More Than Her

by McLean, Jay

  "And Ethan?"

  "Ethan got to go to college. I'm only a semester behind in classes. Hopefully I'll be able to make it up and graduate the same time."

  "Still childcare?"

  "Yup."

  "Still want to be a midwife though?"

  She looked at me now, like she was trying to work something out. "You remember?"

  "I haven't forgotten a single thing about you, Amanda."

  She cleared her throat and looked away. "Yeah, still want to be a midwife. But still afraid of blood. So yeah...there's that."

  It was silent for a few moments.

  "And your dad?" I asked. "What's the deal with him?"

  She lifted her shoulders again. "Like I said, he bailed. Don't know where he is. He hasn't bothered to call so really—why should I give a shit?"

  She tried her hardest to act like none of this bothered her, but it did. I could see the way her eyes started filling with tears. The way her voice started to crack. The way she purposely avoided my eyes.

  I held her hand in mine and made sure she was looking at me. "Anyone that purposely chooses to not have contact with you is an asshole, Amanda."

  She laughed a bitter laugh, and jerked her hand out of mine. "I should introduce you two. You'd get along well. You being the pot, him being the kettle, guess you're both black," she said, before walking away.

  ***

  A while later we were both back in the living room, showered and dressed for the day. She was wearing denim cut-offs that show off her legs. I don't know how the fuck she had legs like that for someone that apparently hated working out.

  She silently walked around the house, gathering her shit, then turned to me as she opened the front door. "I'll see you later," she said, her hand gesturing a small wave.

  I cleared my throat and pulled my eyes away from her legs. Then I remembered she has no car. "Uh, what—what are you doing? You need a ride?"

  "Nope. I'll catch the bus. See ya!" she said too quickly, shutting the front door behind her.

  I ran out and stopped her half way down the driveway.

  "Okay, something's definitely wrong. What's up?"

  She was still avoiding my eyes.

  I grabbed her chin in my hands, my fingers on one cheek, and my thumb on the other. I made her look up at me, and then I squeezed, squishing her face together, so she had fish lips.

  I laughed.

  She scrunches her nose. "Let go," she said. Her words muffled by the shape of her mouth.

  "You look so hot right now." I chuckled. "I think I might kiss you." I move my lips down to hers, but in the corner of my eye, I saw her knee rise.

  I was quicker this time, pulling back and blocking my junk at the same time.

  "See that!" I pointed to her. "I learnt ninja reflexes after the last time you pulled that shit on me."

  She pushed at my chest. "Maybe if you quit fucking kissing me; I'd stop kneeing you in your junk!"

  She was smiling.

  And it's all I ever wanted.

  Logan

  After I got the stuff I needed to replace what the assholes broke, I drove her around so she could do whatever she needed to do. We were sitting next to each other; waiting at the admins office to speak to someone about her credits being transferred.

  "So you worked and studied last year?"

  "Uh huh."

  She was distracted by her phone. I nudged her leg with mine until she looked up. She was smiling, trying to contain her laugh.

  "What's so funny?"

  “Nothing." She started giggling.

  "What?!"

  I tried to take the phone out of her hands, but she pulled it away too quickly.

  "Seriously, what's so funny?"

  "Nothing!"

  I reached around her to try to grab it. I knew whatever the hell she was laughing at was about me.

  She laughed harder.

  "What are you saying about me?"

  She kept moving the phone behind her; I kept moving to try to reach it. I realized that I was practically on top of her now, with both my arms around her and our faces a few inches apart. I could feel her breasts against my chest, rising and falling with each breath.

  I watched as she brought her tongue out and slowly skimmed it along her top lip. I don't know if she did it to fuck with me, because I'm pretty sure I was sporting a semi just by watching her do it. My own breathing became faster, more strained. I bit my lip to stop myself from kissing her.

  Fuck it.

  I moved in slowly, to warn her that I was about to kiss her, because I couldn’t fucking help myself. Her eyes fell shut, and for a second, I thought she was about to let me. But then she laughed.

  Fucking laughed.

  I pulled back and let out a frustrated groan, shaking my head at her.

  She kept giggling.

  I straightened up and tried to hide my 'I'm-nineteen-and-should-not-have-a-boner' boner.

  ***

  Amanda: You would not believe who my new housemate is.

  Alexis: Who? That kid Luca with the lazy bung eye...but not lazy enough to stare at your tits?

  Amanda: No! Ew! Creepy! Logan!

  Alexis: Four random words do not a sentence make.

  Amanda: Logan!!! Is my new housemate.

  Alexis: Get. The. Fuck. Out.

  Amanda: Not even joking. He's sitting right next to me.

  Alexis: Mm...what's he wearing?

  Amanda: You're crazy.

  Alexis: Seriously though. What does he smell like? Sniff him.

  Amanda: Stop it. You're going to make me laugh out loud.

  Alexis: Fine. Don't tell me. I've seen him near naked remember? I regret not doing the nasty with him.

  Amanda: Thanks for the reminder.

  Alexis: No problem. Hey...honest question. Next time he's in the shower, just sneak me a pic, okay? Just his abs. I don't even need a lower half.

  Amanda: OMG. You're too much.

  Amanda

  After I finished at the admins office we stopped by a cafe for lunch.

  We'd just finished eating when the waitress came to clear our plates and asked if we wanted anything for dessert.

  "Banana split, two spoons," he told her, never taking his eyes off me.

  My eyes went wide, surprised that he remembered, and he must've sensed it because he smiled at me. "What? Did you think I'd forget?"

  I just shook my head. I had no words.

  He leaned forward, so close our knees touched. His hands under the table reached for my legs as he slowly ran his fingers up the side of my thighs. "I remember everything about that night, Amanda. Everything."

  And if I lived my life like Logan Matthews, this is the moment I wished I could forget the past. Forget what he did. Forget that he hurt me. Because I wanted so badly—more than anything else—to be able to forgive him. And maybe, just maybe, we could be everything I once hoped for.

  The dessert arrived and he scooted next to me, sharing the banana split like we did on our date. Only this time, I was surrounded by the memories of him, and of that night.

  His arm rested on the back of the seat behind me. He moved his body closer. "Hey." His voice was low and husky when he continued. "Remember when you did that thing with the Gummy Bear in my mouth?"

  My eyes fell shut. Of course I remembered. I could feel him move his mouth closer to my ear. His breath was against my neck.

  "I remember it," he whispered, his breathing heavy. "I remember feeling your mouth on mine, feeling the heat of your breath mixed with the cold of the ice-cream. I remember thinking it was the sexiest fucking thing that's ever happened to me. Ever." My hand instinctively landed on his leg. I slowly turned my head towards him, never once opening my eyes. I felt his lips brush against mine, from side to side, so fucking lightly. His fingers snaked through my hair, his palm on the back of my head, holding it in place. I caught my breath. He kissed my lips softly, just on
ce. "I remember that about two minutes after that, you were on me, with my hands on your ass while you were grinding on my dick."

  I froze.

  I couldn't move. I couldn't think.

  All I could do is remember. Remember the way his mouth moved with mine, the way he touched me, the way he made me feel like he worshipped me.

  "I remember thinking how badly I wanted to be inside you," his breath came faster, heavier. And somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that we were in a public place. But I just didn't fucking care right now. He kept going, "I remember wanting to fuck you, Amanda."

  I bit my lip to stop the moan from escaping.

  "Breathe," he said.

  And I let out all the air I didn't know I was holding. "Do you remember?" he asked, still speaking low, that huskiness in his voice driving me crazy.

  I nodded my head slowly.

  His lips moved against mine, so fucking softly, I could've imagined it.

  Then with his hand on the back of my head, he pulled me closer to him. Our lips touched, but didn't move. Against my mouth, he said, "I promised I wouldn't kiss you. So if you want this, you have to be the one to do it."

  I did.

  I did want it.

  I turned so my entire body was facing him as I leaned into him. I started to move my mouth against his. I heard him moan, waiting for me to keep going. I opened my mouth and ran my tongue along his bottom lip—

  "Logan?"

  We both pulled apart and looked to the sound, to the girl standing at our table. She looked from Logan to me, and then back to him again.

  I heard him cuss under his breath and lean back in his chair.

  "I'm sorry to interrupt." She looked at us curiously for a moment, taking us in.

  "What's up, Amber?" He sounded pissed.

  "I just wanted to say sorry, about my brother and his friends. And what they did to your stuff. I heard they—"

  Logan sat up a little. "It's fine," he cut in. "It's only stuff. I'll see you around, okay?"

  She looked taken aback for second, and then recovered. "Oh, okay. See you."

  Then she walked away, having no clue what she'd just interrupted.

  It was silent for a while as we both caught our breaths, thinking about the mistake we were just about to make.

  "Amanda—"

  "I'm good to go. You ready?" I got up quickly, fished some money out of my bag and threw it on the table.

  Logan

  We ended up at the grocery store next. She bought groceries while I picked out a bunch of stuff I needed for my bathroom; soaps, shampoo, toothpaste, all the shit I didn't bother to take when I packed up and left the frat house.

  I heard her name being called and when I looked up, I saw that same asshole from her work. He lazily walked up to her and didn't stop until he was a foot in front of her. The entire walk, he was eye-licking her. His gaze trained on her goddamn legs.

  "Hey Tony, what are you doing here?" Her back was to me so I couldn’t see her reaction to his ogling, but I could hear the sweetness in her voice.

  "Just buying stuff to make dinner. I'm cooking for the family tonight," he bragged. Asshat. Who the fuck does that?

  "A boy that cooks? Wow."

  Pshh—I could cook.

  Lie.

  "Yeah, I try you know." He shrugged, smiling at her. And I know what that smile was. I've used it a hundred times before. It always worked with me. But it won't for him. Not this time.

  I pulled a huge box of condoms and lube from the shelf and walked up to them. My arm went around her shoulders as I brought her into me.

  I felt her body turn to me, but I never took my eyes off the asshole in front of me. "Bit close aren't you?" I bit out.

  I could feel Amanda roll her eyes, she was that Goddamn dramatic.

  Asshole cleared his throat. "Is this kid bothering you, Amanda?" He looked me up and down, trying to size me up.

  I wanted to punch him.

  I turned to face her and lifted the box of condoms and lube. "This should do us for tonight, babe, but I think we have to order online if we want them by the carton."

  Her eyes went wide; a shocked expression overcame her face. She started slowly shaking her head at me. "What is wrong with you?" she whispered, as she walked away.

  I followed after her, forcefully bumping shoulders with Asshole as I did.

  She stayed silent while I paid for our stuff, huge box of condoms and lube included. Once we were out of the store she rushed towards my car, taking long strides. I jogged up to her and pulled on her arm to stop her. "What's wrong?"

  "You can't do that, Logan. You can't just come into my life and pretend like we're something when we're not. Tony—he's a good guy. You didn't need to be like that with him."

  I let go of her arm, and took in her words. "What? That guy—Tony—are you into him?"

  She shrugged. "Maybe. And so what if I am?" Her chin lifted as she spoke.

  I walked past her and towards the car.

  "He's kind of a douchebag," I said over my shoulder.

  "You don't even know him."

  "Whatever. I don't need to know him. Did you see the way he was looking at you?"

  She moved so she was in front of me and started walking backwards, blocking my path.

  "Yeah. I did. And who's to say that I didn't like it?"

  SEVENTEEN

  Logan

  We got home and she went straight to her room. She didn't say a word the drive home and neither did I.

  I was in my room, sitting on the Goddamn floor, setting up my new computer when I heard yelling from the living room.

  I went out to check what the fuck was happening. The last thing I expected to see was Amanda sitting on Ethan, while he was on his back on the floor. She was slapping the shit out of his head while he was yelling at her to stop.

  What the fuck?

  I didn't know whether to laugh, cheer, leave, or throw money at them.

  "Hey!" I yelled.

  They both turned to me—only for a second—before Amanda turned back around and started slapping his head again.

  "Fucking quit it, Dimmy!" Ethan yelled, trying to squirm out from under her. She was sitting on his stomach and he couldn't get out.

  "I'm not fucking going back!" she yelled. "You fucking do it!"

  She started slapping him harder, not just on his head, but his chest, too. His hands were covering his face to block the hits.

  "Quit it!" he yelled again.

  I just stood there, hands in my front pockets, confused as all fuck.

  "Dude!" Ethan said, blocking her hits and moving so he could see me. "Get this crazy bitch off me!"

  I lazily pulled my hands out of my pockets and walked over to them.

  "Bitch? You just called me a fucking bitch?" She started hitting him harder.

  He cussed some more.

  I finally pulled her off him.

  I held her, facing away from me, with her arms pinned to her sides, then lifted her off the ground while her legs kicked wildly.

  What the fuck?

  Ethan finally got up, straightening his clothes.

  "Screw you, Dimmy!" he spat out. "I have to be the man of the house and support a family one day. What are you going to do? Just marry some asshole and be a mom. You don't even need college for that!"

  I swear to God, what happened next, actually happened.

  She roared. All out roared. Like a lion. Not even joking.

  She tried to squirm out of my hold and I let her. Ethan deserved at least one hit for that comment. She got in one slap, before I pulled her by her arm and brought her back to me, so she was facing me, her arms pinned to her sides again.

  "That's it!" Ethan said. "I've had enough of your fucking shit, Dimmy! Ma said you weren't allowed to hit me anymore! I'm calling her and you're going to be in so much trouble!"

  He left, slamming the door behind him. Seconds later, I
heard his piece of shit old jeep peel out of the driveway.

  Then I looked at Amanda, her hair was wild, and her face was red. She was pressed against my body tightly.

  "You can let me go now," she said, breathing heavy.

  "Are you sure? You're not going to hit me are you?"

  She shook her head. I slowly loosened my hold on her, until her arms were free.

  But they went around my neck.

  There's fire in her eyes. I don't know whether it's from anger or—

  "Fuck it!" she said, before her mouth was on mine, her tongue was in my mouth, her hands gripped my hair and her legs were around my waist.

  Fuck. Yes.

  I started kissing back, my hands on her ass.

  The kissing was frantic and sloppy at first, until we calmed ourselves down. Then one of her hands pulled the bottom of my shirt up.

  "Take me to your room, now!" she panted against my lips.

  So I did.

  We hit walls, corners and furniture as we made our way there, our lips never parting. I open the door and then I remembered— there's fucking nothing in my room.

  "I don't have a bed," I said, mouth still on hers as she took my shirt off.

  "Floor is fine."

  Fuck. Yes.

  I moved until my back hit a wall, and slowly slid down it. My legs kicked out in front of me. She straddled my waist.

  Her mouth moved from mine, to my neck, as she started licking and kissing. Her fingers splayed against my chest. I was so fucking turned on; she had to be able to feel it.

  "Oh God," she moaned out.

  She started to take her shirt off, but I did it for her. My lips instantly went to the spot just above her bra.

  "Off!" she moaned. "I want it all off. I want to feel you."

  Within a second I'd unhooked her bra and her tits were right in front of my eyes.

  The heavens had opened.

  I heard church organs.

  She froze for a moment, eyes wide. "I don't even want to know how you did that so fast."