When All Is Said and Prayed

by E. N. Joy

  All day visitors had been coming and going from Tamarra’s house, reciting such sentiments.

  During the night, hours after the women had praised up a storm at Tamarra’s bedside, Tamarra had closed her eyes for the final time. When Paige had woken up next to Tamarra that next morning, like she had the past six mornings, she had looked over at Tamarra. In her spirit she’d known her friend was not just sleeping but had gone on to be with the Lord. Paige had kissed Tamarra on the cheek and had held her lifeless body for a couple minutes before she had summoned anyone. She’d used that time to whisper in her friend’s ear and tell her how much she loved her and what an honor it had been to spend those last days with her. Before Paige had left the room, she’d turned around in the doorway, looked at Tamarra, and said, “And on the seventh day, she rested.”

  Paige had remained at the house to support Mr. and Mrs. Evans during the aftermath of the loss of their daughter. Friends and church members had been coming and going. The food, cards, and flowers they brought were starting to pile up. Paige, Betty, and Unique helped organize everything and kept visitors company if the Evans were having a moment where they just wanted to be alone and grieve.

  Paige had planned on meeting Ryan and their parents at the airport. Their flight landed in one hour, but she just didn’t feel like it was a good time to leave the Evans. Besides, Ryan had gone an entire week, with the exception of that one time, without talking to Paige. She couldn’t imagine he’d miss her at the airport. In addition to that, she’d come this far in being there for Tamarra, and there was no need for her to bail now.

  “Paige, dear, I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done this past week,” Mrs. Evans said after she pulled Paige to the side. “You truly are a good friend.”

  All Paige could do was nod. She honestly didn’t feel as though she’d been a good friend to Tamarra. For the past week she’d been by Tamarra’s bedside, but where was she when Tamarra found out she’d tested positive for the deadly disease?

  “I know you loved Tamarra just as much as we did, and the service is going to be hard, but can I trouble you by asking that you sing at Tamarra’s funeral?” Mrs. Evans broke down in tears. “I really don’t know who else to ask, and I know how much she loves that one song you sang.”

  Paige took Mrs. Evans in her arms and held her. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be all right. And of course I’m going to sing at my best friend’s funeral. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “Thank you.” Mrs. Evans sniffed.

  Paige smiled. It truly felt like an honor to be asked to be a part of the service.

  “I think I’m going to go lie down for a spell. I hate to keep running off and leaving you with all these folks.”

  “Please don’t apologize. This is what I’m here for,” Paige said. “You go on and get you some rest. I’ll receive the guests.”

  “Thank you, baby.” She went to walk away but then stopped to say something else to Paige. “We’re going to the funeral home tomorrow to finalize things for the funeral since it’s in two days. You think you might—”

  Paige held her hand up to stop Mrs. Evans’s words. “Say no more. I’m there.”

  Mrs. Evans smiled, wiped a tear, and then walked away. Paige watched with complete sadness at the older woman walk away with her head hung low.

  Lord, give me strength, Paige said to herself, because God knows, she needed it. She still had to make it through the funeral and face Ryan eventually... and her daughters. She didn’t need just strength. She needed a miracle.

  Chapter 33

  “And now we’ll have a song from Tamarra’s best friend, Paige Vanderdale.”

  As Paige stood from the first pew of Tamarra’s church, she regretted telling Tamarra’s mother that she would sing at the funeral. Paige had been crying nonstop ever since she’d walked into the church for the viewing of the body at nine o’clock this morning. Only two days had passed since Tamarra’s death. She had thought she’d be all cried out by the time she was called upon to sing today. It was now 10:30 a.m., just a half hour into the actual funeral service.

  Paige’s legs wobbled as she made the short trek to the altar. She had no idea where she would get the strength to just stand there, let alone belt out a song.

  “Come on, Paige,” she heard someone say. She recognize the voice as belonging to Pastor Margie. She was sitting up in the pulpit, along with three other pastors, one being Pastor Fields, of course.

  When Paige reached the podium, she looked out at those in the sanctuary. It was practically full. Paige didn’t recognize most of the people. She figured they were probably members of the church, as well as clients Tamarra had worked for over the years. But on the second pew on the right, she recognized a string of faces. Lorain, Unique, Eleanor, Deborah, Helen, and even Mother Doreen were present. Zelda was there. She too was a former member of New Day. Like Tamarra, Zelda was in the food service business. She worked at a restaurant in Malvonia that everyone frequented.

  Then, of course, Tamarra was present: she lay there as peacefully as ever, looking like an angel from above in her casket. All the New Day Divas were present in one room. Paige couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. Paige smiled when she even spotted Nita, the woman in charge of the New Day Janitorial Ministry as well as the SWATC Ministry, which stood for Sheltered Women and Their Children. It was a ministry that was born when Nita, a domestic violence survivor, noticed signs of abuse in Paige and reached out to help her deal with her abusive relationship with Blake.

  It was like a gust of wind, a fresh wind, swept through the place. It carried in the strength Paige would need to soar proudly before everyone like an eagle. And that feeling brought a sudden change for Paige. Originally, she was going to sing the song Tamarra loved for her to sing, the one by Tamela Mann. But now she wanted to sing one that would express how she truly felt about her dear friend. And at the same time it would be a message to her friends who were still among the living. It was too late for her to share this with Tamarra, but she wouldn’t wait another second to share how she felt with the ones who had been named her church family.

  Before taking the final step that would place her behind the microphone, she walked over to the pianist, who was going to play “Take Me to the King” for her. She whispered something in the woman’s ear. The woman nodded and then Paige walked over back toward the microphone.

  “Good morning,” Paige greeted everyone through the microphone. She didn’t wait for a reply, knowing that for most, it felt like anything but a good morning. “I was asked by the family to sing today at my best friend’s funeral. I told them yes, but just a few seconds ago I didn’t know if I’d have the strength to stand here and do so. I had to remind myself that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

  “Amen,” was called out throughout the sanctuary.

  “But for years,” Paige continued, “when I felt weak, like I didn’t have the strength to do something, I would lie down and do nothing. I would cut everyone in my life off and just wallow in my own misery. I would even turn my face from God. But He never turned His face from me.”

  “That’s right,” someone called out.

  “Sadly, though,” Paige said, “I even turned away from my friends. From the people who loved me.” She looked at Tamarra, lying in the casket. She looked back at the audience. “Any hurt and pain I was feeling, I clung to it. And no matter who had caused me the hurt and pain, I held on to the just cause of why I shouldn’t allow them to be a part of my life or why I wouldn’t be a part of theirs.” Once again Paige looked down at Tamarra. “Tamarra was one of those people.” Paige’s voice cracked, and her eyes filled with tears.

  “It’s all right,” someone said, encouraging Paige to continue.

  Paige closed her eyes and gathered her composure. She then opened her eyes and gazed at the audience. “I look out here today, and I see so many people who love Tamarra. Tamarra used to say that when I hurt, she hurt. She mi
ght have been able to feel my pain, but today, looking out here at all of you, I feel the love you have for her.”

  Paige’s eyes fell on where her parents were sitting. She’d seen them earlier, when they’d come up front to view the body and give the family their condolences. She was about to continue to roam the sanctuary with her eyes, but then her eyes froze . . . on Ryan. He hadn’t been with her parents earlier, but now he was sitting with them. Her heart began doing somersaults. This was just all the added support she needed to get through these next few minutes.

  Her eyes smiled at him. She hadn’t seen him or talked to him since their return from the Dominican Republic. She’d been busy with Tamarra’s family as they made funeral arrangements. Her intentions were to help get the family through this, and then Ryan would have all her time. She hadn’t wanted to try to talk to him before the funeral, knowing she didn’t have a solid block of time to dedicate to him without interruption. But she had vowed to herself, and she would vow to Ryan if he gave her a chance, that their life together would be uninterrupted from this point on. Anything she went through in life would be with him by her side . . . and vice versa.

  “So as I prepare to sing this song,” Paige continued, “it actually goes out to Tamarra and each and every one of you.”

  Paige took a deep breath and then exhaled. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. She opened her eyes and then looked at the pianist. The two made eye contact, and Paige gave her a nod. When the pianist hit the first few keys, almost everyone in the room recognized the popular Bette Midler song. After Paige sang the first line of “Wind Beneath My Wings,” there were gasps and tears flowing from almost everyone in the sanctuary.

  Paige sang that song from her gut, from the bottom of her heart. “Thank you, thank you. Thank God for you . . .” she sang. Paige was so overcome by emotion and in tears that she couldn’t even get out the last five words of the song. So everyone in the sanctuary finished for her by saying, “The wind beneath my wings.”

  Paige slumped over and began to wail. A couple of the pastors got up to tend to her. By that time, Ryan had made it out of his seat, down the aisle, and up to the altar and had wrapped Paige in his arms. He escorted a weeping Paige away from the altar as the pianist continued to play the instrumental part of the song.

  Instead of taking Paige back to her seat on the pew, Ryan escorted her outside the sanctuary. “You okay?” he asked her. “Come on. Let’s go have a seat.”

  He walked her over to an area that looked more like a Starbucks than a church. There were coffeepots, tea, hot chocolate, and mugs with the church name and logo imprinted on them. There were tables and chairs. Ryan pulled out a chair for Paige to sit on. He turned another chair to face her and sat down in front of her. Paige was hunched over, in tears. Ryan rubbed her back with his hand. “It’s okay. Baby, it’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

  Paige sniffed and then looked up. “Is it? Everything? Is it going to be okay with us?”

  Ryan looked into the eyes of the woman he loved. They were red and swollen. He didn’t reply.

  “Is it, Ryan? Are we okay? Do you understand that I had to do this? I had to make this decision. If I had gotten on the plane, when I returned, Tamarra would have been . . .” She broke down in tears again. “I would have never been able to live with that, Ryan.” Paige shook her head as she cried. “I love you so much. I want nothing more than to be Mrs. Coleman right now, but—”

  “Then why don’t you?” Ryan said, cutting Paige off.

  Paige was confused. “Why don’t I what?”

  “Why don’t you become Mrs. Coleman right now? I mean, it’s not like we don’t have the license,” Ryan said. “It’s still outside in my car from the day we picked it up downtown.”

  “Even though we didn’t need it.”

  “Even though we thought we wouldn’t need it. But it looks like we will, after all. That is, if you still want to marry me.”

  Paige jumped up. “If I still want to marry you? Heck, yeah, I still want to marry you. It was whether or not you wanted to marry me that I was worried about. I mean, you didn’t call me but that one time when you were out of the country. I didn’t hear from you when you got back.”

  “I knew you needed to focus on Tamarra and her family,” Ryan said. “It wasn’t the right time for us to try to discuss the matter,” he reasoned. “I’m a selfish man when it comes to my wife. But we are all trumped by God. If I don’t know anything else about you, I am one hundred percent certain that you are a woman of God. I know that He is the only man who will ever come before me. You had to be obedient, and like you said, had you not . . .” Ryan just shook his head. “Anyway, you did what you were called to do. You were where you were supposed to be.” He took Paige’s hands in his. “And now we are where we are supposed to be. Finally.”

  “Finally,” Paige agreed.

  “So does that mean you are still going to marry me?” Ryan asked Paige.

  “Abso-freakin’-lutely!” Paige exclaimed and then threw her hands around Ryan’s neck. “And I don’t want to wait another day, either.”

  Ryan pulled away from Paige and looked her in the eye. “So what are you saying?”

  Paige raised an eyebrow. “I can show you better than I can tell you.”

  “Pastor Fields, I know this might sound crazy,” Paige said, unable to keep the tears from streaming down her face. “But I would like it if Ryan and I, along with two witnesses, could go back to your office and exchange our wedding vows. And I know this is your church, but Pastor Margie is my pastor, and I’d like for her to officiate the ceremony.”

  “Paige?” Pastor Margie was a little dumbfounded as she stood next to Pastor Fields out in the church vestibule. The service had ended. Tamarra was being cremated, in keeping with her last will and testament and the wishes she’d voiced to her parents, so there was no burial for everyone to go to. Folks were heading to the church cafeteria for the repast.

  “Pastor, please don’t judge me or think I’m being selfish. But I would love to turn what could possibly be the worst day of my life since the death of Norman into the best day of my life.” Paige turned to Ryan, who stood next to her. “Which would entail starting a brand-new life with the love of my life.” She placed her hands on Ryan’s face. “My soul mate.” She kissed his lips. “The love of my life.”

  “But, Paige, do you realize that in the future you would be celebrating your wedding anniversary on the funeral date of your best friend?” Pastor Margie stated, looking back and forth between Paige and Ryan.

  Paige turned to her pastor, excited. “Absolutely, Pastor. That’s the whole point of it all. Sometimes God removes people, places, and things from your life in order to make room for other people, places, and things. And it’s not always about us. Today I mourn the loss of a best friend. I have to mourn that loss and put it to rest.” Paige turned to Ryan again. “But I celebrate the life of a new best friend. I mourn the death of one and celebrate the life of another.” Paige had to say it again, it was just so profound.

  While Ryan and Paige stared into one another’s eyes, Pastor Fields and Pastor Margie stared at each other as well.

  “Well, Pastor,” Pastor Margie said to Pastor Fields, “this is your church. It’s your call.”

  Pastor Fields looked at Paige and Ryan. “Actually, it’s God’s church, and it’s His call.” He looked back at Pastor Margie. “And God is telling me the same thing He’s telling you.” He nodded toward the couple. “The same thing He’s telling them.”

  Paige and Ryan held each other’s hands, as if they were on a sinking ship and were not willing to let go. If one was going down, then so was the other.

  “Which is . . . ?” Pastor Margie asked Pastor Fields.

  “That if we don’t marry these two right here and right now, in the next five minutes, they may end up in sin.” Pastor Fields chuckled.

  “And I don’t want to be responsible for that, that’s for sure.” Pastor Ma
rgie chuckled as well.

  Paige turned to both pastors. “Does that mean we have you guys’ blessing?” Paige turned to her pastor. “That you’ll marry Ryan and me?”

  “We have the license in the car,” Ryan interjected.

  “Well then, go get it,” Pastor Fields said.

  Ryan took off, heading for the exit door.

  “And I’ll go get my parents,” Paige said. “What about yours?” Paige called to Ryan. “And the kids? My brother? The Vanderdales might want to be here. Even Miss Nettie.”

  Ryan stopped in his tracks. He looked at Pastor Margie and Pastor Fields with questioning eyes.

  “Folks are just now heading down to eat,” Pastor Fields said. “Can you guys make some calls and get everyone here within the next hour or so?”

  Paige and Ryan looked at each other with anxiety in their eyes. Ryan was the first to answer. “Yes, yes, we can. We’ll start making phone calls.”

  “Fine. Then Pastor Margie and I will head on down to the cafeteria to be with the family,” Pastor Fields told them.

  Pastor Margie looked intently at Paige. “You sure about this, Paige?”

  Paige looked Pastor Margie in the eye. “Pastor Margie, I’ve never been this sure about anything else in my life.”

  Pastor Margie smiled. “Very well then. We’ll meet you guys up in Pastor Fields’s office in what? About an hour?” Pastor Margie turned to Pastor Fields to make sure that was okay with him.

  “Actually, I was thinking we should meet in my office with just the bride and groom to be, just for a brief counseling session. Then why not perform the actual ceremony in the sanctuary?” Pastor Fields said. “After all, isn’t that where most weddings are held?” He looked at Paige and Ryan. “How does that sound to you guys?”

  Ryan replied, “It sounds like God is doing just what He promised.”

  All Paige could do was shake her head, smile, and say, “Amen to that.”

  Chapter 34