by AC Oswald
A tear rolled down her cheek, and Savannah blushed when she realized it. “It’s just that in the past weeks, things have become so different. I think I’ve changed. Bethany changed me.” Savannah looked at Bethany, smiling shyly. “Yeah, you did,” she whispered. “I mean, I’ve accepted my disease. I’ve accepted what’s going to happen. But somehow I can’t accept the thought of leaving this place without having sorted out things with my family first.”
“Savannah, that’s good, but don’t do it with the cancer in the back of your head. Don’t let that be your only motivation,” Eliza said slowly. “Do it because of your family and because you miss them. It’s still your life, sweetie. It’s not just a big to-do list of things that need to be handled. Do it because it’s what you feel is right for you, and do it when you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself. And we’re both here for you; you know that.”
Yeah, Savannah knew where Bethany got her big heart from. “Thank you.”
Bethany was staring at the Christmas tree in front of them, then leaned over to kiss Savannah’s cheek. Savannah had to smile at the gesture. She was glad to be cuddling up on the couch and ending Christmas Eve with just the two of them.
The way home had been nice. It had snowed a little more, and even if it wasn’t enough to build a snow woman, it had still been enough to cover the streets in a pretty, sparkling white that looked amazing with all those beautiful Christmas decorations in their neighbourhood. Enough to cause that amazing creaking sound under their shoes as they walked. And enough to put a smile on Bethany’s face.
She was reflecting on the evening and their time with Eliza, and it was so weird to think that her time was limited. That she wouldn’t be having Christmas dinner at the table in the Peterses’ dining room five or six years from now, maybe not even next year. That they would be living their lives without her. That she’d be nothing more than a memory.
Eliza would be a great grandmother—Savannah was sure of that. She would love to see her take care of their own child, spoil him or her with silly presents and teach the little Peters-Cortez some of her wise views on life and love. It hurt like hell to think about it, but Savannah truly hoped Bethany was going to have children one day, simply because the kid would be more than lucky to grow up around the two most lovable and kind-hearted women she knew.
And maybe they would tell the kid about her. That there was once this girl named Savannah Cortez and that she could be a bitch and a pain in the ass, but that they missed her. And that she would have loved to get to know them. Maybe they’d tell the little one some funny stories from when she and Beth were young. And maybe she’d still be a part of their lives, even if it was only sometimes, over dinner or during Scrabble nights.
She squeezed Bethany’s hand a little harder.
Part of her hoped that being dead really meant simple darkness. That she’d just be gone. Because she didn’t think she’d want her soul to be floating around in space, having to watch people live their lives. She’d miss Bethany too fucking much. Too much for words.
Savannah let her mind drift back to earlier in the evening.
“So.” Eliza cleared her throat. “I think I’m gonna put on my favorite rock Christmas sampler. What do you say?”
Bethany’s mother was no fan of sadness or bad mood. And it was truly hard to stay sad around her.
“Beth, honey, will you go into the living room and push the furniture aside? I wanna dance to ‘Run, Run, Rudolph’ with my two favorite girls. Shake off those bad holiday calories.”
“Sure!” Bethany replied before running over to her mother and whispering something into her ear that Savannah couldn’t understand.
Eliza replied and gave her daughter a wink before laughing in Savannah’s direction.
Savannah ran her fingertips up and down Bethany’s arm before softly nudging her shoulder.
“So what was that whispering about earlier?” she asked her, trying to sound casual and not as curious as she felt.
Bethany shifted nervously in her seat.
“Whispering?” she replied.
“Oh come on, Beth. First you and your mom whisper and laugh, then Eliza starts distracting me with her joss stick collection, and then you disappear. By the way, did you know she has joss sticks that smell like weed? Just sayin’.”
Bethany started giggling. “Okay, okay, you got me. Well…” she looked at her watch. “It’s almost midnight, so we might as well start now.”
“Start with what?” Savannah asked.
“I want to give you your present!” Bethany said, and Savannah laughed.
“Okay, then. I must say I’m a little curious.”
“Gimme a sec!” Bethany chirped and ran out of the room.
Savannah waited patiently, then her eyes widened when she saw Bethany carry a medium-sized basket with a big bow into the room. She could see that her girlfriend was careful not to drop it.
“Merry Christmas, Savy,” she whispered before putting the basket down between them.
Savannah looked inside and frowned before realizing what she was looking at.
“He’s asleep,” Bethany said, smiling, and Savannah felt her heart beat a little faster.
It was a tiny kitten, snoozing peacefully, wrapped in a fluffy red blanket. Its fur was light brown with some dark brown stripes. It looked almost like…
“I thought we could name him ‘Tiger’!”
Savannah grinned. Yeah. A tiger.
“I think ‘Tigger’ might be more fitting, actually,” she replied and carefully petted the small cat’s head with her index finger.
“A real tiger was really hard to get,” Bethany pouted. “I called a few different zoos, but all they offered me was a sponsorship for one of their old polar bears.”
“I love him, Beth,” Savannah whispered. “He’s so small.”
“He’s only a few weeks old,” Bethany said smiling. “He’s going to be our baby.”
Savannah nodded. “Thank you so much, Beth. Really.”
“You’re welcome, and I’m so happy you like him. Actually I’ve got the whole trunk full of equipment. Food, toys, a cat tree.”
“He’s going have a good life here,” Savannah told her with a wink. “But now I still have something for you.”
She got up to grab the envelope that was still lying under the tree. Her hand was shaking slightly as she handed it over to Bethany.
“Please tell me if you hate it. Really, be honest. It’s okay if you don’t want to, I mean.”
“Savy!” Bethany interrupted her. “I haven’t even opened it yet.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Bethany carefully unwrapped the bow and extracted a little piece of paper from the envelope which she slowly unfolded. She read what was written on it, and Savannah could see the emotions change on Bethany’s features.
“Savy, that’s… it’s…”
“A coupon for a tattoo, yes.” Savannah finished for her. “And I understand if you don’t want to do it. I mean, you never said that you wanted a tattoo. I just thought it would connect us.”
Savannah had spent a long time thinking about what she wanted her tattoo to look like. She knew it was about time that she took at least one point on the list into her own hands. Designing her own tattoo was the obvious choice.
But she didn’t want anything too simple. She didn’t just want something tribal or some ugly tramp stamp. She wanted it to mean something to her. And there was nothing in the world that meant more to her than Bethany.
She had thought about getting Bethany’s first name tattooed on her chest, but then decided that this was silly and not very creative. A portrait? No. Definitely not; they usually turned out super creepy.
Then one afternoon, while Bethany had been out running errands, a new thought had hit he
r.
She didn’t want a tattoo on her chest, nor on her arm. She wanted it to be on her pinky finger. And she wanted the other part to be on Bethany’s.
She had taken a piece of paper and tried out a few phrases, a few different designs, but then decided to go for the most personal thing she could think of. Her own handwriting on Bethany’s finger, and Bethany’s handwriting on hers.
“What do you want the tattoo to say?” Bethany asked.
Savannah cleared her throat, her cheeks turning hot.
“I thought about, ‘Love…’ on my pinky and ‘…forever unbroken’ on yours.” She cleared her throat again. “Do you, um, like it? Please be honest.”
“It’s perfect, Savannah,” Bethany whispered. “I’d be honored.”
Savannah felt as if a heavy weight had just fallen off her chest, and she quickly wiped away some tears with the back of her sleeve.
“It’s the most beautiful Christmas gift you’ve ever given me,” Bethany added before wrapping her arms around Savannah.
“I love you,” Savannah told her, and Bethany placed a kiss on her shoulder, mumbling, “I love you too.”
Savannah carefully put the basket with a sleeping Tigger on the floor before looking at Bethany again. She was so beautiful, and somehow she felt silly for having been so distant in the past weeks. She could see it in her eyes, could see that the woman in front of her loved her more than anything in this world. She didn’t know why she had been so insecure all this time.
Not once had Bethany acted weird around her or made her feel uncomfortable. In fact, she had done everything in her power to be there for her and make her smile every single day.
She didn’t know what to say, how to express what she felt in this moment, so she just leaned over to kiss her once more and closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of her girlfriend’s lips against her own.
Bethany’s lips parted right away, and Savannah deepened the kiss. Her hand was on Bethany’s thigh and slowly started caressing it. Savannah could feel her heart beating faster in her chest. She was nervous about what was going to happen. All she knew was that she wanted to be close to her, wanted to touch her, wanted to feel Beth’s skin against her own. She wasn’t sure when she had felt it so strongly the last time, the need to be with her. The need to be one.
“I want to make love to you,” she whispered against Bethany’s lips. Then she cupped her cheek with her hand and let her thumb slowly run along her chin.
Bethany pulled away for a second and searched for something in Savy’s eyes.
With a shy smile, Savannah nodded, and Bethany smiled back at her before grabbing the hem of her own shirt and pulling it over her head in one fluid movement.
Savannah bit her lower lip at the sight in front of her: Bethany in jeans and a purple bra, looking at her with flushed cheeks and pouty lips, chest heaving slightly.
She quickly got rid of her own shirt before moving closer and placing soft kisses along Bethany’s cleavage. She took Bethany’s hands in hers and entangled their fingers before letting her tongue run along her collarbone and licked every inch of soft porcelain skin.
Savannah pushed one purple strap off Bethany’s shoulder, caressed the exposed skin with her lips, and slowly reached around to unclasp her bra.
The living room felt hot, but all Savannah could think was that she felt alive. Truly alive for the first time in months.
A soft moan escaped Bethany’s mouth when Savannah’s closed around one of her nipples, and Savannah could feel Bethany’s hand on her neck as it grabbed a fistful of dark hair to urge her on. It felt as if nothing had changed. It still felt as if Bethany were her perfect counterpart. The way their bodies moved together so easily had always amazed her, and she knew she could let herself go. Completely.
Bethany was stroking Savannah’s hair, smiling, as she herself opened Savannah’s bra and pushed her softly against the sofa.
“You’re so beautiful,” Bethany whispered. “I love you so much.”
If she had thought her heart had been beating fast before, it was nothing compared to the hammering in her chest as she noticed Bethany fumbling with the fly of her pants. She could feel her fingertips against her belly, and the excitement was driving her crazy.
“I’ve missed this,” Savannah breathed out. “I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed this.”
Bethany smiled as she slowly opened the zipper and kissed her way down to Savannah’s belly button. She left some soft kisses there and slowly pulled the jeans down her legs.
She kissed her way up again, caressing the inside of Savannah’s thighs in the process before quickly removing her own pants and underwear. Her blonde hair was falling into her face as she carefully moved on top of Savannah, kissed her, and parted her legs with one of her thighs.
Their kisses had become more passionate, and Savannah couldn’t wait to feel her finally. She took Bethany’s hand and slowly led it down between her legs, not once breaking their gaze.
Bethany didn’t need more encouragement than that; one of her fingers slowly disappeared into Savannah’s panties.
“Oh,” Savannah sighed as she pressed her eyes shut to focus on the feeling of her girlfriend’s fingertip against her clit.
Bethany was stroking her softly, up and down, Savannah’s extreme arousal making it easy for Bethany’s finger to caress her most sensitive spot. It felt as if Savannah’s whole body were on fire, all senses on overload. How long had it been? Too fucking long.
Savannah kissed her hungrily, bucking her hips, wishing she’d go a little faster, wishing she’d fill her up completely. Already her fingernails were digging into Bethany’s back, and they had just started.
She figured Bethany could sense how impatient she was getting, as she finally pushed a finger inside, slowly, going deeper, inch by inch. Savannah held her close and pressed her body against Bethany’s before dragging her head down to whisper into her ear. “Beth. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna break.”
If Bethany was holding back because she thought it might be too much for Savannah, then Savannah had to prove her wrong. She didn’t feel tired or exhausted; part of her felt like her old self again, like the Savannah she had wanted to be but who had disappeared somewhere into a dark and bitter hole. But not now. Not tonight.
Bethany smiled and nodded before adding another finger and pushing it all the way in, a little faster, a little harder than before.
“Oh, yes. Yes. Like that.”
Savannah soon started panting, eyes closed, as she focused on the amazing feeling of being as close to Bethany as possible. She wanted this moment to last forever. She pushed her own leg up, slowly rubbing it against Bethany’s wet center as her eyes fluttered open again. She wanted to see her, wanted to see the look on her girlfriend’s face as she moaned, the passionate sparkle in her pretty blue eyes as Savannah rubbed herself against her.
And Bethany did just that, finding her own rhythm as she started riding Savannah’s leg, all the while still bringing Savannah closer to the edge with her fingers.
Bethany knew Savannah’s body so well, even after all this time. She knew exactly how to satisfy her, knew exactly what would make her eyes roll back into her head.
“You’re so hot. Fuck, I love you. I’ve missed you. Love you so much,” she panted against Savannah’s neck, her breath hot against her skin.
Her thumb was on Savannah’s clit, her hips moving faster, her moans getting shorter.
Savannah had almost forgotten that this was the best part of having sex with Bethany—watching her getting close, watching her come undone. And the fact that she was the one who brought her there, that she was the cause of that pleasure, never ceased to amaze her.
“I’m so close. I’m gonna. I…”
“Me too,” Savannah whispered, pulling Bethany in for an
other kiss. She pressed her lips on hers as hard as she could, muffling a deep groan as her own orgasm washed over her. Oh fuck. Why hadn’t they done this sooner? Why?
It felt as if her body were leaving the sofa, every tiny muscle in her body tensing at once, mixed with this one particular indescribable feeling. And she was sharing it with the one person who meant everything to her. What could be better? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Bethany just lay on top of her for several minutes, trying to catch her breath, and Savannah enjoyed the feeling of the sweat slowly cooling her skin.
Why couldn’t she just stop time? Why couldn’t she just stay with her like this forever, her arms wrapped around Bethany’s exhausted body, softly stroking her back, kissing her forehead, listening to her breathing?
Bethany raised her head to look at her and smiled, her eyes a little tired. She kissed her nose.
“That was amazing. So good. If I weren’t so tired, I’d totally want to do it again.”
Savannah laughed and kissed her once more. “I promise we’ll do it again tomorrow morning. And tomorrow afternoon. And tomorrow night. And the day after tomorrow.”
“I like the sound of that,” Bethany said, smiling brightly. “But oh my God, now I’m so hungry. Do you mind if I warm up some of the leftovers in the microwave? Do you want some?”
“Let me fix it for you,” Savannah suggested and quickly walked over to the kitchen. She didn’t even think about putting on clothes anymore.
