by AC Oswald
They danced like this for a little while longer while Joan was busy trying to tell some guy that she wasn’t going to give him her number.
As much as Savannah wanted to dance with Bethany all night, she knew she had to sit down and have some water if she didn’t want to let the weakness wash over her.
“Beth, I need a break.” She got up on her tiptoes to kiss her forehead. “But please, keep dancing. I’m just going to sit down over there and get a drink.”
Bethany looked concerned. “Are you sure? I can totally sit down with you.”
“I’m sure. No worries. I’m going to help Joan get rid of the weird douche over there. I’m sure she’ll be thankful,” Savannah explained with a wink.
“Hm…okay,” Bethany finally agreed and placed a quick kiss on Savannah’s lips. “But tell me if you want to leave, we can leave whenever you need to.”
“I’m good,” Savannah promised with a smile.
She walked over to Joan and placed a hand on her hip as she looked at the grinning guy in front of her. “Sorry, man, she’s here with me, and it’s time for you to leave.”
The guy was trying to protest, but Savannah hushed him by putting her finger on his lips. “Nuh-uh. Don’t try to argue, Potato-Face, and don’t even think about asking if you can join us.”
Joan laughed when the man disappeared with a disappointed look on his face. “Thank you!” she exclaimed in relief.
“You’re welcome.” Savannah grinned and sat down on the barstool next to her friend.
Savannah could feel Joan’s eyes on her, could see her smile from the corner of her eye.
“You having a good time?” Joan asked her when Savannah had ordered her water.
“Totally. It’s the best night ever.”
“I agree,” Joan said. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it. And so glad you let me come with you.”
Savannah took a sip from the cold water, her eyes fixed on the dance floor. On Bethany. It was always a pleasure to watch her, even from a distance.
And it was surprising how much she enjoyed being here with Joan. It felt as if she could still trust her. She had always trusted Joan, even if they had almost ripped each other’s hair out during some fights in their teenage years.
Savannah found herself overwhelmed with the sudden need to talk. With the sudden need to tell her everything. With the desire to get so many things off of her chest.
The three of them were great together. Even after all this time. She felt her body getting hotter. It made her nervous. The music was loud, and it was cheerful, but it felt as if time had stopped for a moment. As if things around her were happening in slow motion and it were only Joan and her in the room. Her heart was pounding in her chest.
“Joan,” she started and swallowed hard.
“Savy?” Joan replied, her features more serious. As if she had noticed the switch in Savannah’s mood right away.
“I think…I think I need to tell you something,” Savannah continued. “I think you should know what this trip is about.”
Joan looked down at her drink to stare at the bubbling liquid. Savannah could see her take a deep breath. “I know what it’s about, Savy.”
Savannah was gripping her glass a little harder. Seriously? She told her?
“But?” She stopped, clearing her throat. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t act like you knew?”
Joan turned around in her chair to face Savannah. Her eyes looked sad all of a sudden, and keeping her gaze felt like a challenge.
“Would you have wanted to talk about it?” she asked her. “We’re having an amazing night, Savy. It’s the best night I’ve had in a very long time. And it isn’t about anyone being sick. It isn’t about fulfilling any wishes on some list you and Bethany made. It’s just about the three of us. Just about three old friends having the time of their lives.”
Savannah felt her cheeks turn hot. She wanted to cry.
“You’re still the same Savannah I knew and loved back in high school. Nothing has changed, and nothing is going to change it. And if you want to talk about it, then I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
She bit the inside of her cheek in order not to lose it in the middle of this club. She tried to focus on the dance floor again and searched for Bethany in the crowd. Bethany was still enjoying her night, still lost in the sound of music.
She didn’t dare look at Joan again, and she could see that Joan was doing the same, facing the dancers.
“Joan?”
“Hm?”
Savannah closed her eyes for a second. Her fingernails were digging into her flesh as she made a fist.
“Will you…” she swallowed, “will you look after her when I’m gone?”
They both kept looking at the ditzy blonde in front of them. At her careless smile. The happiness on her features.
“Of course I will.”
Savannah didn’t need to look at Joan to know that she was crying. “I promise you I’ll be there for her. She won’t be alone. I promise, Savannah.”
It made Savannah think her heart might be about to explode. “Thank you,” she whispered.
She didn’t know if Joan could hear her words over the music, but when Joan’s hand ended up on her thigh, squeezing it, she took Joan’s hand in hers and knew it would be okay.
She knew Bethany was going to be okay.
All three of them were tired when they finally made it to their hotel.
“Here we are,” Joan said and pointed at the huge building. It wasn’t hard to recognize, considering they were looking at a big Eiffel Tower.
Sure, it wasn’t as big as the real one, but it came pretty close.
“It looks amazing,” Savannah admitted.
Bethany was already digging for the Polaroid. “Will you take a picture of us?” she asked Joan, not waiting for a reply as she pressed the camera against her friend’s chest.
“Of course,” Joan smiled.
Bethany looked at Savannah, took her hand and led her over to the tower.
“I’m sorry it’s not really Paris,” she whispered.
“Beth, it’s better than that. It’s perfect.”
Bethany smiled, relieved.
“Okay, you two,” Joan announced. “Smile for the camera. Wait, no. Kiss for the camera!” She winked.
Savannah took in the sight of Bethany in those beautiful surroundings, then looked over to Joan, who was waiting to snap the picture.
Another point on the list.
Another step closer to finishing the list.
Life could be beautiful. Yeah. Sometimes she wished she didn’t have to leave. Sometimes it was worth it to leave her bed. She was glad she had people in her life to remind her of that.
“Come on, kiss me,” Bethany whispered, and Savannah didn’t need any more encouragement than that.
She wrapped her arms around Beth and closed her eyes when their lips touched.
Tonight, all three of them would sleep together in the same room, and they would wake up together in a new morning.
She kissed Bethany with everything she had, willing to enjoy every one of their kisses, willing to appreciate every waking minute with her.
And she didn’t stop. She kissed her until she felt Joan tapping her shoulder.
“You can stop now. I have the picture. In fact, I already had it five minutes ago.” She rolled her eyes. Savannah didn’t reply. She just turned around to wrap her arms around Joan.
They stood there for a moment, hugging, until they felt another pair of arms around them and Bethany’s blonde hair tickling their faces.
“I really like Paris,” Bethany mumbled, and Savannah smiled as she heard Joan laugh next to her.
“Me too.”
6. Paint
my front door red—check.
7. Ride in a stretch limo and drink fancy champagne—check.
8. Have a girls night out with the Trashy Triplets—check.
9. Kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower—check.
Chapter 11
It was the twenty-fourth of December, and Bethany woke up with a smile on her face. She loved Christmas. And she loved Christmas with Savannah.
The year before, she had spent the holidays alone with her mom, still heartbroken because of her breakup with Savannah. Of course, the circumstances this year weren’t perfect either, and Bethany was aware that this might be the last Christmas she and Savannah would spend together—still, she wouldn’t let this ruin her mood. She was going to make sure that they had a great time and would be able to enjoy the Christmas spirit to its fullest.
It was a Monday, and Bethany placed a quick kiss on Savannah’s forehead before jumping out of bed and getting ready. She was waiting for one particular Amazon delivery—their Christmas tree.
While she waited for the parcel service, Bethany started preparing breakfast and texted with Joan. Their friend had gone back to New Haven about a week ago, but she had promised to come visit as often as possible. The three of them had spent a few more days together after their trip to Vegas, and already now Bethany was missing her. She was more than happy to have Joan back in their lives, and she knew Savannah felt the same way.
She put on some cheerful Christmas music and nibbled on one of the snowman-shaped cookies Savannah and she had baked together the previous night. Then the doorbell finally rang.
The packet was huge and rather heavy, and Bethany had trouble carrying the thing upstairs. When she finally managed to free the tree from its cardboard and Styrofoam, she looked at the pink branches with a satisfied smile on her face.
“I see we have a tree,” Savannah said as she came into the living room and wiped some last bits of sleep out of her tired eyes.
“It looks awesome, Savy!” Bethany chirped happily and quickly placed a good-morning kiss on Savannah’s lips. “Want to help me decorate it?”
“Do you even have to ask?” Savannah replied, grinning, before quickly searching for the box with tree decorations.
Beth-Beth and Savannah’s X-mas Stash was written on it in crayon with a few colorful drawings next to it. It made Savannah smirk.
They put the tree in the middle of their living room and started wrapping garlands and different strings of Christmas lights around the branches. Already the tree looked chaotic, considering that most colors didn’t go too well with pink, but they didn’t care. It was their tree, and to them, it looked more than charming.
Bethany was wearing a reindeer sweater and was pleased that Savannah had put on a pullover with red and white stripes. Savannah had never been a big fan of Christmas outfits, but this year, Bethany didn’t even have to ask her to do it.
When “All I Want for Christmas Is You” started playing on the stereo, Savannah sang along, and Bethany felt all warm inside. It had been so long since she had last heard Savannah sing, and she had missed the sound of her beautiful voice. At some point, Bethany stopped decorating and just sat there on the floor, hugging her knees in front of her chest to listen to her. Only when she started looking in the box for some more Christmas tree baubles did Savannah seem to notice Bethany’s gaze fixed on her. She blushed.
“Hey, you getting lazy?” Savannah asked, smiling shyly.
“Don’t stop singing,” Bethany replied. “It’s beautiful.”
“Err. Thanks,” Savannah mumbled, and Bethany quickly joined the chorus to avoid any potential awkwardness.
“Can we put the Christmas duck on top?” she asked with a grin, and Savannah nodded.
“Of course.”
When the box was empty, the two of them stared at the result in all its shining glory. Pink, purple, blue, yellow, red. A real rainbow tree. Bethany loved it.
“Should we put the presents underneath?” Savannah asked, and Bethany bit her lower lip.
“Um. Actually, I can’t.”
“Oh, I see; you didn’t get me anything,” Savannah teased.
“Of course I did! But I can’t put it there. Not yet.”
“Fair enough,” Savannah shrugged. “Mine isn’t exactly shaped like a real gift either.” With that, she disappeared into the bedroom and returned with an envelope wrapped in a huge red bow. She put it under the tree anyway and stepped next to Bethany to take her hand in her own.
“We’re going to have a great holiday,” Savannah said, and Bethany squeezed her hand.
Savannah felt nervous as they stood in front of the Peterses’ house, waiting for Bethany’s mother to open the door.
Her father was, as was so often the case, on a business trip in Bangkok. Savannah knew Bethany hated it when he was gone over the holidays. Thankfully, the first few snowflakes had started falling earlier that day, so at least Bethany was happy about possibly building a snow woman with Savannah later that night.
When the door finally swung open, Savannah tried her best not to tear up. She loved Eliza Peters almost as much as Eliza loved her daughter. The woman had always treated Savannah as if she were part of the family, and she had spent countless nights at their place when they were younger. Savannah hadn’t seen her in over a year, yet Eliza was looking at her with so much warmth in her eyes, she felt relieved. It was like coming home.
“Savannah. God, it’s so good to see you. C’mere!” Eliza exclaimed and happily wrapped her arms around Savanah.
“It’s good to see you too,” Savannah smiled.
“Oh Lord, you’re making an old woman cry. Let me just say—I was so mad at you and Bethany for breaking up, because it meant I didn’t get to see you anymore,” Eliza blathered. She was squeezing Savannah a little harder than necessary. “I made your favourite casserole. You still like my casserole, don’t you? I left out the garlic, so you and Bethany can still kiss and—”
“Thank you!” Savannah interrupted the older woman before she could take the explanation any further. “I’ve been craving that casserole for months, Liz.”
“Perfect,” Eliza replied before ruffling Savannah’s hair. “Love the new style. Let’s go inside. Hi, sweetheart!”
“Hi, Mom!” Bethany gave Eliza a peck on her cheek.
The room already smelled like food, and Bing Crosby’s voice was filling the air with some classic Christmas tunes. The table was set, candles were lit, and presents were wrapped. Just as in the good old times.
Eliza was filling each of their glasses with a little red wine before disappearing into the kitchen to get the food out of the oven.
Savannah smiled at Bethany and took a sip of her drink as she heard the first few words of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas playing on the stereo. By far her favourite song.
She wished she had appreciated these holidays a little more when she had still had the chance. She wished she had made the past years more magical for both of them. Now she was running out of time.
Savannah swallowed. What had she done last year? What had she been thinking?
She had been lying on her couch and watched Mission Impossible on DVD without really paying attention to it. There had been no decorations; there had been no food. She had been bitter.
At some point in the late evening, her phone had rung, her mother’s name on the display. Christmas and her birthday had been the only days Gloria had tried to call her since their big fight, but Savannah had never had the strength to pick up. Especially not after getting her diagnosis. The topic had been done for her, once and for all, but now things were different.
She had come back to life, had given herself another chance at happiness.
And she was looking at Bethany’s mother, watching her hug her daughter, watching them giggle. And as much as she lo
ved both of them, she missed her own family.
“Sweetheart, what’s on your mind?” Eliza asked when she realized that Savannah hadn’t touched her casserole.
“Nothing,” Savannah started, picking with her fork at the food. “It’s just that I’m truly happy to be here, but…”
“You’re missing your mom,” Eliza finished for her as if it were the most obvious conclusion on earth.
“Yes. I mean, no. You’ve been like a mother to me, Liz,” Savannah explained. “I just feel as if… I’m wondering if it’s too late for me to make things right.”
Bethany was squeezing her leg under the table while Eliza was shaking her head. “Savannah, let me tell you this from a mother’s perspective.” She put her own fork down and looked Savannah straight in the eye. “There is no point in time when a mother stops loving her own daughter. If I were in Gloria’s position, the whole situation would be killing me. I know you both have said things that you regret and that were hurtful, but I know for sure that she thinks of you every day and hopes you will show up on her doorstep or give her a call.”
Savannah’s gaze dropped as she shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve hurt her. And how much is it going to hurt her to hear that…” She couldn’t finish the sentence as the big lump in her throat made it hard to swallow.
Bethany was still stroking her thigh, and Savannah grabbed her hand under the table. She needed the touch for comfort.
“It’s going to be rough for her, no doubt about that,” Eliza started again and poured some more wine into everyone’s glass. “But Savannah, she will find out, sooner or later. And in this case, sooner is definitely better than later. Look at me, sweetie.”
Savannah swallowed before meeting Eliza’s eyes again which were as teary as her own.
“Give her another chance. I’m not saying do it right now, I’m not even saying you should do it tomorrow or this week, but at least consider it. Give her a chance to make things right, to be a good mom to you for at least a little while longer. To hug you and comfort you. That’s what moms are for, you know? We put our babies into this world for a reason, we want them to be all right. And even if we don’t always agree with the choices they make or the things that they do—even if they drive us crazy sometimes—we want nothing more in the world than to be there for them and to know that we’ve done everything in our power to make them happy.”
