Cindersmellya: A Dark Comedy Fairytale Romance

by Alexis Angel

  Drunko

  OMG! I Guess I Don't Learn.

  So do you remember the way I totally got waaaay too drunk at that barbecue?

  Well bring out the fireworks and the sausage and apparently I head right back out into inappropriate behavior LOL

  Happy Fourth! I hope you're celebrating Independence Day (if you're in the US) with 12 inches...of hot dogs hahaha

  I can't really blame R. R. Banks for everything I've been saying today because I'm a big girl... but I will say that after reading Major O waiting for the fireworks to start, I was totally thinking about a different kinda mayonnaise getting rubbed all over my face!

  OMG I think I actually said that to someone I suggested could be my sausage buddy between a few beers (ya have to have beer at a barbecue) and they may not have got the joke, Angels, so I'm glad ya understand me!!

  Like I was trying not to think about anything and just enjoy the music and time away from writing - Lana Angel (you probably know her as Dark Angel) insisted that I take some time today even though she's been super excited to work on this book I owe her a chapter for!

  Hahaha I will get to it later and get a little tipsy for America, sure. I grabbed a few girlfriends and headed out..

  Single?

  OMG! We’re only two days out from when I’m talking to WineBar!

  When I finally got in last night, I knew I was kinda gonna be hungover from too much fourth of July fun.

  But like it was good to hang out with some girlfriends and not worry about guys.

  Now honestly, we’re here today and I’ve recovered. And I’m writing this really hot chapter for a book Lana and I are working on and haha I start thinking well umm now I’m all horny.

  I don’t want to mess with DoctorDick again because I don’t need him thinking I’m looking for something more than pure animal lust.

  And I can’t just text WineBar and set up to fail again like when in just two days we’re talking.

  Lana told me to just like write out my frustrations but lol she’s always saying that!!

  She and I both know that when I get like this I don’t generally just lie down and wait for the horny to pass so I have the next survey!

  What should I do about being a horny single girl with maybe too many options?

  Text WineBar now! If he answers, then you won’t be all frustrated!

  Jump on DoctorDick again, sex can lead to more sex!

  Get dressed up and find a new dick - then tell us all the details!

  Calm down, and maybe write more books

  I'll send you the results of the survey later tonight!

  The 45%

  45 Percent of You Said Write More!

  And I did! When I take writing breaks I kinda wanna keep the smut muscles strong so I picked up this awesome box set. Reading more words it like motivates me to actually write my own haha

  Oh and 20 percent of you were like give DoctorDick another jump!! I'll consider of course. I’m not one to just forget those kinds of orgasms. I shucked myself on the man after all and he is a Doctor. Like that’s gotta be good for me...

  Prowling…

  So I know I asked you guys what to do last night and I know that we all thought give DoctorDick another go, but I was thinking and no that doesn’t hurt my brain gimme a break lol. Like, since when did the whole idea of a smart girl become something to put a frowny face on ya know? Like women are smarter than men. That’s just a fact. I hate it when some of my friends act like they’re not.

  Anyways, so I was like thinking that I’m going back home in a few days and I’ll probably be back in a few weeks but like it might be good time to meet some new people ya know? Maybe increase the size of the harem if WineBar and I can’t come to an agreement.

  So, I mean, I know I’m high maintenance. Cheryl and Lana have like both told me multiple times. But I decide, I’m gonna sex it up completely.

  So what’s a big city girl with a big head and what she likes to think big boobs do?

  She dolls herself up real good. I’m talking La Perla lace. Pearls. Bust out the Sephora. Take out the black Dolce dress that hugs me just right and makes my ass look sooo good. Jimmy Choo’s fix the feet and Kim Kardashian makes me smell good and I’m out the door. Headed to the nicest bar in town which happens to be...The Elephant Bar.

  I pull up to the valet in my white Mercedes E300 (leased not bought) and my heels click as I walk to the bar.

  I order a cosmo. Look at my phone. Wait for the guys to arrive.

  After all. I’m Alexis Angel. I write romance that makes it into the Top 100. I personify sex. I’m from San Francisco.

  This small town doesn’t stand a chance.

  Does it?

  Strikeout

  Right so I realize from your comments that I didn’t really specify what happened after I got all dolled up and went out into the small town Elephant Bar.

  Let me be absolutely clear.

  Nothing.

  Like big fat zero. Nada. Zilch.

  Like first off, the bartender was a chica. So thats like strike one. You can’t even fall back on the handsome bartender when she’s got the same chromosomes as you. But then, the bar was filled, and not even with couples, but with families.

  Apparently there weren’t too many tables left and so they were seating children in the bar area which I totally didn’t know was even a thing.

  Third, there just weren’t any men.

  You know where we talk about its raining men and stuff?

  Well, this was a drought. Sure, it was like the men were all around. But they were with wives and kids. I mean, I did catch a few people eyeing me - not gonna lie. But either they were men that averted their eyes. OR they were women looking at me with like an ugh, what the fuck is she doing here look.

  Like, sorry, I didn’t realize the Elephant Bar had turned into Chuck-E-Cheese.

  Oh, hey, I’m heading back to SF today. Dinner with WineBar is tomorrow night!

  Anyways, just something to write about since I’m getting ready to drive. I have audiobook on (my Naughty Angel Brittney Ketchum told me to listen to smutty books in the car as I drive and IT IS SOOOO FUCKING HOT!) Like where they have sex and you hit a speed bump...ooh la la

  Home!

  I am so glad to be home!!

  Being back in SF right now feels so good. My mom’s okay - they think it’s the beta blockers that was causing her heart rate to slow down so she’s been off beta blockers now since I got home and her heart rate is above 60 bpm and her blood pressure is sitting at around 132 over 78 so it’s okay.

  I read Michelle’s book on the train and it was hot. Kinda makes you forget your on Amtrak bc you get caught up in the story.

  Home, sweet home! Where I don’t have to feel weird trying to quietly masturbate in the bedroom I grew up in as a lil girl. I don’t care how quiet a bullet or vibe is, it isn’t quiet enough to use in your parents’ house lol and I’m glad to be back in my city where my La Perla’s not wasted and the bars aren’t crawling with kids.

  You know what tonight is right? Dinner with WineBar.

  Yeah babe. Tonight's the night.

  I’m not letting myself think about that right now though because even though I’m anxious to be home, I’m more excited to do go to Forever 21 and see what’s new and maybe go to the Ferry Terminal farmers market and grab a chicken sandwich. Maybe get hair and nails done. Oooh, and a massage!

  Just no staying inside!

  I had enough of the confined to my quarters feeling with the small town and I’m ready to spread my wings where I get to feel more like myself.

  In Michelle’s book, Blyss doesn’t fit into any ordinary boxes and she packs up and leaves her city. Not me! I’m unpacking three suitcases and falling back in love with my own closet. I know I packed a lot of stuff but the instant you’re home you see all the things you didn’t bring and you just want to wear them all. So I’ve picked out some casual Gucci and some “sensible” Jimmy Choos and I’m off for a day in San Fra
ncisco.

  I’m excited to like stroll wherever SF takes me today, at least for a little while because I have to get ready for 100 Days releasing soon.

  And when I get back I should have a big package, so big thanks to Dirty Lil’ Angel Kirsty Smith for letting me know about the big Agent Provocateur sale!

  I know it is super hot but kinda love the weather because at least there’s still a good breeze in the air no matter how hot it gets. The best days of summer are yet to come!

  Date Night

  Ok! I am off!

  I am sending this out not sure when it’ll get to y’all’s mailboxes but it’s now 5 pm as I write this.

  Let’s see...checklist

  Manicure: check

  Pedicure: check

  Pre-date orgasm: Had three. Courtesy of my girl Lisa Lace

  Hair: check

  Clothes: I got the Christian Louboutin black boots with heeled spikes from Neiman Marcus. La Perla lace bra and thong from their Souple’ collection. I have my black dress from Armani Collezioni. As always, makeup is being handled by Kim Kardashian and Taylor Swift is doing perfume.

  Had everything picked out and then I was nervous.

  I mean, I got everything figured out what I’m gonna say. I’m just gonna blurt out, “I love you and want your babies.”

  Then I realized that’s not the best idea.

  I did some reading but I wanted to try something totally different.

  So that’s where homegirl Lisa came in with like something waaaay different but so fucking good that I just finished.

  Now I know exactly what I’m gonna do.

  I’m gonna be cool. Collected. Like the queen that I am. Too many guys have tried to bag me over the years and make me their girlfriend. I gave it a shot with FuckFace and we broke up shortly before Christmas and it’s been a great run. If WineBar wants my love and wants a piece of this, then he’ll step up like he makes it seem like he will do.

  But life goes on if he doesn’t. It’s not the end of the world.

  I now go to do battle.

  Godspeed, sisters!

  The Story

  We went to the restaurant separately. I walked in and he was waiting for me at the bar. He was drinking a beer. I asked for a cosmo.

  “You sure you want a drink?” he teased me. I grinned.

  But inside I was like sooo nervous. OMG.

  Like I just wanted to rub myself against him and have him hold me and then jump on his cock and then afterwards curl up with him and somehow withouth childbirth manage to give him babies. Not immaculate babies - there would be plenty of sex. But non-painful babies.

  Instead of that, I just said, “You look good.”

  Nice opening line right?

  I managed to hold it together too during dinner.

  When I really really really wanted to say OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I just said “well, you’ll just have to guess the kinda panties I’m wearing”

  Okay, that was in response to a question of his, where the convo had somehow gotten to the type of underwear we were both wearing. I dunno, okay?

  Where I wanted later on to say OMG I JUST CAME HERE TO MAKE YOU MY BOYFRIEND I instead just said “Sure lets have dessert but only if you split it with me, babe”

  So then...after dinner, we went to Crystal Jade to get a drink. When all I wanted to do was take him home with me and lock the door and jump on his dick.

  And he runs his hands down my sides. I kiss him softly. Or does he kiss me? I dunno at this point because the lounge is dark, the music is Armin Van Buren, and the bottle of whatever he ordered is still on it’s way. No one can see us.

  “I need to tell you something,” I said to him.

  “Actually, I need to tell you something,” he said to me.

  I looked at him.

  “I really like you,” he said to me. “Alot.”

  This is everything I’ve ever hoped for! OMG!

  “But you need to decide if this is what you want because I want you to be my girlfriend!” he kept saying.

  SCORE!!!!!!!

  “But can you deal with long distance relationship?” he finished.

  Wait.

  Back up.

  What?

  What’s going on???

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  And he looked at me like I was sorta lost. And he started to speak.

  And when I tell you about it tomorrow, you will totally be like OMG how could you miss it?

  This story isn’t over yet.

  LDR

  I know y’all are like wtf whats with the cliffy and honestly I didn’t mean for it to be there but I was like typing and I was like this is way too long and no one is gonna read so I had to break it up. But anyways, continuing on where I left off.

  Because tbh, it’s not that hard at all to go back to that moment bc it was just such a WTF moment, you know? Like OMG! What do you mean long distance?

  So the first thought in my head was k, this dude is married. But I remember looking to his hands and no ring. So I’m thinking oh no, he’s gonna go join the military. I mean, I’d stand by him if he did, but I’d be like worried, ya know?

  But then WineBar just solved everything.

  “I was coming to tell you that day, uhm,” he starts.

  I look at him curious? I mean I don’t remember. I have the memory of a bird. A very cute bird I hope, but a bird nonetheless.

  “When you got back home from your trip to Cancun,” he finishes.

  Oh. Crap.

  Like when I was all over Mr. Cancun, my hand down his pants in the lobby of my building.

  “So I have three other partners in my business, and we’re opening up a bar in Miami, I was coming to tell you that,” he tells me.

  Oh. My. God.

  “I was actually gonna tell you at the barbecue and see what you thought about it, but you got a bit wasted so I couldn’t, and I had to make a decision soon so that’s why I kind of backed off. But then I wanted to see you so I just came over,” he tells me.

  I’m sitting speechless.

  “I’ve actually been back and forth to Miami a couple times. That’s why I’m not texting or calling as much,” he finishes and kisses me.

  So...he’s not married?

  He’s just in Miami?

  “Don’t think about it now,” he tells me and I still remember because he poured me a glass of that champagne and I curled into him. We finished the bottle and went back to his place. Where he had sex.

  But this time, sure it was like freaky good sex, but afterwards like we cuddled too.

  I left in the morning (yesterday) and came home. I haven’t told him one way or the other what’s going to happen.

  The most we did talk was that we’d meet for lunch today when he gets some free time and he would come over. I’m still sorta in a daze but I want more details. He says that he would be coming back and forth, but I dunno.

  I’ve only done one long distance relationship once before and I’ll tell you about it later, but for now I wanna hear your long distance relationship stories. Because I’ll use it to make my decision. Did they work out? I’ll share some later on today and if I pick you, you get a free book!

  Lemme know!

  Afterword

  The story continues daily! To Join the Naughty Angels and continue the convo, click here!

  Here!!!

  Now for some featured short stories…

  Derek’s Happy Lap Dance…for your enjoyment!!

  This is never before seen and brand new. It will never be published anywhere else separately.

  Our goal in this is simple.

  To entertain you as long as we can to give you the best experience with the words that we hold so dear. Because while we may be in various corners of the world, the fact that we are sharing these brings us closer together we feel.

  Thank you so much for reading!

  xoxo

  Alexis

  Derek’s Happy Lap Dance

  God, I swe
ar to fucking God that my cock couldn’t be any fucking happier with Ella in my life. And just when I think that, she goes out and does something that totally makes my brains explode with fucking lust. I’m lying in bed naked, Ella and I just got done fucking and she went to go take a shower before she has a meeting with the Royal Decorator over some shit. But I’m not talking about now. I mean now was great, but my mind is still going back to the fantastic fucking time we had two nights ago.

  Truthfully, what happened two nights ago is what started this two days of almost near constant sex. I’ve forgotten how many times I’ve cum and how much of it has gone inside of her versus all over her face and tits. But we’ve basically given up on being human and descended into fucking animals as we pursue our lustful passions. I swear that’s an awkward sentence to say, but married life is fucking good. I can finally be filthy with someone who totally fucking gets me. Who is just as fucking perverted as me.

  I’m thinking back to that night. You wanna know what I’m thinking about?

  It went something like this…

  I sat on the plush couch, champagne glass in hand. I took a sip and let the sparkling wine roll around my mouth, a sweet taste to it. The lights were dim but still bright enough for me to not have to squint my eyes and see the stripper’s body moving in front of me.