Whiskey and Regret

by Danielle James

  “Before we go, let’s send your dad a selfie so he knows you’re safe.” I pulled Frankie close to me and we put our heads together after we stepped outside into the golden setting sun. It was perfect lighting to hit my best angle.

  Head tilted slightly, chin tucked, eyes narrowed just a bit, and a small smile to top it off. Tyra Banks would be proud of that fucking smize.

  “Okay, and send,” I said tapping Evander’s name on the screen.

  “Why is my dad saved under DD in your phone?” Frankie asked, getting in the passenger side. I swallowed my laughter at the nickname Darling Dick and shrugged my shoulders.

  “No reason. You pick the song, Frank.” Yesterday I let her sync her phone to my car stereo. She had decent music taste but nothing would pull me out of my 90’s time warp. I’d live in that era forever if I could.

  Frankie was more of a HER and Ari Lennox girl and that was fine. I didn’t mind jamming to Ari while we blew down streets. The music thumping through the speakers filled the comfortable silence between us perfectly.

  When we pulled into my complex, I saw Navy’s car pull into a visitor space. I said, “Oh, look. We have company.”

  “I like your sister. She’s so nice,” Frankie said getting out of the car.

  “She’s alright,” I laughed. “Hey, sissy. What’s up?”

  “Oh, hi, Frankie. Hey, Xari. I wanted to stop by to see how you were making out with the move.” She got out of the car and hugged me.

  “We were just coming to grab the last of my clothes. Sunshine is getting moved tomorrow so yeah, I’ll be a nervous wreck.”

  “Sunshine?” Frankie laughed. “You really call your harp by name? I thought you were playing yesterday.”

  “Oh, no. Xari never plays about Sunshine. It’s her kid.” Navy tossed an arm around Frankie and they shared a laugh.

  “Sunshine is my kid. I’m not denying that. Come on, you can help me with my clothes,” I told Navy.

  “I came to check on you, Xari. Not help you pack the rest of your things.”

  “Well, now you can do double duty.”

  While we walked inside the building, Frankie craned her neck, looking around the lobby. “I can’t believe you’re leaving this place to stay with me and Dad.”

  “I kinda fucked up my finances by being oblivious so it’s not a choice. Besides, if I stayed here, I would have never got to meet you and that’s unacceptable, Frank.” She smiled and drew her shoulders in a little.

  “Wow, you seriously packed that thing up,” Navy walked around the huge box Sunshine was in then stopped to look at me. “Are you going to need Xanax or anything to get through movers touching your harp? I remember when you had it moved from Mom and Dad’s house to this apartment and I swore you were going to pass out.”

  “Was it that bad?” Frankie asked, making her way to my bedroom. The only thing left in there was my bed and half a closet full of clothes. Those were luxury pieces that I wanted to personally carry to Evander’s house.

  “It was horrible. I can’t breathe until my baby is on solid ground and in her permanent place. I rested my hand on the box that held Sunshine and tried to still my racing heart.

  What if they dropped her? What if they were too rough and a string popped? What if they banged her on a corner and created a huge split?

  I shut my eyes and breathed through the incessant worries bouncing around in my head. I’d get to unpack and play her tomorrow night. All would be well. I had to stop focusing on what could go wrong.

  “Stop worrying, Xari. Sunshine will be fine.” Navy smiled a little and rubbed my shoulder.

  “What if she’s not though?” I asked, worry creeping back into my mind like slippery black oil.

  “She will be. The good thing about it is that Senator Freeman only lives fifteen minutes away. How’s everything going with him? You’re not driving him crazy, are you?”

  If anything, he was driving me crazy. Making me curious. Making me horny. Making me hungry.

  “Of course I am. That’s what I do best. No surprise there. He likes me, even when he pretends not to. I’m wearing him down. I got him to call me Xari today.”

  Navy’s sculpted brows lifted to her hairline and a small smile bent her full lips up. “Wow. You must be growing on him. I swore he’d call you Miss Lucas forever.”

  “He puts up a front but I’m starting to see there’s more to him than meets the eye.” My mind wandered off to the story he was writing.

  The vivid details in that sex scene made me wonder what kind of imagination Darling Dick had. With an ex-wife like Alexis, he couldn’t have gotten a chance to understand how to fuck a woman.

  I wanted to teach him.

  “Oh my god, this is so cute!” Frankie squealed from my bedroom.

  “I see you’ve made a new best friend with that one in there,” Navy chuckled.

  “Frankie is so fucking cool. I don’t even think she sees it. The fact that she’s so laid back and she doesn’t try too hard is perfect. I want her to stay like that forever. I know high school is coming though.”

  “Ah yes. High school. The great equalizer.” Navy shot me a look and I rolled my eyes. High school was where she finally excelled once she dealt with dyslexia. High school was where I learned what it meant to feel alone in a sea of people. I learned that being different wasn’t as cool as they made it seem in elementary and middle school. Being different in high school meant you didn’t have a circle of friends.

  Nobody understood my dedication to the harp or why I couldn’t hang out on Fridays. They saw me as a flake at first then in sophomore year I was a nerd and remained there for the remainder of high school.

  It didn’t matter that I could dress circles around everyone calling me a nerd. All that mattered was my unwillingness to deviate from my schedule. It paid off with a Julliard scholarship though so I couldn’t be too mad.

  “Let’s cross our fingers that Frankie stays sweet through high school. I’m going to make sure of it,” I said with a smile.

  Navy folded her arms and slid her lips to the side. “You’re going to make sure of it? You sound like this job is long-term.”

  Realization settled into hot prickles along the apples of my cheeks. I did make it sound like this nanny job was for good. That wasn’t the case at all. I shook my head quickly dispelling the insinuation.

  “Even when I move on, I’ll keep in touch with Frankie.”

  “Okay, Xari,” Navy smirked.

  It was easy for her to see I had a soft spot for Frankie. How could I not? She reminded me of myself when I was her age. Snappy but unsure and vulnerable.

  Hell, I was still like that today.

  …

  TEN

  Xari had been quiet all day, which wasn’t like her at all. Even the few short days she’d been in my life, I was used to her relentless mouth and spike-studded words. I was used to her soft floral scent when she stepped too close to me. I was used to the way every stitch of fabric hugged her tight, slender body. I was even used to hearing my name roll off those full lips.

  Now, the house felt like a ghost town. I’d been in the den writing and nursing a glass of whiskey when I felt intrigued enough by her silence to seek her out in the house.

  I found Frankie in her room sprawled out on the bed, studying. “Hey, where’s Xari?” I quizzed, sweeping my gaze around the lilac room.

  “She’s in the foyer by the window.” Frankie looked at me for a beat then went right back to her books.

  In the foyer?

  Sure enough, she was pacing in front of the window. I opened my mouth to call out to her but I was too caught up in the reverie of watching her move. She took long strides in tall heels with straps wrapping delicately around her ankles. I traveled up her legs and over her thighs. I wished I had x-ray vision so I could see beneath the hem of that red dress. It tied around her neck with a fine string that could be easily untied.

  My mouth turned to straw imagining how silky her copper skin would feel
under my fingertips.

  “Oh, Evander. I didn’t know you were standing there.” I blinked at her then found a polite smile.

  “Yeah, I realized I hadn’t seen you much today. I know your things are getting moved in. I wanted to make sure everything was alright.” One look in her eyes told me everything was not alright.

  A frown weighed down my features. I moved closer to her, waiting for the soft floral scent I knew would come once I was near enough. It met my senses without fail. Soft jasmine and the clean smell of soap.

  “The movers are late,” she said, wringing her hands.

  “They’re notoriously late. I’m sure they’ll be here soon.” My hands kneaded the tension knots along her shoulders.

  I was right.

  Her skin was silk.

  Every logical thought in my brain told me not to touch her but the illogical thoughts…

  The thoughts conceived from whiskey and idle time bore a child of insolence determined not to listen to anything my logical side had to say.

  “They need to be here now,” she fired back. Her words were strung together with thin thread, ready to pop any moment. It was deeper than the movers being late. Something persistent pushed me to unravel Xari a little more.

  “Okay, so what’s on that truck? Something is making you lose your shit.” My hands kept working on her shoulders but they turned greedy and wanted more so they moved up to her neck.

  Something about the contrast of my long fingers and wide palms working the tendons along her slender, dainty neck rattled the demon inside of me. The one who liked to consume first and ask questions later. The one who went against everything I stood for in my normal life as a senator.

  The demon inside of me was reckless. It was hungry. It was demanding. It wanted to awake from hibernation.

  “I’m that easy to read, huh?” Her shoulders went slack and she pressed her back against my front. The swell of her perfect, tight ass rubbed against my soft cock, rousing it subtly.

  “You wear your heart on your sleeve.” I had to stop my hands from working her smooth skin or else…

  “My harp. I need my harp.” It was strange seeing her so vulnerable. It piqued my interest and stoked the smoldering fire building inside.

  “Hey, it’ll get here in one piece. Unharmed. I promise.”

  “You can’t promise that.”

  “I can. Listen, if your harp…”

  “Sunshine,” she said softly.

  “O…kay. If Sunshine gets here in one piece with no damage, you have to let me see you dressed down. Jeans and a t-shirt. No heels.” The gasp that tore from her was comedic gold. With that reaction, someone would have thought I insulted her mother.

  “If Sunshine is damaged, then what?” She turned to look at me over her shoulder and espresso brown swallowed me nearly whole.

  “I’ll buy you a new one and I’ll cook dinner for a week.” My hands found her waist, pulling her against me even more. Her hips flared out from her tight waist and I ached to move down further. I wanted to slide my hands between her thighs and spread her legs.

  “You will?” She turned in my grasp and looked up at me. Now her tits were smashed against my chest and it was getting harder to stop my dick from standing.

  “Yeah. I will.” I tucked a chunk of curls behind her ear then squeezed her waist. Flames glued us together. I knew she felt it too because I saw the heat tinting the apples of her cheeks red.

  Ding dong!

  The doorbell evaporated the charged moment and I couldn’t have been happier. I dropped my hands from Xari’s waist and opened the front door. Two tall young men stood on the porch in gray overalls and clipboards. The dark-skinned guy eyed Xari from her wild curls to her pedicured toes. I knew that look because I looked at her like that too.

  He wanted to fuck her.

  “Is the big fragile box okay?” She asked immediately.

  “It’s fine.” The guy with the deep brown skin said. “Remember me, Xari?” He flashed her a smile but she remained blank-faced.

  “I’m sorry, no. Can you guys bring the big box in first? I requested for it to be loaded last.”

  “You seriously don’t remember me? I moved your stuff from your apartment like twenty minutes from here last week.”

  “Oh, okay. Yeah. Nice to see you again.” I could tell by the cadence of her voice that she still had no idea who the guy was. He knew too. His smile fell apart and his eyes narrowed.

  “We’ll get the big box,” he snapped, turning away from the porch.

  “You have no idea who he is, do you?” I asked, cracking a smile.

  “Not a clue. I mean…I know there were movers last week and…oh.”

  “And oh?”

  “Yeah. I remember him now. Shit.”

  I got sucked into the story and I needed to know how she knew the guy if he only moved her things last week. So I waited for an answer while they unloaded the moving truck. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.” She laughed a little and smoothed her red dress. It was perfect like all her clothes. Not one wrinkle, stain, or thread out of place.

  “Oh, I do want to know. You can tell me later tonight when you’re dressed down.”

  “Oh my god. I never agreed to that!” She squeaked.

  I laughed, shaking my head as I turned away from her and headed back to the den to continue writing. I needed something to take my mind off how soft Xari’s skin was and how badly I wanted to taste those red velvet lips.

  I refused to get sucked into her gorgeous face and perfect body. That part was easy to resist even though it presented its obstacles. The hard part was not falling prey to her sarcasm, her jokes, or her bubbly personality.

  I couldn’t get sucked into her. She was my employee. I hired her for Frankie. Not so I could fuck her. Shit, then I wouldn’t be any better than the man Alexis thought I was.

  It was clear I needed to take a step back from Xari Lucas.

  I poured another glass of Jameson then went to work on my novel. My fingers passed over the keys faster than my eyes could read what I wrote. I’d stop every so often to take a break and read over what I’d written. I needed more by the time I got to the end.

  Whenever that happened, a quiet thrill pushed through me. My fingers and mind worked together like lightning and thunder to push out words faster and faster. Every word thumped through my veins like blood.

  That’s why writing came to me so effortlessly. It was inside of me. I only needed a blank page and an open vein. Vivid pictures would spill across the screen and characters came to life under my control. They spawned from my brain and lived in readers’ minds.

  Well…

  That would be true if I ever got the nerve to hit publish. I knew better than to dive too deep into my dreams though. I was groomed for politics and that’s the path I chose. It’s the path that was chosen for me but I respected my father so I decided to fulfill my duty as a Freeman. There were generations of men counting on me to continue the legacy left to us.

  It wasn’t easy being a black senator and continuing in the senate four generations deep was monumental. It was unheard of. The name Freeman was like money. There was no way I’d choose myself over the greater good.

  My father must have had a sixth sense because he called me right in the middle of me thinking about him. I hit save on my document and took one last swallow of whiskey before answering.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Van, you did hear me when I told you it would be in your best interest to vote in a way that would benefit future Freemans, right?”

  “Wow, no hello, how are you?”

  “I’m still pissed at you for voting like a pussy on the arts funding bill,” he snapped.

  “I voted like someone who cares about kids who don’t have the same opportunity as mine.” I shut the laptop and pushed to my feet. I took long strides to the bar and frowned when I realized the decanter was empty. Dammit.

  “You’ll have the chance to fix it, Van.”

  “
Are you talking about the education funding bill? It’s loaded with breaks for private institutions. If I sign off on it, funding will get taken away from public schools. They’re trying to create an entire pool for private institutions.”

  “Let them. Public schools won’t miss a little bit of money. It’s not fair that they get the entire budget. It’s a monopoly. How do you not see that? Goddamn bleeding heart.”

  “The kids in public schools are our future.” I hated how cliché it sounded but it was true.

  “Yes. Our future maids, cab drivers, and waitresses. Do they need art programs and more money being funneled to them? They can’t even hit the average scores for standardized testing. They drop out of school. They kill each other in the streets. They pump drugs through our neighborhoods…”

  “That’s a portion. Not the whole. It’s also a symptom of not having things like arts and recreational buildings and programs. This city needs to be uplifted and that means starting from the bottom. Not the top. Nobody in my tax bracket is hurting for funds to send their kids to private schools.”

  “And public school is free so why are there still struggling middle-class citizens, Van? They don’t have to come out of pocket for tuition or uniforms or extracurricular programs. It sounds like the upper class is coming out of pocket far more than anyone else. Why not direct some funding where it’s needed?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m doing.” I grabbed the decanter and carried it to the kitchen so I could refill it with Jameson. My steps were stiff and measured. My spine was a plank of wood and my jaw was immovable.

  “You’re putting funds in the hands of people who don’t care about them,” he said.

  “Dad, I’m going to vote the way I want to. I’ve done it for years and I plan to continue.”

  “You used to vote the way I wanted you to. Now you’re turning into a fucking leftist.”

  “If you’re done, I’m going to get off the phone.” I emptied the whiskey bottle into the decanter and poured another glass.