Beer-Topia
Page 12
THE UNITED STATES OF BEER, PART 5
South Carolina: Since its 2010 founding, Westbrook Brewing has built a healthy buzz with an audacious approach to flavor that’s often exemplified by their anniversary brews, including Mexican Cake Imperial Stout (which is made with vanilla beans, cinnamon sticks, and habañero peppers), as well as newer additions to their evolving lineup, such as their Gose. It debuted in 2012, and helped launch the near-extinct German brew’s recent stateside revival.
South Dakota: Craft beer represents a relatively small portion of the South Dakota state economy, but that may change in the future thanks to companies like Crow Peak Brewing Company. Their brews are the most widely available SD craft brew—seek out their Pile-O-Dirt Porter, Eleventh Hour IPA, and Bear Butte Brown Ale.
Tennessee: An arcane law has kept any brew over 6.25% ABV out of grocery stores or gas stations and has made it hard for local brews to break through. If they do, it’ll be due to the efforts of Linus Hall, owner of the Yazoo Brewing Company in Nashville. The largest craft brewer in the state, Yazoo treats drinkers to a variety of memorable offerings, including SUE, a smoked beer the company refers to as a “smoky malt bomb,” and Deux Rouges, a barrel-aged sour.
Texas: The craft brew industry has evolved enough that for some brewers, it isn’t enough to be “craft.” Some, like the Jester King Brewery in Austin, focus their efforts on being artisanal, or a focus on local ingredients and brewing techniques that rely on native yeast and bacteria. For the consumer, it means distinctive beer, like Jester King’s Atrial Rubicite (a fruity barrel-aged sour) and Black Metal Farmhouse Imperial Stout.
Utah: A brewery in a state largely populated by teetotalers should have a hard time, but Uinta Brewing Company has beaten the odds. Its beers are available in more than 25 states, and the company’s robust line of year-round and seasonal brews (many of them canned) has developed a stellar reputation, particularly Sum’r Ale, Baba Black Lager, and Hop Nosh IPA. Also cool: In 2001, Uinta became the first entirely wind-powered company in Utah.
Vermont: Spend a day at Hill Farmstead Brewery in Greensboro. The company produces many acclaimed brews, including their Farmstead Abner Double IPA and Farmstead Ann Saison. But if it’s just a pit stop you have in mind, skip right to the Alchemist, located in Waterbury. Its Heady Topper Double IPA is not only one of the better-loved brews in the state, but also boasts some of the more rapturous reviews of any beer anywhere.
Virginia: Situated directly at the nexus of tradition and emerging technologies, Virginia’s AleWerks Brewing Company draws on both—their brick-faced brewhouse, located in colonial Williamsburg, comes courtesy of Peter Austin, the godfather of modern microbrewing, and their fermenters are state of the art. That attitude is also reflected in their broad (and growing) line of beer, which offers tradition with a twist, like their Grand Illumination Ale barleywine, Coffeehouse Stout (brewed with Guatemalan coffee), and Bitter Valentine Double IPA.
Washington: Start off with a pint from the Fremont Brewing Company in Seattle, where the Kentucky Dark Star offers an excellent imperial oatmeal stout. Elsewhere in town, you can stop by Elysian Brewing, which has brewed up hundreds of beers since opening in 1996, including the acclaimed Hydra hefeweizen, tasty Karma Citra Wet Hop Ale, and delicious seasonal stuff like their Elysian Punkuccino Coffee Pumpkin Ale.
West Virginia: It’s not just the land of moonshine anymore! In 2009, the state legislature passed a law doubling the allowed alcohol limit in beer. That paved the way for a craft brewing surge that has given rise to companies like Bridge Brew Works in Fayetteville, where the motto is “Brew beer that we want to drink.” Start off with a Dun Glen Dubbel and keep on sipping.
Wisconsin: By 1900, Wisconsin had a legitimate claim on its nickname of “Beer Capital of the World.” That’s thanks in part to the wave of German immigrants who populated the state, as well as being the home of big commercial breweries such as Pabst, Miller, Schlitz, and Blatz. Those days are over, but 21st-century craft brewing has given rise to craftier start-ups, including New Glarus Brewing Company. They’re known primarily for their fruit beers, but don’t let that scare you off—what these brews may lack in high ABV they more than make up for with distinctive flavor. Try their Wild Sour Ale and Wisconsin Belgian Red.
Wyoming: The craft brewing explosion came relatively late to Wyoming, but in 2012, production rose more than 30 percent. But while the state can now claim celebrated upstarts like Black Tooth, Freedom’s Edge, and Bitter Creek among its success stories, the grandest teton of Wyoming beer remains the Snake River Brewing Company, whose brews claim a long list of impressive awards (including a World Beer Cup Gold Award) and a widening circle of fans eager to belly up for options like the Zonker Stout, Le Serpent Wild Ale, and Pako’s IPA.
WASHINGTON’S TAB
During colonial times, election season was a time for voters to get together and discuss the issues of the day…and get drunk. And although manners of the day proscribed outright campaigning, few saw anything wrong with candidates buying multiple rounds for their would-be constituents.
One noteworthy candidate who made this work to his advantage was young George Washington. After losing one election largely because of his public complaints regarding too many taverns in town, he crushed the polls during the 1758 vote for the Virginia House of Burgesses after he footed the bill for an epic alcoholic free-for-all that included enough booze to provide each voter with roughly a half-gallon of liquor for free. Washington’s tab included 46 gallons of beer, and that’s only a fraction of what was poured that day. It’s kind of a wonder that anyone, including the victorious Washington, remembered to vote.
THINKING OF BEER
“Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer.”
— Arnold Schwarzenegger
“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
— Frank Zappa
“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
— Kinky Friedman
“Whiskey’s too rough / Champagne costs too much / Vodka puts my mouth in gear / I hope this refrain / Will help me explain / As a matter of fact, I like beer.”
— Tom T. Hall
“There is no such thing as a bad beer. It’s that some taste better than others.”
— Billy Carter
“Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.”
— Jack Nicholson
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
— Henry Lawson
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
— Martin Luther
“Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.”
— Edgar Allan Poe
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
— Dave Barry
“God made yeast, as well as dough, and he loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Beer. It always seems like such a good idea, doesn’t it? Beer seems like an even better idea after you’d had some beer.”
— Steven Hall
“Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, ‘It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.’”
— Jack Handey
“On victory, you deserve beer, in defeat, you need it.”
— Napoleon
“Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
— Cliff Clavin
“There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better.”
— Stephen Morris
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
— Homer Simpson
“Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!”
— Bill Owen
“Whiskey and beer are a man’s worst enemies, but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!”
— Zeca Pagodinho
“I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.”
— Johnny Damon
“Let a man walk 10 miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
— G.K. Chesterton
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, there would be no way to make a water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
— Dave Barry
“Those who drink beer will think beer.”
— Washington Irving
ANSWERS
For “Hooray Beer!” from page 192
1. m; 2. l; 3. i; 4. a; 5. g; 6. t; 7. h; 8. s; 9. r; 10. p; 11. c; 12. q; 13. d; 14. k; 15. f; 16. e; 17. n; 18. o; 19. u; 20. j; 21. b
For “Can’t Get Enough of That Wonderful Duff” from page 238
1. o; 2. n; 3. l; 4. k: 5. j; 6. p; 7. c; 8. m; 9. b; 10. h; 11. i; 12. q; 13. e; 14. g; 15. d; 16. a; 17. f
BATHROOM READERS—THEY JUST DON’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS.
Contact us at:
Bathroom Readers’ Institute
P.O. Box 1117
Ashland, OR 97520
THE LAST PAGE
Fellow Bathroom Readers:
The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking potshots at us.
We’ll be brief. Now that we’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-in-the-pan, we invite you to take the plunge:
Sit Down and Be Counted! Log on to www.bathroomreader.com and earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!
If you like reading our books…VISIT THE BRI’S WEBSITE! www.bathroomreader.com
•Receive our irregular newsletters via e-mail
•Order additional Bathroom Readers
•Face us on Facebook
•Tweet us on Twitter
•Blog us on our blog
Go with the Flow…
Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon.
Meanwhile, remember…
KEEP ON FLUSHIN’!