To Have

by Kali Brixton

  After gently cleaning and bandaging up the stripes on his back—some of which weren’t bleeding and looked like they had been there a long time, Mom helped him get one of Dad’s old button-downs on and helped him wipe off his face. He laid down on their big bed drifted in and out of sleep, his eyes puffy from an evening of crying. I heard my mother talking to someone on the phone, assumedly my father, telling him what was going on. I stood by the door, listening to their conversation.

  “I’ve got him bandaged up, and I’m going to take him to the hospital. Oh, Charles, this poor child has been through... We can’t let him go back there. We just can’t.” My mother’s desperate voice was firm.

  “Will…” Deacon spoke, his voice quiet. “Will you sit with me?”

  “Sure.” I pulled Mom’s vanity chair close to the bed. One of his hands was outstretched, so I slid mine under his and propped my head on the edge of the soft mattress. He looked drained, lost. “It’ll be okay, D.” I stroked his hair and admired his handsome features. A beautiful boy who had been torn apart by a world of chaos. He had just nodded off to sleep when a sharp series of knocks on the front door sent my mom to answer. The voice that carried upstairs immediately raised the hair on the back of my neck and made Deacon’s grip tighten painfully around mine.

  “Lynn. Have you seen Deacon?”

  I turned to Deacon, terror swimming in his eyes. I put my finger to my lips, motioning him to keep quiet. I slipped out of the room and silently closed the door, carefully avoiding the creaking floorboards as I walked closer to the landing. I knelt and saw Mr. Devereaux talking to my mom, his eyes darting around the room.

  “No. Why? Is something going on, Wes?” My mom hated lying of any kind, but I think God would forgive her for this one since she’s just trying to keep Deacon safe.

  “I just thought he might have come over to see the kids.”

  “They’re on their way back from a camping trip. Should be back at any moment.” She kept her arm up on the door frame, blocking further entry. “How long’s it been since you’ve seen him?”

  “This afternoon, around four.” That must have been when he—I couldn’t even bring myself to think about what he had done to hurt Deacon so much.

  “That’s been a while. Should we call the police?”

  “No, no…I’m sure he’s just hanging out with another friend.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to call? I have a good friend who works at the police station.” Officer Hartley was a nice man, and his wife Heather was one of the new nurses on Mom’s floor at the hospital.

  His answer was immediate. “Don’t bother. I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

  “Will you promise to call me as soon as you hear from him?”

  “Yeah, I will.” A pause. “You going somewhere?”

  Mom had put her coat on while she was talking to Daddy, so I’m sure he noticed. “Charlotte’s not feeling well, so I’m gonna take her down to see one of the doctors at the hospital.”

  “On a Sunday?”

  “One of the on-call doctors agreed to see her if I brought her on down.”

  He stayed silent, which worried me, so I knew I had a role to play. “Mommy?” I made my voice hoarse and weak.

  “Coming, sweetheart,” she called to me. “I’ve gotta get her ready to go, but please let me know as soon as you hear something, okay? He’s like a son to us.”

  “Sure.”

  The sounds of the door being bolted, and a slow breath leaving her mouth preceded her coming back upstairs. She kissed my forehead and whispered, “Quick thinking.” We waited a few minutes, Mom sneaking glances to make sure Mr. Devereaux had gone back into his house. She hurried us down the stairs and into the SUV, me sitting in the seat behind her, and Deacon stretched across the back, his head on my lap. As we drove to the hospital, I noticed Mom kept looking back at the headlights of the vehicle behind us. She never said anything, but I could tell she was on edge. “Deacon,” she said, her eyes on the road in front of her, “I need you to promise me something… When we get to the hospital, there will be some police officers coming to talk to you. I want you to be completely honest with them about everything, no matter what. Okay?”

  He agreed, and we rode in silence the rest of the way. As promised, some officers met us at the hospital while Deacon was being examined. Mom told them Deacon would be coming home with us, and they didn’t put up a fight after seeing the state Deacon was in and hearing his story.

  By the time we got back, Daddy was at the house, talking to Officer Hartley. There were police vehicles parked around Deacon’s house, his dad’s old truck gone. Some things had been removed, but everything else was left behind, including the son he nearly destroyed. Deacon’s dad had skipped town, and to this day, no one knows what happened to him or Deacon’s mom. The police had their suspicions, but nothing ever came of it. Deacon lived in fear for a long time that his dad would come back, but as time wore on, those fears lessened. But on the nights when the nightmares were the worst, I would hear a soft knock on my bedroom door, and the boy I adored with all my heart would ask me if I would come and sit with him—just for a little while.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Charlotte

  A couple of days had gone by without Deacon interjecting himself into the office for silly little reasons or for breaking any more body parts on one of our crew members. Davies was back to work as well, but it would take a while longer for the bruised ego than it would the broken nose. Our meeting with Mr. Arlington was tonight, and I was feeling a bit unsettled. I had been unsuccessful at getting up with Mason, so Grey and I would have to go it alone.

  I had stopped back by the office after fetching some things for Grey and the crew to get the printout of the figures we would need in the meeting. I went to grab them on my way back out to get ready for tonight and noticed another note was left on the desk—the same style as the one from the other day. I knew I should wait to read it, needing to be entirely focused on tonight, but curiosity got the better of me and I caved.

  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about where I went wrong in the past, and it all comes back to one thing: I was never totally honest with you from the moment I first kissed you.

  My heart raced at the memory of my first kiss, the one he gave me under that beautiful willow tree when I was just eleven. It was sweet and pure, all the things young love should be, but after he kissed me, he immediately started to distance himself from me. It was painful, especially seeing him every single day, knowing the only boy I ever wanted now wanted nothing to do with me.

  I know you’re tied up this evening, but I’d like to take a mulligan and start again with complete honesty—if that’s all right with you. —D

  PS I left behind something really important a couple of years ago, and I’d like to have it returned if that’s okay. Please text me once you find it.

  HINT: You hold it in your hands. You always have, Sunshine.

  I looked at the letter in my hands, not knowing what to make out of everything I had just read. Was this some sick practical joke or the words of a sincere man? The crew was out further in the site when I left, so I didn’t get to see Deacon on my way out, but his words burned in my heart and made my head spin. Should I give him the chance to explain? Or was this another cruel way to build my teenage dream hopes up, only to smash them to pieces?

  The meeting had gone fairly smoothly with Caz, which he insisted we call him, but with the note from Deacon and Caz’s almost too courteous nature, I worried that we were about to walk into a hornet’s nest of trouble.

  “Well, what do you think?”

  “It sounds like a good offer, Grey...”

  “But?”

  “But…it sounds a little too good. Don’t you think?

  “I think it might be on the up-and-up.”

  “If it were, it’d be idle, but he seemed a little too eager to give us more on our end of the bargain.”

  “Maybe they’ve dealt with other companies that
have sold out to Lord in the end, and they don’t want to see another small outfit go under?” I admired the way my brother always saw the best in people—as I once did—but history had taught me if you give a person who stands to gain something a knife and turn your back to them, more than likely you’d be betrayed before the 180-degree turn was complete, especially in the world of business.

  “I think we need to look over the contract again. It concerns me that they want the rental company bundled in with the construction company.”

  “But, it gives us a better cash flow to get back on our feet, which will benefit both ends.”

  “True…”

  “We’ll look it over again and see if there are any hidden agenda items we missed on the first run-through, although I think it’s on the up-and-up.”

  “Let’s hope so.”

  “Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith and trust people, Charlotte.”

  “It’s nice to have a safety net under you when they let you fall.”

  “It always is, but sometimes people will surprise you.”

  I thought about his words for a few minutes and wondered if they could apply in other facets of my life.

  “Hey…you don’t happen to know anyone who might need to make some extra money, do you? Someone trustworthy?”

  Since we weren’t exactly rolling in it, I was curious. “Why?”

  “Elsie had mentioned getting someone to come help her during the day. I think her legs and hands are giving her more trouble than she’s let on with us.”

  “I’ll keep my ear to the ground. I wonder why she didn’t mention anything to me the other day when I stopped by?” It hurt a little bit that Elsie hadn’t talked to me about it when we were so open with each other about nearly everything.

  “Because she knows you’ll try to fit it into your schedule and not take a dime with it.” I opened my mouth, ready to argue, knowing I didn’t have a leg to stand on, but his side glance stopped me. “Not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s just you’re stretching yourself a bit thin, Char. Everybody needs some downtime, and if we go this route, I need you sharp.”

  “I guess. Did you hear ever back from Officer Hartley?”

  He cleared his throat as he came to a stop at the light. “He said Mason was currently on assignment and wasn’t sure how long it would last—could be a couple of days or weeks. So apparently, our brother is back undercover.”

  “Why didn’t he tell anyone?” Disappointment rang through my body at my brother’s thoughtlessness. “He knows how Mom worries about him anyway. Why wouldn’t he at least tell her?”

  “Why does Mason do anything he does?” he scoffed. “I’m about done with him.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “No, seriously. I am.” The resoluteness in his voice ringing through his words. “He’s never around, but when he is, he’s either uber-secretive or an asshole—sorry—about everything. I’m starting to think he works for the CIA—or the cartel.”

  “I could see that.” Mason could blend in seamlessly just about anywhere with the right hair dye and the addition of facial hair. Grey kept his beard close to his face, but we had seen Mason bald with a huge, bushy beard before. Coupled with his surly demeanor, if you didn’t know they were twins, you couldn’t even tell they were related.

  “Oh, I could too. Truth be told: if he acts like we don’t matter, so why should we act like he does to us?”

  “Because he’s our brother,” I reminded him, sensing the hurt rolling off Grey because his twin was, in essence, a stranger to him. “And because we’ve lost enough as a family, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah. I wish we could get a straight answer out of him,” he said on an exhale. “I wish A were here. He’d know what to do.”

  “Me too.” I reached across the console to squeeze his hand. “But regardless, Mr. CEO, the decision is ultimately yours. I trust you.”

  He squeezed back. “Thanks, sis. I won’t let you down.”

  I got back to the house after he dropped me off, feeling unsure of it all, but trusting Grey’s leadership. Grey rarely did anything with even the slightest tinge of selfishness, so I know he wouldn’t willingly steer us into choppy waters. I had changed into some comfy clothes and was sacked out on the couch, Staci, on the other end, texting away to one of her two best friends. I was scrolling through my Instagram feed when a text from an unknown number popped up.

  Unknown: Please call this number if found.

  I scrolled over the other message exchanges we had had last week—ones that I couldn’t bring myself to delete. I shot one back. If what’s found? I hadn’t noticed anything out of place when I had left the office today.

  Unknown: Did you find it?

  C: Again, find what?

  Unknown: My heart. It seems I left it behind two years ago with a girl who had hair and a heart made of pure gold.

  Unknown: And for some very selfless reason, she loves to give undeserving schmucks second chances like it wasn’t a big deal.

  I stared at the last two messages for a good five minutes, my pulse thudding loudly. I tried to still my heart, which was racing like it ran on Red Bull, and tried to think of a safe answer back.

  C: I thought you were taking one regardless.

  Unknown: A willing heart is always better than a forced hand.

  C: And if I say no?

  Unknown: By force is better than nothing.

  C: That’s a rather barbaric way to look at things.

  Unknown: I don’t know. Plenty of women who read those romance novels with naked men on the front would disagree with you.

  Well, that came out of nowhere.

  C: What about women who don’t read books like that?

  Unknown: Find me one who doesn’t, and I’ll debate with her.

  C: You’ve found her.

  Unknown: Oh, Sunshine. I’ve already told you: you’re many things, but a good liar isn’t one of them.

  Fiddlesticks.

  C: Been skulking about in my library?

  Unknown: I don’t know many people who keep their library in a box under their bed.

  What the heck?

  C: Stay out of my old room!

  Unknown: Not when your mom asks me to find something for her.

  C: What could she possibly need from under my bed?

  Unknown: These.

  A picture came through, and I recognized my set of stretchy bands I had tossed under there while packing to move in with Nikki and Staci. Teaching dance had helped lean out my figure, but I was extremely self-conscious about my figure in high school. Big hips and bigger breasts tended to fill out teenage clothing and leotards in unflattering ways at times, at least according to some of the girls I danced with—girls with statuesque bodies and long, graceful legs. Those bands and a crash diet were a last-ditch effort before I went to college to try to slim down. I had told Elsie about my plan, and she was utterly disgusted with the idea. Sugar, trust me. When you walk on that college campus, you’ll be able to own whichever man your heart desires. There are plenty of men out there who love a curvy woman. She winked and told me about her long history with gentlemen callers because she was, as only she could put it, quite a “dish” back in the day, with generous curves and an attitude that knew how to handle them.

  C: Why does she need my exercise bands?

  Unknown: She thinks it might help Charles with his therapy. I used something similar when I rehabbed my leg.

  C: Thought you quit.

  Unknown: I did the first time. I went back and put in the work. Glad I did. The extra effort is worth it in the end when something matters to you.

  The double meaning wasn’t lost on me, but I couldn’t let my heart go galloping in that direction.

  C: Good for you.

  Unknown: I’m not a quitter. Not anymore.

  Unknown: But if you’d give me the opportunity, I’d like you to get to know the new me. The one who doesn’t quit on something worth the effort.

  Unk
nown: And I’d like to get to know the new Charlotte.

  Thank God. Here’s my out…

  C: I told you I don’t date coworkers.

  Unknown: Who said anything about a date?

  I cringed at my assumption and instantly regretted putting those words out into the universe, knowing it led to nothing but heartbreak.

  Unknown: I think a burger and fries is a safe meal between two friends.

  C: Are we friends?

  Unknown: We were at one time. Before I messed everything up and did a lot of things, I wish I could take back.

  Unknown: I take your silence as agreement. Unless you’re a lobster girl. I totally dig seafood and am flexible with the food choice.

  Unknown: As long as you’ll be the one sharing the meal with me :D

  I let those messages set and cool off while I got myself a snack—a very involved snack that took time to prepare.

  Unknown: Any of this coming through? If so, is it working?

  Another ten minutes passed by and I still didn’t know if I should go down this road.

  Unknown: Can you throw a guy a bone here? Or a lobster?

  C: Just a burger and fries?

  Unknown: Maybe a milkshake if you’re on good behavior. I don’t mind sharing if you like strawberry ;)

  C: A milkshake of my own, and you’ve got a deal.

  Unknown: You drive a hard bargain, Kasen.

  C: You have no idea, Devereaux.

  “What’s got that big smile on your face?” I looked up and saw two caramel eyes staring at me, encased by caramel skin, and wild black curls that were stunning. Nikki had snuck in on us, and judging by the look on her face, her day was not going as well as mine.

  “Nothing.” I had mentioned that Deacon was back in town the day he started work. Nikki was extremely quiet, asking how I felt about that. I shrugged it off because, at the time, I wasn’t entertaining the idea of sitting down to a plate of food with him—unless that plate was going to end up in his lap or on his face. “What’s with the long face?”