I was leaving I noticed Eric’s window was open. I stood at my door and then at the top of the stairs trying to hear anything that would indicate that the mystery girl had spent the night. Again I didn’t hear a thing. As I made my way down the steps to the car, I was more than glad that I would be gone for the summer.

  My time spent at home was uneventful. I worked as much as I could and as I expected, I didn’t see much of my parents. Daddy had work trips back to back so I only saw him one day that I was home. Mommy was also on the go with her groups and friends. I only asked once if they had heard from Shanna and Mommy said that Daddy had gotten an email from her. As we all expected, she had linked back up with Craig soon after moving out and was living with him in Virginia. She had also mentioned the possibility of them getting married since they were both working and allegedly doing well for themselves. Mommy talked as though the email didn’t bother her but did say that Daddy was very disappointed that Shanna had gone back to the guy that had made her hit rock bottom. It was disappointing to me as well since I had seen firsthand how out of control they were around each other. Together they were toxic. I just couldn’t see anything good coming out of them being back together. We had all given up on talking some sense into her though. As hard as it was to watch, it was something that she would have to come to realize on her own.