About a Baby

by Ann Yost

  “It’s on your wedding finger, too. That mean you two are getting hitched?”

  Hallie sipped her coffee. She didn’t need the caffeine. She was dead tired from getting no sleep the previous night and putting in a full day of work.

  She wouldn’t sleep well tonight. Sleep just made things worse because when she woke up she had to experience the heartbreak all over again.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Doesn’t have to be. The boy loves you. And everyone knows you’re crazy about him. You never had that color in your cheeks or that twinkle in your eye when you were dating the sheriff.”

  Hallie was surprised Asia had noticed. “I wasn’t really dating Jake. It was more of a friend situation.”

  “The little one’s got a crush on him.”

  Hallie lifted her eyebrows. She knew Asia meant Lucy.”I wondered about that. I think he likes her, too.”

  “Too much age difference.”

  Hallie’s heart ached for Baz’s younger sister It seemed as if she were star-crossed, too. Just like Hallie.

  “She’ll get over it when she gets that job in Boston.”

  “Maybe.”

  Baz called a short time later to report that the operation had gone well.

  Hallie knew the first twenty-four hours after an operation were the most critical. The hospital staff and the three Outlaw children would keep a close eye on Jesse.

  “We’ve checked in at a Holiday Inn near the hospital,” he said, “but we’re not spending much time there. You can get me on the cell any time you need me.”

  “I know. Thanks.”

  He asked her about the day’s patients, and she told him.

  She tried to sound normal and cheerful, but her words came out like stones dropping into a pond.

  When she stopped there was silence.

  “Hallie.”

  His tone said he planned to start in on the situation.

  She couldn’t bear it. Not now. Not when Jesse was sick and they were thousands of miles apart.

  Not when she wasn’t ready to accept what she knew she’d have to accept.

  “I need to read a bedtime story to Daisy,” she said. “Asia sends her love to everybody.”

  “What about you?”

  “I send my love, too.”

  He was silent a moment. He knew as well as she did that love wasn’t the issue anymore.

  “Tell Lucy to call if she’s got time. Good night, “Baz. I’ll be praying for your dad.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Baz decided that if he spent another eight hours in the plastic molded chair he’d turn into a plastic molded chair. He got up and walked around the waiting room.

  It had been eighteen hours since they’d left the Bangor Airport. Eighteen hours since he’d seen Hallie. He, Cam, and Lucy were feeling the effects of the emotional strain and fatigue.

  They made sure the nurse’s desk had their cell phone numbers then they headed for the Holiday Inn. He tucked Lucy into bed. She was already half asleep, but she lifted up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re here, Baz. Let me know if anything changes with Daddy.”

  He’d spent so many years denying his own father, now he could lose the man. Was he really going to deny Robert a father? He’d never admit it to anyone, but he’d missed the baby like hell.

  Goddamn

  Even if he could convince Hallie to marry him,he’d still have a hole in his heart. If he didn’t marry Hallie, he’d have no heart. He realized she was right.

  There was no way he could abandon the kid.

  Shit.

  His eyes felt like sandpaper. He was swaying on his feet, but he knew he wouldn’t sleep. Not with his whole world falling apart. “I’m going down to the bar,” he told Cam.

  His brother had already removed his shirt in preparation for bed. “I’ll go with you.”

  They found a table in the back of the darkened room as far away as possible from the sultry brunette singing torch songs in Spanish. Baz rubbed the back of his neck, and so did his brother. They exchanged a look that said they’d noticed the similar gesture.

  “Helluva day,” Baz murmured.

  Cam’s blue eyes were bloodshot but penetrating.

  “Wanna tell me what’s up between you and Hallie?”

  The cold fingers of fear that had gripped his heart all day formed a fist. For a moment, he couldn’t get a breath. Cam waited.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got all night.”

  Baz stared into the golden whiskey in his glass.

  Until Hallie entered his life last year, he’d never had anyone with whom to share his problems until Hallie had entered his life last year. It was strangely comforting to have someone now. A brother. The concept was a little foreign. Something occurred to him, suddenly. “Are you asking because you’re worried about Hallie?”

  Cam blinked. “I’m worried about both of you.”

  Baz nodded. He gave Cameron a brief description of the relationship with Hallie that had developed over several months the previous year.

  “It sounds damn near perfect,” Cam drawled.

  He’d leaned back in his chair, one booted foot resting on the opposite knee. “Why the break-up?”

  Baz felt a twinge of guilt. “This part’s a little personal.”

  Cam nodded in silent understanding that it was to go no further.

  “Hallie had a fertility issue.”

  “I know about that.”

  “Oh.” That was disconcerting. Who else had she told?” Anyway she’d been told she needed to have a baby sooner rather than later. After the time we made love, she told me she wanted to grab her chance to be a mother after the first time we made love. The only time we made love.” He stared at his drink. “She proposed, and I turned her down.”

  “Makes sense. You barely knew her.”

  Baz looked up. “You don’t understand. It was her last chance. I ran her out of town on a rail. I asked Dad to hire her, and he agreed.”

  Cam’s gaze was level.

  “It was our gain. And, I think, Hallie’s been relatively happy in Eden.”

  Baz drained the whiskey and signaled the bartender. “I was an idiot.”

  Cam shrugged. “You needed more time.”

  Baz shook his head. “That’s just it. I knew right away that I wanted her, but I was scared shitless.

  Our family’s such a damn mess. I hadn’t planned to get married at all.

  “After she left I got involved with a waitress.

  She was pregnant and in trouble. I wanted Hallie, but I wasn’t ready to come to Eden. For some damn fool reason, I got it into my head that she would want me to help Nicole. The girl’s ex was after her. He wanted his baby. I gave her the protection of my name and a place to stay until after the baby was born.”

  “You married her?”

  He didn’t miss the shock in his brother’s voice.

  “It was temporary. Just for legal purposes. We’re divorced now.”

  “What about the kid?”

  Baz accepted another whiskey from the waiter.

  He took a healthy swallow before answering.

  “They’re in my condo in L.A.”

  “Any chance he’s yours?”

  “Slim to none.”

  Baz chugged the rest of the glass as his brother waited for an explanation.

  “The marriage was about protecting the girl.”

  Cam’s eyes were steady. “In any case he’s your responsibility now.”

  “That’s what Hallie says.”

  “What’re you gonna do?”

  “I don’t know. Nicole claims the ex knows where she is. He wants the kid.

  She wants me to come back to L.A. to protect her and Robert.”

  “Robert. That’s the baby’s name?”

  Baz flashed on the dark-haired child, and his throat went dry.” Yeah. Robert.”

  “You gonna go?”

  “I can’t. Hallie can’t
handle the practice alone, and, besides, I don’t want to leave her. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave her. She makes me feel a kind of contentment I didn’t even know was possible.

  It’s like when I’m with her, I’m home.”

  “And she’s hot.”

  Baz closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

  “Forgive me for saying so, but it sounds like this is not all about what you want.”

  Baz glared into his empty glass. His brother was right and he knew it.

  Goddamitall to hell.

  “My advice? Don’t lose Hallie. She’s one in a million. A woman you can trust.”

  “Sounds like you’ve known the other kind. Your wife?”

  Cam’s fine lips thinned into a grim line.

  “Elaine’s only been dead a year and a half, and all I can remember are the bad times. There were so many.” He signaled the waiter. “I married her because she got pregnant. Her folks are wealthy Bostonians. She had no interest in coming up to Maine. After a while she had no interest in me.”

  Baz lifted a brow. “Was she a good mother?”

  “I guess so. I’m not sure it’s fair to judge when a house is the size of a railroad station and it’s filled with servants and nannies. Parenting was only a small part of her schedule. The marriage was a mistake from start to finish.”

  “You got Daisy.”

  Cam’s grim expression lightened for an instant.

  “The one bright spot.”

  The waiter brought fresh drinks. “Bar’s closing in thirty minutes.”

  The brothers attacked their refilled glasses.

  “So who was the woman who betrayed you?”

  The younger man’s saturnine features twisted.

  He took so long to answer Baz thought he intended to ignore the question. When he finally spoke he made no sense. “Tiger Lily.”

  “Tiger Lily? You mean the character from Peter Pan?”

  Cam shifted in his chair.

  “It’s an old story. Boy and girl meet in high school, fall in love and promise to wait for one another until boy finishes college. Boy comes home for Christmas vacation, almost sick with longing to see the girl. Turns out she’s gotten a better offer and she’s married to someone else.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  Cam gazed at him. “Twelve years. Will you have forgotten Hallie in twelve years?”

  He had a point.

  “Why’d you call her Tiger Lily?”

  “It was my nickname for her. She lives on the Rez.”

  Baz was genuinely startled. “Blackbird?”

  Cam nodded. “She’s half native. A Penobscot couple adopted her when she was sixteen. She feels she owes them her life.”

  “Maybe it never would have worked.”

  Cam took another drink. “Probably not.”

  “You still see her?”

  Cam nodded. “She’s the midwife out there, but she’s involved in all the political issues. Turned into a real activist.”

  “It’s Hallie’s friend, right? Molly Whitesky?”

  “Whitecloud.”

  “She still married?”

  Cam shook his head.

  “Why not?”

  “I’ve got no goddam idea.”

  “Christ,” Baz said, without heat. “We’re a couple of losers.”

  “Exhausted losers.” Cam struggled to his feet.

  “Let’s grab some shut-eye before we head back to the hospital.”

  Baz realized it had helped to talk to Cam. There were worse things than having a family. If only he’d figured that out last year.

  If only.

  ****

  Normally the clinic closed at two on Saturday, but Hallie didn’t turn off the computer and shut off the lights until five. She updated records, completed correspondence, and searched the veterinary websites for jobs.

  Not that she planned to leave. Not immediately, anyhow. Now that she knew she had no future with

  Baz, she had to be prepared. Eden was his hometown. The Outlaw Veterinary Clinic belonged to his family. She was the outsider.

  Asia had phoned earlier to announce that she and Daisy were going to visit Asia’s niece in Glasgow since most of the family was out of town. She’d left food in the fridge. Hallie assured her she’d stay in the big house and take care of Wilbur. Not that the pig needed much care. A few soft-boiled eggs, an occasional filet, a fresh spring salad and he was good to go.

  Hallie smiled thinking about the little girl and her pet. She’d miss them. She’d miss everybody, Cam, Lucy, Asia, Jesse. She realized, with a start, that she’d made her decision. She swallowed hard several times. There was no sense in crying about this. It was time to let go.

  She found Wilbur snoozing in front of the television while Julia Child whipped up some kind of French concoction. She filled his bowl with food and talked to him while he ate. Then she looked into the refrigerator. Asia had left lots of covered dishes.

  Hallie closed the door, made herself a cup of tea, and sat at the round, wicker kitchen table while it cooled and finally grew cold.

  She decided she’d allow herself to think about Baz while she was here in his family’s home. She would cut it off once he got back to town. The musing wasn’t all sad; she remembered the months spent urging the stone-faced research professor to loosen up, to come out and play. Then they’d become lovers.

  She had been upset when she left L.A. last year. She hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about Baz.

  She realized now, just how much he’d changed from the man she’d met a year and a half ago. He was a man of warmth and kindness. He’d found his humanity. Whatever price he paid or she paid was worth it.

  ****

  Jesse was moved to a private room the morning after surgery. He looked frail. He’d lost the vigor Baz associated with him through all their years apart.

  Baz realized his father was nearly seventy and something caught at his heart. They’d wasted all those years.

  Jesse spoke with Cam, accepted a kiss from Lucy, and then he looked around until he focused on his eldest son. His smile was tremulous but full of welcome. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, as Baz moved next to the bed. “It was almost worth having a heart attack to find out you still care.”

  Baz lifted his dark brows. “Next time, just ask.”

  Jesse chuckled and grimaced. “Baz, I need to talk to you about the practice.”

  “You need to rest.”

  “I will. Let me say my piece, okay?”

  Baz nodded.

  “I’m not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil anytime soon, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to resume the practice. I know you’ve got a sterling career out there in California. Lord knows I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished, and I won’t ask you to leave it. Not if that’s what you really want.” He paused to take a breath.

  “Slow down, Dad. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’m just going to say that if you want the practice, it’s yours. I can’t think of anything I’d like better than to see you and Hallie running the place together.”

  “Dad,”

  “I know. Things aren’t settled between you.

  Maybe they never will be. So if you decide to stay, I’d like to have your word that she will always have a job at the clinic. My best advice? Make her your partner.”

  “Believe me. I’m doing my damnedest.

  “Appreciate the offer, okay? I’ll think about it. I’ve got some issues that I’ve got to clear up before I can make any permanent decisions.”

  “I understand, son.”

  The old man was exhausted from the conversation and disheartened, too. Here was one more person Baz had disappointed. He made a sudden decision. “Dad?”

  “Mmm?”

  “I’d like to stay. I’ll see what I can do.”

  Jesse smiled and closed his eyes.

  Baz’s phone buzzed. He slipped the instru
ment out of his pocket. “Baz Outlaw.”

  “He’s got a court order,” Nicole sobbed. “He wants Robert to have a DNA test. The nanny quit. I can’t do this by myself. I’m scared, Baz. You have to help me.”

  Christ. Just what he needed.

  He walked out into the waiting room. “You’re safe in the condo. There’s a state-of-the art security system, the community is gated, and there’s a guard.

  Why’d the nanny quit?”

  “She said she was burned out. I don’t know.”

  Baz’s mouth straightened into a grim line.

  “Burned out” was the code phrase for mistreated by Nicole. He knew she’d dumped all the work on the women hired to help her.

  “Robert just keeps crying.”

  “Crying?” Baz felt a jolt of anxiety. “Why’s he crying? Does he have an ear infection?”

  “How should I know? I just know I can’t stand it anymore. If you won’t come to L.A., I’m coming to Maine.”

  Baz groaned. Could this situation get any worse?

  “Don’t do it. I’m not even in Maine. I’m in Miami. My dad’s in the hospital down here.”

  He could almost hear her trying to figure out how she could benefit from the situation. Nicole was nothing if not an opportunist. “Well,” she finally said, “I’ve got to do something.”

  “Sit tight. We’ll talk about it when I get home.”

  “I thought this was your home.”

  He’d thought so, too, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. It hadn’t felt like home since Hallie left last year. “I’ll get back to you,” he told Nicole. “In the meantime get Robert to the pediatrician.”

  He disconnected and scrubbed the palm of his hand down his face. He wished he could call Hallie and talk to her about this. He couldn’t, of course. It was the last thing she’d want to talk about. He couldn’t resist the urge to hear her voice though. He dialed her cell. When there was no answer he dialed her apartment. Then he dialed the house.

  Where the hell was she?

  Lucy rushed into the room. She was in tears.

  “Baz come quick. Something’s happened to Daddy.”

  He found several doctors crowded around his father’s bed. Cam pulled him aside. “He’s unconscious. The operation crashed. That means something went wrong, probably because of his age.

  They’re gonna have to open him up again.”

  “Goddammit all to hell.”