by AC Oswald
“Fear and depression are very common side effects of cancer,” Loredana stated. “When she heard the diagnosis for the first time and then when she ended things with you, believe me, Savannah was a mess. She talked to a therapist, and she learned to cope with it, but it was hard. She was so close to giving up so often. But it’s not like that anymore. I’ve seen the changes in her.”
“I just want her to be happy,” Bethany told her. Her voice was shaking.
“I know that. But you have to try to understand that it has nothing to do with you. She’s as happy as you can possibly make her. But she’s scared. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it,” Loredana explained. “Death is a scary topic. Nobody knows what happens after, you know? Nobody knows when it’s going to happen. She’s scared of leaving you. Scared of how you’re going to deal with it.”
“But she shouldn’t worry about me. She should focus on herself.”
“Of course she’s worried about you, Bethany,” Loredana continued, smiling softly. “That’s why it’s important that you two are totally honest with each other. That you talk about what you’re afraid of. That you talk about the future.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Bethany nodded.
“And,” Loredana cleared her throat, “about the touching. About being close to her…”
“Mm?”
“I know it’s hard, but keep trying to make her feel comfortable with herself. Many cancer patients experience this, and it’s hard for both the patient and their partner. The medication is one part of it; lack of sexual desire can be a common side effect. But then there’s the other side, the changes in the patient’s body. Many people who’ve been through chemo and experience losing their hair, losing weight, occasionally losing control over their own body, they have a very different picture of themselves than they’ve had before. Even if you probably still see Savannah as the beautiful woman she’s always been, it is not the same for her.”
Bethany shook her head. “She’s the most beautiful person I know,” she stated honestly. She couldn’t stand the thought of Savannah feeling that insecure about herself. She wanted to run home and tell her that. That looking at her still made her knees weak. That she had never desired anyone as much as she desired her.
“I believe you mean that,” Loredana said. “And she’s going to believe you too. Just give her some time. Just try to show her what you truly feel, and I’m sure she will be able to trust you enough to let you come a little closer again.”
It was hard to take, this journey into Savannah’s head. And as comforting as Loredana’s words were, all Bethany wanted to do was take the pain away from Savannah. Because right now? Right now it was as if she could feel every bit of that pain in her own body and her own heart.
“Thank you,” she whispered, not knowing what else to say. “Thanks so much for talking to me.”
“Anytime,” Loredana assured her. “Really, whenever you or Savy need advice, you know where to find me.”
“Yes. Yes, thank you.” Bethany got up from her chair, and Loredana quickly followed her example.
Loredana held out her hand for Bethany to shake it, but Bethany quickly wrapped her arms around her to press her close against her body. She didn’t care that this was almost a stranger. She needed this right now.
She took a deep breath when the door to the doctor’s office closed behind her.
What was she supposed to do now? Savannah wanted a kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, and she was going to get a kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower. She’d find a way.
Her mind was working hard, and she went through all possible scenarios when suddenly she had an idea.
Yeah. This might work.
Bethany grabbed her bag to search for her phone. She turned it on, then opened her Facebook app.
She knew what she wanted to do, but Bethany also knew she could use some help.
Savannah still hadn’t moved. She was still lying in bed. She had fallen asleep, had woken up after a few hours just to find that Bethany still hadn’t returned, then had fallen asleep again.
It was late afternoon by now, and she was starting to get worried. This was odd.
Bethany often left the house when Savannah felt like staying inside, but usually she came back after a short time once she had shopped for a few groceries or had run some other errands.
How long had she been gone now? Seven hours? Eight?
Had she scared her away? Did she need space? Was it getting to be too much for her?
Savannah buried her face in her pillow. This was just fucking perfect. She had dragged Bethany down with her, hadn’t she? All because she couldn’t move her fucking ass out of bed. Because she was so fucking unmotivated. Because she hadn’t shown any interest in any other bucket-list bullet points. Because she sucked. Fuck this.
She dragged the blanket over her head and was sweating under the warm material. She didn’t care about the lack of oxygen; she just wanted to shut out the world. She’d just wait in her little cave until Bethany returned. She’d try to apologize.
If Bethany returned.
Savannah was so caught up in her own anger with herself that she hadn’t noticed Bethany coming back inside and storming into the bedroom.
“Sorry I’ve been gone so long, but now it’s time for you to get up!” she almost yelled as she ripped the curtains open and let the late-afternoon sunlight stream into the room.
Bethany’s unexpected voice almost gave Savannah a heart attack, and she carefully peeked out from under her blanket. She frowned as she saw Bethany opening a suitcase and throwing all kinds of different clothes inside.
“What on earth are you doing?” she asked, her eyes trying to follow Bethany’s quick movements.
“Honey, you need to shower. We’re leaving. I know you want to protest, but you’re gonna like this.”
Savannah shook her head, the blanket still pulled all the way up to her chin.
Bethany dropped the dress in her hand. Then she smiled and hopped onto the mattress next to her.
“Savy,” she started and slowly crawled underneath the blanket herself. She kissed Savannah’s cheek and took her hand in hers.
“You’ve spent enough time in Snuggleland,” she told her. “I like it too, and I absolutely want to come back here, but right now, I have a surprise for you.”
Savannah had to smile a little at Bethany, whose fingers were pulling her close and whose grin was so big it was contagious.
“Bethany Sophia Peters, you’ve had too many surprises for me in these past weeks,” she told her before Bethany’s lips found her own and her eyes shut, instinctively.
“And you liked all of them, didn’t you?” Bethany mumbled, her mouth still pressed against Savannah’s.
Savannah smirked. Yeah, damn it. Of course I liked them.
She nodded. “Okay, okay. I’m getting up.”
“Perfect!” Bethany squealed and quickly threw the blanket off of the bed. She hopped off the mattress again and helped Savannah get up.
Savannah sighed, accepted the hand, and was gently pulled out of bed.
“You look beautiful today,” Bethany whispered, and Savannah couldn’t deny that it felt good to hear her say it. “But now go shower. I will take care of the rest!”
Bethany gave her a playful slap on her butt as she pushed Savannah into the bathroom. Savannah chuckled and shook her head.
How does she do it? How does she always make the impossible possible? How does she manage to make me feel as if all the sadness were just an unnecessary waste of time?
Savannah took her time in the shower. She tried to enjoy the water on her skin and to wash away the dark thoughts. She took in the smell of Bethany’s shampoo, which was filling the bathroom, and let the soft foam run down her body. She watched it disappear down the
drain, hoping it would take all the bad feelings with it.
When Savannah finally came out of the bathroom, Bethany had finished packing and was looking at some stuff in her purse. Savannah smiled at her and just then realized that, for the first time since they had gotten back together, she hadn’t gotten dressed before coming out.
“You look stunning,” Bethany said with complete sincerity, and as hard as it was, Savannah believed her. They were standing like that for a moment, just looking at each other, when the sound of a car honking woke them from their little trance.
“That is our cab,” Bethany said, grinning. “You better put on some clothes!”
“How long are we gonna be gone?”
Bethany winked at her.
“Just for a day. We’ll be back tomorrow night.”
Savannah decided not to ask any more questions for now.
When she had finally put her shoes and jacket on, they left the apartment, and Bethany locked the door behind them.
It was already dark outside. A cool winter night. The sky was clear, and the cab was waiting for them in the driveway.
“I really want to know where we’re going,” Savannah said as she opened the back door, freezing as she looked inside.
“Get inside!” a cheerful voice told her, and Savannah thought her heart must have stopped. “We’re going to Vegas!”
The voice belonged to Joan Foster, Bethany’s and Savannah’s best high school friend.
Savannah still couldn’t believe what was happening when the plane had almost landed four hours later. She couldn’t believe Bethany had managed to arrange a last-minute flight. She couldn’t believe she had contacted Joan and that Joan had been spontaneous enough to do this with them.
She had felt entirely insecure at first, not knowing what to say, not knowing what Joan knew about her. But her friend had made it very easy for her.
Joan had talked nonstop, had told her that she’d wanted to call them so many times in the past years but never had the guts to do it after their unnecessary fight ages ago. She told her that she was proud to have finished her studies but that she was in between jobs now and visiting her mother for a few weeks. That she had been in a relationship with some church guy who had been driving her crazy in the end. That Bethany’s message had been like a sign, like a small relief she had been waiting for all this time, the perfect chance to let loose a little and clear her head. She said how good it was to see them again.
Savannah laughed a lot, and it was as if nothing had changed. Joan was still Joan, even if she seemed more mature and a lot more confident about herself.
“By the way, I love the new haircut. It really suits you,” Joan told her as she was looking out of the window, watching the plane move closer to the earth again.
“Thanks,” Savannah replied and glanced over to Bethany, who was holding her hand, smiling.
“This is gonna be so much fun!” Bethany exclaimed happily and let her head rest on Savannah’s shoulder.
“Absolutely,” Joan grinned. “Never been here. Always wanted to go.”
Being surrounded by her two favourite blondes made Savannah’s stomach tingle with excitement.
Vegas.
She hadn’t actually thought of going here before. Why hadn’t she? She totally should have put it on the list herself.
They didn’t have to waste any time on waiting for their luggage as they had only brought cabin bags.
“I don’t even know what I want to see first!” Bethany twittered, barely able to keep her feet still. “There must be so many good shows. And I’m hungry. I want to eat. And dance! I want to dance. Can we dance?”
Savannah chuckled. “I guess we should try to do as much as possible. I slept all day. I’m full of energy.”
They stood in front of the airport and looked around. Joan was keeping her eyes open as well and scanning the area.
“Should we take a bus or something?” Savannah asked, but Joan and Bethany just looked at each other with a knowing grin.
“A bus? Are you kidding?” Joan laughed. “We’re classier than that.”
When Savannah spotted the black stretch limousine, she immediately understood what her friends had been up to.
“Oh God… How?” She shook her head in disbelief.
“I have connections,” Joan replied with a wink.
Savannah couldn’t believe she would have spent tonight in bed. Now she was in Vegas, and a friendly chauffeur in a black uniform and hat greeted her.
“Ladies,” he said, holding the door open. “There’s champagne and there are snacks. Just make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride.”
Holy hell, this must have cost them a fortune.
For a second, Savannah wanted to worry about Bethany’s money, wanted to worry about the fact that her friend seemed to be spending all of her savings to make her happy, but then she looked at her. Saw her face. Saw her smile. Her excitement. And somehow she knew. This wasn’t only about making her happy, it was about them being happy together.
Joan opened the cork of the bottle with a loud popping sound, and some of the sparkling liquid was running down her fingers. She grinned. “Girls, your glasses, please!”
Savannah knew that getting drunk wasn’t the wisest decision, but she was going to allow herself one drink.
“Cheers! To a fabulous night!” Joan exclaimed, and they clonked their glasses together.
Savannah enjoyed the warm feeling of the bubbly in her stomach and didn’t hesitate to give Bethany a long and passionate kiss.
“You two still can’t keep your hands off of each other,” Joan smirked and took a sip herself.
“Oh. We’ve…we’ve actually been broken up for a year and only recently got back together,” Bethany explained before smiling shyly.
“I’m glad you did,” Joan told them honestly. “You two belong together. You always have.”
Savannah smiled. “Yeah, I guess we have.”
All of them were enjoying the tour, so they opened the window above their heads.
Savannah was the first to get up and look outside. She was completely overwhelmed by all the colorful lights and the energy surrounding her. Everything was full of people, full of laughter, full of music.
The shadows of the shining buildings fell across her face, and she closed her eyes for a moment to take in the breeze on her face and the different smells and sounds. It was better than anything she had imagined before. Maybe it was Beth’s presence that made it so good.
“So? What hotel are we staying at?” Savannah asked when she climbed back onto her seat, her cheeks rosy.
Bethany’s smile brightened. “What do you think?” she told her, biting her lower lip, grinning. “The Paris Hotel.”
All the impressions had been almost too much to process. It was late, but Vegas was wide awake.
They had managed to get tickets for the Cirque de Soleil show, and Savannah didn’t know what had been better—watching those talented artists fly through the air or listening to Bethany’s constant “oohs” and “aahs.” She figured it was the combination of both.
Bethany was getting a little tipsy, and Joan and Savannah snickered several times, because Bethany wasn’t able to shut up. She blabbered happily and dragged them from one bar to the next.
They had tried to play a few slot machines at the casino, but in the end, they had left more money at the place than they had earned.
It didn’t matter. As cheesy as it was, Savannah already felt lucky enough. At least tonight.
When they were finally in a club with a big dance floor, Bethany’s excitement increased. It had been so long since Savannah had seen her dance. Too long. She said she had missed it.
She had to admit that she was beginning to feel exhausted, but she was doing
her best to keep her strength. She watched Bethany dance with Joan, watched them laugh, and enjoyed the feeling of the loud bass in her veins.
Bethany looked stunning, and as tipsy as she was, it was fascinating how much control she had over her body and how she became one with the music as she sexily moved over the dance floor without any effort.
She felt Bethany’s hands on her hips, felt her press her body against her from behind as their hips moved in unison.
“You’re so sexy,” Bethany breathed into her ear, and Savannah felt herself blush. Bethany had called her sexy a million times, but it had been a while.
“I’ve seen people stare at you,” she continued as her hands were running up and down the side of her body. “I don’t like it, but it also makes me proud, ’cause you’re here with me. ’Cause you’re dancing with me.”
Savannah shook her head. “I don’t think anyone’s staring, Beth. If anything, they are looking at you, because you’re pretty damn flawless.”
“Uh-uh!” Bethany exclaimed. She turned Savannah around so she was facing her and held her close as they danced.
“See that chick over there? Earlier, when I was getting another drink, I heard her talk about you. She said you were hot. She was thinking about coming over to you and asking you to dance.”
Savannah frowned. “You’re making that up.”
“I wish,” Bethany told her before kissing her cheek and letting her hands disappear in the back pockets of her Savannah’s pants. “But I told her you’re here with me, and you know what?”
“What?” Savannah swallowed.
“You can’t see it, but she’s looking right at us, frustrated that I get to touch your cute butt.”
“Beth!” Savannah exclaimed, rolling her eyes, but Bethany started giggling.
“I’m sorry. I think I had a bit too much of that bubbly. But I’m not lying.”
Savannah shook her head again, but she grinned.
