Curiously, it was his lack of demand that made her want to give him more. She parted her lips in invitation. His tongue barely skimmed the inside of her mouth before retreating. Esther made a sound of distress deep in her throat. She clutched the front of his shirt for support, fisting it in her fingers.
Brazenly, she snaked her tongue out, invading the deep cavern of his mouth. He tasted of coffee, strong and rich. She usually didn’t like the taste of coffee, but mixed with his unique flavor it was better than any aphrodisiac. She heard herself whimper slightly as she tasted him again and again.
His hands smoothed down her back, landing at her waist, supporting her as they kissed. He groaned and tilted his head to one side, deepening the contact between them. She could feel the stubble on his jaw abrading her cheek. The roughness emphasized the differences between them, the distinctions between a man and a woman. Esther found the contact extremely arousing. She longed to rub her swollen nipples against his chest, but restrained herself. Barely.
She no longer felt like herself. Where was the sensible woman who avoided emotional entanglements? She thought about pulling away, but just then Ryan’s tongue surged into her mouth, laying claim to it. Her breath caught as he consumed her with his kiss, tasting her, exploring her.
His touch, his kiss, were so familiar. Like an elusive dream she couldn’t quite touch.
Dreams.
Esther jerked away. Panting for air, she desperately tried to recover from the devastating kiss. What in heaven’s name was she doing? This was no dream. She was at work and she was kissing Ryan Jamieson, the one man she needed to stay away from.
They stared at one another for what seemed like forever, but what she knew in reality was probably a matter of seconds. “That can’t happen again.” Her voice was rough with emotion.
“Yes, it can and it will.” There was a stubborn expression on Ryan’s face she’d never seen before and it boded ill for her peace of mind.
“No. It can’t.” This was as much her fault as his. She’d been a willing participant here, just because she’d had to know what he tasted like, what he felt like. Well, she sure as heck knew now, and she had a dreaded feeling that this knowledge would haunt her dreams for a long time to come.
“Esther,” he began and then broke off. He raked his fingers through his thick brown hair and took a deep breath.
She sensed his frustration, but there was nothing she could do about it. Correction. Nothing she was willing to do about it.
“Let me take you to dinner. Just to talk.” Ryan might honestly believe that, but she knew better. The two of them together were like putting a match to gasoline—explosive. If they had dinner things would go much further than simply talking.
“I can’t.” She bit her lip to keep from blurting out an acceptance. Never had she been so tempted to give in, to accept a date from a firefighter, and many of the single ones, both in Burnt Cove and back home in Baltimore, had asked at one time or another. Ryan was the only man she’d ever met who threatened all her defenses and good intentions.
“You can,” he countered. He wasn’t touching her, but she could feel his eyes on her like a physical caress. His determination beat at her like a living thing. She could sense him willing her to accept his invitation. She almost caved. But thoughts of her dreams, of her mother’s misery stopped her.
“Don’t…don’t ask me again. Please.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, staring at the plain beige wall in front of her instead. “I’ll complain to Abe if you do.”
He stiffened beside her. She couldn’t believe she’d threatened to do such a thing. Ryan loved his job. He was an excellent firefighter. She knew she’d never do anything to jeopardize that, no matter what she’d said. But he couldn’t know that.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t anger she felt emanating from him, but sadness. “If that’s what you want.” He cupped her jaw with his hand and tilted her face upward until she was forced to look at him.
He looked so sad she almost relented, but couldn’t. Fear held her back from reaching out. “It’s what I have to do.”
He nodded again, slowly, as if he understood her reasons. His golden-brown eyes were filled with a longing that almost broke her heart. “I’ll wait.” They were two simple words, but filled with such finality. “If you change your mind, you can ask me.”
“I won’t change my mind,” she whispered. She couldn’t. Still, it took all of her willpower not to melt against his touch and beg him to kiss her again. What was wrong with her?
He traced his thumb over her bottom lip before releasing her. “I think you will.” Turning, he strode away and never looked back. She knew because she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him.
Ryan’s hands were fisted at his sides as he left the room. Frustration twisted his guts into knots and despair picked at his soul. One of the hardest things he’d ever done in his life was to walk away from Esther. He knew she had her reasons, but understanding that still didn’t make it any easier when she pulled away from him at every turn.
He could still taste her on his lips and tongue, an elusive, yet addictive spicy flavor of woman and peppermint. His erection jerked and he groaned. Adjusting himself as best he could, he stalked out of building and headed across the street to the fire station. He needed some time alone to get himself back under control.
Thankfully the rest of the guys were busy when he went inside, and he made his way upstairs to sit on the side of his bunk. Closing his eyes, he could still smell Esther’s unique scent, a combination of floral soap and musky female.
She might deny him, but she’d been just as aroused as he was. Her nipples had stood out in sharp relief against the fabric of the formfitting white blouse she wore. God, he’d wanted to touch her so badly, to trace his finger over the hardened nubs, but he wouldn’t do that. Not at work. It was bad enough he’d kissed her. He was lucky she wasn’t screaming harassment.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his scattered emotions and thoughts. When she’d mentioned she hadn’t been sleeping well, he thought he might have finally found his opening. Maybe this time she’d talk to him.
But it hadn’t happened. She’d tried to close herself off from him even more and that had pissed him off and disappointed him. God, he was going crazy. How do you tell a woman you dream of her, had dreamed of her almost your entire life?
Ryan buried his face in his hands, his entire body tense. From the time he was sixteen, he’d started dreaming of her—pleasant memories of life in a Scottish village many centuries ago. They were both much younger then, little more than children really, and the dreams had been simple. They’d tended to their daily chores and spent hours roaming the countryside together. As he’d grown older, the dreams had changed, growing more passionate as he moved into his twenties.
They’d felt so real. He’d spent hours touching every inch of her body, learning the texture of her skin. He knew what pleased her, what made her gasp and moan and what made her scream with pleasure.
He knew every inch of her delectable body, knew what it felt like to be buried deep in her heat, to feel his cock wrapped in her velvety sheath. He’d felt her hands on his chest, her fingernails digging into his shoulders in the throes of passion.
He swallowed hard and took a deep breath to calm his volatile emotions.
He knew her name was Esther and they were meant to be together. Except in his dreams she called him James.
The dreams had changed a few years ago, pleasure fading to pain and heartache. Now it was fire that filled his visions. The flames of passion morphed into the real ones, crackling and burning everything in its path.
He heard her screaming his name as smoke and flames surrounded him, trapping and consuming him. Other men had pulled him from the wreckage of a tiny thatched cottage, but it was too late. He knew he was dying, but he wasn’t ready to leave her and their unborn child behind.
Ryan’s muscles tightened and clenched, his breathing ragged. In the dreams,
she’d been carrying his child when he died. Their life together had barely begun when it was cut short. The pain in his soul had been more than he’d thought he could bear. The look on her face had seared him worse than the fire. Leaving her was unthinkable, yet unavoidable. There was nothing either of them could do to stop the hands of fate from destroying their life together.
Ryan rubbed his hands over his face, ignoring the dampness on his cheeks. He raised his head and shook off the bleak memories.
He’d dismissed them as nothing but dreams, even though they’d felt so vivid and real. He’d also kept them to himself, never telling another living soul about them, not even his parents. What would he tell them? That he’d lived another lifetime hundreds of years ago and he was remembering it in detail. They’d have dragged him off to some shrink’s office for sure.
So he’d tucked away his dreams and gotten on with the business of living. His life had been normal enough in every other way. He’d dated plenty of very nice women and found a career he loved, that satisfied something deep inside him. But he’d always felt as if there was something missing.
Anyone might think that the dreams of dying due to injuries he’d received in a blazing inferno would make him afraid of fire. Instead it had done the opposite. He’d been drawn to firefighting from the time he was a small boy. It was as though he wanted, no needed, to conquer that fear of fire and save others from his fate. And he had. He’d graduated at the top of his class and become a firefighter in New York City.
He’d been content with his life. He had his friends and family, but there was always some part of him searching for a piece of his life that was missing. When he’d seen the advertisement for a full-time firefighter in Burnt Cove something inside him had jumped with excitement. As much as he’d loved his life and job in the city, he’d felt compelled to apply for the position, and hadn’t been the least bit surprised when he’d gotten the job.
It was destiny.
His first day here, the Fire Chief had taken him around, introducing him to everyone. That was when he’d seen her. Esther Roberts, the woman who’d haunted his dreams his entire life. His heart had almost stopped.
For the first time in many years he no longer had to question his sanity. She was real. But she showed not a single glimmer of recognition, no sign that she felt the deep connection between them. Even worse, she turned down his every offer of a date.
Deep in his soul, he felt the link between them. It had been forged in fire and lived in his dreams. They had loved in another time and place, and that love was still burning inside him. He felt as if Esther sensed their connection, their history too, but for some reason was afraid of it.
Someone called his name and he shook off his foul mood. Pushing to his feet, he headed toward the door. For now he had work to do. What was happening between him and Esther would have to wait. He knew he was running out of time. He couldn’t force her to accept him and he knew he couldn’t stay and watch her turn to another man. That would kill him.
Determination filled him. She wanted him. That much she couldn’t hide. He could build on that. The only other alternative was to just walk away and Ryan wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Boyd Jenkins was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, concern on his face. “You okay, man?” They were a close-knit bunch here at the station, but he and Jenkins had hit it off from day one.
“Yeah.” He ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his shoulders. “Everything’s fine.”
His buddy stared at him for the longest time, but finally nodded. “Good enough, but if you ever need to talk…” He let the offer trail off.
“Thanks.” There was no need to say anything else. Firefighting was a stressful job and sometimes they all needed to unload. Some of the guys partied too hard and drank too much when they were off duty, but most occasionally talked to a buddy. They all understood the dark moods that could take a man by surprise sometimes.
“Baker is cooking dinner.” Jenkins clapped him on the back. “That should cheer you up.”
Ryan groaned as he followed his buddy into the kitchen. They all took turns cooking meals when they were on duty and, for the most part, they did okay. Except when Frank Baker cooked. Baker could burn water.
The rest of the crew was seated around the table, watching with avid interest as Baker stirred a huge pot on the stove. “Hope you’re all hungry.” He turned and waved his spoon at the group. “Ah, Jamieson, come and try my chili. It’s a new recipe.”
He noticed Weston and Collins snickering behind their hands, while Hynes coughed loudly. The rest of them just sat there grinning like idiots. Hell, he was a firefighter. He’d faced tougher things than this. “Sure.” He hoped he sounded nonchalant instead of terrified. He suppressed a shiver. The last time Baker had made chili he almost burned the linings out of all their stomachs the damn stuff was so hot.
Baker grinned, his eyes twinkling as he dipped the spoon in the pot and held it out. The bastard knew that Ryan didn’t want to try the chili but wouldn’t back down from a challenge. “Chili’s good for you. It will put hair on your chest.”
The men behind him laughed as Ryan took the spoon. That was Baker’s quip with almost everything he cooked. He swore it would make men of them. Ryan was feeling manly enough, thank you very much. He didn’t feel the need to abuse his poor stomach.
But there was no choice. They were all watching him. He slowly raised the spoon and eyed the chili. Opening his mouth, he moved the spoon closer.
The shrill ringing of the bell reverberated around them. Ryan tossed the spoon in the sink and raced for his gear. Each man knew what he had to do and a sort of organized chaos ensued. The door of the garage was already half up and the address was coming over the loudspeaker. He glanced to his right as Baker hauled his suspenders over his shoulder and grabbed his turnout coat.
His buddy flashed him a smile. “Don’t worry. The chili will be waiting when you get back.”
Ryan chuckled as he jumped aboard the truck. Seconds later the pump engine roared out of the garage bay with the ladder truck and emergency response team right behind them. Adrenaline pumped through his veins. This was what he’d trained for. This was what he loved to do. All the men were focused on the task ahead and prepared for whatever was to come.
Chapter Six
“Trick or treat.” The chorus of childish voices greeted Esther when she opened her front door. A witch, two ghosts and a pirate all smiled at her as they held up their treat bags.
“I’d rather give you a treat than have you trick me.” She recognized them as her neighbor’s children from five houses down. They laughed as she handed out the bags of potato chips she’d bought. She watched them affectionately as they scampered back down her walkway and on to the next house.
There had been a steady stream of costumed children at her door for several hours now and she knew that the festivities were almost over for another year. The candles in her carved pumpkins chose that moment to sputter and die, leaving darkness in their wake. In spite of the dreams that haunted her sleep, Esther loved this time of year, the nip in the air, the colorful leaves and most especially Halloween.
On a night like tonight, she could readily believe that the veil between the earthly world and the realm of spirits was thin. The moon was bright, the stars were visible in the clear, dark sky and the night seemed alive somehow. A shiver traced its way from her nape to the small of her back and she heard her grandmother’s voice telling her that it meant that someone had stepped on her grave.
Glancing up and down the now quiet road, she decided to call it a night. Closing her front door firmly, she locked it. Not that it would keep the spirits out, she mused. She turned off the lights as she headed toward the kitchen and stepped out onto her back deck. The pounding of the waves and the tangy salt air called to her. She loved her small cottage, which practically sat on the beach.
But even the beauty of the night couldn’t block out the memori
es of yesterday. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared out over the vast expanse of the ocean. A day later and she could still feel the pressure of Ryan’s lips against hers. Logically, she knew that was impossible, but logic had little to do with how she felt.
Raising her fingers to her mouth, she touched them. They tingled and she muttered a curse under her breath and pulled her hand away. She’d never been so eager to leave work behind for a few days as she was yesterday evening when the shift change had finally arrived.
She was just thankful that no one had wandered in while she and Ryan had been kissing. They both would have gotten into trouble over that one. Talk about unprofessional conduct. Esther loved her job too much to jeopardize it and she’d swear that Ryan felt the same way.
The connection between them had been too potent to deny. Esther didn’t like that one bit. She felt out of control, as if her formerly normal life was quickly becoming lost to her, replaced by something she didn’t fully understand.
Staring up into the night sky, she sought out the various constellations, as if they could somehow give her the answers she sought. Maybe if she wished on a star everything would turn out okay. It was what she’d believed as a child. Although she was no longer a child, she found herself seeking out the brightest star. Closing her eyes, she wished on it with all her might. She didn’t want to get hurt. All she wanted was a peaceful life.
Sighing, she opened her eyes. The night hadn’t changed and she was very much afraid that her life had veered off the course she’d set for it. She straightened her shoulders and dropped her hands by her sides. If that was the case, it was up to her to put it back on track. As she’d reminded herself many times, she was the master of her own destiny.
Wishing on stars didn’t change anything anymore than candle magick did. The ceremony in Rhiannon’s garden had taken place more than a week ago, but Esther’s life was just the same. She was alone.
Love in Flames: Spells, Secrets and Seductions, Book 3 Page 6
