Cindersmellya: A Dark Comedy Fairytale Romance

by Alexis Angel

  BookStore. Keeper? Or Not?

  Give him a whirl?

  Concentrate on the ones you have

  Pass him my way

  I really am curious. Lemme know!

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Last Drive On A Freeway

  Thank God it’s Friday

  I’m going off to have dinner first and then….oh wait, I should start from the beginning.

  Oh, 94% of you believe that I should give Bookstore the chance, so it’s a good thing I answered when he called today!

  So yesterday I met Freeway for a drink. Close by to my place there is this Spanish tapas palce so we went there. I actually got a dirty martini just so, you know, I’d be a bit drunker and not so shocked when I saw him.

  Anyways, so Freeway comes in and OMG, this man is so effing cute. Don’t get me wrong, like Bookstore has bigger muscles and Bookstore is kinda like a hot alpha male nerd, but Freeway just has this confidence vibe going about him. Like he’s like this is my world and I’m gonna have and do whatever I want.

  So he walks up to me as if it’s the most natural thing in the world and he kisses me on the cheek. I let him because hey, a girl can only try so much and if a guy is charming I’m sorry I’m gonna be charmed. I know, he was a wierdo a while ago but I mean wearing clothes and out in public, he looks like a billion bucks and I feel like a million bucks just being around him. Like I feel smooth and sophisticated and suave and the music that’s playing is like European Jazz Techno Lounge music from Putumayo or whatever and it’s sleek and sexy and I’m starting to sway to the rhythm and Freeway is saying sweet sexy things to me over drinks and before I know it, it’s been like an hour and I’m feeling this guy.

  I know.

  I forgot everything. But don’t roll your eyes or anything. It was the mood of the place.

  I kiss him. We’re sitting in the corner booth so its not really a PDA. He kisses back.

  I don’t wanna go to my place. But they do have single person bathrooms.

  I don’t normally do this, but I’m feeling sexy, and I never did get a chance to taste Freeway.

  We’re in the bathroom within ten minutes. It’s pretty clean.

  “Listen,” I ask this time, and I gulp. Maybe I’m gonna have to learn to live with this. “Are you feeling sexy again?”

  “I always feel sexy, Alexis,” Freeway says to me.

  “But like underwear wise, are you feeling Very Sexy?” I ask and gesture with my eyes. “Like Very Sexy with lace?”

  Freeway shrugs and undoes his pants.

  “I have nothing to hide,” he tells me. “You’re going to want me anyways,”

  He pulls his pants down and yep. This time it’s a lace cheeky.

  But there are also thigh highs.

  THIGH HIGHs.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, and once again, “Not gonna happen. I tried. I really did.”

  I dunno. Maybe I could learn to put up with women’s underwear. Somehow. Who knows. I mean there are thongs for men. And John Tucker did do it too – I forgot who told me that this week.

  But several of you were like watch out here comes Caitlin Jenner. And I dunno.

  But hosiery?

  I left the bathroom. Walked out of the bar. Sexy vibe is still there, but I put some cash down for the drink. Freeway sorta followed me, but I think he realized we’re just not gonna happen.

  So then I take out my phone.

  I call WineBar.

  “Hey,” he answers.

  “What kinda underwear are you wearing?” I ask him.

  “Boxer briefs,” he tells me, no hesitation.

  Apparently that’s all you need to be fuckable nowadays.

  “I’m coming over,” I tell him and hang up.

  I then proceeded to screw the weird feelings from Freeway out of my head and came home this morning.

  So like I texted Freeway. We’ll still be friends. But I told him I’m old school I guess. I can’t deal.

  Oh, and Bookstore called. But that’s a story for tomorrow ;)

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Flowers

  I don't know who smelled my "flower" lol

  So ya, few things have happened since we last spoke!

  I had like…uhm…carnal relations (?) with Bookstore.

  As in he got on top of me and inserted his rather very large dick inside. And then turned me over and did the same. Multiple positions ensued. There may have been sweat, tears, and orgasms. Lots of thrusting and grunting, several explosions of pleasure, a few times I may have blacked out, and definitely a great sleep!

  The next day I rushed out to go home for Mother’s Day. Didn’t have to worry about guys wearing thigh highs or anything. Instead just spent it with my crazy family.

  O ya, the night before I had the crazy sex with Bookstore, I got some good love from WineBar too. So you can say I was pretty filled up and satisfied for the week haha.

  Anyways, I get to my apartment and the doorman winks at me and I’m like whaaa but I get out of the elevator and walk to the door and there is like this HUGE bouquet of flowers that are just next to my door.

  OMG!

  I got me some flowers! And not hate flowers either! Like nice flowers!

  It says, “Missed you over the weekend! Enjoyed our night together, can’t wait to see you again. Call me so I know you’re back.”

  But he didn’t sign it. And it’s not in handwriting – he ordered it online most likely so the note is typed out.

  Like, oh no!! Who sent it!!! I can’t ask one, because what if they didn’t send it!

  So don’t know what to do

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Who Was It?

  I need to find out who gave me flowers!

  Wow I love my newsletter peeps!

  I was just telling Tia Siren the other day how much I love you guys. Because I drop in with a problem like oh hey I got some flowers but I don’t know which of the guys I’m having sex with (dating is too much of a commitment to say right now) is the guy that sent it to me.

  I mean, I tried calling the florist. It was done online and they couldn’t tell me.

  I asked my girlfriend. She was like girl get rid of those flowers now, they could have a hidden camera or something in them to capture you while you naked. I got all worried at that.

  But honestly, some of your suggestions were so helpful.

  So here is what I did. I texted both just maybe ten minutes ago! Saying, “hey, thanks for the flowers. Were they from you?”

  Whoever sent it will get a very special treat from my mouth and other parts of me tonight. The other one will feel jealous. And maybe they’ll get me something better than flowers then. Like maybe shoes. Or underwear. As long as it’s not theirs a la Freeway.

  Honestly, I just wanna find some guy to curl up and argue and make up with. Someone to grow old next to and share memories of naughty things we do in private.

  Anyways, I heard two chimes so I got two texts back. Who is going to be the person that gave me the flowers???? Squeeeeee the anticipation is killing me!!

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  WTF?!

  Book Boyfriends Need To Become Real...

  So who sent the flowers?

  The last thing I told you I did was send a text and then wait to see who responded. Well, it was Bookstore all right. He got my text and was like “How did you know it was me?” and I literally lolled so hard. So here was the text convo we had.

  Bookstore:

  Bookstore: How did you know it was from me?

  Me: Uhm, bc we did it hello

  Bookstore: Yeah, but you gotta have like 1000 guys lining up

  Me: to do me????

  Me: :o

  Bookstore: Who want to do you

  Me: But do u?

  Bookstore: So much

  Me: So u wanna cum over???


  Bookstore: I’m at work. And then I have class.

  Me: okay.

  Bookstore: But hey, listen, we’re just having fun right?

  Me: Ya

  Bookstore: So I mean, its casual right?

  Me: Of course.

  Bookstore: gtg. Ttyl

  Right. What kinda guy sends me flowers after doing me to tell me over text that we’re just casual???? I mean, OMG. Like, honestly, I put in some stuff with WineBar and the boom boom we did in Gambling For The Virgin, but honestly I feel like writing an entire book of frustration for Bookstore.

  So what did I do? Here is my text…

  Me: Hey…what u doin? Wanna cum over?

  WineBar: I’ll be over in an hour.

  Me: Okay, nothing serious, k?

  Sure, you’re shaking your head at me like what am I doing. But whatever. He came over. And we messed around.

  And then he left. And then I got this right before I went to sleep.

  Bookstore: Hey. I was going up to your place. But I saw your friend leave. So I went back home, figured you were tired.

  Let me just put it like this. I hate men! The only ones I like are the book ones right now!

  I bet you book boyfriends don’t do this. I mean, I’m 99% sure that they don’t.

  Because I bet it’s not as frustrating.

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Yeah, Right

  That's right. No one puts Alexis in a corner like that...

  So, I still have my self-respect

  Right. Thank you yesterday for everyone who was like why are you putting up with Bookstore. So for the record…

  •The flowers were orchids

  •They were way too expensive for someone who just wants to be casual

  •How would Bookstore know that WineBar and I were messing around? WineBar could be my brother (not stepbrother) or gay. How dare he assume?

  •Why is Bookstore complaining about me being busy if he wanted to be casual?

  •Why is he trying to be possessive?

  So Bookstore is going from a lot of people’s good books to their bad books. He’s definitely acting a bit arrogant and WineBar is looking better.

  But, I am hanging out with Bookstore at his apartment this Friday evening. He told me to bring a change of clothes and toothbrush in case I stay over.

  But do I give him another chance? Do I confront him? Or do I basically say, listen buddy, after what you pulled the other day, this is my last text message.

  So, what should I do? I wanna hear from my NL because you guys are like my sounding board and give great advice…I mean, I haven’t responded in a day to his last text that I said he sent yesterday.

  After what Bookstore pulled the other day that I talked about yesterday (5/17), what should I do?

  Tell him to take a hike and not see him Friday

  Text him and give him a chance to explain himself in person

  Say nothing and pretend all is well and do the naughty with him on Friday

  Bookstore who?

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Results

  You guys are a forgiving group!

  So here are the poll results that you guys voted on:

  After what Bookstore pulled the other day that I talked about yesterday (5/17), what should I do?

  Tell him to take a hike: 7.8%

  Text him and tell him you're bothered and give him to explain himself in person: 75.5%

  Pretend the last 24 hours never happened and do the naughty with him on Friday: 35.5%

  Bookstore who? 3.2%

  I texted him the following:

  "Hey. I know you texted yesterday and I think we need to talk in person before I go over to your place. Wanna grab a drink at the Westin around 5 pm?"

  He said "Sure!"

  So I'll tell him it bothered me and see what he says. Anyways, thanks for helping me decide what to do, ladies. I was freaking out with indecision.

  Alexis

  Revenge Is Sweet

  Ya, a lot of ppl want to know lol...I guess I am a tease...

  So this convo happened to me today with me and my Art Angel, who we shall call Crystal.

  Me: So those graphics, could we get them like tomorrow?

  Crystal: No.

  Me: Oh..uhm, ok

  Crystal: I’m not going to give them to you till you tell me what happened with Bookstore.

  Me: Wha?

  Crystal: Ya, who was your booty call at the Westin on Friday?

  Me: Well, you’re gonna have to find out next time I send my NL ;)

  Crystal: Well, I guess that’s when you’ll get your graphics too then ;)

  OMG! By the way, please know I love Crystal and she’s great and her FB page for her designs is here somewhere – I can’t remember what it is but she’s really talented and I’m just having a bit of fun at her expense so no need to go after her lol. But it totally highlights ppl who have been like well, what happened. You never finished your story. And it’s true – I didn’t get a chance to send my update yesterday because I was busy putting the finishing touches on Mergers & Acquisitions.

  To summarize, Bookstore and I met for a drink last Friday at the Westin St. Francis. The moment I walked in, I was like omg, my knees are jelly because he looked so good in this J Crew shirt that was unbuttoned but I could totally make out his body underneath it and these faded jeans. Like his wardrobe is screaming “I’m so hot, AND I’m a Silicon Valley millionaire”

  So the following is a dramatization sorta of what our convo was like over a couple drinks:

  Me: I need you to know that your texts the other day were sorta offensive

  Bookstore: Offensive?

  Me: Ya, you totally send me orchids. And then talk about wanting to be casual. And then actually pretend like I’ve betrayed you.

  Bookstore: Right.

  Me: And then you decided to come over anyways? And so what if someone was over? You were the one who wanted to be casual.

  Bookstore: Uh huh.

  Me: And how dare you assume just because he was leaving my floor that he was seeing me. And that I have like 1000 guys lining up to do me.

  Bookstore: Yup.

  Me: And then deciding even after you get on my floor that somehow he slept with me. I mean, he (WineBar) could have been anyone. He could have been just a friend. You don’t know that.

  Bookstore: Yeah.

  Me: So then trying to pin it on me is just wrong.

  Bookstore: Ok.

  At this point it occurs to me that I’ve been talking and this guy is just giving me one word answers.

  So I ask:

  Me: Do you have anything to say that’s over 1 syllable?

  Bookstore: (pauses for a bit). Nah

  Me: This is funny?

  Then he smirks and shrugs.

  I mean, am I wrong here? Am I asking for too much? This guy is totally being an asshole. I mean, I get the whole funny and cocky and be a bit of an asshole to keep the girl interested and pick her up but he was just doing this out of spite. Like some guys have refined the art of being douche-y to the point where they do it just to get under your skin.

  But he wants to bring a knife to a gun fight? That’s cool. I’m bringing a mother effing tank. You think you can mess with the power of woman, dear lil’ Bookstore? Wait till you get a taste of how I fight back. So I excuse myself and go to the restroom. Where I call WineBar.

  “Hello?” he answers.

  “Can you speak in more than one syllable?” I ask.

  “Of course I can. And I don’t wear women’s panties. What’s with all these strange questions?” he asks me.

  That’s a lot of syllables. And he doesn’t wear women’s panties. This is like the perfect guy now apparently.

  “Meet me at the Westin St. Francis,” I tell him. “I’m gonna rock your world.”

  Of course, I also texted him that he should get the hotel room unless he wanted me to
get it, but I figured since I was the one giving him the cookie, he should pay for the jar, ya know? I managed to keep the convo going one sided with Bookstore, and I promise I really did give him more chances. I was ready to cancel on WineBar at any point after I got back from the restroom if I got ONE indication this guy cared and wasn’t just going through the motions of being an asshole. But no.

  Nothing.

  When WineBar texted that he was in the lobby checking in, I looked at Bookstore.