Need

by Sherri Hayes

  At first, she didn’t move. Her gaze dropped down to the gel in her hand and back to me. It was slightly amusing to watch, although I wished it wasn’t so difficult for her. If she could gain some confidence, that would help her. I never wanted her to fear touching me.

  Instead of prompting her again, I waited.

  She started to move twice but stopped herself, before finally taking the step that would bring her close enough to my body where she could touch me again. She pressed her lips together as she rubbed her hands to create lather.

  In many ways, it was fascinating watching her work through things. Sometimes her mind worked in the most simplistic of ways. Other times, the detail she put into things amazed me. I knew that most of that came from her having to overthink everything when she was with Ian, making sure it was the right choice because if she chose wrong the punishments would be severe. Nevertheless, her strength to push through her fear and not be a mindless robot made me love her more. I wanted to give her everything, including taking her to heights of pleasure she couldn’t even imagine, if she’d allow me.

  She pressed her small palms gently against my shoulders in tiny circles before moving lower to my chest. She glanced up at me, and I smiled encouragingly, letting her know I was pleased. This seemed to give her the boost she needed, and with a deep breath, she soldiered on. She took extra care washing my torso, back, and legs before standing back up and washing my face. There was only one area of my body left to wash and we both knew it.

  Brianna’s hands shook slightly as they began on my hips and moved inward. It was a painstakingly slow process, but eventually she made it to my penis. Then she stopped.

  I waited, but she still didn’t move. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “How do I . . . wash . . . it?”

  I smiled. “Just be gentle. Other than that, you can wash him anyway you want to.”

  She seemed to think on that for a moment before reaching out one finger and touching. My penis bobbed in response, and she jerked her hand back. I chuckled.

  Hesitantly, she reached out again. She was more prepared this time, and didn’t react when he moved.

  I watched as she softly used only the tips of her fingers to massage the soap into my penis, and then lower between my legs. The desire to have her use a firmer touch was there, but I didn’t voice it. As with so many things when it came to Brianna, I assumed this was the first time she’d touched a man this way. From what she’d told me of her encounters with men, there hadn’t been a lot of touching on her part. She was mostly just used and tossed away. I wouldn’t treat an animal that way, much less a person.

  Once she appeared satisfied that she’d washed all of me, she let her arm fall back down to her side, and her gaze dropped to the floor. Her lips pressed together again, and I could only imagine what was racing through her mind.

  Turning to the side, I rinsed the remaining soap from my body before turning back to her. She looked so small when she was like this, although she was average size for a woman. Over the two months she’d been with me, she’d put on some much-needed weight. I could no longer see the outline of her hip bones beneath her flesh. Now her body was nicely rounded in all the areas it should be.

  I took a deep breath. It would do me no good to get distracted, no matter how tempting seeing her like this was.

  Closing the distance between us, I leaned in and brushed her damp hair away from her ear. She stood ramrod straight, waiting. “I do believe you forgot something,” I said, allowing my lips to skim over her ear and down to her throat before stepping back.

  She looked up at me with wide eyes, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to figure it out.

  Deciding to help her out just a little, I leaned back into the spray again, this time wetting my hair. When I righted myself again, she was dutifully standing there with the shampoo bottle. I lifted my hand to her cheek, and caressed her soft skin to let her know I was pleased. Her gaze dropped to the floor, and I saw the hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

  Dropping my hand, I leaned forward, presenting my hair to her. She wasted no time opening the bottle and lathering the shampoo into my hair. Her fingers grazed over my scalp much as she did when we were kissing in my chair, and I watched my body react to her innocent ministrations.

  Eventually, her fingers left my scalp, and I rinsed the soapy residue from my hair. After repeating much of the same process again with conditioner, I picked the body wash back up and squeezed more of the gel into my own hand. “I’m going to wash you now, Brianna, and I want you to keep your eyes on me while I do, do you understand?”

  She nodded. I just hoped that having me in her line of sight would help ward off any major panic or flashbacks.

  I began slowly, starting at her shoulders, just as she’d done to me. Although I didn’t think washing her back would cause a reaction, I stayed in front of her just the same, reaching around. It brought us chest to chest, and I could feel her nipples pressing against me. They weren’t completely soft; however, it was no more than what a chill would do, and I wondered if her body was reacting to mine, or if it was just a chill.

  “Are you cold?”

  “N . . . no.”

  So maybe it was me. I smiled as I continued to wash her, bringing my hands back to her front. I glided my hands over her breasts, massaging each one carefully to ensure cleanliness, and watched as each nipple became harder under my palms. Her breasts felt good in my hands, and I had to resist the urge to pinch the tips. She wasn’t ready for that.

  Moving lower, I rubbed soap over her stomach before moving down to her legs. Her gaze followed me as I kneeled before her, working soap over her calves and thighs. She was doing well. Although she was breathing heavily, there was no note of panic in her expression.

  I stood up, and added some more gel to my hands. “I’m going to wash between your legs now, Brianna. Remember to keep your eyes open and on me at all times.”

  She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together as if bracing herself.

  Making sure my eyes never left her face, I placed my hands on her ass. My fingers lingered, enjoying the feel of her in my palms before slipping into the crack separating her cheeks. She tensed as I neared her rectum, but I could see she was trying to stay calm.

  “Good girl,” I whispered.

  Keeping one hand behind her, I brought the other to her front and slipped it between her legs. I could feel the moisture from the water and some of her own as well, but it was minimal. As much as I would have liked to have dipped my fingers inside her, that would have taken a lot more preparation. Tonight was about getting to know each other’s bodies better.

  With great restraint, I kept my fingers outside her warmth and finished cleaning her. Her eyes never left mine the entire time, and while her breathing had halted briefly when I’d lingered near her entrance, she’d not panicked.

  I stepped back, instructing her to rinse. I took the shampoo and washed her hair for her. This time, I turned her back to me, and let my fingers massage and relax her. She leaned back against me, and I thought I heard a soft moan of pleasure escape her. I smiled and delighted in the moment.

  After having her rinse the shampoo and conditioner from her hair, I shut the water off and led her out of the shower. She took the towel I gave her, and watching me start to dry myself off, followed my example.

  By the time we were both dressed and under the covers—me in my bed and her on the floor beside me—I was smiling. She’d done well tonight. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

  Brianna

  I woke up Wednesday morning on the floor beside his bed as I had for the last week. It was early. He was still asleep.

  Last night had been . . . I couldn’t quite put it into words. I’d been so afraid that he’d call everything off when I’d started to panic, but he didn’t. He’d helped me just as he always did.

  The shower was not what I’d expected. I’d assumed he’d touch me, but I’d not expe
cted him to have me wash him first. His body felt so different, and yet so familiar, under my hands. I liked feeling his chest and back. Even his legs were nice. It was the rest of it that made me unsure. After the way my life had been for the last year, I’d not even considered being able to touch a man like that so freely, and yet, Stephan had allowed me to do so.

  Washing him like that—feeling him in my hands—was different. I’d seen many different sizes and shapes of the male anatomy over the last year, but I’d never taken the time and actually looked. He was hard and yet soft at the same time, and every time I touched him, his penis would move.

  I had to admit, I was nervous about washing him like that. Stephan had told me repeatedly he wouldn’t have sex with me until I asked him to, but what if I did something and he couldn’t control himself? That happened, right? But he’d just stood there while I cleaned him. I knew I shouldn’t have doubted him after everything, but I’d breathed a sigh of relief when I was finished.

  The beeping of the alarm brought me back to the present, and I heard Stephan stir above me. Instead of waiting as I usually did for him to get out of bed, I dug my way out from under my blanket and knelt before the bed. He said he liked it when I knelt like this for him, and I wanted to give something back to him after last night. He was so good to me.

  His legs came into view as he sat up on the side of the bed, but for a long moment he didn’t do anything else. I waited, a little anxious. It had been a while since I’d knelt for him like this, and I had no idea how he’d react. I hoped he’d like it. Then I felt his hands. I sighed, happy, as his fingers tangled in my hair. I’d missed this.

  “Good morning, Brianna.”

  “Good morning.”

  “And to what do I owe this lovely sight of you kneeling before my bed this morning?”

  “I wanted to say thank you for last night.”

  “Is that all?” he asked as his fingers dug deeper into my scalp, making my body feel as if I was going to melt into his hands.

  “No, Sir. I . . . I missed kneeling for you.”

  “Hmm. Well, we will have to change that, then, won’t we?”

  He slid his hands down to the base of my neck and tilted my head up. Our eyes met for a brief moment before he leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on my lips.

  When our mouths parted, he smiled at me while running his thumb over my lower lip. “You’re getting much better at thank you’s,” he said.

  Before I could respond, he stood and walked to his bathroom, leaving me where I was. I scrambled after him. He left the door open as he usually did, but unlike what he’d done for the past week, he’d not given me any instructions on whether I should wait outside or follow him inside.

  It was then I realized that my week was over. I was no longer required to stay with him all the time. Standing outside his bathroom door, I felt a little lost.

  I was still standing there when he walked out of his bathroom.

  “Are you all right, Brianna?”

  “Yes. I just . . . I forgot that . . . I was waiting for your instructions, but then realized . . .”

  “And you’re feeling unsure?”

  I nodded.

  He took me by the hand and led me over to sit on the edge of his bed. “That’s understandable. You’ve had me there giving you instructions on almost everything for the last week. But the point of this past week’s exercise was not to take your freedom away from you, Brianna. It was to force you to communicate your thoughts and your feelings to me. Just because you’ll no longer be following me around now doesn’t mean that’s changed.”

  “I know. I just . . .” I tried to find the right words to describe what I was feeling, “missed it.”

  He smiled, but it wasn’t a completely happy smile. “I understand that as well. You had someone dictate your every move for ten months. You may not have enjoyed it, given what Ian likes, but it is what you became used to. I gave you that back to some extent, but Brianna, I don’t want you to be a mindless robot that just does everything I tell her to do because I demand it. There will be times, yes, when I will expect my word to be taken as law, and I will expect full and immediate compliance from you, but even then, I never want it to be mindless. You are still you, and I happen to like you.” He smirked.

  “So I don’t have to text you anymore?”

  “No, you don’t have to text me every hour anymore. However, I do hope that if there is something bothering you, even a little, that you will text or call me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Now, do you want to freshen up before we have breakfast?” he asked.

  “Yes, please.”

  He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before standing. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Join me when you’re finished.”

  Brad came by around ten to adjust my exercise routine. Apparently, they were getting too easy for me and he was afraid my muscles would get memory or something. He went on and on about it. He lost me after a few minutes, and I just did the new things he showed me.

  I liked Brad. He was nice, and he never made me feel like he was going to hurt me.

  After showering, I made myself some lunch, and sat down on the couch with a book. I was just starting a book called Thread of Grace that I’d found upstairs in the library. It was about the Italian resistance during World War II, and looked interesting.

  Lost in my reading, I almost didn’t hear the phone ring. Quickly shutting my book, not bothering to mark the place, I ran across the room to answer it. “Hello?”

  “Anna?”

  I didn’t answer right away. “Wh . . . Who is this?”

  “It is you,” he sighed. “It’s Cal. I thought maybe I’d be more likely to reach you during the day, but I wasn’t sure.”

  Unsure of what I should say, I answered with a simple, “Yes.”

  “That’s what I thought. He’s at work, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I’m glad. I was hoping I could come see you. Maybe we could get coffee or something.”

  “Um.” Stephan had made me promise not to be alone with him, so I didn’t know what to do. “Can you . . . can you hold on, please?”

  “Sure. Is something wrong, Anna?”

  “No. I just . . . give me a minute?”

  “I’ll be here.”

  Before I could think about it any farther, I grabbed my cell phone, ran to my bedroom, and dialed Stephan’s number.

  He answered on the second ring. “Hello, Brianna.”

  “Hi.”

  “Is everything all right? You sound nervous about something?”

  “Cal called.”

  “I see.”

  “He’s on the main phone, and he wants to come see me. He said something about going for coffee, but I promised you I wouldn’t be alone with him, and I don’t know what to do.” I knew my words were rushed, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Do you want to see him?” he asked.

  “Yes. I think so.”

  “I still don’t want you to be alone with him, but if you’d like to meet with him, there is a coffee shop a block from the building. I’ll call Tom downstairs and have him escort you. He can get one of the security guards to watch the desk while he’s gone. Go into my bedroom, and in the drawer beside my bed is some money. Take whatever’s there. You can put back what you don’t use later. And when you’re ready to leave, call me. I’ll come pick you up and bring you home. I don’t want him walking you, do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir. I understand.”

  “Please be safe. And if at any time you feel uncomfortable, or need me, you call.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  Holding the cell phone firmly against my chest, I walked back into the main room and picked up the phone.

  “Cal?”

  “I thought you’d gotten lost. I was about to send out a search party.”

  That made me smile, but feel a little bad at the same time. Had I really been gone that long? “No,” I said. “I’m here. There
’s a coffee shop about a block from here. I can meet you there.”

  “You don’t need to do that, Anna. I can come get you.”

  “No,” I said a little too sharply. “No. I’ll . . . I’ll meet you there.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Fifteen minutes?”

  “Okay.”

  When I stepped off the elevator into the lobby, Tom was waiting for me. “Good afternoon, Miss Reeves. Mr. Coleman said you needed an escort.”

  I blushed. “Yes, please.”

  The walk was quiet. Other than the polite interaction of him opening doors for me, Tom just walked silently beside me to the coffee shop appropriately named Cup of Joe.

  Tom came inside with me. I wasn’t expecting that. When I turned around to ask him, I spotted Cal already sitting at a booth in the back. Tom must have noticed him, too, because he turned to me and said, “Have a good day, Miss Reeves. I’ll let Mr. Coleman know you arrived safely.”

  “Thanks,” I swallowed nervously. This was the first time I had really been out on my own, and I reached into my pocket to reassure myself that my cell phone was still there. I could do this.

  Cal stood as I got closer to where he sat. “You came,” he smiled. I just smiled back and sat down. “What do you want to drink? My treat.”

  Since I’d never been here, I had no idea what they had. The menu looked daunting, to say the least. “I’ll have whatever you’re having,” I finally said.

  “You want a caramel latte? You hate caramel.”

  Did I? I tried to think back, but I honestly couldn’t remember. “What you’re having is fine,” I repeated. I was too nervous to concentrate on the menu to find something else.

  Thankfully, he didn’t argue with me anymore, and walked up to the counter to place our order. The place wasn’t packed, but there had to be at least twenty other customers there, and it made me want to run back to my room and hide. Instead, I pressed myself as far as I could into the corner and waited.

  “Here you go,” Cal said, startling me. “Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked, sliding in the booth opposite me.

  “Y . . . yes. I’m fine.”

  He frowned. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?”