by Stacy M Wray
And then, he enters me, plunging in, filling me with his glorious dick, moving at a speed so opposite of last night. And I love it. Harder. Faster. I have no idea how I can climax so soon after his masterful oral sex, but I do. It sneaks up so quickly I can barely catch my breath. And no sooner as I’m gasping for air do I feel Reed tighten up, grunting my name through clenched teeth as he finds his release, also.
Falling on top of me in sheer exhaustion, I take his weight happily, feeling the pulsing of his rapidly beating heart throughout my body. After a moment, he rolls over and says, “I’ll be right back.”
Relief sweeps over me, the memory of the last morning I spent with him in complete opposition. He wasn’t fully dressed, head hanging, ready to make his exit. Instead, he loved on my body once more, and I know he feels our connection just as deeply as I do. He has to.
But it’s damned complicated, that’s for sure. My stomach clenches in dread, though, not knowing what’s right around the corner. I’m so afraid to ask any questions, not wanting to ruin a second of the past twelve hours we’ve been together. Disappointment will surely rear its ugly head, but right now, I’m basking in the triumph, letting it seep into my pores so I can handle what’s to come.
Reed saunters into the room, not in the least modest about his nakedness. He slips back under the covers and snuggles in close, gripping me tight, as if I’m the one about to leave. His chin rests on top of my head, and I feel the pressure of it with each word he speaks. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
And there it is.
But I don’t hear regret in his voice. It’s as if he’s merely stating the obvious.
I slip my head out from under his chin, so I can look at him. “I’m so glad it did. Are you?”
He swallows slowly, and uncertainty builds a wall between us, one small brick at a time. “Of course, I am…”
His words drop off, and I’m not sure where we go from here. Surprising me, he sits up and faces me, pulling me up so we’re at the same eye level. His fingers delicately push the hair off my face, and then briefly touch my lips before he leans in and kisses me. It’s sweet and purposeful. “Everything is so complicated. I can’t ask you to wait for me, even though I want nothing more than to do just that. I think about you every day, Harper. You’ve got to know what you mean to me.”
A stray tear slips out, and he quickly swipes it with his thumb. “Then why, Reed? Why does it have to be so complicated? I don’t understand.”
And then, I see something I haven’t seen in his eyes for a long time. Hope. And even though it’s just a morsel of what I want, I grasp onto it, clutching it tightly and storing it away.
“I know you don’t, and I’m sorry. Please just trust me when I say I hope it won’t be like this forever. I need more time, Harper. I know I don’t deserve to ask…but I’m asking.” He kisses me again, this time with urgency. And I know in this moment that I can’t refuse his request.
I bury the hurt that accompanies his appeal, not wanting it to taint the time we have left. Yes, it hurts like hell knowing he plans on leaving again – and who knows for how long? But I don’t want to take away from our precious time together.
Most people would say I’m stupid – allowing him to play me like a fiddle, the way he pops in and out of my life. And maybe, I am. But I know him. I get him. And if he says he hopes it won’t always be like this…well, I believe him. I have a pretty good bullshit detector. And, for now, it remains silent.
Looking ahead, I will cling to this unspoken hope as the months casually get ripped off my calendar, one by one. I’ll bury myself in a heap of textbooks, one final exam after the other.
But, for now, I hand myself over to this boy, allowing him to breathe just enough air into my soul to keep the flame alive.
Hopefully, it’s enough to sustain me until I see him again.
Chapter Thirty-One
Reed
April 2016
Crossing the street, I watch as Kylie leads her class of first graders to the playground that’s surrounded by a typical wire fence. I then hear her sweet voice say, “Bryan – hands to yourself, please.” I immediately pick out Bryan – a typical six-year-old bully who snickers as Kylie leads him away from his victim. “You’ve got thirty minutes for recess – use it wisely.”
I lean over the fence with my elbows propped on the top. “You always were kind of bossy.”
Kylie’s head jerks in my direction, a genuine smile spreading across her face as the recognition sets in, even though it takes several seconds. “Reed? Oh my God, what are you doing here?” Her voice raises a few octaves as the last words tumble out. She maneuvers her way to the steel barrier, grabbing my hand that rests on top. Her smile is familiar and comfortable.
“Brent told me you were here teaching, so I thought I’d look you up.” She pulls back to look at me and her smile just gets wider.
“You back for good? Or just passing through?” A spring breeze blows between us, causing her hair to fly into her face. She gently holds it back as she awaits my answer.
“I’m here, for now.” And that’s the truth. I have no idea what my future entails.
She turns and scans the playground, keeping an eye on the kids. “So…God, it’s been years. What have you been doing with yourself?”
“Gettin’ by, mostly. Lived with Brent for a while…drifted for a while…”
She nods in understanding. “And now?”
I sigh heavily as I watch some kids play tag. Kids still play that shit? “Still trying to figure things out.” Quickly changing the subject, I say, “Looks like you’re living your dream. Good for you.”
Smiling, she looks out over the kids, pride shining through her gaze. “Yeah. You know me – it’s all I ever talked about.”
I nod in agreement. She’s right about that.
We stand in comfortable silence as I watch the kids interact with each other. But I can’t help it as my eyes keep returning to the same boy, an invisible rope pulling him into sight each time. He’s scrappy. And ornery. But not in a mean way. He’s quick to flash a smile when needed to smooth things over. And I can tell the girls like him – a lot. I smile. That little shit is me, about sixteen years ago.
With my eyes still focused on the kid, I ask Kylie, “Who’s the scrappy one in the red shirt? The one with road rash up his leg?” Kid must’ve had a helluva wreck on his bike to produce a scab like that. I should know – I always had them.
She sighs beside me, and I can tell that he’s got her wrapped around his little finger, just like all his female classmates. “That’s Jacob. Jacob Bently. And I wish I could take him home.”
My brows lift in question. “What do you mean?”
She presses her lips together as she leans back against the fence. “I mean, I think I’m about to lose him. And I’m nuts about that little boy.”
“Lose him?”
She shakes her head, frustration filling her eyes. “His mom had an affair with a very married man – one who never planned on leaving the wifey, if you know what I mean.” I shoot her a look, wondering how she could possibly know so much of Jacob’s backstory. She pauses, understanding my confusion, adding, “She’s a lonely single mom – she talks. Like, a lot. Anyway, turns out the dude is very wealthy.” She spreads her arms, palms out. “If you hadn’t noticed, this is a private primary school – only the rich can afford to send their kids here.” Her eyes travel back to Jacob, as do mine. “Once the relationship went sour, Miranda – that’s Jacob’s mom – pretty much blackmailed him to keep quiet.” She shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. “She’s kind of strange, practically bragging about it. Anyway, he pays the tuition for Jacob to attend. They live in a horrible part of the city – high crime, low income – you get it. This is a huge step up for Jacob. I’ve never seen a kid thrive like he does. I know I haven’t been teaching that long, but I see so much potential in that kid. He’s like a freaking sponge, you know?”
We both watch as Jacob t
akes charge, gathering the kids around for a game of kickball. He’s a leader. It makes me smile the way everyone listens as he picks another person to be captain of the opposing team.
“Well,” Kylie continues “I guess the wifey found out that he’s been paying the tuition behind her back. The affair came out, and her ultimatum was for them to move to the west coast and start all over – far away from the mistress. I’m not sure if that’s happened yet, but I think he’s paid up until the end of this month. There’s no way Miranda can even come close to keeping him here.”
I nod in understanding. You can tell Jacob doesn’t quite fit in with these rich kids just by his clothing - shorts with the hem hanging down, having seen better days, and a ratty T-shirt with a few bleach stains on it. But he makes up for it with his personality, and that’s his ace in the hole. Most kids in his situation would be picked on at a prestigious school like this, especially by that little bully shit. Nope. He has totally charmed his way into the hearts of his peers.
“And, even though they struggle financially, I’ve never seen a bond so tight between a mom and son. It’s sweet, really. She’d do anything for that boy.”
She shifts so she faces me with her lips pressed together in a tight line. “Now, you see why I’m about to lose him?”
He’s only got two more weeks until he’s tossed out like yesterday’s trash, no one giving a shit what’s going to happen to him.
I clench my jaw, wondering why everything revolves around fucking money. Or lack thereof.
“I guess, now that the cat’s out of the bag, she has nothing to hang over his head.” I know both of us are thinking the same thing – only she says it aloud. “That kid is so screwed.”
Kylie glances at the time on her phone, standing up. “Sorry, but I’ve got to get the kids back inside. It’s story time.”
I peel my eyes from Jacob and direct my attention back to Kylie. “Yeah? What are you brainwashing their little minds with?”
Her grin is almost as wide as her face. “The Story of Ruby Bridges.”
My head jerks back in surprise. “Impressive, Ms. Kylie. I approve.”
“And I’m impressed you know the story.” She gives me an awkward hug over the fence and starts to walk toward the kickball game that she’s about to bust up. “Don’t be a stranger, Reed,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I won’t,” I shout back.
Just as I turn to leave, I hear the kids’ protests of having to go back inside.
And before I cross the street to get to my car, I hear Jacob call to the group, “Okay guys, it was 4 to 2. We’ll finish the game tomorrow.”
I can’t help but smile.
*****
Something happened to me the day I went to visit Kylie. I can’t really put my finger on it, but I feel satisfied. I don’t really know why, but all the unease I carry around with me daily seems lighter. I’m a little more settled. And damn it all if it doesn’t have to do with Jacob Bently. I can’t get that kid out of my fucking head.
Or his situation.
After two days of fighting it, I go back to the school where Kylie teaches at the same time as I did a few days before – recess time. Kylie is so happy to see me again and, don’t get me wrong, I love reuniting with her – I didn’t realize how much I had missed her. But I have this undeniable pull to Jacob. I watch every move he makes, listen to every word I can make out from across the playground.
After about the third time I stop by, I think Kylie is on to me. But I don’t give a shit. She suggests if I want to come by so often, I’m going to have to sign up as a volunteer. So, I do. I need to get my Jacob fix. Each time I observe him, I get filled up a little more. The satisfaction trickles throughout my veins and carries to my heart, that hole gradually becoming smaller. Between my secret spy sessions on Harper and my open observance of Jacob, I begin to feel the promise of my life falling into place someday. Could I ever be good enough for Harper? She deserves the world, not a convicted felon. Will I ever be able to get out from under my past?
“He’s easy to fall in love with.”
That’s all Kylie says. And she’s right. I don’t think I’ve ever been affected like this by a scrappy six-year-old boy. How can such a small kid make such a huge impact? I just don’t get it.
And then, that same day, as Kylie and I stand talking during recess, Jacob comes running across the grass at record speed.
“Ms. Janson! Ms. Janson!”
Kylie moves toward him, alarmed by his urgency. “What is it, Jacob?”
He glances over at me before turning his attention back to Kylie. “I forgot to tell you this morning that my mom is gonna be late picking me up today. She’s gotta go to the doctor. Will you be able to wait with me?” His eyes flick to me again, filled with nothing but curiosity.
Kylie stoops down so she’s at eye level with him and says, “Of course, I’ll wait with you.” She must notice him staring at me, because she turns and says, “Jacob, this is my friend Reed.”
Jacob grins wide, as if he’s just been let in on a big secret. Looking back at Kylie, he asks, “Is he your boyfriend?”
She laughs and says, “No. Reed and I have been friends since high school.”
I stick my hand out to him, noticing the disappointment with her answer. “Nice to meet you, Jacob. I’ve noticed you play a mean game of kickball.”
His eyes light up at the compliment. “Thanks. You should see me at dodgeball.”
I chuckle, loving his six-year-old humility. “I used to be pretty good at that, myself.”
I’m surprised when he moves closer, looking up at me.
“Yeah? Did you ever play Matchbox cars?”
“Only every day. Still have some around somewhere – kept my favorite ones.” And I know exactly where they are. The day I went back to my house, I grabbed them and stuffed them into my duffel – a lime green ’56 Ford pickup and a silver Lamborghini.
His eyes grow huge as he says, “Wow! Are they ancient?”
I laugh from my belly, which is something I haven’t done in a fucking long time. “Something like that. Maybe, I can show you sometime.”
Kylie shoots me a warning look, knowing I shouldn’t be making this kid any promises.
“That’d be awesome.” He stands up when one of his buddies calls his name. “I gotta go. See ya.” And he takes off running again.
“Reed –”
“Don’t say it – I know. His life is going to be filled with so much fucking disappointment.” I turn to leave, a black cloud of anger hovering above me. “I’ll see you later, Kylie.”
That night, as I’m sitting in front of my TV with the sound off, watching highlights of the Cubs game that was played earlier in the day, I toss back a few drinks of my beer. I’m unable to get Jacob’s situation out of my head.
I want to make that kid’s life better. I don’t want him to have to face disappointment, like I did. I don’t want him to come home to different loser fucks every other week, acting like he’s an inconvenience. I don’t want him to grow up with anger issues because his dad wasn’t around – choosing a better family over him.
And that’s when I feel it – that twisting in my gut that feels as if I may be sick.
Mr. H’s words – this is what he meant.
Picking up the remote control, I turn the TV off and close my eyes, some welcome clarity shaping in my mind. I grab my phone and place a call to my accountant, not caring about the time.
“Greg? It’s Reed Faulkner.” Leaning back into the cushion of my couch, I stare up at the ceiling and picture Jacob in my head. “Listen, I need you to find out how much the yearly tuition is at the Wyatt Academy and deposit it into the account of Jacob Bently – grade one.” I wait as he writes it down and a wave of peace settles over me.
It just occurs to me what I need to do with my ridiculous chunk of money which, by the way, keeps growing.
“That’s right – untraceable. What? No, I don’t care what the amount is – jus
t do it. Okay. Thanks, man.”
Tossing my phone down beside me, my mind goes in several different directions as a plan starts to form. The excitement building inside escalates as I reach for my laptop to do some research.
This is so out of my league.
I’m going to need some major help and advice to pull this off.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Harper
May 7-13, 2017
Aries Horoscope: This week promises a bit more peace than last week. By no means will it lack sensuality, but your attitude towards relationships will be more flexible, more optimistic, more open-minded. Regardless of what you’re up to in your career and finances, you don’t have to hurry or allow emotions to guide your decisions. You’ll have a pragmatic vision – don’t hesitate to follow through.
I follow a sea of maroon and white from the arts building and down a narrow sidewalk, wondering how long it’s going to take all of us to enter the auditorium and be seated.
To even try and begin to describe what I’m feeling inside is impossible. I feel so much pride. I know I’ve earned my seat today due to my hard work and gumption – and I want to make my parents proud. And Mr. H, of course. Without his generosity, none of this would have been possible.
Since I never had to worry about supporting myself, I whizzed through my four-year college plan in a mere three, taking every summer school class I could. I’ve done nothing but live, breathe, and eat class assignments, term papers, mid-term and final exams until I had nothing left.
And it’s been worth every minute.
Sadly, though, I would give anything for my mom to watch me walk across that stage and receive my diploma – just one step closer toward becoming a lawyer. And I know she will – however that all works.
Taking the LSAT was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but all my prep work and one-minded mentality kept me focused. Receiving my results was euphoric – something I really wanted to share with Reed.
He hasn’t popped up in a while. Sometimes it gets me down, but other times, just knowing he may be watching me, keeping tabs on me – I don’t know – it’s calming, settling. Even if I just imagine that his eyes could be on me, it brings me peace like nothing else. I know he still thinks about me. He proves this by consistently mailing his horoscope readings. I purposefully don’t read the Libra horoscope when I read mine, wanting the words to be fresh when I open his mail. I know deep in my gut that time will reveal what the universe has planned for us. And I know it will be worth the wait. I have to believe it.
