A Vicarage Reunion

by Kate Hewitt

  It was a lovely dress, simple, with a sweetheart neckline, cap sleeves, and intricate lace detailing on the bodice.

  “What do you think, Rachel?” Anna asked. “Do you like it?”

  Rachel gave a little twirl before staring hard at her reflection. Everyone waited, holding their breath, for her verdict.

  “Yes,” she said, and she sounded firm, even resolute. “This is the one.”

  Anna and Ruth both rose with exclamations of delight; Ruth hugged Rachel while Anna snapped photos on her phone, and Miriam kept demanding that Rachel stand in front of the screen. Rachel did, and Miriam pronounced it definitely the one, and then added, with a salacious wink, that Dan wouldn’t be able to wait to take it off her.

  “Miriam, really,” Ruth scolded, but she was smiling.

  “What?” Miriam asked innocently. “They’re going to be married. Song of Solomon and all that. No one needs to be a prude.”

  Esther stayed where she was, noting the tilt of Rachel’s chin; it reminded her of when she’d been in that enormous house of Lakeland stone, staring out at the fells. She’d looked determined but also a little sad, as if she were holding onto something, afraid to let it go, and Esther felt that same alarming mix of emotions emanating from her sister now, at a time when surely she should feel nothing but joy?

  Although who was she to tell anyone what to feel at any given moment? She certainly hadn’t experienced emotions by the book.

  “I’ll just take this off,” Rachel murmured, slipping away from Ruth and Anna, her face averted, a tendril of dark hair coming down to fall across her cheek, making her look even more forlorn.

  “Let me help you with the buttons,” Esther said, rising. She glanced at the fluttering Tara. “Why don’t you fetch us some more cocktails? Preferably ones with G-rated names.”

  “Oh, really,” Ruth murmured. “I’m not quite so easily shocked. I have had five children, you know, and one of you was conceived while we were—”

  “Stop right there.” Anna held up a hand, laughing. “Before I’m forever scarred.”

  “No, where?” Miriam asked. “Do tell, Mum. Was it me?”

  Tara hurried off and Esther followed Rachel into the dressing room, leaving her mother to give—or not—the details of at least one of their conceptions. Shudder.

  Alone in the dressing room Rachel bent her head as Esther set to undoing what looked like about a thousand tiny buttons. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, but Esther could feel the tension thrumming through her sister’s body.

  “Rachel,” she said quietly, and Rachel shook her head, the movement almost violent, surprising Esther.

  “Don’t.”

  “What do you think I’m going to say?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Somehow I think you do.”

  “Don’t play games with me, Esther. Not now.”

  “I’m not playing games,” Esther answered, a little bit stung even though Rachel had to be raw and hurting, just as she was, or at least had been. She was getting better now, or so she hoped. “I’ll say it as plainly as I can, because it seems no one else will. I don’t know what it is, but something feels off between you and Dan. Wrong.”

  Rachel was silent and Esther kept undoing the buttons, fiddly things that they were. “Everyone feels a bit jittery before a wedding,” she said at last.

  Esther didn’t think Rachel was feeling mere jitters. “Your wedding isn’t for three months,” she pointed out.

  “Still.”

  “Is it really just jitters, Rachel?” Esther stopped with the buttons and straightened, meeting her sister’s reluctant gaze in the mirror. “Or is it something more?” Rachel didn’t reply and Esther pressed on, determined now. “Ever since the two of you got engaged you’ve seemed a bit… manic. I mean, you’re always a bit manic, but lately it’s taken on a desperate edge.”

  “Wow, thanks.”

  “I’m trying to help.”

  “Well, don’t.” Rachel’s voice sounded choked, and Esther’s heart twisted; she was filled with equal parts sympathy and exasperation.

  “All I’m saying is…” She hesitated, because she knew what she was saying was big. Important, but also hard, the hardest thing of all, both to say and to hear. But someone had to say it, and it seemed like it was going to have to be her. “If you’re not sure about this, about marriage or about Dan, then it’s best to walk away now and not later, not when the planning gets even more extensive, and certainly not when you’ve stood in church and said vows—”

  “I’m not going to walk away,” Rachel said, sounding appalled. “I’m getting married in three months! We’ve put an offer in on that house, and the estate agent says it’s sure to be accepted.”

  “Forget the house—”

  “I’m not going to forget the house,” Rachel snapped. “Look, Esther, I appreciate you mean well. But just because your life has fallen apart doesn’t mean mine is.”

  Esther blinked, absorbing the words like a slap. “Wow,” she said quietly, echoing her sister’s earlier sentiment. “Thanks.”

  “I’m sorry,” Rachel said, and now her voice was filled with tears, and she grabbed Esther’s hands. “I’m sorry. That was completely out of line and totally bitchy.”

  “Well, yes,” Esther answered, trying for a smile. “It was. But I haven’t been Little Miss Sunshine, have I?”

  “You never are.” Rachel smiled to take any sting from the words. Esther knew she was teasing. Sort of.

  “I’m a bit stressed about things,” Rachel said, squeezing Esther’s hands. “It’s only a week until term ends and it’s manic at school, with the Easter fair and a wretched spring concert. And, yes, the house is a bit out of our budget but I’m sure we’ll be able to afford it with a bit of penny pinching and it’s both of our dream house. Please don’t worry about me.” Rachel squeezed Esther’s hands one last time and smiled, although it didn’t reach her eyes. Esther didn’t know whether to believe a word she’d said. “I’m fine,” Rachel assured her. “Honestly.”

  Esther nodded slowly, knowing she couldn’t push it anymore, at least not without seeming completely heartless and insensitive. “So, is this the dress?” she asked and Rachel glanced once more in the mirror, the unbuttoned dress now falling from her shoulders.

  “I think it is.”

  By the time Rachel came out of the dressing room she was her usual cheerful self, and they spent a hilarious half-hour trying on bridesmaid dresses, each one more naff and revolting than the last, before they settled on the simple gown in navy blue Rachel had had her eye on from the beginning and that everyone liked, even if Miriam claimed it was the tiniest bit boring.

  When all the dresses had been ordered and paid for, they headed to a nearby swanky bistro for lunch, the kind of place with overpriced salads and even girlier cocktails than the wedding boutique had on offer. Esther was glad to see both of her sisters looking happy and relaxed, and her mother as well. The mood was light and full of fun, so much so that impulsively, in a move totally unlike her usual self, Esther decided to shock her family with a bit of news.

  “Will and I are dating,” she said as she leaned back in her chair. A thunderous silence greeted her announcement, as three mouths dropped open simultaneously.

  “Dating?” Ruth finally said, frowning slightly. “How do you mean, darling?”

  “He asked me out to dinner. On a date.” To her surprise Esther realized she was rather enjoying the looks of shock and confusion on her family’s faces. She didn’t surprise them very often, mainly because she was so predictable and boring. It felt nice to be different, to be the tiniest bit wild. “We’re going out tomorrow night.” As long as there wasn’t any trouble with the farm, something she chose not to add.

  “Going out?” Rachel wrinkled her nose. “But you’re already married.”

  “Married people can date,” Ruth said with a laugh. “I think it sounds like an excellent idea. Put a little romance back in your lives.”

/>   “It’s not just about romance,” Esther objected, already wishing she hadn’t been so reckless as to mention Will and dating. Her mother, not to mention her sisters, were going to get all sorts of ideas, none of which she was sure about.

  “What is it about, then?” Anna asked. She looked both sympathetic and interested, and, as usual, as if she couldn’t say a cross thing if she tried. Esther unbent a little.

  “Just getting to know each other again,” she half-mumbled. “Starting over, sort of.” Which made things so much clearer.

  “That sounds wonderful, Esther, really.” Ruth reached over and squeezed her hand. “We could all use a reset button sometimes, couldn’t we?”

  Esther smiled and nodded, grateful for her mother’s understanding, but still semi-wishing she hadn’t shared so much.

  “What I want to know,” Rachel said, “is will you or won’t you on the first date?”

  “Rachel.” Even Anna sounded scandalized, although she laughed. Ruth shook her head, her lips pressed together, amusement sparkling in her eyes.

  “Kiss,” Rachel clarified innocently, and Esther laughed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  As Esther peered in the mirror to put on the lipstick she very rarely wore, her mind hearkened back to the first date with Will ten years ago now, dinner at that little Italian place in Keswick the night after they’d first met.

  She tried to recall how she felt, what they’d talked about, but all she could remember was that the linguine had been too oily but the tiramisu had been fantastic. Why couldn’t she remember more?

  She stepped back, surveying her reflection critically. Mutton dressed as lamb? She’d bought a new dress from a funky little shop in Keswick—a knit dress in dark green that ended a good few inches above her knee. Paired with knee-high leather boots, it was hardly the sexiest thing she’d ever worn—although, on second thought, perhaps it was. But Esther didn’t think it said “come hither” as much as “stay awhile.” Or something like that.

  As for that first date… She did remember walking along Keswick’s Market Square with Will, their footsteps naturally falling into a matching rhythm, neither of them saying much but feeling happy, which was pretty much how it had always been, until it hadn’t.

  “Esther.” Ruth’s voice floated up the stairs. “Will’s here.”

  Feeling as if she was about sixteen, Esther started down the narrow stairs from the vicarage’s top floor. She’d told Will she could meet him at the restaurant, but he’d insisted on picking her up, doing the thing properly. Whatever the thing was.

  “Hey.” She paused on the bottom step, taking in the freshly-washed sight of him. Will Langley had always scrubbed up nicely. Very nicely, with his hair brushed back from his forehead, his blue eyes looking positively cerulean thanks to the blue-and-white checked shirt he wore—a new addition to his wardrobe, Esther was almost certain—with a pair of dark brown cords that did not, amazingly, have any holes or thin, nubby patches. Also new? Or a Christmas present from years gone by? Either way, it didn’t matter. He looked wonderful, and she was very glad to see him.

  Conscious of Ruth watching them and her father in the study, no doubt giving them space but maintaining an eagle eye, Esther grabbed her coat.

  “Thanks for picking me up,” she said as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. “I don’t think I’ve had a date come to the door in about twenty years.”

  “I like to do a thing right,” Will answered. He smiled at Ruth. “Nice to see you, Ruth.”

  “And you will come for dinner on Sunday?” Ruth said, making Esther turn around in surprise.

  “Dinner?” she said blankly, and Ruth gave her an amused and slightly exasperated look.

  “It’s Easter.”

  Was it? Somehow the holiday, which was a highlight of her father’s working year, had nearly slipped by unnoticed.

  “Do you mind?” Will asked when they’d left the vicarage and he’d opened the passenger door of his Rover.

  “Mind what?”

  “Me coming for Easter.”

  It would be incredibly churlish of her to mind, and the truth was, she didn’t. “No, it will be nice,” Esther said. “We had a roast dinner a few weeks ago with Anna and Simon and Rachel and Dan and… I missed you.” She said the last a bit awkwardly.

  “Did you?” A grin tugged the corner of Will’s mouth as he started down the church lane. “Good.”

  Was it really going to be that simple, Esther wondered as Will turned out of the village and headed towards Windermere. She had no idea where he was taking her, and was looking forward to being surprised. Were they just going to fall back into life together after one date? Was that all it was going to take?

  It didn’t seem right somehow. She was afraid, not just of getting into the same old rut she’d been in before, but of Will changing his mind. Of him remembering he was angry with her, and deciding she wasn’t worth it. Why was she so afraid? Where had all this fear come from?

  She’d asked Claire that, at her counselling session. Why did she, someone from a stable home, with loving parents and siblings, feel so insecure and afraid and damaged?

  “We’re all damaged,” Claire had said. “That’s what life does to you, no matter how much support and love you have. Some of us just hide it better.”

  And maybe that was true. Maybe Esther felt damaged because she’d been pretending not to be for so long. Maybe that was what had hurt her. In any case, she was trying to find her way forward now… both in her own right and with Will.

  She glanced at him, sitting relaxed in the driver’s seat, his gaze trained on the winding road.

  “Where are we going, anyway?” she asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  “You’re not going to tell me?”

  “I’m a man of few surprises, so I take them when I can.”

  She laughed at that, and Will shot her a quick, smiling look. Maybe it was going to be that easy, after all. Maybe, despite what her father had said, some things could be easy.

  *

  Will was so wound up he felt as if he might come apart in a burst of coils and springs, like a broken watch. He felt as if everything rode on this date, whether it did or not. Somehow he had to show Esther he was romantic and loving and that she missed him like crazy. It felt like a lot.

  Still, it was going well so far. Esther looked gorgeous, her dark hair in a cloud about her face, her eyes alight. He liked seeing her smile. It made him realize she hadn’t in a long time, not properly. Was that his fault? Theirs? He still felt as if he were feeling his way through the dark, stumbling step by step, trying to get to the finish line. The happily-ever-after he thought they’d had but Esther still seemed to be looking for, and damn it, they were both going to find it, even if it killed him. Hopefully it wouldn’t.

  After another ten minutes of driving, Will pulled into the gravel car park of an old coaching inn nestled right against the fells, a dark-green blur in the oncoming twilight. Its windows were lit up from within, and as they stepped inside its welcoming warmth, the smell of fresh flowers, roasting meat, and log fires enveloping them.

  Esther looked around her with pleasure. “This is lovely, Will. I didn’t even know this place existed.”

  “A hidden gem.” Dan had told him about the place, thank goodness. He wouldn’t have even known what to look for.

  “Where are we, anyway?”

  “Some little place between Keswick and Windermere, only known by the locals.”

  “And here I thought I was a local.”

  A smiling waitress showed them to their table, tucked in the back of the restaurant, close enough to the fireplace to feel its comforting warmth. Esther looked around in obvious pleasure, inspecting the local artwork on the stone walls, the gleaming, deep grey-blue of the slate floor with the scattered Turkish rugs. It was a nice place, Will acknowledged with relief. Thank goodness.

  Esther perused the menu while Will settled in his seat, his mind racing to think of something
to say. Here they were, on the date he’d asked for, a way to reset but also to properly get to know one another, since it seemed after all these years they didn’t. Why had his mind gone completely blank?

  “This is really nice.” Esther looked up from her menu, smiling. “Thank you.”

  “It’s all right.” And… cue silence. Silence that had never bothered Will, but then he’d grown up in a family of farmers, and had more or less been on his own since he was nineteen. He didn’t mind silence, never had. But he felt it now.

  Fortunately, the waitress came back and they ordered their meals, drinks and starters and mains all at once, just as they always did, because they never liked having to wait to get the server’s attention. It made him smile a little bit, how they were falling into their old patterns. Maybe that didn’t have to be a bad thing. They knew each other, no matter how Esther felt now. Will was sure of it. Almost.

  “I’ll go get your drinks,” the waitress murmured. Then she took their menus and there was nothing to hide behind.

  Esther broke the quiet first, and let out a little laugh. “I feel like I don’t know what to say.”

  “You’re not the only one.” Will grimaced a little. “How’s the garden going, then?”

  “It’s going. It’s not going to be a full-time job, but it’s a fun diversion for the moment.” She propped her chin in her hand. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my career, to be honest.”

  “I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Really, his insights were breathtaking.

  “Yes, eventually. It’s strange, to be at this crossroads at my age. I was so sure about everything before. Maybe too sure.”

  “Sometimes it can be good to have a change,” Will said, searching for words. “And a think.”

  “Yes.”

  Why was this so hard? The other night, when she’d been on his lap, when she’d curled into him, it had felt easy. The words—and the feelings—had come naturally. Maybe dating wasn’t a good idea. Dating his wife. Really, what had he been thinking?