Whiskey and Regret

by Danielle James

  “Come on, Van. You’re bullshitting me, of all people? I’m supposed to be the person you confide in.”

  “You mean my best friend? It’s okay to say it,” I joked.

  “You sure as fuck don’t treat me like it. Listen, if I need to protect her, let me know, Van.” The thought crossed my mind to let Apollo in on what was happening between Xari and me but I still had to feel it out. It was fresh. We were fucking around and that was it.

  The thought of something happening to her did cool my blood though. I couldn’t deny it. She’d grown on me, and after being inside of her, I knew she was something else. I didn’t know what it was yet but she had me hooked.

  “She’s Frankie’s nanny. Why wouldn’t you protect her too?” I frowned.

  “You know what I mean. We both know nannies and girlfriends get different protection.”

  “Well, that makes things easy for you because Xari isn’t my girlfriend. She won’t ever be my girlfriend.” Even saying that word made me uneasy. After Alexis turned out to be a nightmare, the thought of committing to another woman scared the hell out of me. I was fine being single.

  Xari was going to be something fun to play with for a while but that was it.

  “Okay, then don’t catch feelings for her. It’s hard to separate pussy from love sometimes.”

  His words ruffled my feathers. Xari wasn’t just pussy. She wasn’t my woman either but she wasn’t just pussy.

  I adjusted my tie and looked into Apollo’s eyes. “There are no feelings. I have everything under control.”

  “You think you do. I know how girls like her work though, Van.”

  “Yeah? How do they work? Enlighten me.” I folded my arms across my chest and it made him chuckle.

  “Oh boy. She’s already wrapping you up, damn. Girls like Xari are like Sour Patch Kids. Sour at first but then once you get past that first layer, they’re sweet and soft and every-fucking-thing you want. That’s why I won’t go out with Navy. I know what’s waiting at the end of that fucking yellow brick road. I’m not ready to settle down. I know a wife when I see one.”

  “Navy is a wife. No doubt about it. Someone is going to snatch her from under your nose, Apollo. Xari though?” I cracked a smile thinking about my sexy little spitfire. “She’s fire. She’s acid. She burns slow and consumes. She’s not to be held forever. She’s meant to be free.”

  “Let me know when you get past that first layer.”

  That was bullshit. I knew it. Xari was fun. She wasn’t a wife. Maybe she would be later on when she grew up a little bit. Once she was self-sufficient and she’d been out in the world…I could see her being someone’s wife.

  My chest twisted when I thought of her walking down the aisle in an amazing dress to someone else.

  What the fuck?

  Why did I care who she married? She was mine for the time being and I’d make sure I branded her so she’d never forget how I made her feel.

  I left the office and got into the waiting car in front of my office building. When settled in, I put my AirPods in and played Bonita Applebum. The minute I heard the beat, I saw Xari switching those hips. My dick wanted to stand in response to the image in my head.

  I needed to get the fuck home.

  My phone buzzed, lowering the Tribe Called Quest song for a second. When I saw a picture of Xari in my text notifications, I tapped it immediately. I couldn’t’ stop the blood in my body from rushing to my cock when I saw her wearing one of my white button-down shirts and nothing else. She was kneeling on my bed taking a picture with her knees spread apart. Her curly hair was brushed into a sleek bun and her lips were painted a deep wine color.

  Fuck. I couldn’t wait to see her. I was going to punish her first but after she gave in, I’d give her all the orgasms she could handle. Watching someone as strong and opinionated as Xari bend was fun. Watching her snap back was even better. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect her to fight me around every corner. I loved when she submitted but I loved it just as much when she fought back.

  When the driver pulled around the driveway, I got out immediately and headed for the door. When I walked into the foyer, the smell of garlic and butter hit me. I was expecting to see Xari in my shirt but I wasn’t mad at the smell of dinner either.

  Since she’d been Frankie’s nanny, I never had to worry about dinner or breakfast. I loved coming home to smell her cooking. It was another thing on the long list of talents she had.

  “Still pissed about earlier?” Xari stood at the stove with her back to me. She still had on my shirt but she also had on a pair of thigh-high stockings that I wanted to peel off with my teeth.

  “I’ve already decided you’re getting punished,” I told her. I walked up behind her and gripped her waist.

  “Punished?” She wiggled her little ass against my crotch and I bucked her, playfully. I dropped my lips to her neck, raining down slow kisses behind her ear leading to her shoulder.

  “You heard me.” My eager hands slid up her flat stomach to her tits. No bra, just like I requested. I pinched and teased her nipples until they turned plump and stiff beneath my touch.

  “Evander,” she moaned for me, grinding against my dick.

  “As much as I want to fuck you on the counter, you’ve been bad.” I landed a slap to her ass. “Is all the food done?”

  “Yes,” she answered breathlessly.

  “Good. Go to my bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “I already have a glass of whiskey waiting for you,” she purred, turning to face me. I gripped her jawline and pulled her close, sweeping my lips over hers.

  “Thank you,” I said after sucking on her bottom lip. “You’re still getting punished.” I winked at her and sent her to my room while I climbed the steps behind her. I loosened my tie a little more with each step. I watched the sexiest pair of legs walk into my bedroom while I stood on the landing, admiring the view. I hurried in after her and tossed my suit jacket over the back of a chair. My tie came off first then I undid the first few buttons on my shirt before sitting on the side of the bed.

  “Across my knee,” I told Xari.

  “No.” She stood in front of me with her feet planted firmly and a glint of playful defiance in her espresso pools.

  “Now.”

  “Make. Me.” When she flashed those dimples, I lost it. I darted from the bed, gripping the back of her neck. I pulled her over to me and sat on the bed. I tugged her down by her arm and fought with her until I rendered her immobile. She struggled for a few seconds but settled down when she brushed against my stiff dick.

  “Bad-ass little girl.” I rubbed her ass in slow circles then pushed the shirt up, exposing her. I tipped my head to the side and looked at her glistening cunt. “Look at how wet you are.” I drew my hand back and brought it down against her ass hard. Her body turned to ice.

  Another slap.

  Slap.

  Slap.

  Slap.

  I dragged my middle finger along her slippery slit and she moaned from the simple touch. Her ass emanated heat from where my handprint was etched into her skin. I stared at it, so bright and red. So perfect.

  I pushed into her waiting pussy and pulled out to taste how excited she was. She was sweet and earthy. I wanted more but I wasn’t going to be greedy. I dipped two fingers inside of her, curling them upward until I hit a spot that made her legs shake. I pulled back again and she groaned, letting her head fall forward.

  “Such a horny, wet girl. Taste.” I fed her my two fingers and she took them gladly. I slid my fingers along her painted lips and she chased them with her tongue.

  “You taste good, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” she rasped.

  “Now, stop being so fucking stubborn and tell me what I want to hear, Xari.” I gave her another slap and she gasped.

  “It’s your pussy, Evander.” My dick throbbed at her words. It was mine. It would always be mine no matter who she ended up with.

  “See? That wasn’
t so hard, was it?” I rubbed her sore ass and she whimpered. “Now, stand up. I want you to strip.”

  “I barely have anything on…”

  “Strip.” I took long strides to the chair where my jacket was and got my phone. When I sat down, I saw the glass of ice-cold whiskey waiting for me on the nightstand. I gladly took a drink. I scrolled until I found my 90’s R&B playlist and waited for Jodeci to come on.

  “Not fair. You know how I feel about nineties music,” she pouted. I laughed a little and shrugged.

  “So, strip for me then. I rushed home to see you. Now I want to watch you dance.”

  “Did you rush home to see me?” She asked, grinning. I couldn’t tell her that I’d waited damn near all day to get back to her. I had to keep some things to myself.

  “You know I did.” She moved gently to the beat and I sat back, watching. Nothing about Xari was shy or timid. She danced for me like she’d been stripping for years. The soft sway of her hips captivated me. I couldn’t help staring. She was so fluid.

  The shirt slipped down on her shoulder and she flashed me the prettiest grin. I should have taken pictures of how perfect she looked. Those dimples, those lips, those eyes. I ran a hand over my face and shook my head before taking another drink of whiskey.

  “You’re staring mighty hard, Evander. You like what you see?” She unbuttoned the top half of buttons and the shirt slid down her shoulders to the bend of her arms, baring mahogany nipples. Thick and plump and calling for my touch. My lips twitched with the need to pull each one into my mouth.

  “You know I like what I see. I love what I see.” I unbuckled my belt, zipped down my pants, and eased my hard cock out so I could stroke it.

  Xari licked her lips when I started jerking off for her. I knew she wanted it inside of her however she could get it and I wanted to oblige.

  The truth was, sex was different with her than it had been with any other woman I’d slept with. It was better, more alive.

  “Your dick is so fucking sexy, Evander.” She dropped the shirt and stepped out of the pile only wearing a garter belt and thigh highs. I jerked my dick faster at the sight of it.

  She was too perfect. It was like she stepped out of my dreams and into my room. “Leave the thigh highs,” I told her. I stood and took off my clothes while she watched and played with her nipples. She squeezed them and licked them knowing I was hungry for her body. “Bring your bad ass over here, Xari.” The minute she was in my arms, my mouth went for her skin. Warm. Soft. Silk beneath my tongue.

  “I missed you,” she uttered while rubbing my hair. The words sent something shooting through me.

  “I missed you too.” Her truth latched onto mine and extracted it with ease. My heart rapped against my chest as I inhaled her soft floral scent and kneaded her skin with my fingers.

  I slid up her thighs and found her wet pussy. “Mine,” I grumbled, teasing her clit.

  “Yours,” she moaned. When I lifted her into the air, her legs wrapped around me then she found my neck with her mouth. She sucked and bit me like she was ravenous. Her tongue slid up to my earlobe and she tugged with her teeth.

  We crashed to the bed in a mess of limbs, lips, and tongues. I pinned her on her stomach and nudged her leg up, exposing her pretty pussy. “I’ve been thinking about this since I left this morning,” I said right before plunging my cock inside of her. She was going to destroy me. I saw it scrawled out in beautiful mistakes and stupid decisions. I didn’t care. I needed to be inside of her.

  I loved the feeling of her tight, smooth body writhing beneath me while I fucked her hard and deep. I dropped kisses down the back of her neck and between her shoulder blades. Tasting her fresh sweat as I pulled noise after noise from her plump mouth.

  “Evander,” she whined before dropping her head to the bed.

  “My name sounds so good coming out of your mouth. Say it again.” I dealt a breath-stealing blow to her pussy and she tried to run away. I had her pinned though. She couldn’t move.

  “Evander! Oh my fucking god!” I loved listening to dirty words flow from her mouth. I loved listening to her call for God like she wasn’t the center of religion.

  I drilled into her with my head bowed, ready to worship.

  “I know you’re close, Xari.” I unraveled her stitch by stitch until she was a pile of thread soaked with lust and passion.

  She came, wrapped tightly around my cock. Squeezing. Pulsing. Calling my name.

  My body reacted to the insane pull between her legs and before I could ease out, I came in Xari again. She was too warm and wet. Too creamy and sweet to pull out. I dropped my head to her shoulder, panting and trying to figure out how to stop her pussy from being so addictive.

  I fell over on my side and Xari turned over on her back, scooting next to me. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her dewy forehead. “I keep expecting your caliber of dick to be a fluke but every time you fuck me, it gets better.”

  “We can keep testing out your theory if you want. I’m down. I’ll fuck you however many times it takes.” I slid my finger between her breasts and down to her navel. Her skin was so smooth, I didn’t want to stop touching it.

  “I bet you will,” she laughed. I leaned over and playfully bit her cheek. I couldn’t resist her dimples. Her laughter tore through the room like sunshine.

  “Can I ask you something, Evander?” Her fingers danced up and down my chest, stopping on each of my tattoos.

  “What’s up, beautiful?” She took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together.

  “What are you running from?” Her words caught me off guard, I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know exactly what she was asking me.

  “I don’t understand,” I frowned.

  “You drink whiskey daily without fail. Not a glass or two but you drink half the bottle. You’re either running from something or you’re trying to drown it. So, which one is it?”

  “Can’t I just like whiskey?” I chuckled, kissing the back of her hand.

  “Evander, your cum is inside of me right now. Are you really going to try and play me like I don’t know you? I can tell it’s deeper than liking whiskey.”

  “Xari, what do you want me to say? I’m covering up childhood trauma or something? That’s not the case. I just…like to drink.”

  “You’re just full of shit. So am I though. I get it.”

  “I’m not full of shit.”

  “You are. You know damn well you drink to ease some kind of pain.” Sometimes I loved how no-nonsense Xari could be. Other times, like now, it pissed me off.

  I sat on the side of the bed and rested my elbows on my knees. “I’m going to shower and get ready to write.” She didn’t protest like I thought she would, given how vocal she always is.

  I walked into the bathroom feeling heavy. Like Xari unearthed something I kept buried inside and now it was exposed and scraping against my insides. Hot water ran down my skin seemingly peeling away layers of pretty facades I’d accumulated over the years.

  I was burying something. Maybe not running from it like Xari first suggested but definitely hiding. I wanted to tell her that she was right but when I got out of the shower, she wasn’t in my room anymore.

  Disappointment hollowed my chest as I got dressed. I thought about what Xari said last night about first wanting me when she saw me dressed down in sweats and a t-shirt. She liked me when I was myself. I pulled a blue t-shirt over my head and stared at myself in the mirror. The man looking back at me was disappointed.

  I turned my head and grabbed my glass off the nightstand, tipping it up and letting the rest of the whiskey burn its way down my throat. I needed to write.

  I needed to open my vein and let my life force spill onto the pages. Even if it was just a poem. I had to write something to free me of my mind.

  So I sat in the den and wrote poem after poem. Darkness mixed with regret leaked from my fingertips. I reached down, scooping clumps of earth from six feet deep inside myself. I wrote until my hands
buzzed from the raw words flowing. I wrote until the doorbell rang.

  I didn’t answer right away because I had to steady my nerves. I couldn’t deal with Alexis while I was a live wire with passion pumping through me. She was a vampire. She would drain me before I even knew what happened.

  I took another drink. Then another. And another.

  Ding dong!

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  With each drink, I realized I was replacing the dirt I’d moved off the buried thing inside me. I was drowning it and hiding it once again. Just when I was getting close.

  When I heard Xari’s voice in the foyer followed by Frankie’s, I put my glass down and rushed out to meet them. I didn’t need Xari and Alexis bumping heads again.

  “Hey, Daddy!” Frankie rushed me with a big hug, nuzzling her face against my chest. I kissed the top of her head and she was off to the kitchen to see what Xari made for dinner. Alexis stood at the front door, glaring at me like she could smell Xari’s perfect pussy on my skin.

  “You need to talk to that girl about getting a social life. I offered to take her to my women’s group brunch and she chose to stay home to make pancakes. What the hell, Van?” She shook her head and looked at me like I was the reason Frankie didn’t want to spend time with her and her group of shallow friends.

  “What do you want me to do about it, Lex? I’m not forcing Frankie to be something she’s not. You can either love her the way she is or push her away by forcing her into a box you built.”

  “She is twelve. She should have friends. I had so many friends when I was her age. We were going to parties, having fun…”

  “She’s having fun,” I mentioned when a burst of laughter floated through the air. I loved the sound of Frankie and Xari chatting and giggling. “You hear that laugh? Plus, Xari is good for her. She pulls her out of her shell.”

  “She’s good for Frankie or good for you? I know you’re fucking her, Van.”

  “You’re delusional.”

  “I’m a woman. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Like she wants to rip your goddamn clothes off with her teeth.”

  “You sure you’re not looking in a mirror because I see the way you’re looking at me right now and I have to say, Lex…It’s making me uncomfortable.”