Cindersmellya: A Dark Comedy Fairytale Romance

by Alexis Angel

  So I put on sexy running clothes – and I’m off. I’m running next to the water, and it’s my normal time, and I’m listening to Kanye tell me he’s going get my love locked down (bonus points if you can tell me what song lol) and all of a sudden I look to my right and it’s not water anymore, but OMG, is it?

  So…do you ever remember I told you guys about meeting a guy and how I was calling him Jogger?

  “Long time,” he says smiling. “Never called me back, but that’s okay. Figured you were busy.”

  “I should have called you,” I say back.

  I don’t know if I actually told you guys the story of Jogger. Have I? Hit me back with Reply and let me know if I have. Because if I haven’t, I’m stopping right here so I can tell you how I met this guy.

  Anyways, I’m home now. =)

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Jogger

  I can't believe I didn't tell you guys this story!

  So sometime in that period where it was raining men – you know when I was meeting WineBar, and then Bookstore, and then ComputerChip and Freeway was in the mix I met Jogger. I thought I mentioned him but I think I got caught up and didn’t get a chance to actually talk about how I met the guy.

  First off, it seems like so long ago, doesn’t it. I almost want to put all these together in a book or something so that people can follow along and read back lol. But I dunno if that’s too pretentious. I know I keep talking about doing something like that but I never do it because I end up reading what I wrote and then life happens and I end up forgetting.

  Anyways, so I went for a run in between all the raining men drama. And btw it’s def not raining men now. I mean, MR. Cancun hasn’t returned any calls back, but we’ve texted and he’s been like okay I think I just need to chill for a little bit and maybe in the future we can pick back up. WineBar has been like sorry I ambushed you, it’s not like we were exclusive or anything, but I felt bad for not checking up on you and I wanted to say I was sorry in a dramatic fashion. But I can’t unsee all that so maybe we need some space.

  So I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go, ya know? LOL.

  Anyways, so going back to Jogger and how I met him. During the raining men period, I went for a run. And as I was going past like Pier 20, I look to my left and this guy is running next to me. I smile and think to myself that he’s sorta cute and he smiles at me. I wonder if he ever jobs shirtless and it’s a great picture in my head you know.

  And that’s when I trip and fall.

  Like you know how they say look both ways before you cross the street? You should also look ahead of you to see if the curb rises up and what not.

  “Looks like that was kind of a big fall,” the guys said to me, stopping to help me up. I mean I was in pain but my ego was more wounded. Like it wasn’t a gracious fall. It was all flailing arms and legs.

  “Thanks,” I said, still embarrassed.

  “I’m Jogger,” he introduced himself. “Do you need anything? Are you okay?”

  What I needed was a nice bubble bath with him, but instead I looked at him and said “No thanks. I’m such a klutz. And this was supposed to stop ever since I dyed my hair brown.”

  “Can you walk?” he asked me, holding me as I got up on my feet. I scooched closer to him without realizing, wanting his arms around me a bit more.

  “I’ll be okay,” I said. And I noticed he nodded and looked down the Embarcadero, about to go run again. I needed to do something.

  Think!

  So as soon as he let go…

  I fell again.

  Haha.

  “We’re not going anywhere,” he said. “By the way, what’s your name?” he asked me.

  “I’m Alexis.”

  “Well, Alexis, we’re going to go sit down.”

  It just so happened that where we sat down was a fabulous Italian restaurant where we had a few glasses of Prosecco and talked. So Jogger works as a CFO of a tech startup on Howard Street in San Francisco. He lives close to the Embarcadero, very very close to me.

  And he gave me his number. And because it was raining men, I didn’t get a chance to call him. Till I saw him jogging next to me again. The day after WineBar caught me. So now I can continue that story the next time we talk.

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love!

  Alexis

  Press Conference

  The first ever Alexis Angel Press Conference...

  So today we are gonna do something fun! You guys send me roughly about 120 pieces of email a day and I rarely get a chance to answer them all. So I’ve grouped some together and I’m gonna hold a “press conference” in honor of Mr. President from Alexis Angel about to come out except it’s not a press conference and it’s not in real time and you guys aren’t reporters. So it’s more like the Comey hearing except I’m an angel and not some 8 foot tall FBI dude.

  Oh and before we get started, I totally went out on a date with Jogger yesterday and kissed him. I’m going for a run with him tomorrow morning and then we’re getting brunch. No banging yet.

  Okay, let’s get started!

  Alexis, is that your real name?

  No. My real name is redacted and Alexis is my pen name to protect my personal privacy and also because I haven’t quite quit my day job yet but I’m in the process of. My day job would be not okay with me doing what I do just yet but I gotta pay the bills till this authoring thing starts paying off. A girl’s gotta make the money to buy the food, booze and La Perla, ya know?

  So how do you meet all these guys? Any advice?

  Well, actually they meet me. I go trolling for guys, but it usually ends up in disaster. That’s a good story to tell! But really, I mean, I’m single and living in a big city. And I loooove having fun. My piece of advice would be just have fun and don’t think about it. The moment you start thinking about wanting to meet guys, that’s when it becomes difficult. But just go out, kick back, have fun, be independent, don’t feel sad about asking for a table for one, learn to have fun with yourself, and laugh a lot and guys will totes come flocking.

  Are you still devastated about WineBar?

  I’ll give him a call later, but I have too much to do to stay devastated about a guy.

  How long have you been writing?

  Far too long. I actually started in 2016. Wrote erotica shorts in the summer and only got started towards the end of the year. But seriously, this level of being an author only started in December. And the number one reason is you guys have been awesome as fans. It’s kept me going through flops.

  How do you release all these books and write 3 NLs?

  LOL. So me and Lana Angel collaborate on Dark Angel and Abby Angel like all the time. I write Alexis Angel entirely on my own. And we co-write with other authors who come in and out on Mona Cox.

  To figure out what each of the brands mean, use this guide:

  Alexis Angel is erotic rom com

  Dark Angel is steamy romance with darker more mature themes

  Abby Angel is menage

  Mona Cox is just fun

  You said something about Jogger?

  Yes! But that’s not something that appropriate press conference convo!

  But we wanna know! What happened after you met him this weekend and he was running next to you?

  I’ll tell you, but can we just answer questions like who my favorite author is?

  Fine. Who is your favorite author?

  Whatever author I’ve last read. I usually read one romance novel a day. This is because I love to read smut. I like eat, breathe, and cum smut. And whatever I read, I usually crush on the author if I like the book. I usually don’t like about 50% of what I read, but the other 50% I totally tell you guys about.

  So what did you read last?

  Mr. President

  Did it make you cum?

  Is this even appropriate press conference convo?

  Who cares?

  Yes. Take a look at the last sex scene. OMG! That shit is so h
ot I swear to God it’s a good thing I was in bed and had no panties on, otherwise they’d be ruined!

  Alexis! What about—

  Sorry, there are no more questions at this time.

  Can you take more questions later?

  Yes! We’ll have weekly press conferences. Just drop your question as a reply and if it gets selected you get a free book!

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love,

  Alexis

  WorkMom

  Uhm, when I said mom, I mean't Tia Siren.

  Ok, so not like my in real life mom, but kinda sorta my work mom. Tia Siren.

  Why am I saying that? Because I like talk to Tia Siren like every day. And…ok, maybe I should just give examples.

  So this is pretty much what our convo was when I was in Cancun!

  Me: Hiiiii.

  Tia: Hey. What time is it now for you?

  Me: I dunno. I just got home.

  Tia: Dear Lord! It’s 6 am where you’re at!

  Me: Oh. Uhm….

  Tia: Go to bed right now!

  Me: Fine…sigh

  Or the next morning!

  Me: Good morning!

  Tia: Hiiii

  Me: Congrats on your Top 100 book!

  Tia: Thank you! What are you up to today?

  Me: I’m just gonna go to the beach! I’m so hung over!

  Tia: I hope you weren’t one of those girls dancing on the bar and pouring beer on their shirt.

  Me: Uhm….

  Tia: Make sure to take your sunscreen! Plenty of it!

  Me: Okay…sigh….

  Or like a few days ago!

  Me: Hey babe!

  Tia: I LOVE your cover for Buyer’s Market

  Me: Thanks. It didn’t do that well in the store L

  Tia: Cheer up. You’re wonderful and as long as you enjoy telling stories and do your best, people will read them

  Me: You think so?

  Tia: I know so.

  Me: Thanks….WorkMom!

  Tia: Wait. What?

  So today for the woman who has given me so much, from guidance on blurbs and covers, to cheering me up when I’m low, to being a great role model to look up to, I’m saying thank you!

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love,

  Alexis

  What to do with Jogger?

  Like I want a man to make me moan!

  So it’s been a couple days and I kinda let the Jogger story die on the vine to those of you who were asking. Not intentionally, just needed some space from guys, KWIM? But I mean that didn’t stop me from going on the sorta date with Jogger who kissed me but maybe would do more. But somehow, unless I get really horny, I’m not really sure if I should call him back. I mean, I see him pretty regularly when I go for a run. Not a whole lot of people running on the Embarcadero in SF that time of morning before the tourists get there so maybe he’s gonna be good for a random evening when I’m feeling horny, but the truth of the matter is that with summer approaching and my release schedule, I’m just not feeling that horny as I write this email, you know?

  It's funny too because the other day after the press conference one of my Cynthia Grigg submitted a question for next week where she was all like Do you really orgasm as often as you say or are you exaggerating to make us all feel inadequate and I was like LOL because omg, real life guys I’m totally not feeling right now. Like let’s do a rundown of how they’ve played out. Mr. Cancun hasn’t called back after following me home but getting spooked by WineBar. WineBar is alternating between embarrassed at me at the BBQ or upset at me outside my apartment when he catches another guy’s hands down my pants. Freeway wears panties. Bookstore is an ass. ComputerChip thinks I’m some sort of porn star. Sunscreen is in Atlanta and basically gave up when Mr. Cancun stepped in the picture.

  So ya, my question back to Cynthia (with a smile and in a friendly way) would be like what often orgasms? I have had like zero MCO’s in the last seven days since getting back from Cancun. An MCO in case you didn’t know is a Man-Caused Orgasm. As opposed to a BCO, which is a Book Caused Orgasm.

  So like at this point with no man caused orgasm, I need to figure out if I want to see Jogger just bc I haven’t cum in a long time even if I’m not feeling him.

  You know what I think? Because I’m so indecisive.

  Survey time! Let’s make it part of our contest of the day! One lucky respondent will win a $5 Amazon gc!

  Should I call Jogger to come over and do him even if I'm not totally into him?

  NO!!!

  Girl, you need to cum! Hurry! Call him!

  Instead, go after WineBar

  Fuck WineBar!

  Tell me what I should do. I’ve come to rely on you guys for your suggestions A LOT!

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love,

  Alexis

  My Pledge

  36% of you said go call WineBar!

  Dude. The Team WineBar is strong in this group. But here are the total results:

  NO!! As in don't call Jogger if you're not feeling him was 41.4%

  Girl, cum as fast as you can and call him NOW! Was at 15.9%

  Instead, go after WineBar was at 36.1%

  Fuck WineBar! was at 6.6%

  Out of 20,000 people, about 10,000 voted. That means around 606 people really do not like WineBar.

  But few things I am doing.

  I am stopping myself from calling Jogger.

  I am going to return WineBar's call that he made earlier this morning. I'll wait till the early evening as I'm going out to call him, because a girl's busy, ya know?

  I am going to use like one of the many sex toys I have to bring myself to a earth shaking orgasm. Sure, dick is good, but BOB will keep me from missing him so I don't make any rash decisions and jump into bed with the first guy that comes calling.

  Tonight I'm going to this Portugese place with the girlfriends for dinner and drinks and we're going dancing afterwards. Just the girls.

  But what I wanted to talk to you about more was this. Yesterday I got a few emails from people. They were like OMG thank you for writing such and such book and I was like yay! Then they were like I also like the books at the end and I was like aww. But one person was like you know, I have a limited budget and sometimes I can't buy all the books I want so thank you for including yours in the back and it got me to thinking.

  I'm not writing books to make lots of money. I used to work on Wall Street and I still have a day job sorta so this is more because I'm passionate about doing it.

  One of the things that motivates me so much is making people happy or when someone tells me how much my story moved them.

  So I am going to take a few pledges now. Here and today. They are:

  1. I promise never to price my books higher than 99c and I will fight any price increase tooth and nail. I want all readers to be able to afford my books and I promise that if you can find a dollar you can find something on my catalog. No one should ever be deprived of a good story because it will break their budget. That's not the business I'm in.

  2. I promise to always make the reading an experience for you. It's not just about the one story. I will always seek to increase your customer satisfaction, or I like to call it your reading pleasure. I will do this by putting in a mixture of never before seen content as a thank you after the book, as well as old favorites. If you don't wanna read it because you still remember the story? That's fine, you don't have to. But if I can provide value to just one person who is able to forget their troubles for just one day and spend a day with Alexis Angel, then it will be worth it.

  This is my pledge to you as an author as long as I publish in Kindle Unlimited.

  Hugs and kisses and lots of love,

  Alexis

  Happy Daddy Day! LOL

  Yeah, because it's Father's Day!

  Lol! Like I have a father I'm going to see. I don't have a Daddy like in books where a girl has a daddy because I think he wouldn't be able to handle me.

  But one man who will most def always be able
to handle me is my Dad. He's like always helping me do stuff, even when he has no idea. Like this time around, he's gonna help me with some tax stuff that my business partner was going to do but got caught up with other stuff to do.

  So nice welcome change from WineBar (who I am talking to on Monday over dinner we decided) and all the rest of my Harem and hang out with the parental units.

  But I was reading through some Getting Caught Experiences and I figured why not give out a few books? So, if your story is on here, please reply back and I'll have a surprise book for you!

  So, lets see, Rachel writes:

  Me and my husband were dating while we were deployed in Saudi during Desert Storm. We were going at it out in the desert when I noticed a helicopter over us. I mentioned it he said some general was filming our site for training film. I told him that I hope they edit his white ass out of it. Moral of story always remember when high ranking officers are going to be around. Luckily they could not see our faces to know what our names were.