Hard to Be Good (Hard Ink #3.5)

by Laura Kaye

  He’d never felt that with anyone else before. Man or woman.

  The emotions fueled Jeremy’s need to release, to let go, to claim.

  Charlie grasped Jeremy’s hand and held it against his throat, making him feel the movement of his cock deep inside.

  “Fuck, Charlie. I don’t want this to end.”

  But then Charlie started stroking himself faster, his fist tight and flying and twisting around the swollen head. The sounds he made became more urgent, more desperate, almost pained. And then a strangled moan ripped up Charlie’s throat. He jerked his T-shirt up his chest and came in long stripes against his own belly.

  It was too much.

  Jeremy groaned Charlie’s name, grasped his face in both hands, and held him tight as he buried himself deep and splintered into a thousand pieces. The orgasm was so intense, Jeremy saw stars and his vision went splotchy around the edges.

  When it was over, Jeremy eased himself from Charlie’s mouth and fixed his own clothing, then helped Charlie sit up until his legs hung off the edge of the table. Standing between Charlie’s knees, Jer held the man’s hands and gave him a million little kisses. For a long moment, they were just together quietly, their foreheads resting against each other.

  Family.

  Being with Charlie felt so damn natural. Like they’d always known each other. Like they belonged together. Like they were the best of friends—only so much more.

  Family.

  The realization that Jeremy was having these kinds of feelings about a man was surprising only because all his other encounters had been casual, just for fun.

  But this was Charlie. And that made everything different. That made everything . . . more.

  Jeremy stroked his knuckles down Charlie’s handsome face. “Thank you for that.”

  Charlie gave a small smile. “You, too. I’ve never . . . done that before with someone who was pierced.”

  “No? Was it different?” Jeremy asked.

  His cheeks turned pink, just the littlest bit, and it made Jeremy smile. Charlie was adorable and cute and sexy as hell by turns. “It was like another sensation. Cool when your skin was hot. And harder against the back of my throat than I’m used to.” Charlie peered up at him from behind longish lengths of his hair. “I really liked it,” he said quietly.

  Smiling, Jeremy pressed a kiss to Charlie’s temple. “I really liked it, too.” They both chuckled.

  “I want you to know something,” Jeremy said, taking a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts . . . and his courage. But he didn’t want Charlie having any more doubts. Not about him anyway.

  “Okay.”

  “I’ve loved the things we shared today, Charlie. For real. But what I’m feeling for you isn’t just physical. It’s something more. I’m not sure what yet, but I . . .” Jeremy shrugged. “ . . . don’t want you to think this is just about sex for me.”

  Charlie released a shaky breath. “It’s not just about sex for me either. Even before today, I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a friend as close as you. Now, to find a best friend and a lover in the same person. Honestly, I never even dared to dream that could happen for me.”

  Jeremy’s chest filled with the warmest, sweetest feeling. He leaned in and kissed Charlie once, twice, three times—

  “Hey, Jeremy,” a voice said as the door opened. Kat.

  What Jeremy noticed even more than Kat’s interruption was Charlie scrambling out of his embrace and shifting off the table.

  Not that his actions fooled Kat for one second. The knowing look in her eyes and the smirk on her face made that crystal clear.

  Hurt pierced through the warmth that had filled Jeremy’s chest a moment before, and he tried to push it back. Charlie was shy. A little anxious. And this was all still so new between them.

  “What’s up?” Jeremy said, squeezing the releases on the table so he could fold and put it away.

  Kat looked back and forth between them for a long moment, like maybe she was debating giving them shit, but then she thumbed over her shoulder and said, “All hell’s breaking loose upstairs. You might wanna come see.”

  Chapter 8

  JEREMY FOLLOWED KAT and Charlie into the gym, wondering what in the world Kat could be talking about. They weren’t even all the way through the door before he knew.

  Eileen had found the cat. Or vice versa. Either way, the result was the same: pandemonium.

  The puppy chased the cat in circles around, over, and through the gym equipment, all the while barking and yapping at the top of her little lungs. Every once in a while, the cat would get cornered, and then there’d be a series of hisses and a sharp yelp as Eileen pushed her luck and got her nose swiped for it.

  Jeremy couldn’t hold back his laughter. “See, Charlie? I told you it would be fun.”

  Nick marched across the gym to where they were standing. “What in the ever-living fuck, Jeremy? A cat?”

  “Aw, come on. He was over in the ruins. I couldn’t leave him out there,” Jer said, chuckling as the cat finally made his way onto a shelf of equipment Eileen couldn’t reach. Didn’t stop the runt from trying, though. “Besides, he only has one eye.”

  “Yeah, we noticed,” Nick said. Eileen continued to bark up at the cat.

  Shane, Marz, and Beckett joined their group.

  “Can we keep him?” Marz said. “Because if we’re going to have a three-legged dog and a one-legged man, then having a one-eyed cat is right up our alley.”

  Jeremy pointed to Marz as if he’d never heard anything more logical. “See? My thoughts exactly.”

  Nick’s gaze narrowed. “Dude. The last thing we need is animal-induced chaos.”

  “Actually,” Kat said, elbowing Nick. “Some animal-induced chaos might provide a nice distraction from the other kinds of chaos we’re dealing with.”

  Nick rolled his eyes.

  Shane rubbed his hands together. “That means we need a name.” The other guys all groaned because Shane had been gloating for weeks that Becca had picked his suggestion of a name for the puppy.

  “How about something pirate-y, like Matey or Patch?” Kat said.

  “Those aren’t bad,” Jeremy said, grinning. “Come on, let’s hear ’em.”

  “How about Willy?” Marz said. “You know, after Willy the one-eyed wonder worm.”

  The guys all busted into laughter. Even Charlie couldn’t hold it back.

  “That’s so bad,” Kat said, making them all laugh harder. “What about Wink?” Nick said, getting more into the spirit.

  “Or Blink,” Shane said.

  “Or Uno,” Beckett said, trying to hold back a smile. Laughter and words of approval followed each new suggestion.

  Finally, Eileen’s barking died down, and Jeremy looked over to find her curled up at the bottom of the shelving unit directly below where the cat sat unhappily eyeballing her.

  Becca joined them, followed a minute later by Sara and Emilie. “What are you guys up to?” Becca asked, wrapping her arms around Nick’s stomach. He was wearing an old black Orioles long-sleeved shirt, which made Jeremy wonder if she’d seen his new ink yet.

  “Naming this goddamn cat,” Nick said, causing another round of chuckles.

  “Oh, good. We’re keeping him?” Becca asked.

  “Of course, we’re keeping him,” Jeremy said, giving her a wink. “And thanks for being on my side, unlike your grumpy boyfriend.”

  “How about Minion?” Sara said. “Some of those little guys from that kids’ movie only have one eye.”

  Jeremy crossed his arms and nodded. “Then I could say I have a minion. I like it.”

  “What about Peekaboo?” Emilie said, smiling. Jeremy really admired her ability to find humor so soon after experiencing such tragedy. Having come close to losing Nick in that ambush a year ago, Jeremy didn’t think he’d be able to hold it tog
ether nearly as well as Emilie was doing if he lost his brother. “You could call him Boo.”

  “That’s so cute,” Becca said.

  “Or Cyclops,” Charlie said. “Cy for short.”

  Jeremy smiled at Charlie. “That’s a good one. Cy. Cy the Cat. That’s really good, Charlie.”

  Charlie stuffed his hands into his pockets and ducked his chin, but Jeremy could see the pleased grin he was trying to hide.

  “Oh, God,” Becca said. “We are really twisted people, with these names.”

  “How about Popeye?” Shane suggested, earning a new round of laughter. “Come on, that one’s genius.”

  Just then, the door to the gym opened, and a bunch of Ravens poured in, Dare at the head of the group. Nick left their circle to touch base with him.

  “Oh, I better go get dinner together. Everyone’s going to be hungry,” Becca said. “Excuse me.”

  “I’ll help,” Kat said to Becca, then she turned to the group. “It’s potpie and last we checked, it smelled fantastic. We made six big pans, but I wouldn’t delay grabbing a plate or there might not be any left.”

  “So, which name do you like best?” Shane asked Jeremy. “Popeye, right? It’s totally Popeye.”

  Jeremy laughed. “I’m not sure yet, but we have a few winners here.”

  Talking and laughing, they all moved over to his apartment, and Kat was right—it did smell fantastic, like warm bread and savory spices. Becca and Kat scrambled to set out the trays of potpie and bowls of salad as a line formed at the island.

  “How can I help?” Jeremy asked.

  “Put all this over there?” Becca said, pointing to baskets of corn bread and containers of paper plates and plastic utensils piled by the sink. He moved them to the breakfast bar with the other food. It looked like they were feeding a small army. And, actually, he supposed that was about right.

  All the Ravens and a few members of the team grabbed their food and took it over to the gym, where there was a big makeshift table that could accommodate a larger number. Jeremy and Charlie ended up on one of the couches in the living room, plates in their laps, along with Becca, Kat, Marz, and Emilie.

  The conversation was easy and fun. Natural. Like they’d all known one another forever, not just for weeks. Once again, it had Jeremy thinking of family. And regretting the fact that, at some point, the investigation would end and everyone would go their separate ways. As big as the Hard Ink building was, Jeremy had never felt it was too big, even before Nick had been discharged from the Army and moved in with him. But now that he’d shared the space with all these people, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever go back without feeling like he was rattling around in a tomb.

  Was anyone else worried about what happened when all this ended? Stupid, really, since ending the investigation and nailing the team’s enemies was the whole point. Not to mention that, as powerful as their enemies seemed to be, there was no telling when or even if it would ever end. And the longer it went on, the more danger they all were in.

  Including Charlie. He’d already been kidnapped and tortured, and he’d been up on that roof yesterday morning, too. God, what Jeremy should be worried about was what happened if all this didn’t end.

  Jeremy turned his gaze on Charlie.

  Amazing how, sometimes, really fucking good things came out of really fucking bad ones. The way Jer was feeling about the guy was so much more than good.

  As casual as Jeremy had always been about sex and as few actual relationships as he’d had, finding and wanting Charlie was a revelation.

  “What?” Charlie asked around a bite of corn bread.

  Jeremy smiled and shook his head. “Nothing, man.” As he finished the last of his potpie, he caught Kat smiling at him. This time, though, it wasn’t a sarcastic or troublemaking smile. It was full of warmth and happiness. She nodded at him, her gaze skating for just a moment toward Charlie. And though he didn’t need her approval, it still made him feel happy to have it. And lucky. Because both Kat and Nick had always supported him. No matter what.

  After dinner, Jeremy and Charlie took a long turn reading documents. Marz, Emilie, Easy, and Jenna helped, while the others took up watch in the snipers’ roosts or guarding the perimeter. Half of the Ravens took a guard rotation, while half slept, bunking down in sleeping bags on the gym floor.

  By about one o’clock in the morning, the words on the screen in front of him started running together. “I’m afraid I’m starting to skim this,” Jeremy said in a low voice. “And I don’t want to miss something important.”

  Marz rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. You guys have been at this long enough. Call it a night.”

  “What about you?” Charlie said. “You’ve been here all day.”

  “I know, but—”

  “Come up with me,” Emilie said, cutting him off. A look passed between them and then Marz agreed and started shutting things down.

  As they quietly crossed the gym, Easy fell in next to Emilie. “Thanks again for today.”

  “Any time. And I mean that, Easy.” She smiled at him and then at Jenna, who gave her a hug.

  “Thanks, Em,” Jenna said, her dark red hair contrasting with Emilie’s chocolate brown.

  Emilie worked as a clinical psychologist, and Jeremy really hoped those words of thanks meant that Easy was getting help. Just last week Easy had admitted to the whole group that he was struggling with suicidal feelings. Jeremy didn’t think he’d ever been in a quieter room than when Easy confessed what he was going through.

  While the other two couples made their way up the steps to the third floor, where they were staying in an apartment Jeremy had only partially finished renovating, he and Charlie went back to his apartment.

  Mr. Clean had apparently come through some time in the past few hours, because the wreckage of dinner had all been cleaned up. No doubt that was thanks to Becca and Sara, who’d been going out of their way to try to take care of everyone.

  They crossed the quiet apartment and arrived at the door to Charlie’s room first.

  It had been way too long since Jeremy had touched Charlie, or held him, or kissed him. Pinning him to the door, Jeremy leaned in for a long, lingering kiss. Charlie tensed at first, but then melted into the kiss, his hands coming up to Jeremy’s shoulders, his neck, his hair.

  Jeremy wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he knew what he didn’t want.

  He didn’t want to be alone.

  He didn’t want to be apart from Charlie.

  And he didn’t want to play things safe.

  “Come to my room with me,” Jeremy said, nuzzling his lips against Charlie’s ear. “I haven’t had nearly enough of you yet.”

  Chapter 9

  CHARLIE’S HEART RACED as Jeremy closed and locked his bedroom door. Which was a little ridiculous, given all the time they’d spent alone together over the past couple of weeks. But now, things felt different. Things were different. Because they’d admitted having feelings for each other, because they’d been together, because Charlie wanted to be with Jeremy in every way he could.

  Which made him a little unsure. Normally, he’d just stretch out on Jeremy’s bed, his back resting on pillows stacked against the wall. But he wasn’t sure if that would mean something different to Jeremy now.

  So he waited for Jeremy to take the lead. Standing in the center of the dark green room, one wall covered with more of the drawings he’d seen downstairs at Hard Ink, Charlie tugged his hands through his hair. It was just long enough that he could pull the top of it into a knot if he wanted, which he did sometimes when working at the computer.

  “What’s the matter?’ Jeremy said, walking up to him. His hands settled on Charlie’s hips, sending a zing of electricity through his blood.

  “What do you mean? Nothing,” he said, trying to sound relaxed.

  Jeremy smiled. “Don’t be nervous. We don’t hav
e to do anything. I just wanted to be with you. Nothing has to change between us, you know? I’m still just Jeremy. And you’re still just Charlie.”

  That reassurance melted away most of Charlie’s uncertainty and he released a deep breath. “Yeah. Overthinking it. I’m sorry.”

  Shaking his head, Jeremy cupped his hand around the back of Charlie’s neck. Jer seemed to like to touch him that way, which was good, because Charlie absolutely loved the way it felt. Like Jeremy was claiming him, comforting him, and pulling him closer all at once. “Don’t worry about that. Just talk to me, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “But you know,” Jeremy said with a smirk, “if you find yourself feeling the urge to kiss me, that’s good, too.”

  Charlie gave a small laugh, all of his tension draining away. “I might be feeling that urge right now.”

  Jeremy’s thumb stroked over the side of Charlie’s neck and his gaze narrowed. “Are you, now?”

  Nodding, Charlie decided to put his tattoo into practice. He leaned in, flicked his tongue against Jeremy’s lip piercings, and kissed him. Threading his hands into Jeremy’s hair, he pushed his tongue deep into the other man’s mouth, tasting, exploring, stroking.

  Jeremy gave as good as he got, and soon they were breathing hard, and clutching tight, and grinding against one another until Charlie had to gasp for air.

  “Lay down with me?” Jeremy whispered.

  “Yes,” Charlie said, letting Jeremy lead him to the big queen-sized bed. They stretched out on the soft flannel plaid comforter.

  Jeremy pushed Charlie onto his back and climbed up over him. The other man’s weight felt phenomenal as it pressed him into the soft bedding. “I like the look of you here. In my bed,” Jeremy said.

  “Yeah?” Heat filled Charlie’s cheeks at the comment, but only because he loved it so much.

  Jeremy nodded. “Me on top of you—is that hurting your side?” Charlie had taken the bandage off at Jer’s instructions hours before, but the tattoo would take upwards of two weeks to heal, apparently.