More Than Her

by McLean, Jay

  She looked at me then, her eyes shining with tears, she swallowed loudly. I didn't know what to say, so I just kept talking. "Um, Cameron, his mom's boyfriend owns a dealership. I called him the other day, he said he'd work out a great deal for us."

  Tears fell then.

  "Baby, don't cry."

  She didn't respond, just leaned in and kissed me.

  And that's what we did, for I don't know how long, just kissed. With our hands on each other’s faces and the taste of her tears on our lips, we kissed. "I need you to make love to me now," she whispered.

  So I did.

  Amanda

  Boys in books are so not better. Not compared to Logan Matthews.

  I love him.

  "So that's a yes to the car?" he asked, kissing me on the forehead. We lay naked in bed, face to face.

  "That's still a no to the car. But the fact that you thought of it..." I trailed off. I didn't have words.

  "Fine," he sighed like a disgruntled kid.

  Then a crack of thunder whipped and rain hit hard against the roof.

  He smiled. Huge. "Get dressed!" he ordered, getting out of bed and pulling on his sweats.

  "What!" I sat up.

  He leaned on the bed, his weight being held up by his arms. He kissed me once. "You trust me, right?" There was excitement in eyes, and for a second I let myself think of him as child. But then I remembered—he didn't have that.

  "Baby?" He had a huge grin on his face, his dimples the deepest I'd ever seen them. "Please?"

  I nodded, and got out of bed. He pulled something out of his desk drawer and waiting for me to finish dressing. Then he took my hand and led me to the front door, opening it wide for me to step through.

  "What are you doing?" I yelled over the sound of the rain. It was thick and heavy. I could barely make out the road in front of the house. He just smiled bigger, and lifted me by my waist until my legs were wrapped around him.

  "Ready?" he yelled.

  "For what?"

  And then he stepped into the rain. It only took a few seconds for us to be soaked. I held on to him tight. He kept walking until we were in the middle of the yard where his car was parked.

  "It won't hurt you!" he yelled.

  I wiped my eyes with one hand; the other was still wrapped tightly around his neck. "What?"

  "The rain. It won't hurt you. I won't let it."

  He placed me back on the ground, and held my face in his hands.

  And then he kissed me.

  In the middle of our yard, in the pouring rain, he kissed me.

  And it was like no other kiss in the history of kisses.

  You know in movies, where the kiss happens, and the cameras pan around in a circle, and you almost get dizzy from watching it? This was that kiss. This was the make-you-dizzy type, the I'm-giving-you-all-of-me type kiss. And I did, somewhere along the way—I'd given him all of me. And nothing in the past mattered, because Logan—he was my future. My world. My everything.

  And then he pulled back. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you. Ever." His hand went in his pocket and he pulled out a gold chain, with a glass vile pendant. He opened it and held it in between us, letting the rain fall into it, and then he screwed it shut and put the chain around my neck. "And now you have this." He lifted it for me to see. "And this." He pushed me backwards until my legs hit the hood of his car and he slowly laid me down, and then he kissed me. And everything around me disappeared. The rain, the sounds, the cold of the metal underneath me. All of it disappeared. And all I could feel was Logan. His warm body pressed against me, his hands in my hair, and his mouth on mine. And then he grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart. "You and me," he shouted. "We're going to make new memories. Ones that you aren't afraid of. And it's going to be amazing."

  I swallowed down my nerves.

  I loved him.

  I loved him so fucking much it hurts.

  I opened my mouth to tell him.

  Logan

  "Don't say it."

  Her eyes widen, "What?"

  "Don't say what you're about to say—what I know we both feel. Just don't."

  "Oh," she said quietly. She slowly moved to get up front under me but I held on to her tighter.

  I shook my head slowly. "It doesn't mean that I'm pulling away from you. Or that I don't feel the same way. Or that I don't want you." I took her face in my hands and made sure she was taking in every word I was saying. Because I needed her to hear them. "You have no idea how much I need you—I need you more than the air." I paused, thinking about how I could make her understand how I felt, without saying the actual words. "You know what my favorite part of the day is?" I shouted, hoping she could hear me.

  She slowly shook her head.

  "It's those few seconds in the morning, when my mind wakes up but my body hasn't, and I feel you in my arms. And I know that when I open my eyes, it's you that I get to see."

  She stared at me, her eyes wide. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't know what, so I continued. "I know that you've said those words before. I get that you've been in love with someone else, and that's fine. But I haven't. Not before you."

  She gasped.

  "I can't give you much, or anything at all. But when I say those words to you, it won't just be words—It will be me giving you something that means something. And you deserve to know that, to feel that. So please, let me be the first to say it—because I need to be able to at least give you that...and when I do—those three words will be yours, forever. And so will I."

  And then I kissed her.

  "What are you guys doing?" Ethan shouted.

  I pulled back the same time Amanda turned her head to see him running up the driveway. "Making memories!" She laughed.

  Then she faced me.

  And smiled.

  And it's all I ever wanted.

  ***

  "It's fucking cold," Ethan informed, rubbing his hips. He was laying on the recliner, watching TV.

  We'd come in soon after he did, and showered, dried and dressed. We also managed to have sex twice during that time but I couldn't tell you what the fuck order we did it in.

  We were laying the sofa, Amanda on top of me.

  Amanda kissed me a few times and got up. "I'll be back," she said, kissing me once more. I watched her leave.

  "Dude, don't look at my sisters ass when I'm in the room."

  I laughed.

  "I'm not even joking."

  I laughed harder.

  She walked back in with a mug and handed it to Ethan, who smiled up at her. "Marshmallows?" he asked her, with eyes big like a little kid.

  "Of course," she answered. "Only the best for you, big bro."

  Then she walked out of the room again, only to return a few seconds later with his comforter. She placed it over him and tucked it around him like he was a Goddamn baby.

  "Thanks, Demander."

  "You're welcome, asshole."

  "Seriously, though," his face turned serious. "You're going to make a good wife to some asshole some day."

  She laid back down on top me. "Aw, thanks Ethan."

  Then he smirked and jerked his head in my direction. "Hopefully not that one."

  Amanda chuckled.

  "Aw." I mock pouted at him. "Sad face emoticon."

  THIRTY SEVEN

  Logan

  "I have something to tell you and I don't want you to be mad."

  Her eyes narrowed at me. "Logan, that's like saying here's a fucking cookie, don't eat it."

  "Okay," I agreed. "Probably not the best way to start a conversation."

  "Nope," she said, not looking up from her toes. She was painting her toenails in bed, one headphone in her ear. I'd just come home from a run and was sweating my ass off. "Also," her nose went up and sniffed, "you smell like sweat stained balls."

  I laughed. "I know. I'm getting in the shower now." I leaned forward on
the bed to kiss her.

  She squealed. "No! Shower first." Then she looked up at me. "Whoa. You run shirtless?"

  I nodded.

  "All the time?"

  "Not when I start off, but after a while, yes. Why?"

  "Don't do that anymore," she deadpanned.

  I laughed once. "What? Why?"

  "I mean it, Logan." She capped her nail polish and put it on the nightstand. "That shit you're selling," she pointed up and down my body, "it's not for sale anymore. I own it. And I say it's for my eyes only."

  I had to laugh. "Are you kidding me right now? You own me?"

  "Problem?" She raised her eyebrows.

  I dropped my shorts and walked into the bathroom. I heard her moan. "No problem at all, babe, but it goes both ways. Remember that."

  ***

  I walked out of the shower and put on a pair of sweatpants. She had both earphones in now, reading a book on her e-reader. I don't think she heard me come out because she laughed quietly, her eyes never leaving the book. She shook her head, "Reid Knox," she whispered. "You hot piece of alpha male asshole."

  "What?" I said, loud enough for her to hear.

  She looked up and gasped, then slowly pulled her earphones out.

  "Uh..." she stammered.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  "Just..."

  I waited.

  "Lucy told me to read this book, and it's..."

  I waited.

  Then she laughed, "Baby," she cooed, "you're better than all the book boyfriends in all the world. Promise." She was all out laughing now.

  "What's funny?" I sat on the edge of the bed. She came up behind me.

  "Just that you're insecure or jealous over a fictional character."

  I rolled my eyes. "Cameron says Lucy reads dirty shit. Do you?"

  "Yup," she said, almost proudly.

  I turned around to face her, surprised "Really?"

  "Yup," she repeated.

  "Huh. You ever want to re-enact some of those scenes you let me know." I was only half joking.

  "Actually," she whispered, moving so she was lying with her head on the pillow. Her knees bent. She motioned with her finger for me to join her, spreading her legs as she did. I swallowed, and moved up in between her legs. I was already sporting a semi caused by my imagination. Her arms went around my neck, bringing me into her. Then she kissed me. Her tongue didn't bother asking for permission. Her hips pumped up to me; I was hard as all hell. Her hands moved from my hair, down my bare back and into my pants. "Mm," she moaned. Her mouth left mine and made their way down my jaw, my neck and only my shoulder, back up and into my ear, "I read this book once," she whispered, her hips raised and rubbing my hard-on. I started pushing into her, harder.

  "Yeah?" I managed to get out.

  "Mm-hmm—mm, baby." She started moving faster, her body squirming on the bed. Her hands on my ass squeezed. "This guy...uh..his...girlfriend..." she panted.

  "Mm?" I asked, thrusting into her now. Her hands moved further down my ass.

  "...fingered his asshole."

  I don't even know what happened next but I was up and against the wall adjusting my dick in less than second.

  "That's fucked," I spat out.

  She threw her head back in laughter.

  "I'm not fucking kidding, Amanda."

  She laughed harder, coming up to a sitting position. She held the sides of her stomach from the pain of laughing so hard.

  "It's not fucking funny." There was panic clear in my voice. "Hard. Limit."

  She was wiping tears now.

  I shook my head at her. "Are you done?"

  She tried to contain it, holding one finger up at me to wait. Her breathing started to slow and her laughs became sporadic. After five minutes, she finally spoke, "So what did you have to tell me?"

  I sat back down on the edge of the bed. She sat with me. "It's my birthday today."

  She gasped loudly, almost too loudly. I turned to face her. She was fucking with me. "You knew didn't you?"

  She nodded. "Yep. I was wondering when you'd tell me." She came to a stand between my legs. Her arms went around my shoulders. "How come you didn't say anything?"

  I shrugged. "Not really a day to celebrate, you know, with my parents and all."

  She leaned down and kissed me slowly. I held her closer to me. She pulled away and moved the hair away from my face, and then she smiled. "We're making new memories, remember?"

  "Right," I agreed. "And you're my favorite one."

  She sighed. "I wish I could tell you how I feel about you."

  "You don't need to tell me. I know."

  "You do?"

  "Of course." I picked up her hand to kiss her wrist but she quickly pulled it away.

  "I got you something!" she said, excited. She leaned over me and felt under the bed on the opposite side. "Here it is!" Then she came back to stand. "Okay," she breathed out. "It's small, and stupid, and I think about it now and I don't even want to give it to you. Maybe I'll just—" she started to pull it away.

  "No." I grabbed it from her hands. "You got me something?"

  "Yeah—but it's stupid." A blush crept to her cheeks.

  I smiled. "Babe, I'm sure I'll love it."

  "Fine," she sighed out. She sat on one of my legs, so I could unwrap it. "It's dumb," she said, as if she was warning me.

  A plain white box was underneath the wrapping. I glanced at her quickly before lifting the lid.

  A stethoscope.

  My eyes snapped to hers.

  "See? Stupid," she said.

  "No, baby, not stupid at all. I just – I mean this is amazing."

  "You like it?" She asked, unsure of herself. She bit her lip anxiously.

  I picked it up and placed the empty box next to me. "Of course I like it."

  She took it from my hands. "I got your name engraved on it, see?"

  I looked down. Dr. L. Matthews was engraved in the middle. "This is amazing. Thank you."

  I tried to act cool. As if all she was doing was giving me a gift. But that's not all it was. Not to me. Not at all.

  I loved her.

  I opened my mouth to tell her.

  "I figured you'd need one soon," she spoke, interrupting me. "This can be your first one. It's not the best, I couldn't afford anything amazing but the research I did said that this is the one most doctors start off with. I hope it is. I hope I did okay."

  "You did better than okay."

  She smiled huge. "Good!" She kissed me once. "Now we gotta get ready!

  ***

  "Whuu." A sound got stuck in my throat. I think I stopped breathing. My jaw dropped to the floor, my eyes moved down to her legs. My dick went up at the site of her. "Holy shit," I breathed out. I don't think I'd ever seen her look so fucking hot before. She was wearing the shortest dress I'd ever seen, it clung to her ass and left nothing to the imagination. The sleeves were long, loose, but buttoned up at the ends. It had no back. At all. And the front dipped between her tits down to her navel. I don't even know how it was holding up. "You can't leave the house looking like that."

  She just laughed at me.

  I don't know why. I sure as shit didn't find it funny.

  "Hurry up, asshole!" Cam shouted.

  "You guys got me a fucking limo?" I waited for Amanda to get in, before getting in myself. It's what gentleman do, right? It was also a great opportunity to look at her ass, again.

  "You only turn twenty-one once right?" Dylan handed me a beer.

  I put my arm around Amanda's shoulder; her hand went to my leg. "I guess so."

  Jake cleared his throat and raised his beer. "To my best friend," he said seriously.

  Micky eyed him, then me. 'To douchebags that spill beer on random girls." She raised her glass and laughed.

  We all did.

  Lucy hiccupped next to them; she was sitting on Cameron's lap, clearly drunk. "To the best guy I know th
at I'm not screwing." She hiccupped again.

  "Gee, thanks, Luce," Jake mocked.

  Then Cam chimed in, "To the asshole that my girl would be screwing if I weren't around."

  We all laughed.

  Then Heidi giggled. "To the guy that took my V-card."

  "What!" I'm pretty sure that was everyone.

  Nobody knew about Heidi and me. Not until now.

  I shook my head and looked down. "Nooo!" Amanda gasped. This could get real bad, real quick. She kept looking from me to Heidi to Dylan. "Doesn't that get awkward?" She chuckled.

  Thank Fuck.

  Dylan shook his head frantically, his eyes shut tight. "Nope. I try not to think about it, and I sure as shit don't want to picture it." Then he opened his eyes, his gaze on me. "To good friends, and good people," he said. There was an underlying tone in the way he said it. Everyone felt it, because we all went silent. Dylan and Heidi hadn't been around much lately, in fact we barely saw Heidi at all. And Dylan, he was always broody, but I don't know, lately it seemed like something was going on with him.

  "What about you, Amanda?" Micky broke the silence.

  She turned her head to face me. I was already looking at her. "To a boy that makes every moment a new memory."

  ***

  We got to the club after an hour of driving around. I only had one beer. I didn't want to drink tonight. I just wanted to remember it. And I wanted to remember exactly how Amanda looked. Also, I needed to be sober to punch any asshole that looked at her wrong. Because there were going to be a lot of them.

  Like now.

  "Ho. Lee. Shit." Alex—a kid on the team—said, bro hugging me. I hugged him back with one arm, the other holding onto Amanda's as we entered the V.I.P section on the top level. Jake said he knew people that knew people and got us a private area. Everyone was here, the boys on the team and some of the frat brothers. Alex continued, "Where the hell have you been hiding her?" His eyes roamed Amanda's body up and down. She shyly hid behind me.