Moments Lost and Found

by Olivia Jake

  And after everything that Sam had given up for this account, she wasn’t going to lose it too. Ironic that, if she could do it all over, she would have walked away, never accepting it in the first place. But she had accepted it. And she kept telling herself that they’d get through this and move on to the next account. The thought of that, of having the energy to pursue anything new, Sam couldn’t go there. Losing Laurent and working with George simultaneously sapped her of everything: her energy, her happiness, and on some days, her will to live. All she wanted to do was hit the rewind button. Never before in her life had she made such a monumental mistake. She never knew that one wrong move could change everything. But it did. And she was the one who had made it. She had no one to blame but herself, which she did on a daily, often hourly basis.

  The last time that she and Laurent had broken up, or whatever exactly that was, that was different. During that last time, they still communicated, albeit briefly and only about work, but as empty as Sam felt then, she hadn’t felt completely decimated. Perhaps it was because it had still been early on in their relationship. As awful as she felt back then, there was no comparison to what she was feeling now. That was three weeks of hell, and maybe, like with many things in life, the memory is better than the actuality. But Sam couldn’t put into words what she felt now. It was beyond numbness. It was a level below that.

  Yes, she had passed numb and was at the deepest depths of emotional pain she could ever imagine. She hadn’t just hurt herself, she hurt someone she loved, and hurt him deeply. She didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive her, and she didn’t blame him. She didn’t want to be forgiven. She felt like she deserved the misery she was in. She understood why people cut themselves and hurt themselves on purpose. That type of pain was a pin-prick compared to what her head and her heart felt.

  Whereas before in her life, Sam had mapped everything out, now, she felt like it was all a jumbled mess and she had no idea what the future would look like. Even though she had felt that way early on in her relationship with Laurent, it was a new and exciting roadmap that she enjoyed exploring. Now, it was just a dead end. She felt like she was trapped in this horrible limbo. This must be what purgatory is like, she thought.

  Sam never opened the ring box. Not once. She couldn’t bear to see what was inside even though she knew. If she looked at the ring, it would make it all the more real, it would be a clear symbol of everything she had thrown away. She thought about sending the box back, but she thought that would insult and hurt Laurent even more than she already had. She wasn’t sure what the protocol was. And of course, the ring itself was insignificant compared to everything else.

  Perhaps it was hope, though she felt about as hopeless as one could feel, but she kept the little black box in her purse, with her at all times. It was stupid, really. One tiny thing that could have so much meaning. But she kept it with her. Every now and then she’d reach inside her purse and feel the box, rubbing the soft velvet between her thumb and forefinger as a reminder of what things were, not so long ago. And a brief moment of happiness would flash across her, but it would all too quickly be replaced by guilt and depression as to what she lost. What she threw away.

  Laurent hadn’t tried to get in touch with her. He made his intentions, desires and feelings perfectly clear on the note he left in the hotel room.

  So Sam drifted through life. She felt disconnected from everything and everyone. Even the time she spent with her dogs didn’t produce the joy it always had in the past. Which just made her feel even guiltier, not that they noticed. Steve tried his best to pull Sam out of her depression, but he knew the issue was much bigger than anything he could help with. Sam considered seeking professional help, or medication, but she knew what the problem was. She didn’t need a shrink to tell her. All she could do was go through the motions and hope that once the the final pieces of the TimeCap rebrand launched, that she could step back and reevaluate. She seriously considered resigning the account once it launched. She had no idea what might happen after that, but of the few things that weren’t hazy, this was one of them — Sam was realizing that for the sake of her mental health, she needed to get away from George, get away from his account and figure out where to go once she did. Whether or not that future included Laurent, she didn’t know.

  CHAPTER 26

  “Steve, you look awful, are you ok?” Sam asked with genuine concern as he poked his head into her office.

  “You’re stealing my lines.” He tried to smile and make light of the fact that he was turning green, but then winced and grabbed his stomach, “I think it might have been the fish tacos from lunch.”

  “Ugh, Steve, when are you going to learn that fish served out of the back of a truck is just asking for trouble.”

  “Um, I think now might be that time?” he covered his mouth to stifle, Sam wasn’t sure what, but probably the tacos coming back up.

  “Sorry, you don’t need ‘I told you so’ right now. Go home, feel better.”

  “Thanks, but we have our meeting at 6 with George.” He barely got that out before he ran down the hall. Sam hoped that the retching she heard was into a trash can… A few minutes later he came back, “Um, yeah, I think I probably should head out.”

  “Can you drive? Do you want to get someone here to take you home?”

  Steve smiled, “I wouldn’t want to put anyone through that. I’ll just leave the window open and hope for the best.”

  “Oh God, Steve, are you sure?”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine. Are you sure about your meeting? Maybe take” he paused to either burp or lose it again. He swallowed and finished his sentence “someone else with you?”

  “I’ll figure it out. Please don’t worry about me. Take care of yourself and please text me when you get home so I know you got there safely?” Sam felt awful that she couldn’t drive him herself but she did have the meeting with George that she couldn’t miss.

  “If I don’t puke all over the phone, I’ll text you as soon as I make it.” He smiled and then gave her a weak wave as he walked out.

  Sam hated that George scheduled meetings for 6pm. It was a typical power move to make it clear he called the shots. Not to mention that by then, he was onto at least his second scotch, which always raised the smarmy level. Even when Steve was there with her, it wouldn’t stop George from making inappropriate comments to Sam.

  When she walked into his office, at his realization that she was alone, he sported a large, menacing grin, “Samantha, good evening. No powder puff tonight?” She also hated that he called her Samantha. Laurent was the only one she liked calling her that. It had felt special when Laurent used her full name. With George, it felt like he was taking one more thing from her and Laurent and using it for his own pleasure.

  “Steve wasn’t feeling well.” Sam replied flatly. She was still standing just a few feet inside his office. Something told her she should stay close to the exit.

  “What a shame. However will we make it through the meeting without him?” George asked sarcastically as he walked around from behind his desk to kiss her on her cheeks. She hated him getting this close to her, and she could smell the scotch on his breath as he grabbed both of her upper arms a little too tightly and kissed her left, then right cheek, lingering a little too long on both. When he finished, he didn’t let go of her arms, but just stepped back a bit to say, “I think this might be the first time I’ve had you all to myself, Samantha.”

  “Well, I have the new campaign, as discussed, and I think we can go through it quickly so I’ll be out of your hair.” Sam said trying to refocus the tenor of the conversation towards the task at hand.

  “What’s the rush, Samantha? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you seem a little up tight. Would you like a drink? Help take that edge off?” he asked with mock concern.

  “Thank you, no. Now, shall we go over the layouts?” Sam asked as George held out his hand directing her to a chair in the sitting area of his office, at the opposite e
nd of the door. It was the chair she usually sat in as the coffee table was right in front of it and she could spread out all the comps on the table, so she took her seat. As she started to pull all the boards out, focused on getting them ready, the sound of George closing the door startled her, getting her attention as she looked up to see him standing proudly of his accomplishment. He had her here, in his office, alone, with the door closed, after hours. Sam knew this wasn’t good, but maybe she was over-reacting. Maybe he was just smarmy and gross but all talk. She hoped so.

  George picked up a copy of AdCritic from the credenza and brought it over to her, sitting on the arm of her chair, leaning over invading her personal space, “Have you seen the latest issue, Samantha?” Unfortunately, Sam had. There was an article on George’s new position at TimeCap, with a photo of the two of them at the party unveiling the new logo. The picture showed George with his arm around a tightlipped Sam. Ever since her disastrous interview the previous year, it seemed the magazine couldn’t wait to knock Sam down from her pedestal. Under the picture, the caption read: Sam Davis with yet another French media tycoon, George LaRue.

  “Yes, George, I saw it. Congratulations.” She wasn’t sure what the appropriate response was, or if there even was one. Thankfully, he moved off the arm of her chair and now was standing across from her. With her siting and him standing, again, it felt like another power move on his part. She scooted up to the edge of her chair. She didn’t want to be sitting so far back that she couldn’t spring up and out.

  “Congratulations to us, Samantha.” He lifted his drink and then asked, “What do you think they meant by the caption?”

  “I don’t think they mean anything by it, George. My work with Laurent is well known, you’re both French and in media, that’s all.”

  “Really, you think that’s all they’re implying? I think they’re suggesting much more. I think they’re implying that you and I have what you and Laurent had.” He smirked proudly.

  “I think that’s quite a stretch from one caption, George. Regardless, our relationship is nothing like what I had with Laurent.” Sam didn’t want to lose her cool, but she didn’t like where this was going.

  “Oh, but it could be, Samantha.” He finished his drink and walked over to pour himself what Sam assumed was his third scotch.

  “No, it couldn’t be, George.” She said coolly.

  With his drink in hand he was facing her again “Now, now, Samantha. Where’s that client service you’re known for?”

  “Client service and my relationship with Laurent are two different things, George.”

  “You’re a very proud woman, you know that, Samantha?” He said as he stalked around. She was acutely aware of his movements, his location in the room. There was something that was off, way off, and she knew it. She knew to trust her instincts, and her instincts were telling her to get out of there, that she shouldn’t be alone with this man.

  “Pride, it’s one of the seven deadly sins, non? Perhaps that’s why you and Laurent used to get along so well? Or, perhaps that’s why you’re no longer together? Both too proud.” He was rambling. Sam hated when he brought up Laurent’s name. As creepy as George was, tonight, he was even more than that. He was scaring her.

  “Yes, I think your pride is getting in the way. I’d like to see a little humility in you.” he took a sip, as he paused, thinking. Sam could see the dirty rusted wheels turning in his twisted mind. “Yes, you need to be humbled. Perhaps then you’ll be more grateful for my account. You are grateful for my account, are you not, Samantha?”

  “Yes, George, of course I am.” Sam wasn’t sure whether this would pacify him. She wasn’t sure where this was going, but it wasn’t good. He started coming towards her and her heart started pounding. She tried to think of all the things that Craig had taught her, but now, in the moment with this man, her mind was going blank. She hoped that everything that she learned would instinctively kick in like Craig assured her it would. That muscle memory would take over. Sam prayed that was true because her mind having been such a mess lately, was failing her.

  “Then why don’t you show me? Show me how grateful you are.” He was getting close, too close to her. Sam rose out of her chair and immediately moved behind it, she needed to put distance and an object between her and George. She would have preferred something larger than the chair, but it would have to do for now. She just needed to get across the room to the door.

  “I don’t know what you’re suggesting, George. I try to show my gratitude every time we meet and present new ideas. All of our hard work is our gratitude.” She thought maybe if she could shift it back to work, he would back off.

  He laughed, “Oh, Samantha, I think you know very well what I’m suggesting, and I couldn’t give a fuck about the work. I’d like you to show me how grateful you are the way you used to show Laurent. You know what I’m talking about, Samantha.” He kept coming towards her as she tried to make her way around the office.

  “What I had with Laurent has nothing to do with you or your account, George.” She stated for the umpteenth time.

  “See, there’s that pride of yours, rearing its ugly head again. If you were humbled by me, by the work I have given you, you would show me your appreciation.”

  “I do, George.”

  “No, Samantha, not the way I want to be appreciated. See, and this little game we’re playing, you’re trying to get away from me, it’s very insulting. It’s hurting my feelings, Samantha. Why are you trying to hurt my feelings?”

  “I’m not, George. You’re just making me uncomfortable, and I’d like to leave, please.”

  He laughed at that.

  “Oh, Samantha, this? This makes you uncomfortable?” he pointed to them walking around the office, “You have no idea what discomfort is. But don’t you worry, I’m going to take care of that. I’ll show you. Perhaps once you’ve been truly ‘uncomfortable’, then you’ll have a little humility. But it seems I am going to have to show you.”

  “And what exactly are you planning on doing, George?” she thought if she could just keep him talking she could get out of there or prevent this from escalating.

  He laughed again, like he had his own little private joke, “So, so many things, Samantha. It will really be up to you to see how long it takes to break you.” Fuck, this wasn’t just in her mind. She had to get out of there. “You’re a stubborn woman, another quality I find distasteful. I’m surprised Laurent liked that. He used to like women who were more agreeable.” He paused as if reflecting, “I guess people change.”

  “And how have I been stubborn with you, George?” keep him talking, keep him moving. Unfortunately, she wasn’t getting any closer to the door.

  “Well, this little dance we’re doing here, for one. If you would just give in, it would make things so much easier.”

  “Easier for whom?”

  “Touché, Samantha. You are a quick one, aren’t you?”

  “I try to be.”

  “Yes, I’ve become very well aware of that. That quick little mouth of yours that you think is so clever, I’ll tell you something, there’s really only one thing I’d like that mouth to be doing, and it’s not being clever with words. Do you understand me, Samantha?”

  “No, George. Perhaps I’m not that quick. Please, spell it out for me.”

  “Well, Samantha, I think the best place to learn humility is on your knees. I’ll bet I can fuck the pride right out of you. Maybe then you’ll learn your place.”

  “I know my place, George, and it’s not on my knees in front of you.” Sam was going to have to make a run for it.

  “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I’m just asking you to show me a little gratitude and you refuse. I’ll be you showed Laurent how grateful you were for his account.”

  “I’ll say it again, my relationship with Laurent has nothing to do with this, George.”

  “Oh, but it does, Samantha. I am so sick and tired of everything just falling into his lap.” He
laughed, “No pun intended. And, there are already so many similarities here, as the magazine pointed out. I’m your client. I’m French. There’s no reason I shouldn’t have everything he’s had.”

  “So you think forcing a woman is the right way to go about that?”

  “Oh, so dramatic, Samantha. It doesn’t have to be by force. If you’d just do what I’m asking, then there’d be no force at all.” He suggested, “Well, maybe a little. I sometimes get carried away.” He smiled at the thought of that. Sam knew she couldn’t let her repulsion get the better of her. She had to keep a clear mind.

  “George, it sounds like your issue is with Laurent, not with me. So why don’t you just let me leave here and talk with him.”

  He laughed at that. “You think I’m going to just let you walk out of here before I teach you a lesson? Do you have any idea how patient I’ve been? I finally get you alone and you think I’m just going to squander my opportunity? See, there’s that pride again, thinking you deserve to leave when you want to.” Then his tone turned to pure darkness, “You’ll leave when I’m finished with you.”

  “George, please just let me go. You don’t really want to hurt me, do you?” She wasn’t sure if this was the right tack to take, but maybe if she said that out loud he’d reconsider.

  “Oh, Samantha, you have no idea how much I want to hurt you, and how long I’ve been waiting to have you. So it’s really just a matter of time before it happens. We both know that there’s no one in the office, no one’s going to come save you. And we also know that I’m going to win. In games like these, trust me, I always do. So you’re just prolonging the inevitable.” He laughed again, “or perhaps this is foreplay for you? I know it’s turning me on.”