Whisky Melody: Rock Star Romance, New Adult College Romance (Tennessee Romance Book 2)

by Lexy Timms

  The long piece ended, and applause rang out.

  Ashley’s eyes flew open, and she stared at the impromptu audience. “What the…?”

  “That was amazing,” said a violinist, holding her own instrument tightly as she just stared at Ashley in utter admiration. “Actually, that was beyond amazing. Man, you’re going to be the best composer on the planet! Maybe I should ask for your autograph now.”

  My autograph? Ashley laughed. The irony was too much, since all she really wanted at the moment was to be a member of a band that didn’t need her.

  ***

  After classes were over, she headed back to the dorms. Logan was standing out front when she got there, and she slowed a bit when she saw him, her hands tightly gripping her case. It all came rushing back to her: meeting him that first day, when Charlie knocked her cello to the ground while playing football with some other guys; the stupid cab driver nearly destroying her instrument when he dropped it on the ground. On that very difficult first day, Logan had been a bright and shining star. She even still remembered their first meal together, and she would never forget him bursting in like the proverbial rocker in shining armor to save her from his very handsy stepbrother. She recalled the first time she had seen him onstage and that night at The Cave, when she became a full-fledged member of Whisky Lullaby. Her mind filled with sweet reminiscences of riding behind him on that motorcycle, making love with him, kissing him, and laughing and writing songs with him.

  There was so very much she wanted to say to Logan, but she had no idea how to say any of it. The piece she had played for those onlookers without even realizing anyone was listening had taken the edge off her heartbreak and numbed it, but the sight of Logan flooded it all back into her again, in a very painful way—so painful it almost took her breath away.

  She swallowed hard. “Hi.”

  Hi.” He reached out and took her cello. “You look tired. Let me carry this for you.”

  “Logan, I—” she tried to protest, but he took the case from her anyway.

  “Can we talk, Ash?”

  She sighed. “I guess. You wanna come up?”

  “Um… Well…”

  She sighed again. “Kaylee’s gone. She was discharged from the hospital, and her parents took her home.”

  “The doctors let her fly like that?”

  “Nope,” Ashley said. “They rented a car, so they drove back, with all her stuff.”

  “Well, that’s good. I guess she’s been flying enough as it is,” he said, and the look on his face showed that he instantly regretted it.

  The joke was tasteless, but she got it, and she offered a weak half-smile before her weariness set in again. “Yeah. She’s gonna be okay, though.”’

  He followed her upstairs and into her room. He was gentle with her cello, something that was not lost on her. He straightened his posture, cleared his throat, looked at her, and asked, “How are you doing? I mean, I know everyone is asking about Kaylee, but has anyone asked how you are?”

  “My mom did,” she said, as tears flooded her eyes. “You know, when Kaylee and I got in that fight, she said some really nasty things. She told me some horrible stuff that her parents said about my family. I didn’t believe her, until they came here to get her junk. Her mom, my Aunt Melinda, has always been heinous. She grew up in Newark or something, and she and my uncle have done really well for themselves. I’m happy for them, but it’s like they show off and are always talking about how great they have it. I’ve always known they’re wealthy. I just… Well, I didn’t realize they think we’re below them.” She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. “That kinda hurt, finding that out.”

  Logan walked over and pulled her close.

  She leaned into the strength of his body, even as her brain whirled into confusion. Wait. What’s happening? Are we together again? Are we a couple or not? She was afraid to ask if he still wanted her in the band or his life. She was terrified the answer would be no, that he would say he was only there because he was just a friend. He really was a great guy, and she knew he would never just leave her hanging when she really needed somebody. She did need him just then, but she wanted him as more than just a friend, and she was scared he no longer wanted her that way.

  “Yeah, I know some snobby people like that,” Logan said. “I always want to just slap them.”

  She chuckled weakly. “I came this close to slapping my aunt. That would’ve made Thanksgiving really uncomfortable. Speaking of the holidays, now I don’t even know…” She paused to wipe her eyes again. “Dammit, Logan. How did it all go so far off the rails…and so fast?”

  He shook his head. “I have no idea. “

  She gulped. “They think some sort of fake molly hurt Kaylee. There are these frat guys making meth and selling it. Who knows how they’re making it or what they’re making it with. Kaylee wasn’t the first to get sick, but she was the first to get so close to dying. I have an appointment with the dean today. I think they think I’ve been using, too, or maybe they think I’ll rat out her dealer or something. I’m really scared I’m gonna get kicked out of school, when I didn’t do anything wrong. Now I understand why Charlie had to break up with her, but I just couldn’t do that when she’s my cousin and roommate.”

  He tucked her against his body and rested his chin on top of her head. “No, and I know a whole lot of folks who will be happy to go to bat for you if anyone tries to say you did anything wrong.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Feeling infinitely better and a bit emboldened, she backed away from him. “So what about us, Logan? What about the band and us as a couple? If it’s not gonna happen, I understand, but I need to know now, before I get any deeper into this thing.”

  His eyes met hers. “I want you in my life, Ashley. I just don’t want to screw up your chances.”

  Her forehead puckered. “What do you mean?”

  He spread his hands out and waved them around the room. “I mean I want this, all of it. I want a band that goes on the road. I want fame and money, all that fortune and glory. The trouble is, I don’t know what you really want. I mean, I know what you need. You need music. The question is… Is the band really going to be enough for you?”

  She was perplexed by that question and wondered what he was really getting at. She shoved her hands in her pockets and contemplated the expression on his face. “It is…at least for now. Why?”

  “For now? Not for always?”

  Oh. She tried to consider that. “I don’t know, Logan. I mean, come on! We’re still… Look, there’s no way I can tell you what I want forever. I can’t possibly know. I have to try things and figure it out, I guess.”

  “But I need you to be in all the way. I need commitment from you when it comes to the band, if nothing else. I mean, you being in the band has nothing to do with us being together. I didn’t mean to make you think or feel that.”

  “I see.” She really didn’t, but she was glad to know he felt that way.

  Logan rested his hands on her upper arms. “Look, I need you to commit to the band or stay out of it. It’s not something half-ass. You gotta be all in or all out. I’ve got big plans for Whisky Lullaby, and I need to know what’s gonna happen next, that’s all.”

  Concern flooded her. How can he expect me to give him a permanent answer right now? Can I really say I want to be a member of that band forever? She didn’t even know what she wanted to do when she graduated. She used to think she did, but things had changed in the blink of an eye, and there were so many possibilities to consider. Everything was going in so many different directions all at once, so she could only answer with the truth. “Logan,” she said, “I can’t honestly say what will happen with me, music-wise. I know I want to be in the band, but I can’t promise forever. I mean, I’m doing my own thing, too, and it’s important to me. I finally wrote my piece today, sort of accidentally, and it’s really good. I even got a standing ovation! Composing is what I want to do. I love the ban
d, and I love everything about being in it, especially with you, but what if something happens and I choose to go in a different direction? Will you be mad at me?”

  He let his hands linger on her arms, and his face hovered close to hers. “I don’t know.”

  She appreciated his honesty, but it also stung. That was not the answer she had hoped to hear. She wanted to hear him say he’d understand, that he cared about her dreams as much as she cared about his, that what she wanted or needed to do was valuable and valid.

  “Well, I don’t know either,” Ashley finally said. “I don’t know how to separate us from the band either. I don’t know how to sort out what we have together as a couple from what we have as a band. It’s all just so complicated, and I really don’t know what to do.”

  His eyes still stayed on hers; that was one of the things she loved most about him, that he always looked her in the eye, no matter what. “I know it’s complicated, and I don’t like it any more than you do, Ash. It’s just… Well, it’s time, and I’m really trying to make something happen for Whisky. No matter how this thing goes tonight, it’s time. I need to start really reaching for that dream or just let it go. I refuse to be just another lame wannabe who plays a bunch of gigs in college, then fades out. I don’t want to be a weekend warrior guy with a real job who only plays on the side. I want music to be my whole life, and I wanna spend my life doing it.”

  “I get that, Logan. I do. I get it because it’s what I want, too. I just don’t know if what we do as musicians is something we’ll always do together. I mean, realistically, we just don’t like the same things, at least not all the time. You aren’t interested in music theory or classical training or any of the hundred other things I find so fascinating.”

  He shifted. His body pressed against hers for just a moment before he moved away. “Are you saying you’ll just…get bored?””

  She bit her bottom lip and looked at him sincerely. “I’m saying I don’t know. Maybe I will. I mean, I don’t find you boring at all, and I love what Whisky Lullaby does, but… Well, as much as I love the music that we play, even the genre, I don’t think it really challenges me enough. I sorta need that, to keep me motivated.”

  “Hmm,” he said, scratching his chin. “I guess I get what you’re saying. It takes a lot of talent and training to do what you do, and I know you’ve poured your heart and soul into those things, not to mention that math-nerdy brain of yours,” he teased.

  “Logan, we’re both talented. My talent is just not the same.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, we’re as different night and day. I think that’s why we work, though. You shave off the rough edges, and I give you some street cred.”

  She swatted his arm. “Oh really? I have lots of street cred already, thank you very much. I grew up in the big city, you know.”

  “Not the biggest in the world,” he argued, then ducked to avoid another playful swat.

  “That’s true, but still… Look, I know you’re right about all this. It’s also smart to start working on actually making your dream a reality, but we have to consider the fact that I might go in a different direction at some point. I have to know that if I need to, it’ll be okay—that it won’t cause us to break up or resent or hate each other. I’ll never try to hold you back, Logan, but I need to know for sure that you won’t try to hold me back either.”

  His smile was rueful. “The only way to know for sure is to try.”

  “True.”

  It was very true, in fact, but Ashley knew the truth of the matter really solved nothing. “I don’t know what to do here.”

  “Well, if you wanna try, all you have to do is show up. Tonight. At the Royale. We can work the rest out later.”

  She wanted to say yes. She really did. Unfortunately, her mind still swam with questions: Is it really smart to go with the band right now? What if it really takes off, like Logan wants? Could I really leave my studies behind for Whisky Lullaby? Do I really want to? I love Logan—or at least I think I do—but will he and the band be…enough?

  Logan released her. “I won’t pressure you, Ash. Sure, it’d be nice to have you at Royale tonight. If you decide to join us, just come through the back door and tell security you’re with the band. If not, just enter the normal way and cheer us on. Either way, onstage or in the crowd, I’ll be happy to see you,” he said, then gave her a kiss.

  After they broke apart, he headed out the door, leaving Ashley alone in that deserted place, her heart and mind in utter conflict over what she really wanted and who she really wanted to be.

  It had never occurred to her, on the day she’d boarded that plane for Tennessee, that she would find herself suddenly and irrevocably immersed in something so much bigger than herself. She had no idea then that she would not only become a better musician, but one others counted on. Being part of that band, a group made up of such very different people, each with their own goals and dreams, was not something she’d ever expected, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to walk away from that entirely. Then again, she wasn’t sure how long she could stick with it either, before her own hopes and dreams took her in a different direction.

  And what about the others? she wondered. Do they want the same things Logan does? She felt silly for not knowing that. As much time as they’d all spent together, she had never even thought about asking any of them about their plans, about what they really wanted. Of course, they all loved music as much as they loved being alive. She knew that was what they were most passionate about. What she didn’t know was what they all wanted to get out of it. Are they all after fortune and glory like Logan, she pondered, or is there more to it than that?

  She also had to consider what she truly wanted out of music. Do I want life to consist of small rooms filled with just the sound of my cello or large auditoriums swelling with the sounds of a symphony? Would I more enjoy crazy venues like The Cave, pounding with rock and pop beats and the loud, roaring crowds, or do I need a quieter, more reserved life and career, just composing my own music and playing it softly for a quiet audience?

  It was complicated, not simple at all. For all intents and purposes, Ashley found herself stuck between rock-n-roll and a cello case, two polar opposites. Logan wanted her to agree to stay in one place forever, but she couldn’t do that. It simply wasn’t possible for her to vow to lullaby with Whisky forever.

  Ashley still wanted Europe and a chance to go to grad school. She still wanted to play alongside the greatest of all time, to write scores that would be taught to younger musicians who were learning classical music behind her. Those were her real, true dreams, and she had worked very hard to make them come true. The root of those dreams, though, was music itself. Whether she was playing in the band or playing her cello alone in her room, it was the music itself that mattered to her. She basked in the glory of the creation of it, the emotion that fed into it. There was just something about a beat knocking along with a swell of string or a slow riff or a thundering drum solo. It had everything to do with loudness and quietness, tempo, rhythm, and the silence in between the notes. Music was her first and forever love, and while she adored what Whisky Lullaby played, she couldn’t dismiss her admiration for the melodies that had come into existence long before her newborn ears ever heard a sound on Planet Earth, the music that had stood the test of time, entertaining and soothing audiences for centuries. She would always need music, always need to play it and re-create it. She would always strive to create something as soul-stirring and powerful as that.

  Logan was offering to put music in her life for good, but only on the condition that she’d have only one variety of it. Can’t he see that I cannot and will not ever be able to settle for that? It’s like…asking me to eat the same food forever. Sure, chocolate chip cookies are good, but don’t tell me I can never have cheesecake again, she thought, then grinned when her stomach growled at the analogy. It was clear she couldn’t have it all; if she stayed in the band, her classical career would fade away, but if she insisted on
following the beckoning call of her cello, she would never again feel the excitement of being onstage with Whisky Lullaby. She wished it didn’t, but something had to be sacrificed.

  Her breath caught in her throat. She walked to the windows and looked down at the campus she had come to love so much. “Wait,” she said. “Who says I can’t have it all? So what if I can’t totally commit to the band? Lots of things could happen in the next four years,” she told herself, not at all embarrassed to be having that one-sided conversation, since there was no one else in the room to hear it anyway. “Maybe I’ll be offered a scholarship to study abroad. Maybe Whisky will land a huge record deal. Hey, maybe Logan will pop the question, and we can have a baby and start him off on a kazoo, then a harmonica and a little guitar and the piano and…” She stopped and laughed, then instantly frowned. Or maybe we’ll just cave in to the pressure and break up, like some damn sad country song, she thought, though she sincerely hoped that that last would never happen.

  The point was that anything at all could happen, and she knew that if she was too busy hiding because she didn’t know which road to take, she risked missing out on all of it. Ultimately, she decided she could have it all for as long as it lasted. However it turned out, she had to trust that Logan would understand in the end. She had to believe he would realize that her dreams were different than his and that he would her fly free to go after them, just as she was willing to let him chase his down.

  Her decision was made, so all she had to do was get to the venue. She hurried into her bedroom and threw on the first outfit she found, her band t-shirt and a pair of tight jeans. She brushed her hair until it practically glistened, adding some hair product to make it poof up just the right amount. She dug out the makeup she owned, then placed a dark rim of eyeliner along her eyelids and some red lip stain on her mouth. She grabbed her stuff and headed out, ready to be part of Whisky Lullaby once again, even if it wasn’t necessarily going to be a lifetime starring role.