by Stacy M Wray
Having no idea what to do with myself the next three months throws me in unchartered waters. I have been encouraged time and time again to take this free time just for me. To travel, take a pottery class, or read some great non-fiction. I’ve been assured that experiences such as these would provide far greater banter in an interview than performing as a filing clerk at some law firm.
Agreed.
I’m so lost in thought that I hadn’t even realized the music has stopped and everyone has been seated. I scan the vast audience, knowing there’s no way in hell I’d ever be able to spot my dad. He was so emotional when I spoke to him the other night, giving him the final instructions for today’s agenda. His pride speaks for itself – enough to make up for my mom not being here. But I have just as much pride in him – he’s still clean and sober - more than three years, now. And he’s even dating someone. I’ve always wondered if he would. He and my mom were so in love. But no one should banish themselves from potential happiness forever. He’s paid in more ways than one, and I couldn’t be happier for him. It’s good to see him smile again.
The speeches drone on, and I can’t wait to find my dad. It only takes another forty minutes before I walk across the stage, and when I do, I swear I feel his eyes on me.
But maybe, that’s just hopeful wishing.
Through the technology of texting, it only takes me ten minutes to find my dad. And in this horde of people, that’s a feat in and of itself.
His smile says it all as he hugs me. “You did it, Harper. Your mom is smiling in heaven.”
My tears refuse to stay put as I return his embrace. “Thanks, Dad. I know she is.”
Flicking them away quickly, I smile at him. “Thanks so much for making the trip. I know it’s a lot to take in.” Scanning the area, he knows what I mean. Dad doesn’t like crowds so much.
He laughs. “Nothing would have kept me away today. Are you kidding me? It’s not every day my baby girl graduates from college.”
“I noticed you didn’t bring Ellen. Why not?”
His eyes soften when I bring her up, a good sign that things are going well.
“I wanted this day to be just for us. It’s been just us for all these years and, well…I wanted just one more.”
I like the way he thinks.
I’m just about to suggest we get a move on because I’ve made reservations for us to celebrate at a fancy Italian place and don’t want to be late. Getting seated in any restaurant nearby will be daunting at best, due to the number of people surrounding us. But, before I can do so, I hear my name. And there’s only one voice that can say it the way he does.
“Harper?”
My eyes land on his chocolate-brown eyes – the same ones I often see in my dreams.
I knew he was here.
“Reed…” I’m sure I just gave away how I feel about him, with the breathy way I just spoke his name.
Reed’s eyes flick to my dad’s, and I turn and introduce them…again. “Dad, you remember Reed, don’t you? From Mr. H’s farm?”
Recognition finally takes place and he grips Reed’s hand in a firm handshake. It’s not every day someone has to drag his ass down into a tornado shelter, so I’m glad he finally made the connection.
“Mr. Hainley’s nephew, right? Good to see you again. You go to school here, too?”
I cringe, knowing I once referred to him that way. Reed lets it pass.
Reed shakes his head. “No, sir. Just wanted to offer my congratulations to Harper.”
My dad nods in understanding, the three of us now in an awkward silence.
“Can I talk to you a minute, Harper?” Reed excuses us, placing his hand at my elbow as he leads me away to a quiet spot. His grip is firm, and my mind wanders back to a time when his hands roamed my body. I flush with warmth as I recall the memory.
His stare is intense. I can hardly believe he’s standing in front of me. “I’m so fucking proud of you,” he whispers.
A slow smile spreads across my face as his eyes trail down to my mouth.
I raise my hand, gently placing it on his chest. “You came.”
He nods. “It’s a big day.”
But what about all the other days? The normal, mundane ones?
My heart thumps so loud in my chest as I take in his appearance, the scruff on his chin new since I last saw him. Damn, he looks good. And suddenly, seeing him today, my thoughts shift as frustration rears its ugly head. I had no idea I harbored some resentment deep down inside. Damn him for looking so good, like this cat and mouse game we’ve been playing for months and months hasn’t affected him in the least. Damn him. “Reed…”
He knows I’m silently asking where he’s been, what’s going on with him. As much as I love receiving his mail, it’s not enough. I’ve given him time – lots and lots of time. I’ve been understanding, allowing him his mysterious explanations to all my questions. But it’s been damn hard. Seeing him only enforces how tired I am of waiting.
I need more.
He reaches up to touch my cheek, and I instinctively turn a fraction away, causing his eyebrows to raise. Pulling his hand back, he says, “I thought you’d be glad to see me.”
I study him for a moment, his eyes never wavering from mine. “I am glad to see you. But, dammit, Reed…it’s been over a year.”
His hand swipes through his hair out of frustration. “Come on, Harper. You know I’m always thinking about you. What about the horoscopes?”
I huff out a disingenuous laugh. “I’m supposed to thrive on fucking newspaper clippings? You sure know how to show a girl a good time.”
The muscles in his jaw flex. His gaze scans the crowd, finally landing back on me. “Look, can we do this somewhere else?”
My stomach flutters in anxious turmoil, knowing I have plans with my dad. “Dad and I have reservations, Reed. I have to go.” I start to turn, but he grabs my hand, halting any further movement.
“Later? Will you be home tonight?” My heart flutters in excitement, but I try not to act too obvious.
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”
“Alone?”
“Well, Dad’s driving back after we eat, and I don’t know if Melanie went home this weekend or not.” He seems anxious to see me, and I love that he is, but I don’t know what’s going on with him. “Are you going to be ready to talk?”
He merely stares at me. “See you later tonight, Harper.” He pulls me closer to him, kissing the side of my head. “Promise.”
And then, he turns and fades into the crux of the crowd, leaving me wondering what tonight might bring.
Am I weak enough to ask him to stay?
Or will I be strong enough to ask him to leave?
Chapter Thirty-Three
Reed
May 2017
I knew I’d taken too much time. Dammit. I didn’t want to come to her until I had it all figured out – she deserves that much. She deserves someone who has their shit together, not someone who has to rely on her to carry them. And I’m not talking financially. But things seem to be falling into place, and I’m finally getting on with my life the way Mr. H intended for me.
Pulling into her drive, I park behind her Prius and look around for another car, hoping her roommate isn’t here. I climb out, grabbing her gift, and walk the short distance to her door. I hope she’s warmed up a little since this afternoon. I understand why she’s angry. Hell, I would have moved on by now, if I were her.
Fuck!
Is that what’s happened? Has she met someone?
I pound on her door a little harder than necessary and attempt to push that thought far from my mind. She answers the door wearing tight black leggings and a soft gray sweatshirt. I just want to wrap her in my arms and never let her leave. How could I have put her through so much of my shit? She should be with someone that intends on being there every day. Holding her every day. Loving her every day. Fucking her every day. Supporting her every day.
And that’s why I’m here.
&n
bsp; “Hey.” She widens the door, so I can enter, her mood unreadable. I step inside and look around. We seem to be alone.
After closing the door, she catches me and says, “Melanie didn’t go home, but she’s more than likely with her boyfriend. We have the place to ourselves.”
Her eyes shift to the small package in my hand, and I extend it to her. “Got you a graduation gift.”
Her eyes soften as she reaches for the silver wrapping. She’s unable to stop the smile she attempts to hide as she leads us to the couch.
I sit beside her and watch her delicately release the tape. I’m the world’s worst gift-wrapper and she’s sweet enough to overlook it. Her eyes dart to mine as she lifts the paper, placing it on the coffee table in front of her. “Reed…”
Opening the flap of the book, she runs her graceful fingers down the page, stopping at the words first edition. Her eyes meet mine, and I see just how much she appreciates my gift. “I noticed your paperback was a little fragile the last time I was here.” I gulp, not really wanting to draw attention to just how long ago that was. “You like it?”
She clutches the book to her chest and bows her head, as if deep in thought. Then, she opens the cover again, scanning the contents of the copyright page. Studying the front inside flap of the dustcover, she points to the price that is stamped at the bottom. “I bet you didn’t pay 3.95 for this, did you?”
I grin at her question, shaking my head. “No. Not even close.”
Those beautiful, long eyelashes stay rested on the tops of her cheeks and she sits for a moment. Then, she whispers, “Thank you, Reed. I absolutely love it. It’s the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.”
Laying the book that was written by her namesake on the table, she shifts so we’re now facing each other.
“It’s kind of hard to be mad at you when you come bearing gifts such as that.” She juts her chin towards the book. She inhales deeply, dispersing the breath slowly. “But I am, Reed. I’m furious at the way you think you can just pop into my life whenever it suits you. What about me, Reed? What about me?”
She doesn’t raise her voice. There’s not even a disparaging tone to it. She just states the facts.
“And who gave you –”
“Harp –”
“No, I’m talking now. You can wait your turn. Who gave you all the decision-making power? Do I not get a say in this? You don’t get to send me clippings anymore. You don’t get to check the locks on my windows. You don’t get to sleep over and then just fucking walk out of my life.” And, as I would expect, her voice finally raises just a bit as the frustration creeps in.
“I’m sorry. Can’t say it enough. But I wasn’t toying with you, Harper. I tried to stay away until I got my shit together, but I just couldn’t. I –”
“Where is it written that we can’t be together until your shit is resolved? We all have shit, Reed. If we all waited until we were perfect – the world would be couple-less!” She bounces back into the cushions. “And you should be sorry.”
Letting her words sink in, I know she’s right about everything. I stare at her until she finally looks at me, waiting for my response.
“I won’t.”
Her eyebrows rise and her nose scrunches. “You won’t what?”
“I won’t send you anymore clippings. I’m done.”
She merely stares at me as she tries to determine what I mean. She’s so fucking cute. Barely shaking her head, she asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m done.”
My fingers grab a strand of her hair, yanking on it and twirling it around my finger. It distracts her for a minute as her eyes close. She sighs and opens them again. “How can I ever know what’s going on with you when you don’t ever tell me anything? When are you ever going to let me in, Reed?”
My palms fit around her face as I draw her nearer, her green eyes darting back and forth between mine. “I’m done sending you clippings because I don’t need to remind you that I’m somewhere out there – thinking of you. Missing the shit out of you. I’m here now, Harper. There’s nowhere else I want to be. I’m sorry it took so fucking long.”
And before she has a chance to say anything, I invade her mouth with mine, claiming her for real this time. For good. She’s mine. Those lips are mine. Her luscious body is mine. Mine, mine, mine. It’s not too late for us. It’s not.
Her hands clutch my wrists as she gives in to the kiss, her tongue dancing with mine, her fingers squeezing into my flesh. And then, she abruptly pulls away.
Her hands slide up as she wraps her fingers around my palms, lowering my hands into her lap. “We need to talk, Reed.”
“I know.”
“I need to know what’s been going on in your life.”
I shift so I’m leaning back against the couch, my feet planted on the floor in front of me, knees wide. I stare at the ceiling as I attempt to gather my thoughts, figuring out what I can tell her without divulging everything. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. And I’m not even sure if she is.
“My life’s been one fucked up mess after the other – you know that. But things got worse when I went home. Had to leave the house, Harper. My mom’s sonofabitch boyfriend made my life a living hell.” Way to skirt around the truth, asshole. “So, I split. Drifted around on my earnings from the farm, but it was no life I wanted to bring you into. And, yeah, after I saw you right after Mr. H passed, I ended up in Oklahoma with Brent, doing odd jobs. I couldn’t touch the money, Harper. Because then, it would make it real.”
I see her nod out of the corner of my eye.
“When I finally read the letter he left me, I lived by his words.” I turn to her then, so I can look into her eyes. “He told me to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. To take my time. That I would know what I was supposed to do with the money when I felt it in my gut. He told me not to bring you into it until I had my shit together. Said you were the real deal and to hold on to you with everything I had.” I chuckle at this, telling her, “I didn’t need some old man telling me that last part. I, at least, figured that out on my own.”
She smiles again, reaching for my hand. I love the feel of her skin against mine. I’ve done nothing but dream about it, and I’m fucking done dreaming.
“Harper, I was too scared to make you a part of my fucked-up world. For once in my life, I tried to do the right thing – like Mr. H said. I had to make my life better before I could share it with you. Does that make any sense?”
She nods as a tear escapes her right eye. Swiping it quickly, she says, “It does. But years? I was losing patience, Reed. I was afraid to hope anymore.”
Pulling her into a hug, I hold her close, my lips finding the side of her head. While she’s still in my arms, I say, “I know it took me a long time. But I was so scared of doing things too soon – not getting it right. I’m far from perfect, but dammit, Harper – you deserve more than I’ll ever be able to offer you.”
Jerking her head back, she eyes me hard. “Stop it – just stop. That’s not true. I deserve you. I want you. I always have, Reed.”
I kiss her again. I’m so fucking happy, right now.
“Need to tell you about what I’ve been working on this past year.” I can’t quit smiling.
“Okay…”
“I started the Hainley Foundation. I put the money in the hands of Mr. H’s trusted advisors and they’ve more than doubled it, Harper.” Her misty eyes grow wide. “I decided that I want to help send kids to college who wouldn’t normally have a chance in hell. The ones who have the drive to better their lives. So, I set up the foundation and have spent the past year knocking on doors and begging prestigious companies to match donations.”
I can tell she’s digesting my news, letting it soak in as she remains silent. Thinking.
“How do you decide who gets chosen?” she finally asks. “Is it tuition only? Because you know those kids probably won’t be able to afford any of it. There are lots of fees when it
comes to college, Reed. Not to mention housing and food.”
I know this hits home with her. Her situation is different, but she knows what it’s like to want a college education when the money just isn’t there. Student loans are great, but they only cover so much. It’s not enough, and the kids I’m targeting don’t even think about college, so they don’t care much about high school, either.
“It’s everything, Harper – in-state full ride. Everything.”
Tears form in her eyes as I continue.
“It starts with the freshmen in high school. I’ve been going around to the schools in the poverty-stricken areas and speaking with the students. The ones who are interested fill out an application. I have a board in place that pores over them, but we need to start out slow until we get more companies on board. We were only able to start out with five recipients. There’ll be more chosen next year.”
The look on her face right now is the reason I never wanted to tell her about my time in prison. But I know I need to if we want to start out on the right foot. No secrets. No more hiding behind my prison sentence.
“Reed…I don’t know what to say. What you’ve done is extraordinary. That foundation will change the lives of so many kids.” She shakes her head slowly. “Don’t take this wrong…but I’m so proud of you. Mr. H is, too.”
The lump in my throat swells, and I struggle to swallow around it. She can’t possibly know what her words mean to me.
I try to remain excited, but knowing I need to divulge the truth worries me. “Right now, I’m in the process of getting mentors involved. I want each kid who is picked to have a mentor assigned to him throughout high school, up until they graduate from college. It’s been tough because that’s a huge commitment for anyone. But it’s important to me that they stay on track. I don’t want to go awarding scholarships, only to have them fall through the cracks.”
