by Susan Meier
He nodded.
The nurse looked at the IV bag, made some notes and scurried away.
Chance moved closer to Tory, extending his arm to take Cindy. “The kids and I will wait in the cafeteria. Stay as long as you want.”
She smiled gratefully then her eyes suddenly filled with tears. “Thanks. It was nice of you to bring them along.”
He walked to the door but faced her again. Her happy expression was gone. All the sadness in her heart was evident in her eyes as she gazed at Jason.
And Chance knew the kids had made a difference. Maybe they gave her a way to focus on the future? Maybe they gave her a way to focus on something good? Maybe she just liked having them in her arms? Whatever the reason, she needed them.
* * *
He left the room and Tory sat on the chair beside Jason’s bed. “This is hard, Jace.”
He said nothing. And not only did he say nothing, but the room felt empty, devoid of his presence. Coldness swept through her. Bitter and frightening, it tightened her muscles, squeezed her heart.
So she jumped to the topic that always warmed the room. “Did you like the twins?” She laughed, or tried. Without the sense that he was listening, happiness was elusive, her efforts strained. “They, um, keep me hopping.”
She rose and walked to the window. Slatted blinds let only the tiniest amount of sun in, so she opened them.
“Actually, over the past few months, they’ve kept me from going crazy.” She faced the bed again. “You can’t imagine how hard this has been. I’ve been so alone for the past five years… Still, when Mom suggested I get a job, I fought it. Then I met the twins, and it was like I had sunshine in my life for the first time. They’re so alive. So vibrant. And so full of promise.”
She stopped. Promise. Actually, it was Chance who filled her life with promise. He’d listened when she talked about night classes. He’d helped her investigate a few schools. The kids made her laugh, but he made her happy.
Warmth seeped into her frozen soul, melted her heart, made breathing easy again.
While Jason lay on a bed dying.
And it didn’t matter what she said or did. It didn’t matter if every doctor in this hospital came into this room right now and did their very, very best to save him. He was dying.
Tears flooded her eyes. She walked back to the bed, took his hand as sobs tore through her chest. She let herself cry until there were no more tears, then she leaned in, kissed his cheek.
Stepping away, she let his hand fall to the bed. It did so lifelessly.
Chance suddenly appeared at the door. Chance, the guy who was always there for her.
For her.
There was no one who could help Jason. But she had Chance.
“Sorry to interrupt, but the nurses really need to be in here now.”
She glanced over at him. “Where are the twins?”
“They’re top billing at the nurse’s station.”
“Top billing?”
“They’re entertaining.”
She laughed. He held out his hand. “So, are you ready?”
She smiled slightly and nodded, because her mind had been made up. She walked to him, but didn’t take his hand. She led him out of Jason’s room, over to the nurse’s station where she took Cindy, thanked everyone for their kindnesses to the kids and Jason, and left.
* * *
She was silent, a virtual zombie, the entire drive home, but Chance wasn’t worried. They’d been at the hospital nearly three hours. They’d whipped by lunch and were cruising toward supper and having had only the pudding the nurses had provided, the twins were starving.
He should give Tory a little time to herself, but he knew she needed the twins to keep her grounded. So he let her unbuckle Sam from his car seat and carry him into the cottage.
“Our first order of business is to feed these two,” he said, following her into the great room. He tossed his keys to the table behind the sofa. “So you get their coats off while I heat up some baby food.”
She nodded.
He raced to the kitchen and got food ready for the kids. One at a time, she removed a snowsuit then brought a baby to his or her highchair. When the food was ready, so were they.
Sam squealed with delight, showing off two new bottom teeth. Cindy laughed and patted her highchair tray.
“See? They’re ready.”
But Tory stood frozen by the chairs. She didn’t even blink.
“Tory? A little help here?”
She peeked over at him. “Huh?”
“You feed Sam. I’ll feed Cindy.”
She took a step back, licked her lips.
“Okay.” The empty expression on her face wasn’t going away. She might be in the room, but she wasn’t really present. And he didn’t blame her. She’d been through a lot that day. “Why don’t you go to your room? We’ll be fine.”
She nodded, pivoted and fled to her bedroom. He let her go, knowing that the love and cuddliness of two adorable babies could only go so far in terms of helping her broken heart.
But tomorrow morning, and the next morning and the next morning, they would be here for her. Ready to ease her back into her life.
And so would he.
He wouldn’t let himself feel the relief of knowing they’d finally hit the point where he could help her for real. He wouldn’t let himself think that his gain was another man’s loss. He dealt only in reality. Fact. Figures. Because if he let himself think of Jason, lying in a hospital bed, breathing only with a machine, his emotions would overwhelm him. He wouldn’t be able to help Tory.
So he didn’t think of the vagaries of life, the unfairness of some things. He put his mind on helping Tory.
But a few hours later, he began to worry about her. She hadn’t come out of her room for dinner. So he tapped on her bedroom door. If she didn’t answer, he would assume she was sleeping, but if she did answer he wouldn’t let her sit in her room and brood.
A very faint, “Yes,” come from beyond her door.
So he opened it, stepped inside and found her packing. “What’s up?”
“I’m going.”
Half of him expected that. These next days would be the most difficult of her life and she might think she needed to be alone, but he knew she needed to be with him and their kids.
“Well, okay,” he said, walking a little farther into the room. “I know you need some time and space, but there’s no reason for you to leave.”
“I need to be with Jason.”
“I know that. You won’t have to work for the next couple of days or weeks or whatever you need. But you’re welcome here. We want to help you through this.”
“Help me through this? Jason is the one who is dying.”
He felt her slipping away. Not that he didn’t want her to mourn Jason, not that he didn’t want her to feel the sorrow she deserved, but he had the sudden, intense intuition that if he let her go, she’d never come back. “I know Jason is the one who is dying. But, Tory, just like always, you don’t see that you’re suffering too.”
She took a careful step back. “I see. I always see. I’m just not the important one.”
“I get it that Jason is the more important one now. I just don’t want you to pull away so far that you forget you have us. We want you to stay with us.”
“Stay with you?” Her face fell into sad lines. “How can I stay with the man I fell in love with while my fiancé was dying?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHANCE HONEST TO God thought his heart stopped. She loved him?
He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she was as breathless as he felt. But wasn’t this the way of his life? He finally found the woman of his dreams, the one who made him happy to be alive, the one who made him believe that even though life was difficult, it could be fun. And when he learns she loves him he can’t kiss her. He can’t tell her he loves her. He can’t say anything.
“I was supposed to stand by him. To be committed to h
im. And I fell in love with someone else.”
He swallowed as diametrically opposed feelings pummeled him. His heart lightened to the point that it took his breath away, even as he felt the weight of knowing they were star-crossed. Two people who’d met at the wrong time and were destined to fail.
But some optimistic part of him that still existed walked over to her. “You have never been anything but faithful. Don’t do this to yourself.” He set his hand on hers and stopped her from adding any more things to her suitcase. “Stay.”
She pressed her lips together.
“Come eat dinner and then go to bed. We’ll talk again in the morning.”
He got her to eat some of the mashed potatoes and chicken Cook had sent down. Then, as if on autopilot, she walked to her room and closed the door. He checked on her around ten and found her fast asleep. He brushed her bangs from her face, kissed her forehead. He didn’t know how they would get through the next days or weeks, but by God he would get them through.
* * *
The next morning she was awake, caring for the babies, when he staggered into the kitchen. She’d felt sorry enough for herself the day before and she wasn’t going to do that again.
She also wouldn’t put Chance through the ringer. When he walked into the kitchen, she smiled and pointed at the coffeepot. “It’s fresh.”
“Thanks. Feeling better?”
“Yes.” She lied. Not for herself but for Chance. She’d made a royal mess of this situation and she didn’t know what to say or do. She’d made him feel guilty for her feelings for him and that wasn’t right. She was the one who had fallen. It wasn’t his fault. She would just keep her distance from here on out.
He turned from the counter with a cup of coffee and a slight smile. “Good.”
She busied herself with the babies.
“Need any help?”
“No. We’re fine.”
He sucked in a breath and she prayed he wouldn’t mention what she’d said the night before. Just as he’d decided after he’d kissed her the first time that it was better for them not to really talk, she knew that was what they had to do now.
“I have some work to do on the computer in my room. But if you need me, I’ll come out.”
Relief about buckled her knees. She said, “Great,” as her cell phone rang.
She fished it out of her pocket and answered before it could ring again. “Hello.”
“It’s Nathan, sweetie.” He paused and drew in a shuddering breath. “Jason had a bad night last night. I think you need to come to the house.”
Her heart pounding, she closed the phone and bounced from her seat. “I need to go—”
“Go?”
She caught his gaze. “To Jason’s parents.”
“Okay, give me ten minutes to call Cook to babysit.”
She stopped him by laying her hand on his forearm. “I need to go alone.”
“But you need—”
“To go alone.”
* * *
Two hours later, he got the news that Jason had died. With the babies in the nursery sleeping, he threw a cup across the kitchen, smashing it against the wall.
“Chance—”
His mother’s voice drifted over the phone line, bringing him back to the present.
“The doctors I spoke with before I called you told me something very interesting.”
“Oh, yeah?” On the hospital board of directors, his mother had connections to everyone and everything related to the hospital. He certainly hoped she didn’t think telling him that Jason’s death was a blessing would cheer him up.
“They tell me that you and Tory took the twins to see him yesterday.”
He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. So, he wasn’t going to get the blessing speech, but a scolding for taking the babies into the room of a dying man.
“The twins calmed her down.” The defense slipped past his lips easily, naturally. He already had enough guilt about Jason to last him a lifetime. He didn’t need something else.
“Oh, I know! One of the nurses monitored a lot of what happened in the room before the head nurse kicked you out.” She took a breath. “The thing is, Jason didn’t die this morning. They waited to call Tory so she’d have time to get some rest. He died a few minutes after your visit.”
“What?” Grief swamped him. “They turned off his life support that soon?”
“That’s just it. They didn’t have to turn off his life support. He died on his own.”
He might not be a brilliant man, but Chance knew that would be much easier on Tory. “He died right after we left?”
“Doctors know so little about head injuries and comas that they don’t know what a person sees or hears, but one of them told me privately that your visit was a blessing. Sometimes people don’t die because they worry about who’ll care for their loved ones when they’re gone. Your going into the room with Tory, bringing the babies, was almost like telling Jason that Tory had someone to take care of her.”
He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck again, not sure what to say.
“You gave him the peace he needed to move on.”
He hung up the phone feeling marginally better. Tory returned two hours later, so pale and bent that he wondered how she could support herself to walk. He hustled over to her, helped her to the sofa.
“Jason’s parents called my mom.”
She pressed her lips together as tears filled her eyes. “So you know.”
“Yes.”
He tried to pull her into his embrace, but she shrugged out of his hold. “How are the kids?”
“The kids are fine. Actually, they’re with Mom.”
Tory nodded as tears streamed down her face. Unable to bear seeing her like this, he caught her by the shoulders and forced her to face him. “I am so sorry.”
Her tears turned to painful sobs. “He was so young. So smart. So everything.”
Knowing she was remembering the boy she’d fallen in love with, Chance swallowed hard. “I’m sure he was.”
“And funny. Nobody could make me laugh the way he could.” She rose and paced away from the sofa. “And strong. I told you that I believe he’d somehow taken the brunt of that accident so that I’d be saved.”
Chance swallowed again. Her pain was so intense it shimmered through the room. Hoping to comfort her, he said, “The doctors told my mom he passed away on his own.”
She nodded.
He took a breath, “They also told her that Jason actually died a few minutes after our visit.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded again in confirmation.
Relieved, he went on. “They said that sometimes people hang on because they worry about who’ll care for their loved ones. They think our visit with the twins was almost like telling Jason you had someone to take care of you.”
She sniffed a small laugh.
“So he could move on. He stayed until he knew you were going to be okay.”
“He would do that.”
Encouraged, Chance rose. “Yes. He would. Because he loved you and wanted you to be okay after he died.”
She said nothing.
“He just wants you to be okay.”
She turned suddenly. “He wants me to be okay? I think it’s you who wants me to be okay.”
He drew in a quick breath. “Of course, I do, but that doesn’t mean—”
She paced away from him. “I know you and everybody else think I should be grateful that his suffering is ended.” Her voice broke. “But I’m not. I’m so sad I honest to God feel that my heart is breaking.”
He took a step toward her. “Tory—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t. Please. All this,” she said, motioning around the great room. “Is very confusing right now. I should be grieving the man I adored. For ten years, he was the love of my life. And when he needed me the most I was here.”
“You had to make a living.”
“I was making a life.” He
r voice broke again. “Prematurely. Now, I need to grieve.”
“And we’ll give you all the space and time you need.”
She shook her head furiously. “No! Don’t you get it? I can’t stay here. It only reminds me that while he was slipping away, I was too.” She caught his gaze. “To you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. We both know it’s true.”
“We did nothing—”
She gurgled in disgust. “We did everything. The important things. We broke my connection to him.”
“No. We didn’t. Both of us were very careful, very respectful of him.”
She shook her head, then ran her hands down her face.
He took another step toward her. “And what we feel isn’t foolish or tawdry.” He considered his next words very carefully. She’d told him she loved him in the heat of anger when he couldn’t answer her. Maybe it was time to fix that. “Because I love you too. Genuinely. With all my heart.”
She closed her eyes then quickly opened them again and headed to her bedroom. Chance followed her, but she said nothing. Simply grabbed her nearly packed duffel bag and filled it.
Grief and a wild despair rattled through him. He’d told her he loved her and she had nothing to say? She was leaving?
His breathing froze as pain ricocheted through the chambers of his frantically beating heart. A million arguments raced through his head. Reasons she should stay. But if she wouldn’t answer a declaration of love, what made him think anything he had to say was important to her?
He watched her walk through the great room, her shoulders slumped, her misery evident in every step. He told himself that she just needed time to sort all this out and once she’d had time she’d be back. Maybe not after the funeral. Maybe not in a few weeks. But after a month of working through everything that had happened, she’d be back.
But when the door closed behind her, he wasn’t so sure.
* * *
For the second time in only a few months, Chance pulled his SUV through an intimidating black gate. This one at Saint John’s Cemetery. A long string of cars with funeral flags on the hoods sat on the edge between the thin ribbon of road and the snow piled high beside it.
