by Susan Meier
He didn’t park at the end of the line. Instead, he stopped the SUV near a cluster of trees, got out and hoped his black topcoat allowed him to blend into the dark bark of the trees around him.
Mourners huddled under a small, tasteful tent that flapped in the winter wind. Chance spotted Tory immediately. With one of her father’s arms wrapped around her and her mother holding her up on the other side, she sobbed pitifully.
His heart tumbled in his chest and he sucked in a breath. He had no idea what it felt like to love somebody so well, so completely that you’d bear the burden of five years of grief. No idea what it felt like to be that loved.
How can I stay with the man I fell in love with while my fiancé was in the hospital dying?
After her reaction to his declaration of love, he wondered if she even knew she’d said that.
That she loved him.
He listened to the minister, watched as the man closed his Bible then walked over to Jason’s parents to give comfort before he stepped in front of Tory and handed her a rose. The minister spoke to her and hugged her, giving her special attention.
Chance swallowed hard. She’d spent the last five years a virtual prisoner. And he almost couldn’t believe no one had paid her any notice until now. Not just because she was pretty but because something bright and good emanated from her.
And she loved him.
But she was racked with grief.
And because he’d been there, insinuating himself into her life for the past five months, telling her to move on, she might forever associate him with the final days of her fiancé.
The winter wonderland around him stilled and the thought of that shifted through him. That was the real reason she’d left him. He reminded her of the worst time in her life. A time she didn’t want to remember, but forget.
That’s why she wasn’t with him. She wanted to forget him.
When the service was over, he quietly got into his car and drove home.
He stepped inside the cottage and Max and Kate both rose from the sofa, each holding a twin.
Max solemnly said, “Well?”
He shrugged out of his black topcoat. “She’s devastated.”
Kate sniffed back tears. “I can’t even imagine.”
“That’s just it,” he said, ambling over to the sofa. “I don’t think any of us have a clue what she went through these past years.”
“Is she coming back?”
He snorted. “Why? In the last months of her fiancé’s life, we tried to draw her away from him. To make her laugh. To give her chances to grow, like encouraging her to go back to school. To make her forget her accident. If she doesn’t hate me for that…and I’m pretty sure she does, we remind her of Jason. His last months.” He plopped down on the sofa, and laid his head back so he was looking at the ceiling. “We remind her of the worst days of her life.”
“Surely there were some good things—” Kate began.
But Max stopped her by laying his hand on her forearm. “Why don’t you go up to the house and have Mom plan dinner for all of us tonight. We’ll go home and get Clayton and Trisha. Then we can all have a nice, quiet dinner.”
Kate glanced at Chance then back at Max. “Yes. That sounds like a good idea. Some family time.”
When Kate was gone, Chance turned his head to the right and peered over at Max. “I’m not going to pour my heart out to you.”
“I don’t want you to pour your heart out. I just want you to listen. You might remind her of the worst days of her life, but there was something between you.”
He snorted a laugh. “Right.”
“You can’t let that go.”
“I also can’t put her through any more than she’s already been through.”
“Chance, she’s hurting now and she needs you. I let Kate go when she needed me the most and we lost eight years of our lives together. She went through a pregnancy alone, raised Trisha alone for eight years. You don’t want to desert the woman you love when she needs you.”
Chance shook his head. “When Kate needed you, she belonged to you. In some ways Tory still belongs to Jason. She might love me. She might need me. But I pushed her when she least needed to be pushed. I think that’s why she ran away. So I won’t do it again. I won’t go after her. She has to come back to me.”
* * *
Tory stayed in her room for the next two days. She didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep. On the third day, her mom came in with a breakfast tray and swished open the drapes covering the only window.
“Time to get up.”
Tory groaned. “I’ve been up.”
“I know. You’ve been up all night, sitting in the dark. It’s time for that to be over.”
“Not really. Not yet.”
Samantha turned from the window. “I’m sorry, dear, but if you’re taking classes in the spring, you have to enroll now.”
She pulled the covers over her head. “I’m not ready.”
“You have to be ready. Two weeks from now, when it’s too late to enroll you’ll be sorry.”
She licked her lips. “I suppose.”
“You might also want to call your boss.”
Her gaze snapped up. “Chance?”
“Yes. You’ll need money for classes. You have to work.”
She swallowed. “Actually, I’ve saved enough to cover the first two semesters.”
Her mom turned from the window. “So you’re not going back to work?”
Her heart twisted. She could be with the twins right now. Happy.
She swallowed. She didn’t want to be happy. It wasn’t right to be happy. It wasn’t right to go back to Chance’s house and Chance’s babies and Chance’s arms, when Jason had just died.
Remembering how she’d been with him, how they’d kissed, how she’d longed to be able to love him, shame burned through her. She’d had five short months from the day she’d met Chance until her fiancé had died. She couldn’t be patient for five short months?
“So, eat the eggs and toast I brought then get a shower and fix your hair and we’ll take a ride over to the community college.”
Tory looked at the tray of eggs and toast and her stomach flip-flopped. She thought of Valentine’s Day. Chance making her breakfast in bed, pretending the kids had made it. Then Jason’s parents arriving, telling her he’d had a stroke.
Her heart broke. “I don’t think I need to eat.”
“Please. Could you eat for me?”
She’d said the same thing to Sam the morning he was sick. Tears filled her eyes. She’d never see Jason again. She’d never see her babies again. She’d didn’t want to see Chance again. Because somehow they’d all twisted together. And every time she thought of Chance, she thought of betraying Jason. And every time she thought of betraying Jason, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. All she could do was feel the horrible anvil of pain sitting on her chest.
“I’ll eat this if you do me a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Call Gwen and tell her that I’ve quit. Tell her that Chance needs to hire another nanny.”
“Oh, Tory. You should tell him in person.”
“Really? I just lost Jason. I’m exhausted. I have to figure out the rest of my life. Can’t I just once slide on something by having you call Gwen and settle this for me?”
Obviously surprised by her outburst, Tory’s mom said, “Of course. I’m sorry.”
Tory ran her hand along her forehead. “I’m sorry too.”
And she was. Bitterly, bitterly sorry that she’d ruined so much.
* * *
Chance got the word that Tory had quit when Gwen came down with a file folder filled with the resumes. Once she’d heard Tory wasn’t coming back, she’d called an agency and they’d emailed the information he’d need to choose a new nanny.
Chance looked at her. He knew in his heart she was doing what she considered to be the right thing. But he was tired and confused and angry that Tory couldn’t even call him hers
elf to quit. She’d had her mom call his mom.
Now he was looking at resumes? Just like that, Tory was out of his life?
“Leave the resumes,” he said, rising from the sofa so his mom would too. “I’ll look at them tonight.”
“And get back to me with your choice in the morning?”
“Yes.”
Pain sluiced through him. But if she noticed, Gwen didn’t say anything. She grabbed her coat and left.
Standing in his living room, filled with a pain so intense it couldn’t be described, he thought about what Max had said, about how he’d abandoned Kate when she’d needed him the most. Tired, confused, he scrubbed his hand across his mouth, then picked up the phone and dialed the first two digits of her cell phone—the number he’d saved when she called him from the hospital when Sam was sick—but he quickly hung up.
He did that four times that night, but in the end he just couldn’t call her.
She’d told him she loved him in a tirade about her fear of hurting Jason, losing Jason. She’d pushed him away every chance she got. She’d fallen in love with him so reluctantly, that sometimes when he thought about it, it made his heart hurt.
And when he’d told her he loved her…she’d ignored him. Pretended she hadn’t heard.
He couldn’t go to her. If he went to her and she rejected him again, he’d be devastated. But he also knew he had to wait until she was ready.
She had to come to him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THREE MONTHS LATER, sitting in Mrs. Mulcahy’s accounting class, Tory looked in dismay at the simplistic spreadsheet she had created the week before. They were supposed to make a document that would assist them in creating a budget for a construction project, but though her formulas were correct, her headings left a lot to be desired.
She’d taken labor and materials into consideration, but when it came to materials her “guesstimates” were totally inaccurate. She’d forgotten little things like braces and brackets, tools and nails. Things Chance would have known about without a second thought.
Chance.
Her heart skipped a beat.
He loved her.
His actions had told her a million times over.
Tears filled her eyes and the numbers on the spreadsheet swam before her.
He’d trusted her with his kids. He’d paid attention to her, listened to her fears, respected her.
He’d taken her on the bike to help her get rid of her fears.
And he’d fallen in love with her and tempted her into being in love with him because he’d known, just as deep down inside she had known, that she was supposed to
move on.
And she’d barely acknowledged any of the good things he’d done for her. She’d pushed him away. Every time they got too close, she’d pushed him away.
She swallowed as tears slipped down her cheeks.
She remembered shopping for the stroller, play yard and walkers. Remembered that he hadn’t even known what a walker was.
She remembered their first kiss in the garden.
She remembered Christmas shopping for the babies.
She remembered breakfast in bed. The bear the twins had bought her for Valentine’s Day.
And tears flowed even harder. The lengths he’d gone to to love her without hurting Jason amazed her. She hadn’t actually noticed them at the time, but now everything was coming back to her in waves of memories—
Shooing her out of the house to visit Jason.
Taking her to see him after his stroke.
Bringing the kids too so she’d be grounded in reality.
She ran her hands down her face. Oh, God. What it must have done to him to have her simply ignore him when he told her he loved her.
In three long months, she hadn’t let herself think about him and now she couldn’t do anything but think about him.
She balled her spreadsheet into a wad and tossed it into a trash can, closed her book and rose from her desk.
“Miss Bingham!” Mrs. Mulcahy sputtered. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Are you ill?”
“Yes.” That wasn’t a lie. Now that her grieving had subsided and she was feeling better, she knew that how she’d handled the situation with Chance was wrong. After everything he’d felt for her and all the kindnesses he’d shown her, she’d just tossed him out of her life.
Like a selfish ninny.
She couldn’t believe she’d been that thoughtless. That selfish. That self-absorbed. But she’d been grieving, so steeped in her loss and her pain she couldn’t face him.
She had to make that up to him. At the very least, she had to apologize.
* * *
Chance stood by a screen displaying his PowerPoint presentation for the board of directors for Montgomery Development, with Max sitting at the head of the table in his capacity as chairman.
“In a project billed as community development, we don’t expect to make a profit, but the goodwill we’ll earn with the contractors we employ will be worth its weight in gold.”
His cell phone buzzed in his jacket pocket, but he ignored it and went on discussing the pros and cons of bidding on a huge local renovation that wouldn’t make them a dime. Still it was exactly the kind of project they had been looking for to use as a payback for the community.
His cell phone buzzed again and this time he reached into his pocket and turned it off.
Max said, “Have you worked out the projection for—”
The phone on the conference room table rang. The receptionist’s voice came over the speaker. “I’m sorry, Mr. Montgomery. But your mother is on line one. She said it’s urgent.”
Max reached for the phone, but Chance beat him to it. “She’s a quarter of a mile away from the kids. Something might have happened to one of them.”
He yanked the phone out of the cradle. “Mom?”
“Chance, darling, you have to come home.”
His heart stopped. “Why? What happened? Are the kids okay?”
“The kids are okay, but I need you—”
“Mom, I’m in the middle of a meeting.”
“Chance, have you ever known me to swear?”
“No.”
“Then the words ‘get your ass home’ should be sufficient for you to realize I’m serious.”
With that she hung up. Max said, “What’s going on?”
“She told me to get my ass home.”
Max winced. “Then you’d better get home.”
He tried not to break any speed laws as he raced along the downtown streets and up the hill to the wealthy part of town. But he knew, he just knew, something was wrong with one of the twins, and she didn’t want to tell him over the phone.
Even before he got to the front door, it opened. His mother said, “Go into the study.”
“Where are the kids?”
“They’re at your house with Bridget,” she said, referring to the new nanny.
He frowned. “Then why did you call me?”
She turned him and physically shoved him. “Go!”
He stumbled a bit after her shove, then made his way back to the hall expecting to find a gift. His mother had bought him new furniture, new suits, a new car, all in the name of getting him settled in town, but he knew she was aiming to get him over the hurdle of losing Tory. It hadn’t worked. Time had healed a couple of the wounds. But there were days he still missed her. Which was why he wouldn’t be surprised to find a real estate agent sitting on the leather sofa with a folder full of listings to show him.
With a sigh, he opened the door.
And saw Tory.
He faltered. Part of him wanted to run to her. The other part knew she could be here just to apologize for running out on him and the kids. She was kind like that. Responsible. And wouldn’t he be a fool to race into her arms only to have her rebuff him again, and have to start the healing process all over?
She turned at the sound of the door and her face gave awa
y nothing. A thin straight line, her lips were neither smiling nor frowning. Soft with sadness, her big brown eyes caught his gaze.
“Hi.”
He took a step inside the door. “Hi.”
“You look good.”
He smiled. “Handmade suits from Italy will make any guy look good.”
She sniffed a laugh. “Right. You know you’re attractive.”
He did, but he also knew that good looks could get a guy in as much trouble as they could get him favors. And his good looks hadn’t been enough to keep her. They’d been enough to tempt her, but not to keep her.
He took another cautious step into the room. He trusted himself not to fall at her feet, but just barely. He needed to come out of at least one exchange with her with his dignity.
“You’re not bad yourself. So you can’t be pointing fingers.”
She laughed, and his heart skipped a beat. He’d heard her laugh a hundred times, but never when it came to the two of them, to their attraction, to anything that might remotely link them.
He took another step. “You seem okay.”
“I am okay. Really okay.” Her eyes misted. “I’ve had a very, very difficult six years.”
He took another step into the room. “Those were more than difficult years. They were tragic. Some days I wondered how you survived.”
“Some days I did too.”
Her soft voice brought tears to his eyes. He’d always felt a tad sorry for himself, for his parentage, his dad’s lies, but standing only a few feet away from a person who’d really suffered, he knew he’d lived a blessed life.
“But you’re okay now.”
She smiled. “Yeah.” She sucked in a breath. “I’m taking classes at the community college.”
“It’s what you’d said you wanted.” She was moving on. Just as he knew she should. And though he should be glad, a part of him felt torn in two. He wished she’d say what she’d come here to say, so he could leave, brood again over her loss, and then maybe he could get on with his life.
He wouldn’t get his hopes up again.
* * *
Tory watched him walking into the room slowly, hesitantly and knew he hadn’t gotten over the hurt she’d inflicted when she left him.
So she said the words she’d come here to say. “I’m so sorry.”
