by Lisa Eugene
A tear slid down the side of her face, disappearing into the sheets. I tried to keep the anguish from my voice, but I needed her to understand what was going on, to see what things were like.
“You always looked tired and burdened,” she stated. “Like you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I thought it was you who was sick. I can’t begin to imagine what that must’ve been like for you, your internal conflicts, and the guilt of wanting to move on. I’m sure it was hard on Kensington too. No parent should lose a child.”
Her brows pulled thoughtfully before she asked, “Did you ever mention me to the senator?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Why?”
“Just wondering.” She shrugged casually, but I had a feeling there was something she wasn’t telling me.
“Why did you tell me about Robert and your company? Why did you confide in me?” she asked after a short pause.
I laid very still for a moment, thinking. Telling her our company’s secrets had been risky—reckless even. And it was hard to pin down exactly why I’d trusted her with such potentially explosive information. But how did I explain that I had so much heaped on my shoulders that I’d thought I’d crumble from the weight?
How did I explain my tremendous sense of isolation and loneliness. Sharing the things I had with Dani had been a needed relief, and in a strange way it put us on a more even playing field. I wasn’t the one with all the power.
She took the risk of coming to my office and taking off her clothes, allowing her vulnerability and trusting me.
If the media ever got wind of what we were doing, she’d be the one blamed, painted in the most unflattering light. That was just the way of politics and scandal. I, too, took a risk by giving her the power to damage me.
She’d shed her clothes every Tuesday, and I’d shed my secrets—well most of them. We each had something to lose, but we both had more to gain in the comfort we took in each other.
When time passed without an answer, she inched closer and drew me into her arms. I let her hold me, enjoying the warmth of her skin and her sweet just-loved scent. I knew I’d laid a lot on her tonight, but Dani was very special to me. If I wanted her to trust me—to believe in us, then she needed to know I was sincere.
She was not a girl to bullshit.
Cupping her chin, I brought her gaze to mine. In the soft moonlit glow of the room, her hazel eyes were a deep expresso. Sometimes, when she was very angry, or very passionate, green flecks would lap through the color like a sudden burst of flames.
Right now, although she carefully guarded her feelings, I could sense a fearful love, and with it, a sweeping contentment, maybe even happiness. What worried me was the absence of hope.
“I trust you, Dani—completely. And I want you to understand there’ll always be a place in my heart for my late wife, but I’m not looking for a substitute for Amy. You are incredible, special, and incomparable. I love you for the strong, unique, sexy, wonderfully frustrating and stubborn woman you are.”
She smiled, another tear escaping the corner of her eye. I had a feeling she needed that truth, to know she wasn’t just temporarily filling an empty void. Turning, I settled her on my chest, hoping she could eventually come to trust in us.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
My lids fluttered dreamily. Stretching my sore limbs, I rolled over in the big bed that was as soft as a cottony cloud. A beam of yellow sunshine snuck under my lids, prying them open, and my gaze drifted to the bedside clock. I gasped and bolted upright with a start.
“Shit!” It was 11:00 a.m.
I was alone in bed, as expected, but couldn’t believe I’d slept in so late. Hopping to the floor, I padded around barefoot, searching for something to wear. Shrugging into Chase’s oversized bathrobe, I rummaged through the bed for the belt, my cheeks burning as I remembered how he’d put it to use.
Combing fingers through my tangled hair, I rushed out of the room, Emmy on my mind. My daughter would’ve been up for hours. I usually helped her with her morning routine and fixed her breakfast.
I didn’t have to wonder where Emmy was. The distant melody of the piano told me she was in the music room. What I didn’t expect to find when I rushed downstairs and stepped through the door was Chase sitting on the black bench beside Emmy, their hands moving in synchrony as he played along with her. I had to stop, my throat clogging with dense emotion at the scene.
The piano stood beneath a wall of tall windows that ushered sunlight into the room. The light drew a rainbow on the hardwood floor behind them, then bounced off the elegant Steinway. It danced in Chase’s thick, black hair, and silhouetted Emmy’s small frame on the bench next to him. The two seemed utterly at peace, separated from the physical world as the music swirled around them.
They didn’t see me at first, then as if sensing me, Chase’s fingers stopped and he turned on the bench. The way he looked at me peppered goose bumps all over my skin, and our gazes dawdled, reluctant to let go of the moment.
“You play?” I asked breathlessly, thinking belatedly it was an inane question.
He smiled easily, then stood and walked toward me while Emmy continued to play. Bending, he stole a kiss from my lips, and I allowed him to linger.
“Yes, but not as well as Emmy,” he informed with a chuckle. “Six years of mandatory lessons and I’m in no way as good as she is. My parents wasted their money.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You needed to rest,” he responded simply, then the corner of his lips kicked up in a cocky smile. “I kept you up half the night.”
“But Emmy—her routine—breakfast—”
“I handled it.”
I frowned, confused. “What?”
“I handled it,” he repeated with a grin.
Looking at Emmy, I now noticed the sloppy, haphazard ponytail sprouting from the top of her head like the crown of a pineapple.
“She let you do her hair?” My face scrunched with shock.
He nodded, chest swelling proudly.
“Obviously, she hasn’t looked into a mirror.”
“No, thank God.” He grimaced, quickly deflating. “I did it at the breakfast table while she ate her Froot Loops.”
“Froot Loops?” My gaze jerked to his face. They were Emmy’s favorite cereal.
“I saw them in your kitchen when I was at your apartment. At first she wouldn’t eat, just kept patting her head. I wasn’t sure what she wanted, but then I realized I’d never seen her with her hair down, so I put it up. Then we were good to go.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, not sure what to say.
I turned back to my daughter and the music flowing from the piano that wound its way through me like a ribbon of fine silk. Chase’s thoughtfulness was beyond anything I would’ve expected. I’d told him once I didn’t know what kind of man he was, but spending time with him showed me more and more of the kindness in his heart.
Slipping an arm around his waist, I leaned into the comfort of his body. He drew me tight against him and inhaled deeply. I knew what kind of man he was. He was the kind of man I could love beyond reason, the kind who could break me. And that scared the shit out of me.
I praised Emmy when she’d finished. She walked to a table and picked up her plastic sand bucket and shovel, then turned to me.
“Okay, you can play outside, but stay in the shaded area,” I said as Chase crossed the room to close the piano cover.
Pleased, Emmy bounced on her toes as she left the room. I noticed she’d forgotten her sunhat on the table, and grabbing it, I ran after her, almost crashing into her back when I entered the other room. Feet planted, body frozen, Emmy stared in the direction of the tall, older gentleman standing just inside the threshold.
I stifled a shocked scream, placing an arm protectively around Emmy’s shoulder.
Trying to keep my voice calm, I said softly, “It’s okay, Em. You can go outside and play.”
Emmy hesitantly made her way out of the room and I s
traightened, facing the man whose face was red with rage. His lips pinched sourly as he grated, “Where the hell is my son-in-law?”
“Senator Kensington,” I nodded a polite greeting, attempting civility even though my heart was pounding through my chest. I pulled the edges of Chase’s bathrobe tighter, imagining the conclusions the senator must be drawing. There were obvious burns around my wrists and a smattering of love bites decorating my neck, marks Chase had been exceedingly proud of. Gathering courage, I straightened my spine and met the senator’s hateful gaze. His anger seemed to catch fire.
“I asked you a question, bitch! Where the fuck is he?”
Anger moved through me like a swift, jarring breeze.
“Excuse me?” I asked, all Brooklyn attitude. I’d done nothing to warrant such animosity, and I wasn’t about to stand there while he looked down his pointed nose at me and issued insults.
Just then, Chase came striding out of the piano room. He must’ve heard our raised voices because his blue eyes were sharp, shoulders already squared defensively.
With a gentle squeeze of my arm, he leaned close to my ear. “It’s okay. Go outside with Emmy.”
My lips pinched defiantly, but the hard cut crystals of his eyes told me he would not take no for an answer. I searched his face, trying to read what was on his surprisingly calm features. He nodded for me to leave, and with a deep breath, I cocked my head back like Her Royal Highness, and walked steadily from the room. I held back the urge to give the senator a mocking curtsy as I exited, to show him exactly how bitchy I really could be.
Outwardly, I appeared cool and collected, but inside I was mayhem stirred into a pot of seething adrenaline. The senator’s presence had inspired a chilling disquiet. In the kitchen, I placed a palm to my chest, feeling its rapid rise and fall with each breath. Dread and anger crashed over me in waves, drowning my system.
I ran to the sliding door to check on Emmy, then quickly returned to the kitchen. I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I’d missed the first part of the conversation, but their furious voices boomed like grenades thrown at the wall.
“How dare you?” Senator Kensington was yelling. “How dare you bring your whore here? My daughter—your wife, has not been buried in the ground for even four weeks, and you take your whore out of the slums and bring her here—to this house?”
“Joe, I’m not going to tell you again.” Chase’s voice was as hard and rough as cement. “You are completely out of line. This is my house!”
“Yes, one you and Amy built.”
I heard Chase’s audible sigh, could tell he was trying to stay calm. “I know this is difficult for you—”
“Difficult? Difficult? To know you’ve been screwing another woman while my daughter was fighting for her life in the hospital?”
I battled nausea, my knuckles wedged hard between my teeth as I tried not to retch.
“Joe—”
“Amy loved you—trusted you. I treated you like my own son! This is how you repay me? You disrespect my family?”
“How did my life become about you?” Chase questioned evenly.
A wicked chuckle floated through the wall. “I’m not blind. It’s bad enough you fuck her at your office, at her apartment, but to bring her here . . . Did my daughter mean nothing to you?”
“It’s been five years since Amy’s accident, Joe.”
“That woman’s got an arrest record, one for drug possession, another for assault. What the hell are you thinking, Chase? If you’re in need of pussy, then at least make a sensible choice. You’re running for office for God’s sake!”
“Joe—”
“She was practically gloating just now. Who the fuck does she think she is? She has no respect for you, for me, or for Amy’s memory. How could you dishonor my daughter with some two-cent, drug-dealing whore?”
“Enough!” Chase exploded. His thunderous voice shook the walls, causing me to flinch. “How dare you come into my home and insult my guest? Who the fuck do you think you are?
“You have—”
“This is none of your business! My personal life is not your business! Who I choose to fuck is not your business! Now get the hell out of my house before I toss you out on your fucking ass!”
“This is not over, Chase!” Senator Kensington snarled. “You’re done! I swear I’ll make sure you suffer.”
I covered my face with my palms, my insides twisting with bitter regret. Racing up the back stair, I flung the door open to the room I’d been using, one thought hammering my head.
Leave!
Minutes later, Chase appeared at the door. He leaned against the frame, arms folded across his chest as he silently stalked me with his gaze. I couldn’t look at him, didn’t need to look at him to know his lips were firmed in anger, or that his blue eyes glowed with banked violence.
“I suggest you take all those clothes out of your bag.” His request was mild, giving no hint at his underlying fury.
“I’m leaving!” I shot back, not altering my course. I moved around the room, yanking out drawers and carelessly stuffing clothes into a duffle bag. “I told you this was not a good idea! I told you this was crazy! We can’t do this!”
“Put the bag down, Dani,” he ordered calmly.
I moved to the drawer in the nightstand, started to empty it. The senator’s angry insults rang in my head, mingling with my mother’s admonitions. Shit! How could I’ve allowed this to happen? I had my daughter to think about. The senator had looked at me with such pure loathing I’d felt the burn of it in my bones. To him I was nothing, trash unworthy to fill his daughter’s shoes. He’d known things about me.
“I don’t know what I was thinking . . .” I mumbled to myself. I’d let my feelings for Chase overrule my common sense.
“Put the bag down.”
Pulling out the lowest drawer, I grabbed a fist full of underwear.
“This was a mistake.”
“I said to put the fucking bag down!” In three long strides, he was standing next to me, ripping the bag from my fingers and tossing it to the floor.
“Get out of my way!” I ordered through clenched teeth. “I’m leaving. I’ll call a cab if I have to.”
“Listen to me!” He gripped my shoulders, giving me a little shake when I struggled. He put his face right in mine. “Stop it! You can’t listen to anything Joe says. He’s grieving. He’s angry. He is just coming to terms with what I realized five years ago.”
I exhaled, returning his piercing stare. “He’s not supporting your campaign any longer, is he? He and all the donors he brought will drop out. You’ve lost your funding.”
“I can fund my campaign with my own money.”
“Yes, but his connections, his support—”
“Can all go to fucking hell! I will not tolerate him insulting you!” he yelled.
I blinked back the tears threatening, the sorrow sitting heavily on my chest. “Don’t you see, Chase. It won’t work out. We’re too different—our lives are at different places. This relationship can only hurt you—and me.”
God! I wondered if those were the same words my father had told my mother. The ache in my heart was excruciating, but served as a sobering stab of reality.
“I will not give you up!”
Gripping my shoulders again, he jerked me into his arms, crushing me against his solid chest. I let my arms slide slowly around his waist. I held him as tightly as he embraced me, pushing my face into his chest and fisting his shirt. I wished things were different.
But they weren’t.
I couldn’t do this. Why put myself and my daughter through all this drama for something that was only temporary? Eventually he would walk away.
“Chase . . . this is not going to work.” I scanned his beautiful face, trying to guess what he must be thinking, if he was wondering about the senator’s accusations. What would he think of my past? I sighed heavily, saying again, “This can’t work between us.”
“We have a contract, an agreement
we’ll always be here for each other. I won’t let you back out.”
I let my gaze scan his face for a long time, taking in his harsh features, his square chin, bewitching eyes, and forehead deeply wrinkled with worry. I opened my mouth to speak and his lips seized mine for a voracious kiss, his tongue tangling with mine. I kissed him back, greedily tonguing his mouth and twining my fingers in his thick hair. I tasted inevitable heartbreak in the wild kiss and wrangled with my sorrow.
“Chase.” I pulled back, but kept our bodies fused. “I need . . . some time. I’m tired. It’s been a long weekend. I think we should head back.”
“Dani, don’t do this,” he urged softly, not hiding the hurt clouding his eyes. “I love you, and . . . I’m hoping.”
“Hoping what?” I asked, confused.
He stared steadily. “That one day you’ll say it back.”
I rocked on the balls of my feet and kissed his cheek, my heart twisting a vortex in my chest. “I just need some time, Chase.”
It was an excuse. Time would change nothing, but I was a coward when it came to Chase and couldn’t bear to fight about this. Maybe if I didn’t acknowledge the pain, it would go away. Maybe if I wasn’t surrounded by his overwhelming presence, I could bleed him from my veins.
He seemed reluctant to accept what I was saying, but deep down he knew I was breaking up with him. It was best to walk away.
“Thanks for inviting me and Emmy.”
He nodded, gaze hovering over my face, replete with uncompromising resistance. I struggled to contain my hopeless tears and looked away. Anywhere but at him.
“Emmy and I enjoyed being here,” I added, trying to soften the moment.
No sooner had Emmy’s name rolled off my lips when a loud shriek sliced through the room. Chase jerked back in alarm. I shot him a shrewd smile as I moved toward the door.
