Apartment 255

by Bunty Avieson

  ‘Owlong?’

  He meant how long till his clothes were ready but Ginny thought he was talking about food.

  ‘Oh, you do have an appetite,’ she twittered. ‘Not long. Now just sit down and relax.’

  Tom wanted to scream at Ginny, to throttle her, but he knew he didn’t have the energy. He remembered her strength when he had tried to leave. How long ago was that? He wasn’t wearing his watch. It felt like a long time since he had left the hospital but his memory was jumbled. His head hurt and he was so very tired.

  Tom looked longingly at the door, then reluctantly sat down on the couch.

  He looked across at Toft Monks. He saw his own empty apartment. The blinds were drawn. The lights were on in the apartment next door and he could see his neighbours, a young married couple, eating dinner at their table. He hadn’t realised how close the apartment blocks were and how people in this block were able to see straight in. Ginny must have had a good view of them, he realised with a shudder. She could see right into their home.

  The thought unsettled him. It was something else he would think about when he was away from here, safe and alone at home. Ginny offered him another scotch but Tom shook his head. He knew he needed his wits about him.

  ‘Warda,’ he said.

  Ginny tittered. ‘You need more than that, Tom. How about an orange juice?’

  Tom nodded weakly.

  Ginny bustled about in the kitchen, finding a glass and pouring Tom a juice. While Tom looked across at Toft Monks, she ground two sleeping pills into powder and slipped them into the glass, quickly stirring them about. She presented the glass to Tom, bending forward and brushing her breasts against his arm. Tom shrank from her touch. He was asleep before she served the food.

  *

  Hal pulled up outside the casualty entrance on a Harley. Thel was waiting outside scanning each car anxiously, looking for him. He was already standing by her side with two helmets before she noticed him.

  ‘The doctor said a woman with dark hair collected him hours ago. Could that be Ginny?’ said Thel. ‘Did Ginny come and take him home?’

  ‘Yes, of course. It was Ginny,’ said Hal. ‘Then I’m sure he’s fine.’

  Thel wasn’t so sure. ‘Why wasn’t he at home then? I’ve just come from his apartment and he wasn’t there.’

  ‘Perhaps they stopped somewhere on the way … for breakfast.’ Even Hal didn’t think that sounded likely. Tom was in no state to be eating breakfast out. Hal imagined it would be a while before Tom would be enjoying any food at all.

  ‘He may be home by now. Why don’t you ring?’

  Thel called again. Listening to Sarah’s bubbly voice inviting her to leave a message exacerbated her fears.

  ‘No. It’s not right. I’m worried,’ said Thel.

  ‘Do you know where Ginny lives?’ asked Hal.

  ‘Somewhere in Elizabeth Bay. I’ve got her number.’

  They stood by the kerb as Hal dialled Ginny’s telephone number. When it started to ring he handed the mobile phone to Thel.

  Ginny answered. ‘Hello, Thel. How are you?’ she said. She sounded relaxed and friendly as if it were perfectly normal for Thel to call for a chat.

  ‘Is Tom with you?’ said Thel.

  ‘Yes. He is. Poor baby. He’s sleeping.’

  Thel nodded to Hal. ‘Can I speak to him please?’ said Thel.

  ‘Oh no, I don’t think I should wake him. He’s been through so much. He’s a very tired boy.’

  It almost sounded reasonable. But Thel didn’t like the sound of Ginny’s voice, the intimate way she referred to Tom. All her alarm bells started ringing. She wanted to speak to her son.

  ‘Ginny, please put him on. I need to speak to him.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Thel, I can’t hear you … this is a very bad line.’

  The phone went dead. Thel dialled again but the phone was engaged. She repeated the conversation to Hal.

  ‘Well that’s okay then. He’ll be fine with Ginny.’

  The look on Thel’s face showed she didn’t share his relief. ‘No. Something’s not right. I can feel it. She didn’t sound right.’ Thel sat on the bike seat and looked at Hal. ‘I’ve got to see him, Hal. I don’t know why but I don’t trust her.’

  Hal had no reason to distrust Ginny. He was very grateful for how she had cared for Laddie. But he had enormous respect for Thel’s intuition. And even if she was wrong and it was just the imaginings of an overwrought mother, he would indulge every one of them.

  ‘Do you know any of their friends?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes. I know most of them. Kate and Anne and Marty.’

  ‘Okay then. Let’s go back to my place and we’ll ring them. One of them must know where Ginny lives.’

  Thel looked at Hal with gratitude. Her expression both pleased and embarrassed him and he looked away.

  *

  When Tom woke he thought he was looking at the sky, beautiful faded blue, not a cloud to be seen. But it was a ceiling. He was lying on Ginny’s couch and the sun was streaming through the windows. Kitty was curled up on his feet. Everything was quiet. He felt groggy and knew immediately he had been drugged.

  Ginny was curled up on the floor beside him. She was sleeping peacefully with a gentle smile on her lips. Tom carefully prised his feet away from Kitty. She barely stirred. With exaggerated slowness and every muscle tensed, Tom lifted himself off the couch. With painstaking effort he placed both feet over Ginny onto the carpet beside her head and then moved his weight across. She sighed in her sleep.

  Tom stood up and without daring to breathe, walked quietly to the door. He had his hand on the back of the door when Ginny awoke.

  ‘Tom,’ she said startled, jumping to her feet. ‘Where are you going?’

  Tom wrenched open the door just as Ginny flew at him. He lurched through the opening, then turned and slammed the door hard against Ginny’s pleading face. She screamed in pain as the impact struck her, the full force knocking the breath from her body. She slid in a crumpled heap onto the floor as Tom bolted down the stairs, through the lobby and up the driveway.

  Tom felt the world was coming to him through layers of cottonwool. The day was just dawning and it was very bright. He winced and stumbled onto the street. He recognised where he was. In his own street. Just a few doors down from his own apartment. A couple of gay guys walking home arm in arm from an all-night party whistled at him and he realised he was still wearing Ginny’s bathrobe. He didn’t care.

  At Toft Monks he buzzed Andy the caretaker to let him in. Andy was far too discreet to comment on Tom’s appearance. But he couldn’t help a little smile in the lift as they travelled to the second floor. He let him into his silent apartment where Tom collapsed on the bed. For the next fourteen hours he slept. He could have been dead, so deep and dreamless was his sleep.

  CHAPTER 18

  Thel and Hal sat in the kitchen at Hal’s neat terrace house, Laddie at their feet and the phone book between them.

  They left a message at the theatre where Thel knew Kate was performing. She wasn’t due in for a few more hours but the stage manager promised to pass on Hal’s number.

  They tried Ginny again at regular intervals but her phone was constantly engaged. They tried Tom also, leaving another message on his answering machine. Leaving the same message felt, momentarily, as if they were doing something.

  ‘Maybe we should call the police,’ said Thel.

  ‘And tell them what? That you can’t find your son? That he’s with a girl you don’t trust?’

  Thel wavered. She knew Hal made sense but she wasn’t used to being sensible. She lived on instinct and intuition. And all her intuition screamed out that something was wrong. Hal watched her. He wanted to be able to help but he wasn’t sure how. He poured Thel another cup of tea and pushed it across the table to her. Laddie sensed the sombre mood and sidled up to Thel’s leg, licking gently at her open sandal. Thel patted him absently.

  ‘There is another friend, Anne. She use
d to work with Sarah. But I don’t know her last name,’ she said. ‘Kate would know. Oh I wish she would ring.’

  ‘I think we just have to wait till she does,’ he said. ‘Thel, it’s all going to be fine. Really.’

  Thel allowed herself to be comforted. There was something incongruous about sitting in Hal’s homely little kitchen, sharing her concern for her son with his father. It was how it should have been, she thought. How she had expected her life to be. But instead, those more than two decades of confusion and pain yawned open behind her.

  ‘I remember the last time I sat with you. That was in a kitchen, a little kitchen not unlike this,’ she said.

  Hal nodded. ‘I remember.’

  They hadn’t spoken about Hal’s homosexuality. Concern for Tom had pushed it to the background. But it was there now, sitting between them. The silence stretched. Thel knew Hal was looking at her but she couldn’t raise her eyes to meet his. She felt a profusion of emotions.

  When she spoke her voice was soft and controlled. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  Hal looked away. He felt guilt at the pain he had caused this woman, shame for his cowardice in running away and most of all, right now, he was angry at himself that Thel and Tom had found out amongst all the flamboyance and decadence of the Mardi Gras parade. It was not how he wanted them to find out. He realised how thoughtless he had been. Tom had said they would be there. But Hal hadn’t really taken that in. He had been too preoccupied with his own role in the evening’s festivities. Too concerned with himself. Hal wished it could have happened so differently. But they had found out that way and he searched for the right words to try to explain himself.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Thel. I didn’t know myself. It took me years to figure it out. Many, many wasted years. I didn’t want to hurt you. When I left I hated myself. I had everything. You and Tom. Everything a man should want. But it was tearing me up inside. I had to go, to figure it out, figure myself out.’

  His anguish was palpable. It touched Thel deeply. She felt the anger seep away as tears filled her eyes and poured down her face. She made no attempt to brush them away.

  ‘I thought it was me,’ she said. ‘All this time I’ve thought it was me.’

  Her voice was a whisper, plaintive and timid, barely audible. And in it Hal heard the anguish of those years. He felt his own face wet with tears.

  ‘Oh Thel. I am so sorry. It wasn’t you. It was never you.’ He reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. He could feel her trembling.

  Thel sat motionless, her tears falling in one long, soundless stream down her face, spilling onto their joined hands. It was cathartic. All the pent-up hurt of Hal leaving, the blame she took upon herself, her fears about her own womanliness, dissolved in her tears. Hal squeezed her hand and stayed silent, letting her tears shame him further. He had caused this and he felt he deserved it. He wanted it. It was as healing for him to share her grief as it was for Thel to give vent to it. When Thel’s tears were spent they sat together, hands clasped, relaxed in the intimate silence.

  *

  It was early evening by the time Kate called. She was bright and breezy, fired up for her show that night, and from her manner Hal knew she was unaware of what had happened at the Mardi Gras. He wasn’t about to tell her.

  ‘Thel has something she needs to drop off to Ginny. Would you have an address for her?’

  He tried to sound casual.

  Kate didn’t think it was an unusual request but was unable to help. ‘I haven’t been to Ginny’s new flat. Sorry. Sarah would have the address, though. Why don’t you ring her?’

  ‘We’ve tried, she and Tom aren’t home.’

  Thel listened as Hal spoke. She mouthed the word ‘Anne’.

  ‘Would you have a number for Anne?’

  Kate did and he wrote it down.

  Thel dialled the number but there was no answer. She tried Ginny again. The line was still engaged. Hal thought for a moment.

  ‘I know where Ginny works. We could go around there tomorrow.’

  Thel didn’t know whether she could wait that long. But she didn’t feel as if she had a choice. She was exhausted, emotionally drained. She didn’t feel like going back to her friends’ place and being with people. She felt her worry for Tom alienated her from the rest of the world. Only Hal shared the space she was in. He understood and invited her to stay.

  He made up a bed on the couch for himself and insisted she take his bed.

  Thel snuggled under the sheets, looking about her at the male room. It all looked so unfamiliar, stark and bare. Hal stood at the door with his hand on the light switch.

  ‘Good night, Thel.’

  ‘Good night, Hal. And thank you.’

  *

  Dr Black was busy with an ailing ginger cat when Hal and Thel arrived at his surgery and Annie wasn’t inclined to interrupt him. She was far too interested in Ginny’s private life to even think about handing them over to Dr Black. She recognised Hal but wondered what connection Ginny had with the agitated dark-haired woman with the wild black hair and hippie skirt, carrying a bike helmet under her arm.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Annie. ‘I can’t give out personal details of our staff members.’ She took great satisfaction as she said it to Hal, remembering how uninterested he had been in talking to her during his last visit. ‘May I ask what it is regarding?’

  Thel thought this young girl needed a good smack. She was tempted to give it to her. Hal placed a restraining hand on her arm.

  ‘Our son was in an accident. We think he might be with Ginny so naturally we want to see him.’

  ‘I see,’ said Annie doubtfully.

  The word ‘accident’ did put things in a different light.

  ‘I could give you her telephone number. I suppose that would be all right.’

  ‘We have that,’ said Thel with obvious impatience. ‘Either it’s not working or she has been on the phone for the past two days. We need her address.’

  Annie decided she might as well hand it over. Hell, she thought, it’s not like she owed Ginny any favours.

  *

  Ginny was curled up in a foetal position in the corner of her bedroom and sucking her thumb when her intercom buzzed. She was oblivious of the world outside her own head. The carpet was dotted with small piles of cat dung and scratch marks where Kitty, locked inside, had tried to cover over soil that wasn’t there. Ginny was unaware of the smell of the excrement mingled with the mouldy food, left untended on the dinner plates on the table.

  She felt totally numb, her mind a void, unable to process what was happening. She was unaware of who she was or where she was. She rocked herself backwards and forwards, her head against the speaker, her whole being tuned in vain for sounds of Tom. Tom, who had gone. Tom, who had left her.

  The buzzer rang again, loudly and insistently. For one wild moment Ginny thought it might be him returning. Tom, coming back to her. She raced to the intercom.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘It’s Thel. Can I come in please?’

  Ginny felt the world swim about her. She was shaky on her feet. ‘No, go away.’ She hung up the handset and leaned against the wall.

  The intercom rang again, one long constant buzz that jolted Ginny, the vibration spreading through her body. She snatched the handset off the wall.

  ‘Go away.’

  ‘I want to see Tom.’

  ‘He’s not here. Go away.’ Ginny switched off the buzzer.

  Thel and Hal rang for the caretaker at Toft Monks and in an instant Andy appeared.

  ‘We’re looking for Tom Wilson,’ explained Hal.

  ‘Have you seen him?’ asked Thel.

  Andy had a vision of Tom in the short white towelling bathrobe, clearly coming home after one hell of a party, and standing where they were now standing. He smiled to himself.

  ‘Um, yes, I have seen Mr Wilson,’ he replied carefully.

  ‘We’re his parents,’ said Hal.

  That was a surpri
se. They didn’t look like what he would expect Mr Wilson’s parents to look like, though the man was just as tall as Tom and did resemble him a little, now that he thought about it.

  Andy had worked as a caretaker in Sydney for many years and he had witnessed all sorts of wild comings and goings, particularly on Mardi Gras weekend. But he prided himself on being discreet. He doubted whether any hot-blooded young man on a bender wanted his parents to know what he had been up to.

  ‘Uh-huh,’ he replied.

  ‘Is he okay? He’s not answering his phone or his door. We are worried about him,’ said Thel.

  Andy looked at her. She reminded him of his own mum. He would hate her to be worried. ‘Oh, he was fine when I saw him. He’s probably at work.’

  ‘We tried there and they said he wasn’t in.’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ said Andy again.

  ‘When did you last see him?’ asked Hal.

  Andy thought for a moment. He knew exactly when it was that he had opened the door to find a dishevelled and disoriented Tom. But he wasn’t sure that he should reveal that. He wavered and then decided in favour of the woman with the big sad brown eyes.

  ‘Yesterday morning.’

  ‘And he was fine?’ asked Hal.

  ‘Yes, he was fine,’ said Andy.

  There seemed nothing more to say so reluctantly Thel and Hal turned and walked away.

  ‘Well, he’s not being held prisoner by Ginny,’ said Hal. ‘He’s been home and he’s fine. You can relax, Thel. He’s just gone to ground to lick his wounds. He’ll surface when he is up to it.’

  Thel had to agree that made sense and knowing that Tom had been home did ease some of her tension. But it didn’t stop the acid gurgling in the pit of her stomach. She wouldn’t relax till she could see him for herself. Touch him.