Conflicted on 5th: A 5th Avenue Romance Novel, Book One (5th Avenue Romance Series 1)

by Abbie St. Claire

  When he left, I couldn’t decide if his departure made me feel better or worse, but I was grateful Shawna was still by my side.

  My room was abuzz with a lab technician arriving to do the blood work and two nurses going about charting and hanging more IV fluids.

  While we patiently waited for the results of the pregnancy test, my doctor came in, apologized for the delay, and explained the need for additional tests. Nothing could make the time pass any faster, and I just wanted the day to be over with and let the healing begin. Healing my heart meant more to me than my eye at that moment.

  The next thing I knew, a young lady was pushing a machine into my room. “Hi, I’m Steffie, and the doctor has ordered an internal ultrasound of your pelvic area. Do you want your company to step out?”

  Pregnant. Sonogram. Suddenly, my big question mark could be a reality? What do I do now?

  “No, um, it’s okay if she stays.” My whole body trembled from nerves. Even with deep breaths, I couldn’t contain them.

  Shawna watched the screen and held my hand, as tears rolled down my cheeks.

  “Timing, huh?” Her soft hands reminded me of my mother’s.

  “No, I won’t allow myself to get excited. I cannot go through that heartbreak again.”

  The ultrasound tech reached under the sheet and placed the wand between my legs. “Not every technologist does this, but if you’d rather insert it, you can,” she said. I’m glad she asked, because I did. Nothing like having a condom-covered wand inside you and people watching—absolutely nothing like it.

  I felt pressure as she pushed the long thing around from side to side during the exam. On second thought, I would’ve been more comfortable if Shawna had stepped out, but it was too late.

  The tech started taking photographs and measurements. I’d had sonograms before, and from what I could tell, there weren’t any images of a tiny baby on the screen.

  Anxiety began to build inside me. Bile threatened the back of my throat like an eruption pending at Mount St. Helen’s.

  Why the need for additional test, was it cancer?

  The waiting was hard, and the minutes crawled by. Shawna looked as though she were praying in the chair beside me. After almost two hours of waiting, the surgeon came in.

  “You aren’t pregnant, and there’s no mass or anything we see to cause concern. Why you’re not having periods should really be investigated, but it won’t delay us any further today. I’m sorry to have worried you and your family, but we always want to be certain. Any questions before we get started?”

  “No, thank you, doctor. Let’s just get today over with.”

  He left and I flashed a gritty eye to Shawna.

  “Make sure Ian’s gone. I don’t want to see him when I wake up.”

  “Okay.” The whisper of her voice escaped with a sigh. I realized she didn’t agree, but it wasn’t the time to argue.

  I had every right to be angry at his behavior, but it saddened me too. One factor that disturbed me the most was how easily he’d walked out the door without fighting back, without fighting for us, which sent a clear message that said he didn’t think we were worth fighting for.

  Right when I was trusting my heart, my instincts were telling me something different.

  Within a few minutes, I was on the operating table and counting backwards for the anesthesia and crying so hard because I’d never felt more wounded and alone.

  How my heart could hurt any worse…

  Chapter 25

  Ian

  “Ian, please stop pacing. You’re driving me nuts,” Shawna repeated her plea from ten minutes earlier. “Besides, she wanted you out of here.”

  But I couldn’t stop circling the room. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand still, couldn’t talk, and more importantly couldn’t stop worrying. Sure as hell was on fire, I was not leaving. The woman I cared about was having a risky operation, and I wasn’t in control.

  Jorge approached me as I poured yet another cup of coffee. “Dude, take a walk with me and do us all a favor by laying off that shit.”

  I shook my head.

  He stared me down with his beefeater arms crossed over his chest. We were eye-to-eye and toe-to-toe, but he surely outweighed me by forty pounds. I glanced at my watch; five minutes had passed since I’d last looked at it, but it seemed like hours.

  “Fine, but only for a minute,” I bit out at him.

  As we walked, he shared with me about his brother’s motorcycle wreck with severe head injuries some years ago. Because of that, hospitals made him nervous, and my pacing was pushing him over the edge.

  “You’ve gotta sit down and try to relax. Shawna is beside herself, and it’s not good for the baby.”

  It took me a minute to register what he’d said. “Baby? Bro, that is so awesome. When?”

  He stopped by the front entry fountain and gave me a wrinkled nose. “When I knocked her up?”

  I laughed for the first time all day. “No, man, when is she due? And for God’s sake, don’t use the term ‘knocked up’ unless she does. That phrase can piss a woman off. Trust me.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Sometime in August is what the doctor said.”

  “Congrats, man. I know you’ve both wanted this for a long time. Does Chelsie know?”

  “Yeah, Shawna told her first thing this morning to give her some good news for the day. We’re keeping it quiet until Shawna gets further along.”

  “Sure, I get it. I’ll simmer down or disappear for a while.”

  We walked back to the surgery waiting room, finding all the seats taken, except the sofa. Shawna and Jorge took a seat there, leaving me to lean against the wall. All I could focus on was one word—baby.

  I’d yelled at Chelsie for keeping a secret, yet when they’d said she wasn’t pregnant, I was sad. I wasn’t sporting a clear head. Sure, we’d used protection, but at any moment, any attempt at prevention could fail. And while the timing wasn’t planned, I was curious at how the boys would’ve reacted. I thought Oliver would’ve been fine, but Ty…that could’ve been a struggle.

  My reaction wasn’t great, and if I knew my little stubborn fire-starter, she was going to be pissed off. It wasn’t like a pregnancy would’ve been a bad thing, and in fact, it would’ve made her mine forever.

  So, why did it scare me like it did?

  Chelsie had insisted, and I’d finally agreed the boys needed to see us sail smoothly through the beginnings of a relationship and sleepovers were a no-no, especially since Ty got up at night quite a bit. We’d decided to step up the flirting and let them see us connecting and having fun. It was like a play, and we’d written the parts for Acts I-III.

  But what about Act Eternity?

  I loved her. I was certain of that, and I wanted her to be mine for the rest of our lives. I’d loved and lost and spent so much time in mourning I wasn’t ready to be patient—even two doors down.

  It was funny, but I’d made the move to Dallas with one thing on my agenda, and that was to make Oliver happy with a fresh start. I never dreamed we’d both get one.

  My hair had fallen forward, and as I pushed the strands back, the bracelet on my wrist caught my eye. I twisted it around repeatedly as my thoughts lingered on the past. I remembered the night Olivia gave it to me, and I’d never removed it since. The engraved bar implied I belonged to someone—her, my beloved.

  When she’d labored with Oliver and required an emergency C-section, she’d made me promise to live my life full and happy. Even though she’d survived the surgery and birth with no further problems, it was only months later the accident had taken her away from us.

  Security filled me; I knew in my heart her goal would’ve still been the same.

  Find someone to make Oliver and me very happy, living a beautiful life. It was time I buried the past. I slipped the band from my wrist and shoved it in my pocket.

  It was four more hours before Chelsie’s surgeon finally came out. She’d listed Shawna as next of kin, so the doctor spo
ke directly to her. The results were not good. Boney fragments from the accident, along with a large hematoma had settled around the optic nerve, and while they’d tried to remove as much as they could, there was severe damage. It might be months before she saw anything or nothing at all. He was very clear that only time would tell, and Chelsie had to be understanding about that.

  Patience was a characteristic trait Chelsie clearly did not have.

  “You need to be the one to tell her.,” Shawna’s voice was a mere whisper as the tears filled her eyes.

  I gave her a hug, but my attempt to soothe her did nothing. “Okay, but we both know how she’s going to take seeing me, much less hearing the news.”

  Jorge, Shawna, and I waited for another hour or so before they brought Chelsie into a private room, where they’d finally let us camp out, since the waiting room was overcrowded.

  Her nose was stuffed and covered with bandages, and her right eye bore yet another patch.

  “She’s going to have headaches, and we have medicine ordered. Other than that, she did real well,” the nurse informed us.

  Chelsie’s good eye wasn’t open, but she held up her hand. “You’re still here, aren’t you?” she whispered in a groggy voice.

  “Yes. I’m so sorry. I overreacted like you said.” Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, I gripped her hand in mine.

  She squeezed my hand back. “So did I. But why did you leave? Couldn’t you fight with me? Make me believe we’re worth saving?”

  “Honestly, I thought like a doctor, not your lover. I’m an idiot. I didn’t want you upset any further and have your blood pressure shoot sky high. I knew we could resolve things with time.”

  “Ian, people put up walls to make others try harder. It’s human nature to want to be worthy.”

  “I’ll try harder. I’ll try anything because you are worthy of everything I have to give.”

  “Me too. Can I talk to the boys?”

  Without question, I dialed Denise and let her put the boys on speakerphone. All they knew was Chelsie was going to have a little procedure on her nose and would stay in the hospital.

  Carson was supposed to get Ty for the weekend, but he’d bailed again, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

  “Mom, Yolo ate one of your shoes.”

  That did it. She was fully awake and ready to raise hell.

  She pushed to a full upright position in the bed. “That’s the—I’ve lost count how many pairs she’s ruined. She’s a chewer. I’m gonna get a big switch after her.”

  Ty giggled. He got that trait from his mother, and at his young age, he sounded a good bit like her. “Denise got her and Rip big bones, so they don’t chew any shoes of Mr. Ian’s.”

  “Ms. Chelsie, do you have any cookies at your house?” Oliver’s voice was shy as normal.

  Chelsie giggled, and I smiled to myself. Oliver was always asking her for cookies, as if she didn’t have any other identity.

  “Sure, I do. Tell Denise to look in the freezer in the garage. They’re all labeled.”

  It sounded like the phone hit the floor. Both boys were laughing as if they’d been up to something. “Gotta go, love you, Momma.”

  “Love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  My heart hurt for Oliver. There were times when I witnessed him watching the mother/son connection, and I knew he felt a loss he didn’t understand and had never really known. He needed a mother, and I hoped one day he would feel like Chelsie was the best replacement God could ever give him.

  Slipping from the bed, I stood and walked to the window. The mass of the parking lot filled my view. As people scurried about, going in different directions, a man walked, while holding the hand of a little boy and carrying congratulatory balloons and flowers in the other. The balloons were pink, and I could only surmise they represented his daughter.

  Curiously, thoughts of having a daughter with Chelsie flooded my mind. What I would’ve given at that very moment for the test to have been positive.

  “Can I get you anything?” Shawna asked Chelsie, while taking up residence at the foot of her bed.

  “Strawberries, champagne, and chocolate,” she mumbled.

  “I heard that, Ms. Peterson, and unfortunately, you’re gonna have to use your imagination this broth tastes like all of those things for now.” The nurse laughed.

  She placed the tray on the patient table, but Chelsie shook her head. “That even smells bad. I think I’ll wait until I can have my imagination.”

  “Well then, that will be on Sunday when you go home. There’s some Jell-O on here, and it’s strawberry if you want to try using your imagination.” She laughed at her own sarcasm. “You have to eat something and keep it down before you get to go home. Just giving you a heads-up on the blaze-outta-here requirements.” She left the room, but not before quietly telling me she would try to find a piece of chocolate once Chelsie ate the Jell-O and kept it down.

  Shawna was frazzled, and Jorge followed her home while I made my bed in the recliner beside Chelsie. I had no intentions of leaving her, even if she’d told me a hundred times to go home because she would be fine.

  Fine, she was not. It was a long night, and she tried desperately to tough it out and forego the pain meds, but around four in the morning, she was begging for relief. She was very sick as the anesthesia wore off, and at one point, I climbed into bed with her and held her until the meds kicked in.

  “So glad you’re still here,” she mumbled with my hand gripped in hers at her breast.

  “Always. Never leaving you or us again.”

  By Sunday, she felt well enough to go home and start her real world again. On the drive, she verbally went over all of her dos and don’ts.

  “So, I can still drive?”

  “Yep, I already checked. Even if your sight doesn’t improve, you don’t lose your license. You can get a handicapped sticker for the car and park in the bigger spaces, if you want.” I ran my hand up and down her thigh in an effort to soothe her.

  She turned to face me. “Why would I do that?”

  “Depth perception is off with partial vision as you’ve already experienced, and a few inches here and there are always helpful. I wish all women got wider spaces to park in,” I joked.

  “Women can’t figure out inches because they’ve been lied to for centuries,” she quipped.

  While I wanted to refute her exaggeration, I was happy to see her humor return.

  “You never have to worry about that with me, baby. I got my inches in check.” I laced our fingers together and turned into the alley toward her garage.

  Chapter 26

  Chelsie

  The vintage Chanel bag I’d carried meant the world to me. It had been a gift from my mom when I graduated from high school. Special occasions were about the only time I brought it out of the closet, like my trip to Arizona. But, having it at the hospital was like having her with me.

  I reached for the bag as Ian stood beside me at the back of his car. “Move away from the bag,” he snapped with a controlling stance.

  I stared at him. Perhaps a one-eyed stare wasn’t as effective as two, but I tried. “What happened to taking charge of my independence?”

  “Control and chivalry are contrasts, and I don’t think that’s a lesson you want to learn right now. There are two boys waiting on you inside.”

  “They’re here?” I gave him a squeal and skipped into the house, dropping my purse so Mr. Chivalrous could carry it too. The boys weren’t supposed to be here until later, and I couldn’t wait to see them.

  “Momma.” Ty came running and met me at the juncture of the laundry room and the den. Oliver was on his heels. “The bandage makes you look like a hockey player.”

  Oh, the compliments of children. I kneeled to both of them and loved my hug from Ty, but Oliver took a couple of steps back. I tried to believe it was because Ty bumped him when he swung his arms around my neck, but in my heart, I knew he pulled away for a reason.

  “My two
favorite fellas. Did y’all have fun with Denise?”

  “Yep, but Yolo was a bad girl. She—” Ty covered his mouth.

  “Yeah, she chewed up the couch.” Oliver giggled.

  Ian approached, carrying my bags, and I looked up at him.

  “Oh, Ian, I’m so sorry. I’ll replace it. That dog is so grrrrrounded.”

  “Not my precious furniture. Yours.” He took a step backwards to open my view to the den furniture and started snickering behind his hand along with both boys.

  I walked around my sofa table to the front of the couch. Sure enough, Yolo had dined on the corner of the left armrest.

  “And that’s not all,” Ty the tattletale offered up. “She found more of your shoes.”

  “What? Not more shoes,” I gasped. I didn’t even want to see my closet. Shoes and handbags were my best friends, next to Shawna and my Bunco Sisters. I didn’t have a gazillion pairs, but the ones I did have were investments—small, sinful assets.

  “It’s okay. You know you’re dying to, so go look.” Ian winked.

  There on my bed were three gift sacks, sporting shiny new shoes from Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, and Christian Louboutin. I turned to see Ian and the boys, right on my heels.

  “What did you do?”

  “I promised to take care of things, and apparently, I failed at housesitting amongst other things.” He leaned in to whisper in my ear, “It’s also my peace offering for my behavior on Friday, which we can discuss later this evening.”

  I simply shook my head. I didn’t want to discuss it at all; his angry, caveman actions at the hospital had sent a clear, silent message.

  We aren’t in love and planning a future; we’re just fucking.

  I needed to get on the pill. Taking things slowly didn’t allow for a slip-up pregnancy, especially when we were grabbing quickies, and I didn’t plan on kicking him out of my bed. Intimate encounters were my only escape, even if only for a few stolen moments and they meant nothing else.

  I tried on all of the shoes and modeled them for Ian; the boys had already run to Ty’s room to play. Glorious shoes meant nothing to them at their age, but one day they would appreciate them for a different reason.