A Winter's Dream

by Sophie Claire

  Then stopped and frowned. She wasn’t going to meet new people in the Dog and Partridge tonight, was she? She’d lived all her life in Willowbrook, she knew everyone here, and there were no single men that she liked in that way. But a dating app? That was for extroverts, for fun-lovers, for pretty girls with long hair and perfect manicures – not dull home birds like her.

  She blew out a breath, then whistled for Charlie. He poked his head up, instantly alert at the signal for exercise. ‘Come on, boy. Let’s go for a walk.’ An idea was taking shape and she had some thinking to do.

  The Dog and Partridge wasn’t busy – it was Wednesday evening, after all – so they had no trouble getting a table for the four of them.

  When the food arrived, they raised their glasses in a toast for Liberty’s birthday.

  ‘How do you feel about turning thirty?’ asked Evie. Liberty knew her boss would be celebrating her own thirtieth soon.

  ‘Erm …’ Truth be told, she wasn’t feeling good about this birthday and the sharp awareness it had brought of time passing and doors closing. It wasn’t logical. There were still a million opportunities if she chose to take them. But until now she hadn’t. ‘… I’d thought my life would be different by now.’

  ‘Different how?’ asked Evie.

  ‘Well, Carys and I had talked about travelling around Europe, but that’s not happening. And also …’ she bit her lip ‘… I suppose I thought by now I would have met someone and settled down. But did you know it’s been thirteen months since my last date?’

  Jake, Evie’s boyfriend, put down his pint and said thoughtfully, ‘It’s not easy to meet new people here in Willowbrook.’

  His quiet observation reminded her that he’d moved to the village only a year ago and still saw the place through objective eyes. But he wasn’t the surly loner he’d been back then. Meeting Evie had transformed him and he was definitely part of their close-knit community now.

  ‘It isn’t,’ she agreed. She saw the same people on her way to work every day, she’d dated the only three men she found even mildly attractive, and her most recent relationship with Rob the plumber had ended badly, which made things awkward when she bumped into him. (And when she needed a plumber.) ‘But I’ve also been guilty of taking things for granted, living life as if I had all the time in the world, putting things off and being … safe.’ Staying in and sewing was the easy option, she saw that now.

  ‘Safe? What do you mean?’ asked Natasha.

  ‘Too predictable. I’m stuck in a rut.’

  ‘You think so?’ asked Evie, with concern.

  ‘I love my job and I love living here, but – I can’t help feeling there must be more.’ She squeezed the stem of her prosecco glass. The question was, did she have the courage to put into action the idea she’d come up with earlier?

  ‘Maybe you could go travelling by yourself,’ suggested Natasha.

  ‘I’m not that brave.’ The thought of backpacking alone was terrifying. And flying? No way. Not after the last time. But wasn’t that exactly the problem? She never did anything scary. Her life was all about the familiar and routine. ‘The most exciting thing I’ve done all year was to chase after the florist’s van this morning.’

  ‘I heard about that.’ Jake chuckled. ‘A high-speed chase in pyjamas and slippers. Did you find out who the flowers were from?’

  She shook her head. ‘I was so disappointed. But it helped me come to a decision.’

  ‘Ooh, exciting!’ said Evie. ‘What is it?’

  Liberty hesitated. Once she’d said it out loud, she’d have to see it through. ‘Well,’ she began tentatively, ‘what happened to Carys made me realise that we don’t know what’s round the corner, right? And if something were to happen to me tomorrow I don’t want to have any regrets. So …’ she took a deep breath ‘… I’m going to spend the month of December being brave.’

  ‘You’re going to join the SAS?’ joked Evie. ‘Become a stuntwoman?’

  Liberty shook her head. ‘Not that brave – just a little bit braver than normal. From the first of December until the end of the year I’m going to say yes to everything. Every opportunity, every invitation, I’ll accept. Every difficult dilemma, I won’t let myself go for the easy option. I’ll do the opposite instead. And every day I’ll do at least one thing that takes me out of my comfort zone.’

  ‘Why?’ Natasha looked thoroughly perplexed.

  ‘Because that way I’ll have to try new things and hopefully meet new people.’ If she carried on like this following the same routine each day and living this quiet life, nothing would change and in another thirty years she’d still be sitting by the fire each evening, sewing. ‘I want to know if my life could be different. If I could be different.’

  Truth be told, she was terrified at the prospect of this challenge, but she kept that thought to herself.

  ‘Go, you!’ said Evie. ‘That’s a great idea.’

  They chinked glasses in celebration.

  ‘You know December has thirty-one days?’ said Jake. ‘It’s a long month.’

  ‘Yeah, with Christmas in there, too,’ said Natasha. ‘That might complicate things.’

  ‘You should have picked February,’ said Evie. ‘Much shorter.’

  ‘I can do it,’ said Liberty. She was determined. ‘And they don’t all have to be big things. I might, for example, not have turkey for Christmas dinner, but eat something else instead.’

  ‘Aren’t you going to Carys’s family for Christmas?’ asked Natasha. ‘So you’ll have to eat whatever her mother makes, won’t you?’

  ‘It was just an example.’ She laughed. ‘But each day I’ll say yes to one new thing. And the reason I’ve told you all tonight is so you can hold me to account. I have to see it through now.’

  Evie twisted a strand of her hair around her fingers. ‘Do you have any challenges planned or are you going to take it one day at a time?’

  ‘I already had one idea,’ Liberty said cautiously. She wondered what her friends would think of it. ‘I might take in a lodger.’

  ‘You’ll rent out Carys’s room?’ asked Evie.

  She nodded, ignoring the lump in her throat. ‘I’m finding it hard to pay all the bills without her rent. I feel bad, though.’ She dipped her head. ‘It’s like I’m giving up on her. What if she wakes up and wants to come home?’

  A short silence followed and Evie sent her a look of sympathy. Natasha seemed thoughtful.

  ‘You could rent the room on a monthly basis,’ said Jake. ‘That way if she does wake up, she can have it back quickly.’

  ‘Yes,’ Liberty said. ‘I’m planning to advertise, but I’m not sure how to go about it. I can’t let any old stranger move in with me. What if they’re a secret axe murderer?’ She winked, but she was only half joking.

  ‘I might have an idea,’ said Natasha, reaching for her coat and bag. ‘I need to go now, I’m expecting an early delivery tomorrow morning, but I’ll check with Luc, then talk to you about it.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Liberty, feeling brighter.

  ‘This challenge is so exciting,’ said Natasha. ‘I think it’s a great idea.’

  Liberty smiled. She was determined to do this. She didn’t want to look back in ten years’ time and wonder what her life might have been like if she’d been braver. ‘There’s no going back now.’

  Chapter Two

  Say yes to everything. Be brave. It was a bold plan, but Liberty knew that for it to work she couldn’t just sit and wait for opportunities to come to her: she had to make them happen. Set herself challenges. With a tiny orange notebook open on her lap, she started a list. Apart from trying new sandwich fillings, what would take her out of her comfort zone? What did she want to achieve? Getting out more, meeting new people … She chewed her pencil. What would Carys tell her to start with?

  Dating. Without a doubt.

  They used to go out together – to the cinema, restaurants or the pub. They used to double-date as well, or sometimes even go out as a
threesome if one of them was temporarily single – but since the accident Liberty could count on one hand how many times she’d been out. She’d felt too guilty to have fun while her best friend was lying in hospital. But Liberty also knew Carys would be horrified at how quiet her life had become, how limited. She could hear her now: Lib, you need to get out and live. Thirty is so old!

  Liberty smiled and reached for her phone. Maybe old was an exaggeration but today’s birthday had definitely focused her mind. She wanted a partner, a loving relationship, and – one day – a family.

  She knew what she had to do, although it was the most daunting of all the challenges she’d come up with so far. She was going to join a dating app.

  Or maybe she’d just download the app and take a look.

  No, she’d join. How scary could it be?

  The problem was, Liberty hated putting herself out there and she wasn’t any good in social situations with strangers. Working at the Button Hole was fine because conversations revolved around sewing, and that was her passion, but anything outside her job was a different matter. Other people could recount funny stories and chatter away for hours, but not her. She just stammered and her mind went blank.

  The app popped open and she searched through her photos for a profile picture, but the only pictures she had were of her and Carys together. Finally, she managed to crop one so it showed just her. It wasn’t the best photo: her hair looked even redder than normal and her cheeks were flushed from the sun, but it would do, and she uploaded it.

  So what kind of man was she looking for? She picked a couple of loose threads off her top and wound them around her finger as she thought about this. She supposed her ideal man would enjoy the quiet life. He’d prefer to stay in watching films than go to nightclubs or wild parties. And he had to be an animal-lover, she thought, glancing at Charlie who was asleep in front of the fire. It would be nice if he was good-looking, but not so much that he was out of her league, and he had to be tall. At least as tall as her, and she was five foot ten. She didn’t have a preference for hair colour or physical stuff: it was the person inside who mattered. She’d never had much patience for fickle, unreliable sorts, but now she’d turned thirty she was even keener to find someone she could rely on. Someone steady and grounded, who was in it for the long haul. She filled in all the details, then decided that was enough for today and picked up her quilt.

  Shame she couldn’t find a quilting guy, she thought, as she stitched. He’d be her perfect man. Or even better – a quilting cowboy.

  Thursday, 27 November

  Next morning Natasha popped into the Button Hole. The shop bell jingled as she came in and her white-blonde hair gleamed under the shop’s lighting.

  ‘Hi, Nat,’ said Liberty. ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’ She stepped forward to pluck a tiny sprig of pine out of her friend’s hair.

  Natasha laughed. ‘I’ve been making Christmas wreaths all morning and that stuff gets everywhere. I can’t stay for coffee. I just popped in to talk to you about taking in a lodger. Are you still considering it?’

  ‘Yes – especially if it’s someone who’s recommended.’

  Natasha smiled. ‘Luc has a French friend who’s coming to visit and needs a place to stay. We offered him our sofa, but he’s going to be here for a few weeks so he’s been looking into hotel rooms in town. But your place would suit him better. Living in the village will mean he’s closer, and we can see more of him – if he’s around, that is. I’m not sure what his plans are exactly.’

  ‘That sounds good,’ said Liberty, her brain automatically searching for problems. Don’t be so negative, she told herself sharply. Remember, from now on, life is about saying yes.

  ‘The thing is, though – he’s arriving on Monday. It doesn’t leave you much time to get ready.’

  ‘Monday? How long for?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m guessing he’ll go home for Christmas, but he hasn’t said. I can give you his email address if you like. Then you can contact him directly.’

  ‘Okay,’ Liberty said gingerly. ‘What else do you know about him?’

  Natasha smiled. ‘He’s a motorcycle racer. Very successful.’

  Liberty frowned. Why did she say that as if it was a good thing?

  ‘He and Luc go back donkey’s years. When they were very young they went to school together in Provence. Then Alex’s family moved to Paris. They didn’t see each other for a while – a bit like you and me, only Alex was a teenager when he left.’ Natasha had left Willowbrook when her parents died and she was sent to live with an elderly relative, but she’d moved back a few years ago and opened her flower shop. ‘But they’ve kept in touch over the years.’ Natasha smiled. ‘So you don’t need to worry. He’s not going to murder you in your sleep.’

  Liberty nodded, even though this wasn’t as reassuring as Natasha might have thought. ‘I’ll email him and see what he says. If he agrees, this will count as my first challenge.’ She reached into her pocket and pulled out the orange notebook she’d bought especially to record her challenges. ‘It’s not every day you let a stranger come and live with you.’ Others might not regard it as a hugely daring thing, but for her it was an important step.

  ‘Think of the rent he’ll pay. And I met him at our wedding.’ Natasha winked. ‘He’s very easy on the eye.’

  Saturday, 29 November

  Liberty started clearing Carys’s room as soon as she got home from work on Saturday evening. She had brought home some cardboard boxes from the supermarket to pack up her friend’s possessions.

  ‘They’ll still be here waiting for you,’ she murmured, as she stood in the middle of the room and wondered where to start. It still smelt of Carys, even though it had been six months since the accident. She sniffed the perfume bottle beside the bed and memories sprang up of their best times together: the films they’d watched, laughing until they cried; eating Carys’s homemade cookies; getting dressed up for a special meal; confiding in each other over broken hearts or new romances. Liberty blinked hard. The most difficult thing about Carys’s accident was that it had come out of the blue. They’d both believed those shared moments would go on for years to come.

  She carefully wrapped up the photos of Carys’s parents and her little brothers, and a handful of cards her pupils at school had drawn for her. There were more beside her bed in hospital, dozens in fact, but the ones at home had been sent before the accident and weren’t get-well-soon cards, just heartfelt tokens of affection. Your the best teecher in the world! was printed beneath a stick lady with a brown face. Liberty’s eyes filled and she put the card away quickly. Carys had been a brilliant teacher. She cared about the children she taught, understood each pupil and nurtured their individual talents.

  Once the bedside table was empty, she folded the quilt on Carys’s bed. It had been a gift from Liberty on her sixteenth birthday. A Friendship Star design, she’d made it using the cheerful colours that Carys liked against a white background. It wasn’t as bright as the bold primary shades she used nowadays but it had her trademark modern touch. She hugged it, and laid it carefully in a box. Carys’s clothes were the hardest thing to fold away: shoes they’d bought together, dresses they used to share. It hadn’t felt right to borrow them so Liberty had left them untouched since the accident.

  When she’d finished clearing the room, she stacked the boxes on top of the wardrobe and under the bed. It seemed more spacious now, ready to receive a guest. But was it too sparse? She wanted her lodger to feel welcome so she did a quick trail around the house collecting candles, lavender-stuffed hearts, and pine cones strung from white ribbon, which she hung from drawer handles and hooks around the room. When she’d finished she stood back and assessed it. Yes, much more inviting. All it needed now was clean bedding and a quilt to make it more homely: Liberty had a pile of those to choose from. She thought of the emails she’d exchanged with her lodger, Alex. He’d said he was planning to stay until Christmas. His messages were brief and to the point, and sh
e wondered what he’d be like. At least she wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

  Monday, 1 December

  ‘I can’t believe how little you’ve changed.’ Luc smiled. ‘You still eat twice as much as everyone else.’

  Alex tucked into a second helping of the cassoulet, hungry after a long day on the road. He’d arrived an hour ago, and was glad he’d arranged to stop at Luc and Natasha’s for a meal before going on to the place where he’d be lodging. ‘I burn it all off. And this is delicious. Even better than my mother’s. Did you make it, Natasha?’

  She shook her head. ‘Luc did. He does most of the cooking – when he’s home, anyway.’

  Alex stared at his friend, remembering the bachelor lifestyle he’d lived before he’d married Natasha. He was fairly certain Luc wouldn’t have been able to boil an egg four years ago. ‘Who would have thought you’d settle down like this, Duval? Nat, you’re a positive influence on my good friend here.’

  ‘Oh, he just decided to learn to cook one day. I can’t claim credit for that.’

  Luc and Natasha shared a look. ‘You can,’ he said quietly. ‘I knew I had to prove to you that I could do commitment. That’s why I learned to cook.’

  ‘You changed in other ways, too. Learning to cook isn’t enough to convince a woman you’re dependable.’

  ‘True.’ Luc’s dark eyes softened as he gazed at his wife. ‘We were always meant to be together, and once we figured that out, everything else fell into place.’

  Alex was amused that Luc still seemed slightly amazed at the way things had turned out, even though he’d been married for more than four years now. Memories rose in his mind of Luc and Natasha’s second wedding in Provence. It had been a shock to hear they’d been divorced, then fallen in love all over again. He’d felt privileged to be invited to the small, relaxed celebration at Château Duval when they’d remarried.

  ‘So what’s brought you here?’ asked Luc. ‘You said something about looking for a relative?’